Keep Your Soul Like A Secret In Your Throat - Frank Iero - 1

I walked into school; alone, as usual, and headed straight to my locker. I reached up to the top compartment to get my books, and I noticed my old best friend Amanda out of the corner of my eye. Yeah, old friend. We used to be inseparable. Then one day she simply decided to stop talking to me. I turned and we made eye contact, and I opened my mouth to say 'hi'. She turned her head away before I could speak. Bitch. I finished getting books and looked down the hallway, where Frank was approaching. Yes, Frank, the one I was 'in love' with. I was happy just because he was my friend, perhaps even best friend. I never really considered anyone my best friend until they said it first. Fear of rejection, maybe. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, only to walk right past me. I turned to look at his destination, and there he was. Talking to her. Grace.


Let me give you the lowdown on Grace. This was her first year in public school. She was in almost all mine and Frank's classes. I used to not mind her, back when she didn't speak a word to us. Then, all of a sudden, one day she opened up, and began talking to the people she had deemed too low to speak to. When me and Frank found out she was into the same kind of music, we warmed up to her. Well, let me rephrase that. He warmed up to her. I could see right through her. That fake bitch. The first few months of this year, she kept to her fakely tan, thin, pretty friends. And all of a sudden, she was one of us? No, it wasn't right. She still dressed the same as the beginning of the year. The designer labels that us public school kids could never afford. And for some reason, Frank was drawn to her. And I hated it. Maybe she was pretty. Long, straight brown hair, very blue eyes, very thin. She had bad acne, but what teenager didn't? Well, I didn't. I guess that's the only thing I had up on her.


The catch was, she didn't know how much I hated her. I used to have a reputation of being a bitch, and I won't lie, it suited me well. But I got tired of everyone making comments about me and my attitude. So I decided to stop confronting people. I pretended to like her, but I dropped hints every now and then that might have revealed my distaste. Just telling her to 'shut up' not so nicely every now and then. I thought maybe that would get the message across. No, of course not.


I watched them talk and laugh together for a while, before I got sick of hearing Grace's hyperventilating-like giggle. So I started walking in the direction of my homeroom. On the way I saw Mikey and Ria in their usual spot by room G11. I swear, those two are attached at the hip. I waved to them, and they waved back. Apart, they were crazy mo-fo's. Together, they were the sweetest couple you'd ever seen. Almost sickening. I walked into my homeroom and plopped down on one of the 2 couches in the back of the room. Yeah, I was grateful to be in the only room in the school with couches, especially at 7:30 in the morning. I kept an eye on the doorway, waiting for some of my loose friends to enter, but instead Grace walked in. She walked to the other side of the room, and sat at a normal desk. I guess she was too good to sit on the couches with the other girls.


Grace walked out before the bell rang, without being noticed by the teachers. I hated that. She could get away with murder. I knew if I did the same thing, I'd get caught for sure. I left on time with the rest of the class, and hurried down towards chemistry. I'd get to see Frank. Maybe I could talk to him before Grace did. Nope. They were already talking. I sighed and plopped my books down at my desk, where I sat alone. Ria came over to me and waved at me with her hand right up in my face. Damn, that girl could make me laugh. "Hey Cassieeeee!!" she squealed. "Hey Riaaaaaa!!" I squealed back, before Mikey snuck up behind her and tickled her hips. Then she was preoccupied with squeezing his waist. I looked over to my left, and saw Gerard sitting there, talking with his friend BJ. "Hola Gerard," I said. He turned and smiled at me. We had never really been that close, but lately we had been 'bonding,' I guess you could call it. Then Mr. Bernabe spoke up from behind his computer screen. "We're gonna start in a minute." I heard Frank's voice from the back of the room, "Oh C'mon Nabs, can't we have a free day today? Then we could just make it up tomorrow." Mr. Bernabe shrugged and returned to clicking away with his mouse. We took that as a 'yes,' and there was a series of almost-silent cheers that swept around the room.


Mr. Bernabe was definitely one of our favorite teachers. He was really an inventor; he created something useful for ATMs, I think. He only taught for tax and retirement reasons, and he wasn't very good at it. But he was like one of the kids; he wasn't very old, and one time he rapped a little Eminem for the class. It was quite amusing. Me, I'm not a rap fan myself. But growing up in the projects, like I did, you grow to tolerate and even appreciate it. I looked around the class briefly. Grace was talking to her less rebellious friend Kerry. Good, now was my chance. I walked over to Frank, where he and Mikey were talking, and joined in on their conversation. Frank even laughed at some of my jokes, which made me feel the slightest bit happier. But why shouldn't he?
You see, we were really good friends. But we were close and yet very distant at the same time. I knew everything about him, he knew everything about me. But there was the unrequited love that hung over my head, that made me want to push him away. I couldn't though. If I couldn't be his girlfriend, I at least wanted to be his friend.


Now, I bet you didn't see this coming. Frank doesn't have a girlfriend. No, he and Grace are not 'going out.' As far as I knew, he didn't even like anyone. So, you might be asking, why don't I just tell him how I feel about him? And that is one question I'm not sure I'll ever find an answer to. Afraid of rejection, perhaps. No. I didn't want him to like me out of pity. I didn't want him to be my boyfriend because he felt obligated to because I liked him. I wanted him to say he liked me first. Stupid, I know. Pride. I hate that about myself. Too much damn pride. So I'd always flirt with him. I guess it wasn't obvious enough though, he just never showed any interest. As the bell rang, I walked next to Frank out of the room, talking about the most recent episode of Family Guy. As we walked, he flipped his hair out of his face several times. God, he was adorable.


Second and third period flew by really fast, they were classes I didn't have with Frank. But fourth period was art. My favorite class of the day. Why, you might ask? Not only because I loved the subject, but because it was a class I had with Frank that Grace was not in. The only one. I sat at my assigned seat, next to Gerard, and we started talking randomness until our teacher came out. She sent us off to finish our pop art paintings, and me and the gang went to the computers in the back of the room, our usual spot. I loved my group of friends. Especially when Grace wasn't around. Just me, Frank, Mikey, Ria, and Gerard. Gerard had a girlfriend, Nikki. We were friends, but not that close. We didn't have any classes together, only lunch.


It was very ironic. I hated Grace. Yet, it was almost like I was obsessed with her. I always thought about her. What she was doing. If she was thinking about Frank. If she liked him, if he liked her. I was so preoccupied with her life, it was almost like I wasn't living my own. I knew my problem with her was all in my head. My heart knew that I was jealous of her. My mind just wouldn't admit it.

ooh, that WAS long...

and so ends part 1. rate and message, purdy please!! :D