This exciting chapter is dedicated to ILuvULykAFatKidLuvzCake...because of all her nice messages. (I know, great name. It took me long enough to decipher tho :) :)
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Lily woke up at dawn, awakened by the cold breeze of an opened window. Snow dusted the windowsill and floor, the curtains were drawn back, the window open, and the best next to her…empty. Lily sat up groggily, shoving the blankets back away. Erin and Erica were both sleeping peacefully in their own bed, a little huddled from the cold.
“Kira?” Lily echoed, as fear swept through her. What if Kira had lied? What if her time was now?
Lily jumped off the mattress and walked slowly to Kira’s, as if approaching a monster.
“Kira?” She asked again, and shivered as another icy breeze brushed across her skin. With cautious fingers she pulled back the covers to find nothing but sheets. Lily, with her orange hair in charming tangles, still in her cloud-print pajamas, dashed down the stairs to the common room, her heart thumping madly against her chest, where she meet a sleepy, James Potter walking through the portrait hole.
“James!” Lily cried, and James looked up shaggily at her through his disheveled hair to grin tiredly. “JameshaveyouseenKira?” She gasped in a rush, stopping before him. The dark haired boy blinked through his broken glasses at her.
“What? Lil, it’s barely five o’clock, if anything you’re going to have to talk slower than usual.” He sighed, slumping his shoulders.
“Have you seen Kira? I can’t find her, and the window’s been open all night. Oh, goodness, do you think she jumped out the window? She wouldn’t do that, would she? She promised me that she would stay, she wouldn’t lie.” Lily looked at James desperately, and noticed he had several large misshapen bruises covering his neck, which he rubbed as he processed Lily’s endless stream of words.
“Kira found out about Remus, Lily.” He said finally, sighing again. Lily gasped, her small plum-shaped mouth twisting with horror.
“Oh, no! Is she okay, she’s not hurt is she? Merlin, James! Could you be anymore careless?” She went to smack him but he dodged wearily, catching her hand.
“She’s with Sirius. He said she hit her head, she’ll be fine, and I’m sure they’re both up in the dorm right now. Come on.” He started walking past her up the boys staircase, then hesitated to wave her to follow.
Lily walked slowly up with James, feeling uncomfortable, but James seemed too tired to try anything inappropriate.
Sure enough, Sirius and Kira were both fast asleep in the dorm room on what appeared to be Sirius’ bed. James seemed indifferent to the scene, and plopped on his bed to read a quidditch magazine, but Lily stared open mouthed at her friend, cozy in bed with Sirius Black. Lily pointed at them, and turned to James.
“Does this not surprise you?” James looked up at her, then to Sirius and Kira, who were entangled cutely on the large bed. Kira seemed so small compared to Sirius, and she looked astoundingly sweet there, curled up like a kitten against a large dog.
“Not really.” James replied, looking back up at Lily casually, then to his magazine. Lily was almost annoyed with the lack of attention she was getting from him, but also relieved and interested at the same time. “Sirius has been smitten over her for a while now, he just doesn’t admit it. It was only a matter of time before he got ridiculous and she gave in.”
“So they’re together now?” Lily asked incredulously. The dark haired boy put his paper down, and fixed his glasses with his wand.
“No, probably not. Remus is in the infirmary, and I’m going to tell Dumbledore that Kira knows and we of us won’t be going to classes today.” He said as he got up and stretched.
“Okay…Ill give you guys the assignments for today. Where’s Peter?” She asked as he walked over to the door, and she followed. James shrugged, and rubbed his eyes.
“I could care less.” He said and then closed the door behind them and went off to Dumbledore’s office, leaving Lily to go back to bed until seven, when she had to get up for Monday classes.
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For a disorienting moment, while I was surfacing from the depths of sleep, I had the delusional impression that Peeves was hovering above me repeatedly dropping bricks on my forehead. After I had several minutes to adjust to my surroundings I realized that the pain was just a massive headache that thudded against my temple like a stampede of Hippogriffs. I groaned and rolled over, bumping into something warm and solid, snapping my eyes open.
Sirius grinned, in my eyes he was blurry from sleep and I had to blink again for him to materialize properly. He was propped up on his elbows, a lamp on the bedside table illuminated him in an orange glow, and he looked ridiculously good. I had never embraced how attractive Sirius was, and it was a bad time to start now.
“Morning, beautiful.” He smiled crookedly, tossing his hair out of his eyes. I rolled over and turned my back on him.
“My head hurts.” I said, because I could think of nothing else to reply with. His comments always made me uncomfortable. I yawned as he laughed.
“I would think so,” He said, closing a book he had open, tossed it to the floor, and rolled over so he was closer to me. I would have scooted further away if I had any more room to move. “You fell on a rock last night.”
“Thanks for reminding me. What time is it?” I sighed and rolled over. It was warm and comfortable under the thick red covers of Sirius’s four-poster bed. The curtains were drawn, but it still seemed dark out. Was it possible night could last so long?
“I think it’s about two.” He said, stretching out beside me. His aristocratic, easy elegance made him seem like a large panther.
“In the morning?” I snapped up, that seemed impossible, but my head thumped madly and I fell back to the bed in a wave of dizziness. My vision filled with silver cotton balls, and I had to wait a moment to see again. Sirius leaned over me, seeming amused and concerned at the same time.
“No, in the afternoon. Dumbledore’s excused us from classes for today. Can you believe that the Christmas Holidays are a week away?” He asked, and I grimaced. Everything was moving too fast. I wanted time to slow down and last forever.
“Dumbledore knows about Remus?” Sirius looked down at me for a moment, seemingly deep in though about something. He had a calculating expression.
“Yeah,” He said slowly, “He does. So does Lily. James said she freaked this morning when you were missing.” I winced at that, poor Lily, she probably thought I had died or something along that line. I sighed and stretched, it was silent for a several moments, and I wondered why it was so dark out if it was nearly two in the afternoon.
The bed was so warm and comfortable I didn’t want to get out to look out the window. Sirius was watching me with a strange expression.
“What?” I demanded finally, turning under the mountain of tangled blankets to face him. He looked very boyishly charming beneath his dark disheveled hair, and he smiled at me while I surveyed him, and his cheeks dimpled as his crooked smile grew.
“You don’t care do you?” I must have looked confused, because he laughed at my expression. He rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows. “You don’t care that Remus is a werewolf, do you?” There was a confidence in his voice, but also a concern that I would fail his expectations.
“Of course not.” I said, “It’s Remus.” He grinned a relieved smile, and turned to face me even more. I lounged on the pillows, running my fingers over the soft folds of fabric, staring at the ceiling. I still felt sore from last night, and vaguely I wondered what happened after I so valiantly passed out.
“So you don’t care that James, Peter and I are unregistered animangus?” I looked at him slowly, lying on my back.
“Not really. Peter’s an animangus? I didn’t see him last night.” I recalled Sirius, his body rippling in mid air as he transformed into a dog. Sirius nodded.
“Yeah, he turns into a rat.” I stifled a laugh, it fit so well, and Sirius glanced at me and grinned too. “But he usually takes off when things get too dangerous. He came up this morning when you were still asleep. James gave him hell for ditching like that. Someone could have gotten killed, we needed help, and he ran off like a coward.” The dark haired boy looked angrily at his hands, which were formed in tight fists, his arms muscles clenched and I wondered if he was more muscled from quidditch or becoming a dog every full moon to fight a werewolf.
“Can you do it right now?” I asked abruptly, surprising him. He looked over at me in confusion, so I clarified. “Change into a dog? Could you do that right now?” He looked immensely amused, and grinned crookedly, his dark eyes glittering mischievously.
I watched as his body trembled and rippled, changing, reshaping and transforming into a large, happy looking black dog. I laughed as Sirius panted with his mouth open and tongue hanging out, he looked like he was smirking even in dog form. The idea of Sirius being a dog was so perfect. I always thought he was dog.
I ran my hands over his silky fur, and he nudged my arm with his wet nose.
“This is really weird.” I told him, and he launched himself up and landed lightly on top of me. The dog licked me from chin to forehead and I groaned, (gross) as he transformed back to a human boy—still on top of me. Sirius grinned wickedly down at me, his body pinning me down.
“What are you doing?” I asked, slightly panicked and extremely suspicious. I tired to free my hands, but they were tangled and wrapped under the blankets.
“Nothing,” He smirked down at me, I was trapped in a cocoon of covers with Sirius on top. He seemed to be enjoying this greatly. I always felt wonderful around Sirius, even before our bond, but when our connection grew it was like I was completely numb to anything that I had mentally come up with before. My worries washed away, my mind dulled pleasantly, I was given a break from my over thinking self. It was like being on the verge of drunk, tipsy, but not completely dysfunctional. It was hard breaking away from this hazy spell to think clearly. “I just want to try something.” He conceded,
Suspicions swelled up inside of me, I tried to wriggle out from under his weight, but he had his leg tossed over both of mine, keeping them pinned beneath his.
“Sirius,” I struggled to free myself, feeling panicked, my heart quickened. Please, I thought, please don’t do anything stupid, please don’t ruin your chances, please don’t strengthen our bond, please don’t let me take you down with me, please don’t let yourself die, please… “I could kick you in the balls right now, and I would feel no regret.” I told him, squirming, arching my back and pushing my legs up to no avail.
“You could,” He agreed, and something in his voice made me stop my escape and look up at him, my small chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes were surprisingly intense, and he watched me carefully, his face glittered with a strange expression. I breathed heavily, trying to read his eyes, deep and dark with confusion, laughter, desperation, gratitude, longing, curiosity and…desire?
I tried to wriggle out again, weakly, frightened. He moved his face closer to me and brought a warm had to my cheek, tracing slow circles across my hot skin. My heart leapt in my rib cage like a scared bird. Please, please…His eyes slipped from my eyes to the delicate skin of my throat, my jaw line, my lips, his eyes painted soft trails across my skin as he carefully admired the softness of my flesh. The dim amber light cast a certain gentleness about his features, his hair so perfectly disheveled, his skin flawless and beautiful, his eyes framed with thick lashes…I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.
Please, if anyone is there, help me remember my purpose. Help me remember why I wanted to stop this. Help me…Im so lost… “Be still,” Sirius breathed huskily in my ear, almost hesitantly, and his hot breath tickled my lips as he moved slowly closer. He brought up his other hand to cup my jaw, and his uncertain warm lips tentatively met mine.
I was not at all prepared for the sensation that rippled through me. It was as if a hot spark, so tantalizing it was almost painful, traveled from our joined lips straight to my core, warming my body. I had never felt warm before, not really. Ive felt warmth; the heat of fire across my skin, the glow of sun on my flesh, but that is all on the surface. Like a deep lake; the top of the crystal water is warmed by the sun, like a million glinting mirrors on the surface, but beneath the tepid top the water is suddenly ice cold and dark. A whole new world only meters away from another.
This was truly warmth. I could feel the gush of molten lava slowly start to boil through the rest of my body. Warming my fingers and toes, wrapping me in protection. Safety. Sirius…
His pleasant weight pressed down on me, keeping me warm, keeping me safe, keeping me chained to this planet—if only for a short while. Lost and then secured.
My body felt like warm honey, I tried desperately to surface from this slow seductive stickiness, to bring back conscious thoughts. A strange, but not entirely unpleasant tingle slid down my arm, winding around the muscle until it ached slightly.
Sirius adjusted his weight; his lips left mine for a second only to softly reconnect just as sweetly as before. I sighed into his body, melting away worries.
My arm’s ache continued, like a growing pain. I felt Sirius retract one arm too, as if he were experiencing the same pain. My arm hurt in the same place where the ink bond lay, and suddenly my thoughts snapped back.
I turned my head away, struggling again. Get up, Get off. I shoved him away, and in his surprise her moved away, retracting himself, untangling himself. What have I done? What poison have I spread? My breath came out in panicked quickness and I stared down at my arm. Nothing had changed on the surface, but already I could feel the security of Sirius with me, even when we weren’t touching. The bond got stronger. I flexed my arm, closed my eyes and willed myself not to scream.
“Kira…” I snapped my head up, sitting with my legs tossed over the side of his bed, as I had sat the night before when he asked to stay. I looked at him, feeling a harrowing emptiness consume me.
I jumped up without a word to him and stood in his messy dorm room, passing though the heavy red curtains that shielded his bed. Outside the sky was dark with thick dark storm clouds, lightning flashed across the glum outdoors but was accompanied by no sound. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Sirius followed, I could feel him behind me, standing silently, but he made no move to touch me. How much of Sirius’ life did I just sacrifice?
“Kira,” He said again, he sounded tired, stressed, hurt… I didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was going to happen. I should have never—”
“I did.” He stopped talking. “I knew that would happen.” I felt like crying, I felt like dropping to my knees and letting the misery and shame wash over me. My voice trembled; my arms and body did too.
“Kira, It’s not your fault. I put you up to it. I wouldn’t let you go. Don’t think for a second that this is your doing.” He said, taking a step forward, reaching out. I silently shrunk away from his grip. I could feel his desperation, his own misery, but these were separate, a different kind of emotion all together because his misery was connected to something else. Something he was afraid of losing.
I turned and left his dorm silently without another word, hating myself with each step.
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