I Can Be In Love With You (Edward Cullen) Without You 8

I Can Be In Love

With You,

Without You

*8*

The summer months of my break went by very slowly for me. I had planned on spending time with Edward, but ostentatiously, that was not going to happen. Of course, Alice came by with Rosalie to either drop off clothes or force me to do something outside of the house. And, I went with them, always with a bit of dread of leaving my safe little room.

But today, I had the day all to myself. However, I couldn’t say that it was a good thing. When I was alone, I always seemed to be living back in my memories. Which, usually resulted in me fitfully crying for hours at a time. I wanted him to be mine again, so badly. But whenever the idea of him being with me again, I just thought of him and Bella spending time together, and doing things that we would do together.

I was tired also; for I had gotten little sleep.

I didn’t like sleeping anymore because I would dream about him over and over again. And they were more like nightmares, to be unambiguous. They would start out like a very pleasant dream, of me and him, and then as the seconds ticked by, it would turn into a nightmare; a beautiful nightmare.

So, here I was now. Sitting in the corner of my room, crying, and trying to forget everything I didn’t want to forget. I looked at the one, single, picture I didn’t let go up in flames. I held it delicately in my hand, completely ignoring myself in the photograph as I solely focused on the beautiful ghost on my broken past.

He was smiling, and he seemed happy and content, at least to me he did; but what did I know? Other than his smile, his eyes were that perfect golden color and his hair was messy and it all contrasted against his snow white skin. I smiled at his smile, even if my smile was wetted down with tears, I still felt happy when I looked at it and I figured that was as much as I was going to get.

“How was your summer?” Alice asked as she stood in my room, helping me pick out a good outfit for the first day of school. I was personally dreading going back there today, but I had no choice. And, at least it was my last year and then I could leave and get away from him and the pain. I managed a bleak shrug for a reply, rather than speaking. “Julia, you need to get some more sleep.” She advised softly, putting down the shirt she had in her hand, and forcing me to look at her. She gave me a grimace for a smile and lightly pulled me against her for a hug.

“I’m fine.” I whispered, pulling my face out of her hands and returning my fading attention to the closet. She breathed a troubled, quiet, sigh and picked the shirt back up. I knew she knew I was lying, but I still didn’t want to admit how I really was. That would really be the end; actually coming to reality with what my world had become. A lonely, dark, broken shard of glass, which used to belong to a picture frame of happiness. “I’ll just wear this,” I said, taking the shirt off her hands and then jeans from my dresser and walking to the bathroom to get dressed; all so that I could see him with someone else.

I was more than quiet as she drove us to the school. It would just be me and her against him this year. Seeing as Emmett and Rosalie ‘graduated’ last year. But that was ok, because in all honesty, I just wish it was just me sometimes. Although, it was nice to have someone to lean on and a shoulder to cry on.

“Julia?” She said, her voice teaming on the shouting side. I jumped at the sound and looked over at her. “We’re here.” She told me, her voice slow and careful. I nodded, recovering my heart from the recent jolt it had received. And, with a deep breath, I moved my hand over the handle and pulled it back, opening the door and releasing a gust of cold, Pacific air brushing against my skin. “Come on, we’re going to be late.” She noted, trying to keep her voice cheery. I didn’t buy into it, but I got out of the car anyway, skillfully going around the mud puddles that had painted the parking lot. I looked down at my feet, not wanting to mistakenly see anything; or anyone.

“Julia.”

I looked up.

“Hey.” I mumbled, looking back down at my feet after a few seconds of glancing at him. “How was your summer?” I asked kindly, my voice dull.

“It was fine, Jules.” He said roughly, like I had annoyed him with my single courtesy question. “Look, I want to talk to you before this year starts.” He breathed, forcing me to look up and into those beautiful amber eyes of his.

“Yes?” I gave him permission to continue on with what he was going to say. He gave me a pitiful look for a moment before beginning to say anything. I waited patiently, my face blank.

“Julia, I don’t like seeing you like this. I want you to be happy. And this…this isn’t happy. You keep blaming yourself for what happened, and it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.” He told me sternly. I nodded. “I want to start this year off on a good step, so, I don’t care what you say, you and I are going out for lunch this weekend. Got it?” He demanded.

“Really?” I brightened, my whole face lighting up, my blood pumping, heart beating and eyes twinkling. My voice suddenly got more vibrant and vivacious. I knew it wasn’t a date, but just being alone with him, away from it all, that was all I needed to feel whole; just for one day.

“Really.” He smiled at the sudden bright emotion flowing out of me. “I’ll pick you up around nine ok?”

“Nine?”

“We can hang out before lunch.” He grinned, forcing my heart to skip more than two beats at the missed sight of it. I nodded fervently and he chuckled a little. “I have to go, but I’ll see you Saturday alright?” He looked for confirmation. I nodded. “Ok, have a good day, Julia.” He told me, letting me go and walking away without saying another word, or letting me slip in an ‘I miss you. I still love you.’