Once upon a time there was a baby gummy bear named Sholanda. But since Sholanda was a red gummy bear and racist against all the blue and pink gummy bears, no one really liked him much. When Sholanda entered high school, he decided he didn’t like having a girl’s name so he decided to write to the president and ask for it to legally be changed to Mclovin. But the president wouldn’t allow it because this was in 2004 and no one likes George Bush. Then he decided on the name McChicken, but it still wasn’t allowed so finally he settled on Robert. But by this time, President Bush had lost all of his hair and thus was incapable of sending any letters to anyone for some reason. So he was forced to deny this request also. Finally, Sholanda decided it would be much easier to just get a sex change at the doctor’s office. If you remember, though, Sholanda is a gummy bear, so the doctor’s office was really an obtuse cake. By laying in the cake’s cold frosting for an hour and a half straight, Sholanda’s funny male parts would freeze off. But while he was climbing up the side of the cake, he fell down and landed in a bowl of lettuce. Then a little five-year-old girl came along and picked him up and ate him. His last words were “MY NAME IS AUSTRALIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Which didn’t really make sense at all because his name was, in fact, Sholanda. Which certainly isn’t Australia. It’s not even close to Australia. So I don’t really know why he said that.
Anyway, he died after that.
The next day, his best friend Giorgi, who was a girl, heard of the malpractice at the cake and cried for eighteen hours straight. But since these are gummy bears, her room was really a bag of other gummy bears so she had no privacy and all the other gummy bears were watching her bawl her eyes out. Well, poor little Giorgi was just so humiliated that she ripped open the bag and all of the gummy bears escaped. Giorgi tried to keep order amongst everyone, but no one would listen to her so she turned insanely evil. This crazy evil grin magically appeared on her green face (because she was a green gummy bear) and she decided to become a cannibal. Her first victim was an orange gummy bear who was very nasty and certainly deserved it. Then she realized that being a cannibal kind of sucked because gummy bears don’t really taste that good to gummy bears, so she stopped being a cannibal. Instead, she hopped on a train to the city and took up ballet lessons there, hoping to brainwash her fellow dancers who all happened to be chocolate chip cookies.
And thus, the chocolate chip cookies became evil and terrorized the nation with their chocolatey goodness.
To be continued...?
