"Mike you can just fuck off,” I spat. My hands shook as I stormed out of the department. He's an asshole in anyway you can imagine. I never knew what I saw in him. Time and time again, I let him in. I let him get close to me only to see him let me down, get really close with other girls and shit. I don't know what I'm doing. He was just really nice . . . really nice when Tom wasn't around.
Almost a year ago I met Mike at work. He's cute and he tells me really sweet things, things I've always wanted to hear. I already knew Tom then and I knew Mike was just going to be another friend like CJ and Anthony. They're my best friends and they know that's all that they're going to be. Besides, they've got girlfriends I really like. It's all good.
Each time Tom was gone, and when I mean gone I mean for four to six months at one shot, I would get really lonely. I would never do anything that would hurt Tom or make me feel like a slut, and I know you get what I mean, but sometimes you just get too alone. Christmas is nearing and Tom isn't coming to New Jersey. This year, he's going to his stepfather's for Christmas and I don't know why but he never asked me along. Of course, I never asked to. He said it was really important since Simone was officially being integrated into the Trümper family and something like that. German traditions. What do I know? I'm an American who knows even close to nothing about my Spanish heritage. I know one day I would learn more from Tom, who is always a patient teacher... In many ways... Ayup.
The last Christmas was a Christmas to remember. I met Tom's family. I gave him my first night. Right now I have a rock on my finger technically. I can't wear a pretty diamond ring everyday, can I? A kid at Wal-mart, engaged, wearing jewelry folding clothes. I might lose the finger along with it if I wear it like I wear my septum anyway. Most of the time the ring stays in my secret place in my room. I'm not telling where. Haven't I digressed enough? Back to Mike.
He's cute, funny, but a lot of the time he's doing things he doesn't know are hurting me. He knows I have a boyfriend but he tries to get close with me. And the funny thing is I actually like the attention I get from him. I am fucking pathetic, I know. I hate it, I really do, but what can I do? It's nice to have someone like you, isn't it? Someone that is here, physically... It's like Mike knows what to say. I know he's bad company but Tom was a bad boy when I knew him... Just... Fucking a.
So why did I tell Mike to fuck off? Because he knew I hated this new girl at my department who's practically fucking every guy there and yet he talks to her all the time. Okay, I'll admit I don't know if that's true but hell, she looks like a slut. So this makes me wonder like I wondered a long time ago; is Mike really a slut? I just wanted to be friends.
I went out in the cold, wrapping my jacket tighter around me. Fucking Christmas Eve and I have to work till 11. No one's really home anyway. Andrew and Richie are going to open all their presents anyway. I can wait. I wish Tom was underneath my tree. God, please.
Then I got a text from Tom. My hands shivered as I read the message: How is my fiancee doing on Christmas eve? ;)
There was a prominent smile on my face and I felt my cheeks blush. The past week he only texted me once or twice a day, and he took hours to reply. I knew he was really busy, fitting work and family into a single day, every day. My Tom's a busy man and I never liked to ask so much of him. As long as he texts me once in a while and knows I'm alive, I'm good. As long as I have that ring, I know that day was real and what we are still is. I'm such a fucking girl. I need a lot of assurance, sad I know.
My fingers shivered as I tried to type a reply. There was a light blanket of snow and it looked like it was going to rain at 5 in the evening. What is this, seriously? Then I typed: Missing you very badly and i bet you are smiling right now, you arschloch xD
Dirty German, ayup. Tom taught me everything I knew. I waited for a long while but Tom never replied. Sadly, I went back to work and ignored Mike most of the time. It was 11 and I went back home, driving and listening to Paramore, feeling more tired than I usually would. It was a little over midnight when I watched Andrew and Richie play with their new gifts and I fell asleep.
I woke up with two crazy boys jumping on my bed and Bailey was licking at my feet. I smiled to myself and Andrew piped, “Morning! This came for you!”
My mom then told the boys to leave me alone and they went out with Bailey after them. I held a large brown parcel in my hand. Instinctively I went to look at the postage. German! YES! From Germany! DOUBLE YES! Excitedly, I ripped the parcel open, which was fairly light, and found the shirt I almost bought for myself this Christmas!
“SANTA'S A FAYLEY, FUCK YEAH!” I shouted to myself when I pulled out the black seasonal Paramore shirt with a huge Santa on it with flaming red and yellow hair. I love it! And it was in my exact size. Tom knew me so well.
Then I noticed the white card that came with it that dropped on the wrapping. It had Tom's weird handwriting, one that I adore, in front saying: To My Almost-Wife
And inside, it was this: Diese Jahre waren unglaublich. Ich schätze jeden Augenblick mit dir. Du bist alles, was ich bin und sein wird. Ich liebe dich. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year baby. ;) P.S. Wish you were here.
Idiot. Then you should have invited me over... Well, he's an idiot I still love. If it's a private party I know when he can't have anyone over. After all, I'm not married to him. Not yet. I squealed again and immediately changed into the Santa Fayley shirt, wearing it over long white thermals. It's so snug!
I checked my phone; still no reply from Tom. I shall not bombard him with texts. He could be having the party right now. Plus, I cannot show how desperate I am for him even though I—well—am desperate for him. I miss him so much it hurts. Whatever it was, I sent him a message saying I got his present and that I loved it a lot. After that, I washed up, tied my hair and went down for a little Christmas breakfast. Today I wish I could visit my grandmother. I don't know how but I will. Maybe not. I think we're supposed to go over to Richie's mom's house today. Richie is my stepdad. Maybe I'll meet the guys and exchange our presents. I don't know anymore.
Then I went up to my room again to put all my presents. I checked my BlackBerry and saw that Mike texted me and asked if we could hang out because he got me a present. I told him I didn't get him one but he said it was okay and told me to meet him at Wal-mart (of all places) and I told him okay. I told CJ and Anthony that and we agreed to meet there and from there we would drive to CJ's after getting some Denny's. Hopefully I get to talk to Eza but nope, she's busy having parties in Singapore.
I told mom I was going out. I did, and I drove on the slippery ice as carefully as I did, blasting Paramore and feeling awesome in my Santa Fayley shirt, a hoodie and a jacket. It wasn't long before I reached and I saw Mike in his ride. He told me to come over in his car which I did.
“Hey,” he said with a really goofy grin.
“Hey,” I said.
“Merry Christmas.”
“Oh, cut the crap and give me my present,” I laughed, hitting his arm.
Mike smiled and told me to close my eyes as he put his hands behind him.
I agreed with a stubborn sigh. I hate surprises but whatever. What did Mike know about me?
“Mhmm.”
“No peeping?” He said. I wasn't.
“Hurry,” I said.
The next thing I knew, Mike kissed me.
* * *
My heart fell. It fell from the a thousand stories high and I never heard it land. I got the last private jet to send me to Jersey to see an American idiot kissing my girl. I'm sure she never wanted it. She's pushing him off. That's asshole...
“HEY!” I shouted, banging on the window of his cheap-ass car. I was never more infuriated with this random bastard. “HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
My accent came through so clearly I didn't care and before I knew it, I was shouting in German, shooting him down with whatever my 20 years of life taught me. I was brutal, about to get him down on his knees when I dragged him out of his seat, pulling him by his collar. This fucker was going DOWN.
“Was zum Teufel war das?” I raised my voice at him. I knew he understood nothing but instinctively that was what my reaction was. Ashlee would know this, how I serious this shit was going down, because I only come out like that when things get serious. “Warum bist du zu berühren?? Wer hat Ihnen die Erlaubnis, sie zu berühren, huh!?”
“TOM!”
I didn't even notice when Ashlee came running out from the car and she had her hands on my arms. At her touch, I just softened. I couldn't bring myself to make another move but when this asshole started to talk, I just couldn't stay put.
He started to laugh with his hand raised slightly. “Hey, hey, now who the hell are you?”
“Who are YOU?” I pointed to him sternly. “Why did you touch her? Who said you can??”
“Who says I can't?” He smirked. “Look, I was just giving her her Christmas present, alright? Okay? Nothing big—”
“You don't touch her!” I shouted, pointing at Ashlee beside me. My eyes never wavered from this man. I had to stand my ground here because guess what? I wasn't even in my own country.
“You gonna make me?” He replied rudely.
“You don't.” I went closer to him, so close I was staring down at him at such an angle I bet he was intimidated. He was just a bit shorter than me but I was still taller. “You hear me? You don't touch my girlfriend. You don't come anywhere near her. She doesn't want you.”
“Tom, please,” Ashlee pulled at my arm. “Stop it. Forget it. It's over. Mike, go away. Now.” So that idiot has a name.
I was afraid, at that moment, to turn to look at her. I hated when she got upset, and worst still over things like this. She doesn't like my violent side. Let's say she's never even seen it. (Unless it's in the bedroom.) It wasn't my fault this happened, that I had to almost hit this jackass.
“Mike, get the fuck out of here!” Ashlee grabbed the guy by his shirt. “GO!”
“Why?” Mike was being arrogant, I could tell by the way he stared at me. “So he's the boyfriend, huh? This is even better than I imagined.”
I clenched my fists. Little did I know, Ashlee was holding one of my wrists by then and I guess she felt my tension so suddenly. At that same moment, she squeezed my hand and whispered, “Please let it go.” Then she looked at Mike. “Get the fuck away!”
Mike laughed. Why do evil people love to laugh?! “Ashlee, you said you liked me but this douchebag was in between the both of us. You said he's stopping you. Now what's this?!”
I stared at Ashlee, confused. “What is he talking about?”
“Tom, you believe him?” Her big brown eyes were staring right into me. I don't believe him. I just needed to hear Ashlee tell me he was lying. She stared at Mike. “You fucking loser, I never said those things.”
Mike looked pathetic as he continued, “What about feeling guilty when we hang out? Weren't you jealous when I went out with Jessica, and you text me all the time and get mad when I don't reply you—”
“She hangs out with guys all the time, Mike, so nothing you say is going to make me believe you. She doesn't want you around. Fuck off!” My fingers pointed straight into Mike's chest and he quickly pushed my hand away, annoyed. That's my job, asshole.
And the other parts about texting Mike all the time... I don't know. I just don't want to talk about that right now.
“Just don't hit him,” Ashlee said. “I don't want things to happen, please.” She rubbed my back quickly, and I could see the frown on her face.
“Wer hat Ihnen die Erlaubnis, sie zu berühren.” I stared at Ashlee with a pained look. This man has got no fucking idea who he's dealing with right here. I pointed at him straight in the face. “Du weißt nicht, mit wem du zu tun haben, okay!”
“No kidding, nigga,” he said. “Wait, you're not even one...” And he laughed. He laughed at me.
My hand immediately went flying across his jaw even before he could finish what he wanted to say. His eyes grew wide as he gave a loud groan. Obviously he was mad, but that did not scare me one bit. The next thing I knew, he was heading for my stomach with his fist.
“ARSCHLOCH!” I cried, choking him with a hand with the other trying to hit his ugly face.
“Fucking Christ, Ashlee. Can't you see what you're going out with? This kid is worse than Eminem!”
Then there was a tight slap, so sharp I thought my ears bled.
“I LIKE EMINEM!” Ashlee retorted. “Now fuck off!”
Mike's eyes burned. “Bitch, watch it.”
He turned and walked away.
* * *
Tom took a deep breath. His shaking fists released its empty grip, proceeding to hold his heavy head full of endless questions. He never doubted Ashlee. He never has and never will, but this was giving him second thoughts. What if Mike was telling the truth? Tom loved Ashlee, but there were things he needed to know.
“Tom,” Ashlee looked at him, her hands going to his face. His eyes never left Mike until he drove out of sight. To her, Tom was intimidating. Together, they drove Mike away. Mike, to Ashlee, was someone who never really was. He wasn't this, he wasn't that. He was just a confusing soul to Ashlee. Just now, she witnessed how dangerous he was. And of all times, Tom had to appear there and then. Even if he wasn't there, she knew she would have slapped him across the face raw, maybe even a kick in the crotch. But she was a girl and who knows what Mike could have done if Tom was never at the right place at the right time. Ironically.
“Just . . . leave me alone,” Tom muttered just loud enough for her to hear. He walked a few feet away from where she was, rubbing his face over and over, as if trying to erase memories of just moments before.
Ashlee's eyes welled up at those words. “What do you mean?”
“I need to think, okay!” Tom raised his voice. Did Ashlee really feel jealous when Mike was with other girls? Did she really want his attention that much? Was it because . . . he never had enough time for her? Tom really regretted being too involved back home. He had too much work to finish before his holiday break started. It was impossible to avoid. In the end, he had to choose to give up Ashlee for a while even though he didn't want to.
There was a bit of silence. Tom was a deep thinker and would often think so much, leading to too many conclusions. It gave Ashlee a bad image. “Do you believe him?” Ashlee asked, taking a few steps closer to him. “Tom, do you believe what he said? Is that what you're thinking about?”
Tom breathed in deeply, his thick brows furrowed closely together. He was in obvious torment, physically and mentally, as he tried to find an answer. “I don't know,” he answered. To Ashlee, the answer was obvious.
“We're not even close! Why do you believe him?” She asked. Deep inside, she knew exactly where Mike got all those from. Many a times, she would text him but only in boredom. Mike took it differently. About Jessica, any normal girl would be annoyed. It was annoyance, she was sure. She wasn't half jealous about it. Mike was the real douchebag.
“Why would he even dare to kiss you when you are not even close like you say?”
“Why don't you believe me?!” Ashlee cried. She was so weak, so weak when he was like this to her.
Tom could not think of any plausible response and the only think he could do that was right without words was this—giving her an unexpected hug. Deep into her dark hair his nose nuzzled, inhaling her familiar, clean scent that made him so alive again. He realized how much he missed her all those months and how far he went in accusing her. He knew he was wrong. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm so sorry, Ashlee.”
“Tom, I love you,” she held him, her eyes watering. Quickly, she pressed her face against his blue plaid shirt, staining it with her tears. “I won't do this to you, you know it.”
“I know,” Tom said. “That's why I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry, Ashlee. Please forgive me.”
She squeezed him so tight, but not as tight as he could. She wished she didn't have to let him go, that they could just be together like that. But to be in such a sad state, she wished slightly otherwise. “Shut up,” she whispered, clutching at his shirt while staring at him.
Tom kissed her forehead and stroked her hair, breaking into a little smile when he saw her pretty face. He let out a soft laugh, a laugh of disbelief. It was true, he could not bring himself to believe what happened five minutes ago really happened. For a short moment, they just stood hugging. It healed everything.
The petite latina gave a smile she couldn't help but let go, one that showed a slight pout, and sighed into his shirt again. “Asshole.”
“Fiancee.” Tom smiled. And he noticed the ring was missing. “Without her ring.”
Ashlee took a shaky breath. “You know, I'd love for that to be permanently on me but Jersey gets a bit dangerous sometimes. Plus I work at Wal-mart...” She ran her fingers over his beautifully braided hair. She couldn't see them unless he sat, but she could feel it was newly done since it wasn't loose at all.
“Not cool,” Tom nodded as he kissed her nose as he bent down a bit. Ashlee grinned and kissed his lips. “Little bull,” he said, referring to her with her septum ring. “And owl, Spanish Hayley, sexy mama, and—wait, did you get my present?”
Ashlee's eyes widened. “Fucking Fayley, duh!” She pried from him to show off her shirt that was half-hidden behind her hoodie and jacket. “Tom, I love it so much. And you got the right size, too.”
“Like I don't know my girl's body,” Tom winked with a sexy smirk.
Ashlee suddenly gasped, "Wait, Tom, why are you here?" Her eyes were full of curiosity.
"Oh," Tom smiled. He sighed and shrugged. "My mother told me the party was actually, uh, what's that word... postponed. It was on 23rd. So I still have time to come here to see you on Christmas!" He bit on his lower lip, waiting for her response. "Um, surprise?"
"I only like your surprises, you know that," she hugged him by the waist. "I'm so glad you're here. It's the best Christmas gift." She couldn't help but give him a long kiss, a deep one to warm him up, giving him a taste of what's to come.
Tom sighed with a lopsided smile, stroking her face. "I miss you. I don't know what I'd do without you," he started. Ashlee made no response, merely eyeing him lovingly, her hands rubbing at his waist. "Probably something stupid."
"I won't let you do that even if I'm not around," she said, rubbing his cheeks, her thumb playing with his dark gray lip ring.
From behind them, a car honked and Ashlee saw that it was Anthony and CJ. She waved, and Tom waved as well.
“Can't I have you?” Tom pouted slightly.
“Nein,” Ashlee smirked.
“Bitte?” He tried.
“Nein, nein.” She was obviously having fun teasing him, kissing his neck lightly on her tippy toes.
Tom gave a wide grin, his head thrown back slightly, enjoying her little game. “I don't care, you know,” he said. “Mir ist egal, was du sagst. Ich dich zu meinem Hotel zu bringen.”
“Chyeah. Merry Christmas, Tom,” Ashlee smiled. “Bye.” She turned to walk away after giving him a pat on the butt.
Tom's eyes widened. Laughingly, he said, “Wait, where are you going?” Swiftly and strongly, he scooped her up from behind her and like she expected it, she started letting out fits of giggles, calling his name. He threw her petite frame over his shoulder with a big grin as he made his way to his rented Honda Civic. “My hotel, now.”
CJ and Anthony took it from Tom, the thumbs up that the German gave them, that Ashlee wasn't going to hang with them for a while. The renewed couple had better plans.
