-:- Bruises -:- [20]

Rules of Survival:

Burying it away does not let you heal. Healing is a must. Let others help you.

***

I woke in a white room. I knew from the smell that I was in a hospital. Why was I here? Why was I having trouble breathing. It came back in a flash. The baby, Him, the feel of the blade. NO! Where was he? I started looking frantically around the room, but saw no one. I did realize, however, that I was hooked up to some monitors and I had an IV running in me.

A nurse ran into the room and quickly checked everything. “Are you alright, Miss?” she asked. My heart rate must have spiked. That must be why she was here. I just looked at her. Glared more like.

“Why did you save me?” I asked. It was a question full of malice. The nurse didn’t seem to know what to say but was spared from answering when someone walked in. It was Luci. I felt a wave of relief flood through me that is wasn’t Mom or Him. But it wasn’t enough relief. I wasn’t supposed to be here at all. I couldn’t stop thinking this, even as she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Sola...” she whispered and sat down next to the bed. I looked at her. I didn’t avoid it. I didn’t care what she thought of me. She’d been there. How far had he pushed her? How long had he pushed her? I didn’t know.

“Where is He?” I asked finally, since she seemed unable to say anything. If she was going to say waiting for me. Ready to take me home when I was ready to be released, I would really end it this time. No mistakes, no slip ups, no delay. I’d find a way. That man would never see my baby.

“They took him into custody. Mom too.” she said. She seemed choked up a little, but I didn’t really care. All I knew is he was gone. For how long?

“Where will I go?” I asked. She smiled at that.

“You’ll come live with me of course. I become your legal guardian.” she said. “The baby is fine, by the way. The doctors say that you need to be extremely careful and increased your risk, but you’re both fine.” she continued. I was glad it was safe. I just hoped that when it was born, it wouldn’t kill me for this.

Luci stood up and walked over to the door and flashed another sad smile at me, her eyes still shiny with tears. “Someone’s here to see you.” she said and left. I waited a moment. Someone here to see me? Who could it be?

Imagine my shock when Terry ran into the room. Her red eyes told me that she’d been bawling. “Sola!” she almost shrieked. I winced. “Why were you going to leave without a word?” she asked, tears overflowing. “I’m always here for you to talk to girl!” she said and hugged me. I didn’t really know how to respond. Luci obviously hadn’t told her what was going on with me.

“I promise I’ll talk to you next time, ok Terry?” I said and forced a little smile. She grinned and hugged me again. That must have been when he came in because when she pulled away, Ashton was standing in the doorway. He looked tired. Really tired. Terry looked at him, then back at me and leaned in.

“I’ll leave you two.” she whispered and with another quick hug, she was gone.

He didn’t move and we didn’t say anything for a couple minutes. Finally, he came over and sat in the chair next to the bed that Luci had occupied before. He reached out to hold my hand and I grasped onto his. I couldn’t help but let myself cry a little. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hate me by now?

***

Ashton had been at the hospital for almost every waking moment since Sola had been brought to the hospital. He’d known right away when the ambulance had sped past his house that it was her. He didn’t know why he’d known, but he had. Nearly six days now. The doctors hadn’t known why Sola wouldn’t wake up. She hadn’t been in a coma and her vitals were fine in a matter of hours. The doctors figured that she just didn’t want to wake up. Of course she didn’t.

Ashton opened his mouth to say something but promptly shut it when all he could do was make a little squeaky noise. What did you say to the woman you loved after she tried to kill herself? Finally... he said the one thing he knew he could.

“I love you Sola.” he said and squeezed her hand a little before reaching over with his other hand and wiping the stray tears streaming down her cheeks. “I was scared you wouldn’t ever wake up.” he whispered.

***

I didn’t really know what to say. I hadn’t wanted to wake up. I didn’t even know I wasn’t dead. I just assumed that the blackness was the end. Thought I was free. Now, to some extent, I was. “The baby’s alright.” I said. It was the only thing I could think to say. He flashed a lopsided smile.

“It wasn’t the baby I was worried about.” he said, but squeezed my had again. “But that is good to know.” he finished. More silence. There were no words to be said I suppose. I didn’t feel the need to say anything. We said everything with our hands and our eyes.

I loved him. I knew I did. Know I do. I don’t know how he could love me but he does. I believe him.

“They say you’re going to need to take therapy before they let you leave. I just want you to know, that I’ll go with you if you want. I’ll do anything you need of me.” he said with a sad smile then stood up and gave me a hug. The hug that made me safe and loved. The kind of hug from him that I never wanted to end. I hugged back.

This was where I belonged. Where I’d always belonged, wasn’t it?