the most perverted phrases ever!

enjoy but if you're not a perv run for your life!

Created by heartlessvampire36 on Tuesday, March 16, 2010

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Perverted catch phrases/quotes/stories:

1.
I like to wakalaka my pina colada infront of everybody before i fouk it off on the table.
2. the hanger is the dick and the clip is the vajayjay. put them together and you get a vadickdick,
3. PENIS POWER!
4. perverted person out! peaces.
5. you turn me on.
6. Of course im a perv. what you tink?!
7. my pen leaks everytime i see you.
8. lets have some fun. this beat is sick. i wanna take a ride on your disco stick.
9.hey guys i have to go jackoff in the bathroom. be right back.
10. kiss my pussy!
11. hehehehe...dixconnected. its when two dicks are together.
12. DICtionary, DICtator, preDICt, adDICt,
13. DIXconnect, DIXrespectful, DIXcover, DIXsire
14. Hey are you an official? cause you've officialy given me a boner.
15. Hey im a sex addict. Its a very bad disease full of doctors and medicine.
16. I like watching cows give their babies milk. but, look at me can you give me your milk?
17. whenever i see your hips my shorts get really tight.
18. hey dude. i got a gift for you. you can find it if you dig in my pants. ill give you a hint on how it feels. its big, hard, and has something dripping out of it. come an get it.
19. You can say penis/dick, but you can't say VAGINA?
20. I work slow when im sad but, when I'm happy i still do it slow to savor every moment..
21. i like thick, hard bananas that aren't really bananas.
22. you say fish stick. I say "STOP TALKING ABOUT MY DICK!"
23. Ya know what would be funny? If a little kid was typing DUCK but they write DICK instead. "and then the DICK went quack quack.", "and the dick went underwater," and then the DICK WENT INSIDE THE CAVE."
24. when i was 12 i saw my mommy and daddy having vaginal intercourse. and now im gay.
25. This is fun. We should do this all the time. Let's talk about SEX, DICKS, PENIS' AND VAGINAS more often! It could be our own little past time. Oh yes, coz i just love talking about genitals and what it goes into and what goes into it......and then after....we could have sex. coz damn it bitch, im HORNY.
26. when i was still in my mom's tummy my twin brother raped me.
27. hey dude, one day i was in the parking lot when i saw 2 guys having sex. So, i thought we should have sex too cause it looked fun.
28. I came out of my dad's penis.
29. when I was a little girl i saw my mom and dad wrestling but, now i know what they were really doing.
30. give me your hand and hold this for me. okay, i know it may look like a dick but, its not its an erection.
31. i love my mom for letting me be born through her vagina.
32. i became a marine biologist for a reason. to look and feel sea cucumbers.
33. when i was a boy something went wrong. my mommy cut off my dick and i became a a girl.
34. I ride solo cause i think 2 is too much.
35. hey baby you wanna lick my lollipop. yeah baby. the lolipop down their.
36. Jenny: I wanna do something thrilling! Something exciting!! Joen: Sex?
37: How come whenever we do a play im always the thing that comes out of you. You be the dick i be the sperm. U be the vagina and i be the BABY. And the only thing they changed is that im the one that goes into you now like your the ass and im a penis/erection. HUH?!
38. i Will show u different images. With each image tell me the first thing that comes into your mind. Are you ready? "Sure....dick. penis. pussy. vagina. penetration. erection..." Ok, that's enough, i think i can make a safe diagnosis about your case. "what is it doctor? tell it to me straight." You're a sex addict. "I PAYED 5O BUCKS FOR THIS SHIT!?" This is free, sir. "That Leprachaun jacked my cash." I have made another diagnosis. You're a total dumbass.
39. HOT DAYUUMMMM.....THAT'S ONE NICE ASS. "Stop talking to the mirror!"
40. ANAL. ORAL. AND VAGINAL. 3-IN-ONE.
41. "Thats one big dick you have...............will it fit?"
42. you know in poems people put my heart will beat for you? well that's what my dick is doing.
43. Hey bob! I think i know why im so gross. remember my favorite fruit is a banana and my favorite veggie is a cucumber. and last but not least my favorite desert is ice cream. Im like this because i was meant to be a pervert! Isn't that awesome!? Bob: no
44. Hey doctor their's something wrong with me
doctor: what is it?
well this morning i woke up from a dream this morning and i had this *opens pants and shows dick*
Doctor; oh, that's an erection, son. that's what you get from being horny.
45. Food has eyes, thats why they know the direction in which to come out of your ass.
46. Yesterday when i walked out of my room after, a wet dream. i checked my underwear and their were these white things all over it.
47. whenever i see worms wiggle, its not the only thing moving.
48. you know, i just love kissing up to the boss because i jst don't kiss his butt but, his coc-
joen: omg! i don't wanna hear it!!!!
alexis: i mean his pet rooster named cock. duh.
49. Dude look i have a boner. hehehehe
joen:aren't you a girl.
alexis: yes! but look at it *holds up fake bone prop* hehehehee its my boner ffrom a century ago.
50. idiot:dude, dude, dude! the ddevil has possessed my dick because look at it. it moving!
dude: EEWWWWW! when did it happen?
Idiot: while i was in the strip joint with bob.
51. Geeze, I think my balls are busted.
52. My gosh, how can you not say it!? At least I have enough balls to say it. HA!
53. me: You suck sweaty ball sacks.
jarred: Oh really?
me: yeah. you heard me?
jarred: well you eat sweaty ball sacks.
54. I wanna get a weiner dog and name it: little Dickie
55. you perv..you pervert...you perverted pervert...sexual, balls, stick, long,...HARD!!!
56. you could have been raped! you could have been raped in the ASS!!!!
57. Hey dude you see that girl right their. She could have been raped in the BUTT!!!
58. You know men aren't the only ones that shave their pubic hair.
59. What's so bad about saying dick and penis and also cock. its natural to talk about a mans' genitals.
60. i guess its time to tell you guys the truth...im....I can't believe im saying this....im not a virgin! their you happy!?
61. Leanne: I kiss his lips, cheeks, forehead, and what else can i kiss??!!
Alexis: O////o you can kiss his dick. i bet its pleasurable.
62. I am your sexy amBADASSador!
63. I got sooo emBAREASS today in the girls' bathroom.
64. Look their's goodies on my hotdog.
65. DICtate and DIVtator is when dicks take over the world and dominate all vajayjays.
67. Here's a good song :
Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf
He is just a "TOY"
Then i turn him "ON"
And he comes to life
Automatic "JOY"
That is what i "WANT"
A coin operated boy
68. dude: Whenever i look at my dick. I wonder how it would feel in a girl's ass.
69. the best thing you can give to your husband is your virginity/innocence.
70. leanne: okay you miss dyllan and you miss tristan. Well i miss my dick because your boy is like your dick. without them you're nothing but a pussy. HA!
71. JOen: you guys remember when we were younger. whenever we had something that's like a stick we used to pretend smoking it. but look at us now. we are perverts.
Alexis: who you calling a perv!? *putting whip cream on lumpia*
Joen: leanne do you see what i mean?
Leanne: yah i do. hey alexis stop hogging all the cream. i need some for my lumpia, too.
Alexis: *cream covered lumpia in mouth* here ya go *voice muffled my lumpia and cream*
Leanne: thank you! *begins adding cream to lumpia*
Alexis: hey leanne look. *shosw lumpia* my lumpia is leaking cream! hehehehhehe!
Leanne: Mine too!
joen: *eyes twitching and grabs the cream container* you guys are gross! *eats the cream covered lumpia*
72. Alexis: hey dude look at what i got.
Joen: what is it?
Alexis: *points at plate*
Joen: EWWWW! alexis, what the hell. its an exaggeration when they say "the way you violate your sister is the way you violate your food"
Alexis: Really? *looksa at plate with a hotdog dividing 2 scoops of rice in the middle*
73. you know if you ever go in a gay bar. you'll become one and im gonna beat you up. so the phrase is once you go gay. you'll have to pay it true.
74. girls have 20 dicks but boys have 21.
75. Rape =forced sex
Forced sex = hot
Hot = toe
Toe = jam
Jam = peanut butter
So, it all makes sense now! All rapist cover themselves in peanut butter!!!
76. Okay my pervy language has gotten better!!! I like to wakalaka my pina colada before I whack it off to fouking on the table and giving myself a johnny handcock over a picture of my favorite slut.
77. Teacher: what’s you’re favorite dream Charlotte?
Charlotte: Vadickdick
Teacher: my goodness child what does that mean?
Charlotte: it’s a combination of my mommies vagina and my daddies dick!
Teacher: Honey I think I’m going to send you to the office.
Charlotte: You’re a bitch. :D
Teacher: Charlotte! OFFICE NOW!!!
78. Alexis: hey leanne! How much grapes can you shove in your mouth?
Leanne: lets see! *begins shoving grapes in mouth*
Joen: whoa! That’s a lot of grapes! I wonder how much dicks you can fit in their?
Leanne: *starts choking and barfs grapes out*
Alexis: WHOA-HO-HO!!!
79. Alexis: hey did you guys know that in my class my classmates try shoving as much ritz crackers into their mouth?!
Leanne & joen: really?
Alexis: yeah! The most is 6! I’m gonna try it! *starts shoving crackers in mouth*
Leanne: I wanna try it! *shoves crackers in mouth too*
Alexis: *tries shoving 7th cracker* *begins choking*
Leanne: *starts laughing but, has a choking fit*
Joen: I wonder if you guys are gonna have ‘how much dicks you can shove in your mouth contest’ in the future?
Leanne & Alexis: *still choking*
80. Friends are like butt cheeks. No matter how much shit separates them they always come back together!
81. Alexis: joen is leanne dead? Is she dead? Is she dead?
Joen: leanne’s asleep.
Alexis: so she is dead!
Joen: isn’t she adorable?
Alexis:…you wanna rape her?
82. Leanne: did you know drinking milk you’re boobs grow bigger?
Alexis: hahahaha! At least mines are still small even if I drink a lot!
Joen: but Lex your’s are bigger than mine!
Alexis: lets switch *pretends to take off boobs*
Joen: *pretends to take off boobs*
Alexis: here ya go!
Joen: wait lex you’re holding your’s lop sided! Who wants lop sided boobs

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