Why did I keep trying?... Even when I knew it was hopeless?.... Why did I try so hard.... that it torn myself apart.... inch by inch... shattering my heart in more ways than one... As sanity faded away.... I kept pushing.... I kept trying... All for what?... All for the reason why I stayed... The reason that kept me waiting.... kept me right here waiting.... Where is my reason now?.... How'd I lose my reason?..... Or did my reason abandon me...?
I'm not perfect.... I'm not speical.... I'm not regular... for your standards.... They were to hard for me..... Yet I stayed.... Even when I lost.... I couldn't believe my eyes..... when I saw you and her.... But I did feel it.... I felt it in my heart.... as it torn apart... it hurt so much.... So why did I smile?.... And said I'm happy.... Why'd I lie through my teeth?.... Was it to hide my pain?.... Was it to hide my feelings?.... Or was it so you could be happy?..... I pushed my feelings aside.... even when it torn me apart... I did for you... But you don't see it... You don't even see me.... Nor do you need me.... How useless you make me feel.... But you didn't know.... I can't blame you.... for something you didn't know...
Jealous.... thats all I feel.... Why can't you just get out.... get out of my mind?.... Why must I think of you... even when I know it only brings more pain... Why must I?.... Could it be I'm still inlove with you?... Do you still hold my heart.... In your hands.... As you mess with it... Breaking it slowly.... Ever so painfully... Do you like to do that?.... Do you even know how I feel?.... What you make me do?..... Do you even care... How much I hurt?... How much I long for you.... How much my heart aches for you... Do you know why...?
So I wait... in the lonelyest time, I stayed.... When I was lost in the darkness.... I stayed... When the fog deepens.... I stayed.... I reach out.... To nothing but air... 'Where are you' I finally ask.... To nothing but air.... You left me long ago.... By myself.... Thinking you were there... How could you?.... Did you intend to...?... did you wanted to hurt me.... from the inside out?....
I never felt like this before.... how I love it.... and how I despise it.... how you make me feel.... like floating on air.... to the deepiest hell hole on earth.... the laughs, the jokes, the memories all vanish without a trace.... leaving no sign where they go... I can't seemed to choke up the courage.... to say how I feel.... how i miss you.... but no.... I sink back into my corner... and bite my tongue shut.... as I watched a far.... with eyes sadden.... you didn't notice.... not one bit how I was aching inside.... you still think I haven't changed one bit..... but you never took the time to look deeper.... to find a broken child... crying out for help.... but you didn't see the signs at all.... so why am I still here?
I found love... I found happiness.... I found someone... I found what I want... All thrown away.... in the deepest part of my heart... where no one can see.... how I hurt... I've been mistaken... why'd I given up... on the thing... or should I someone... my reason... why'd I given up on you.... the person who brings a smile to my face.... thinking of those times... brings tears to my eyes.... i choke back the screams of hurt and pain... but that don't take it all away... it lingers in the air I breath.... its stained in my heart.... inked within my memories... bringing pain and hurt... but thats not the only thing it brings... for some reason.... it also brings happiness.... joy.. i wonder on that for the longest time... to find out it was all the memories.... the laughs, the jokes.. all of it. So i still keep you in my heart... as a memory not forgottn....
~Reasons Of My Heart~
Okay I drew the picture, I ask of you please not to make fun of my sucky poems and drawings. These are also different types of poems I was doing. Not all as one.Did you like this poem? Write one of your own!
