Dearest Mother.... (Poem of Rant)

Created by ReaperNinja on Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sorry everyone....
This poem is how much I despise my mother. If you don't like these poems, or you think I'll be strange or psycotic, then leave, now. I am in no mood for sons of bitches. And if you message me, asking why I do, it's none of your buisiness, unless you get the picture in this poem. It is long, go to the results, thank you.....
please rate in the results.

This poem I write,
It lies under your pillow
This poem is for you,
'Dearest mother'
Do you know,
Of what I go through?
You try to change me
You always have and you still try to
Do you not understand,
How much I despise you?
No words can really describe my feelings of hate
Do I have to spell it out for you?
How I wish I was dead
To wish you had an abortion
While you had the chance
Do I have to spell it out for you to read?
I. Hate. You.
Sometimes I wish,
I could actually be your little princess
Sometimes I wish
That I could be the one you want
But you have to realize,
Wishes don't ever come true
At the age of three,
I hated you,
I still remember
Then at four,
It's when I really started to fall apart
How can such a young child,
Be wishing to die,
Let me tell you,
'Dearest mother of mine'
Do you not see
The hate in my eyes
The way I look at you,
With your face I despise
You always said,
'How could I have given birth to a creature like you'
How could I have a mother so cruel!?
I like to wear black,
Is that so bad?
It's not like I am satanic,
Or wanting to be dead
Just because I don't feel comfortable around church,
Doesn't mean I am a sinner
I am just different,
Can I make it any clearer?
Maybe if,
Fairytales were real
I would be whisked away,
To a kingdom of dreams
To never live here,
In my terror and fear
So what if I am different,
You can't change the way people are
You said that to me,
When you tried to change father
You always said I was like him
If you couldn't change him,
You can't ever change me
You told me that being different is a good thing
If it was,
Then why do you try to change me?
You say it's all for me,
But you lie
It's all for you
You don't want people to look at me
Think of me as a Goth
But you're not doing it for me
You don't want me to ruin your pathetic reputation
Which, by the way, isn't so great
I like to voice my opinion,
But no matter what I say,
It's wrong
Carlos says the same think,
And you bow down to him in glory
Why is it me
You try to change?
Why is it me,
Who hates life and wants to now be dead
You make me feel sick,
To be related to you
When I was young, at the age of four and five,
Do you know what I used to do?
I used to choke myself mother,
Did you know that?
I choked myself to feel the pain,
I had forgotten about it,
I tried to push that memory away
But you brought it back to me again
With all your bickering of me being different
You try to control me
You hate it when I do not listen
Maybe if you heard my voice, for once,
I wouldn't argue
Maybe if you said,
'I really do love you'
And I actually believed it,
I would soften up to you
Is it that bad,
To be me?
Is it so hard,
For you to realize and see
I am not your little princess
I shall never be
I am not that young little angel,
I had once hoped to be....
It pains me inside,
When you hate me so
But it also relieves me,
That I am the hate you consume
From father to daughter,
I must really be,
As they say:
'Daddies little girl'
I bet you wont read up to this part,
by now you feel like you're going to throw up
And do you know why?
Because it's all true
You'll shake your head,
And lie some more
Give me that stupid laugh
And that smile that's faded and torn
Ever heard f the words of forlorn?
Ever heard of the word called scorned?
I wanted to die,
Maybe jump in front of a car
And now that I recall of the thoughts when I was young
I feel slightly ashamed
Not a word can describe
The shit you've put me though
Not a syllable can describe the pain I feel
When you're not home
I cry to myself
So no one will truly know
The pain I hold
You leave me alone,
As the spirits as company
It is so sad,
That they're the ones whom listen to me
You yell at me for not praying
You yell at me for not believing
Is it so bad,
The way I think the world is?
Is it that bad to voice my opinion?
Sometimes I want to just stab myself
To see my blood fall
Into the water so dearly
My scars do not lie on my body
But in my soul
You destroyed me
Since the minute I was born
Are you still reading,
'Dearest mother?'
Are you now pleading,
For me to shut up?
I am not the perfect child
I am not the golden one
I am not my brother,
Thank forbid I am not!
One day you'll know,
Of the way I have felt
When you're bleeding to death
Awaiting for the light to whisk you away
I hate you so much
So much that it hurts
How strange is it to actually love you,
And hate you all the more
Ever had the feeling?
Of wanting to murder the one you love?
You probably think I am a lunatic,
But like you say:
I'm just voicing my opinion, that's all
Sometimes I wish,
That jackass of a father was here
Who knows,
Maybe if he was here,
He could've murdered me and you
You think I am kidding?
That after you confront me I'll laugh?
I'll laugh of course
At your arrogant structure
You think that you know me,
Boy you are wrong
You think I am an angel
You've got it all in the wrong places
I am not you angel
I will never be your princess
Quite the opposite
In my room,
Locked all alone
I hear the voices
Speaking to me all around
They tell me not to do anything foolish
But as always,
I wont listen
I cry bitter tears, when I am alone
People see me as a strong, coldhearted person
Ha, what a laugh
They think I never cry
Everyone does,
At some time
You're the person,
Who drove me to become insane
You were the person,
Who made me think this way!
Do you understand,
My hatred for you?
Are you still reading my poem,
I made it just for you...
Do you like it mother?
My choice of words I formed into this dreaded story
I cut myself once, on my thigh,
You never realized
And eve when I told you,
You continued to say it was all lies
You think you can change me,
By a shake of your head
You think you can make me crumble and quit
Like those other fags?
Maybe this is too much,
For your puny brain to handle
I wills ay it slowly,
In a language you'll know
My Whole Body,
I Want to die,
It's all thanks to you."
Why bother to pray,
When my life is already in hell?
Why bother to believe
When I'll only get more misery
Dearest mother,
Tell me why
Why is it you,
That I want to die?
At your funeral,
I'll laugh and sing
for the death of you
Is the life of me
Get depressed by my words,
Tell Carlos to scold me
Call up the cops,
But like the others,
They'll fear me
Do you know see,
Of what the life of me had to bring?
Did you ever know,
I choked myself?
I too had forgotten about it,
Until I mad a report about abuse and depression
Then I remembered,
All the things I used to do
Do my words confuse you?
Should I draw you a pretty picture?
One with a girl,
Her hands wrapped around her throat?
Or should I make it simpler,
By showing you what I mean
To draw another picture,
But this time,
That girl is now me
You try to control my life
You make me go insane
You never know how to shut up,
It is all in vain
I ask you,
Dearest Mother
Do you understand now,
Of the six pages I have now wrote?
I'll make it in bold, maybe underline a couple of words
I'll even make the font bigger
So you wont have to tilt your glasses to your nose
Maybe while I'm at it,
I'll leave you yet another small note
Maybe if I look into the mirror,
I'll be able to see
Maybe if you stand next to me
You'll see the true side of it
I have no wings,
I am no angel
I wear no crown
I am no princess
I would like to ask;
Whom is the fairest of them all?
But why bother,
When I know none of it is me
Maybe one day, my hatred will cease
But it'll never disappear,
Do you know why?
It was your fault that I think this way.
It is your fault that I want to die
It is you fault
That I feel like a fool
Your fault that I feel scorned,
An outcast if you will
You'll probably scoff,
And shake your hand at me
Tell me I am over exaggerating,
Or act like you had never read or seen....
But let me say one last thing,
Dearest mother....
Why did it have to be me?
(Yes, this is how I feel at the moment. I am sorry if I see insane. I get liek this when I am REALLY pissed, otherwise, I can be wuite nice... Thank you for reaidng my poem of rant. I do hope you enjoyed it, and the AMV I posted. Fare thee well.)

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