• ♥ Dancing in the rain. ♥ •
He used to think that it was stupid to become attached to people. He had watched people do so from a distance, and he watched as everything about them changed to fit those people. They made stupid decisions – ones to make those people that they apparently "cared for" happy, instead of benefitting themselves. It was stupid. It was moronic. He couldn't understand how it was worth it. So, it was something he would obviously never do.
Then she showed up. And she knew how to change everything. She knew how to do things that he couldn't even comprehend. She could make him understand those things, though. And, even if she couldn't, she could make him accept them. She could make him take part in them. She could turn him into an idiot.
Was she an exception? Did she make it worth it?
[Name] reached out and took him captive, her soft, tiny hands clasping his. Even as ominous clouds deadened the sky, she brought him back to life her with her smile. Gentle urging, tugging softly, tempting him with her gaze as she laughed uncontrollably. He was lifted to his feet eventually, his eyes locked with hers, and the second he took a step away from the safety of the trees they had been seeking protection underneath, she changed everything all over again. Automatically, they were both soaked from head to toe. He couldn't bring himself to complain, his body couldn't even shiver, for she tugged him closer and closer until they were pressed together so tightly that their love for each other ignited again.
She giggled. He couldn't help but smile. She broke their gaze, flinging her head back, raindrops spraying from the ends of her hair as she braced the downpour. The thunder couldn't compete with her laughter. Nothing could compete with her – not in Shikamaru's eyes. She let go of his hands, exposing his palms to the rain as she backed away from him to twirl through the air. Shikamaru was still warm. No matter how far away they were, nothing could harm him. The warmth that resonated through him when he thought about her was strong enough to melt a blizzard.
She stopped spinning and lifted her arms into the air, grabbing at the thousands of drops with her fingers. Just like him, even the rain wanted to be close to her. Soon a fogged filled the air around them. Even the clouds wanted to be close to her. She was irresistible. She was his.
She spun to face him, to bless him with her smiling face. Her eyes sparkled with rays of sunlight. "Shikamaru!" she cooed through her giggles. He smiled, crossing his arms over his chest when his heart sped up at the sound of her voice. Did that make all this worth it? The way she said his name?
Her eyes began to glisten in the darkness around them and she reached out towards him. He didn't need anymore prodding. She was in his arms again, and he felt like he was flying. Dancing in the rain never made sense to Shikamaru, but when she stretched out and began to spin, inevitably taking him with her, it seemed like the most sensible thing in the world.
In the middle of autumn, dancing in the rain, warming the chill, laughing at the clouds, getting wrapped up in the fog, attracting every single drop, without a care in the world…. It made sense. It was worth it. Why didn't he see it before?
It was…weird. That the same face could look so different – it was weird. She was a very emotional girl compared to him. When she was excited, she jumped up and down while he just grinned. When she was worried, she paced back and forth and bit her lip and crossed her arms and fretted for hours, while he just sat still and stared pensively at nothing. And recently he had learned how different they could really be. When she was angry, she would scream and stomp her feet and cry her eyes out and she would ignite. He would throw back witty comments, calm anger around him, smooth tension wrinkling his face, which only added to her fire.
"Shikamaru!" It sounded so different – her roaring voice being choked out through tears. He was so used to hearing his name in a gentle coo, slipping in between giggles while they danced in the rain. Hours into their argument, months into their relationship, she would cover her face and turn away from him.
"I can't do this," was her plea. That was her way of ending an argument. That was her white flag. He normally accepted that, but just a few days ago, he couldn't bring himself to do it. What had changed? What had made him suddenly think that it would be worth it? He demanded further explanation. He wanted to hear more. He wasn't willing to end it there. He was still angry. He had forgotten about her glowing, smiling face. He had forgotten the way she would reach out towards him and wrap her arms around him. He forgot the way she made him forget the rain. He forgot all the reasons not to, so he did.
"You're just giving up," he told her when she wouldn't speak. He prided himself in knowing so much about her, but he still didn't know why those words made her snap. She spun around, just like she would in the rain, with a wet face that looked so different than it normally did.
"Please, Shikamaru!" She gasped, clasping her hands over her heart, pain echoing through her eyes. "It hurts! I may be giving up, but it's because I just can't take it anymore! I can't! I just can't!"
Shock. It was something else he had never understood, something he had never before experienced, something that he used to think was stupid. It was something she helped him understand. Because now he was acting like an idiot, standing there, not saying anything, unable to move. It was a horrible sight, a horrible sound, a horrible feeling. Her words raked against his chest with rusty nails, piercing his heart, pressing against its thin exterior until it exploded the way rain drops did when they hit her face.
"You don't understand," she responded to his idiotic silence. Sobs. Tears. Hysteria. Etched into his memory forever. Coming from her, it was all so horrible. She wiped her bright red cheeks raw. Smiles. Giggles. Twirls. Pushed into the back of his mind. "It just hurts so much, Shikamaru!"
How can I help you? How do I make it stop? Tell me! Come to me! Let me hold you! Let me protect you! Why can't I!? Why can't I!? Stop crying, I'll take you away from everything! I'll protect you! Just please, don't cry, because it hurts me, too!
Everything he never said. Those words could have fixed everything. Why did she have to turn him into such a moron?
Instead, he yelled at her. He screamed at her. He said things he never would have said, never meant, never thought. But he still said them. He still made her cry. He still made her run out. He still didn't run after her. He was still an idiot. It wasn't worth it. It was never worth it.
Why was it that only after she slammed the door shut could he remember the way she enticed him into the rain pour? The second he thought of it, he missed it. The second he remembered, he regretted everything.
Shikamaru's eyes snapped open, awoken by the feeling of her lips pressing against his. It took him a second to realize that he wasn't dreaming. Finally, those words were on the tip of his tongue again. He could say them. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off by shaking her head as tears spilled down her cheeks. She readjusted the bag on her shoulder. He glanced at it before his eyes darted around his room. It seemed emptier.
He locked eyes with her again, and she blessed him with her smiling face, the way she would when she wanted him to dance with her. His forlorn eyes begged. He parted his lips again, but she leaned down and kissed him before he could plead. She leaned back, only a mere centimeter between them. Even filled with tears, her eyes were so gorgeous.
"Shikamaru." Never before had she said his name in such a way. It broke his heart instantaneously. Why couldn't she just coo out to him, request that he get lost with her in the middle of a storm? "I love you." And, just like an idiot, he watched her turn around and walk away. Several weeks later, he was alone. He never saw her again. Nobody did.
He knew what she meant when she said proclaimed her love.
I can't do this.
He knew what she meant when she was kissing him.
It still hurts.
He knew what she meant when she looked him in the eyes.
I can't love you.
And it was so obvious what it meant when she walked out the door.
Goodbye.
And he knew what he wanted to scream, to plead.
I'll protect you. Come back to me. I love you.
Lying beneath the clouds, next to the tree where he and she would seek protection from the rain when they didn't feel like dancing, he watched a couple walk by. He watched he boy give up his jacket for the girl. He watched as he automatically began to shiver next to her. He looked away. He used to think those two people were really stupid. But she changed his mind.
He closed his eyes again, and when he dreamt, he remembered the way they danced in the rain in the middle of autumn and forgot the chill together. The memories warmed his heart. His love for her was still there. It could still melt away a blizzard. He knew it could have protected her.
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter when he heard the shivering boy laugh past a gust of wind. "No, it's fine, I'm not cold."
Shikamaru rolled over on his side. His hands tightened into fists.
"Just take off your jacket, Shikamaru." Her giggles. Her grins. Her understanding. "The best part of dancing in the rain is getting soaked!"
…It had to be worth it. A girl like that was priceless.
