Someone

Looking out my window

At the rain

The sky is grey

The birds are silent

Cars drive past

Splashing puddles

Drops against my window

But I stop looking

I no longer see

I'm thinking about someone

I want to punch them

I want to give them a hug

I want to scream at them

I want to talk

When I hear your voice, I feel sad

When I hear your voice I get excited

I can't deside

What should I feel

I used to be different

Not like this

But when mymind wanders

It pulls apart

Half angry

Half hopeful

There is a war

Pullling both sides of myself

The war rages

No fighting

No death

Just one half screaming

The other singing

This is not a choice I can make

Inside

I understand

But my mind doesn't

When the yelling and singing get to loud

I blink

And see the rain