A stare that lingered. She wonders if he noticed it at all. For almost three months, he kept her up at night, haunted her every single thought and made her feel much more alive than she was before. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so interested in someone; someone so quiet and so reserved. He barely talked to anyone since he was new. Anti-social? She wasn’t sure.
“Hey Bill. Are you free tomorrow?”
Ritienne listened intently as one of her classmates conversed with him, Bill Kaulitz. It was rare to hear his voice. That deep sultry voice that simply sent chills up and down her spine.
I need to do something, she suddenly thought to herself.
After the being walked away, Ritienne mustered up all her courage and turned.
Bill cocked his eyebrow before tucking the locks of his jet-black hair behind his ear. She counted to three and took a deep breath.
“I--,” Ritienne stopped herself before flashing a small, embarrassed smile, “Nevermind.”
She smacked herself mentally in her mind, wondering what was she going to say if she ever did say anything. Sighing, Ritienne shook her head and turned, snorting, “This is so not like you, Rit.”
“Hey, can I borrow an eraser?”
Her eyes grew wide.
“Rit, can I borrow your eraser?”
“Here.” She replied, not turning, as she passed him her eraser.
“Thanks.” Was the last thing that Bill had said before the school day ended.
Ritienne threw herself on her bed, clutching her pillow close to her body, enjoying the comfort and warmth that the pillow radiated. She stared at the ceiling and pondered if she was suffering from a disease. Never had Ritienne felt the need to actually try to know a boy and maybe be his friend, or maybe something more.
She screamed into her pillow upon that thought and all that came out was a muffled sound.
What was she thinking? Bill was the most gorgeous guy she has ever met and she was having the thought of trying to woo him? She must be having fever.
“Rit! It’s time for dinner!” Sarah, her younger sister, shrieked from the other side of the room door.
Groaning, Ritienne threw her bestfriend aside and rolled her eyes before slamming the door open.
Though, it won’t hurt to try, right?
***
“Hey, thank you so much for the eraser. Sorry for not returning it to you yesterday.” Bill smiled sheepishly, scratching the back his head.
“No problem.” Ritienne smiled, stashing the eraser in the right pocket of her denim jeans.
“How did you find the Math test just now?”
Ritienne rolled her eyes in disgust, “ I hated it. I feel like he had cheated us. He told us only to revise on chapter ten and out of nowhere, eight out of ten questions were based on chapter twelve.”
Bill couldn’t help but to laugh out loud from her comment as the two of them strolled through the school hallway.
“How about you?” It was her turn to ask then.
He sighed and shook his head, “I hope that I will get at least ten marks.”
Ritienne raised her right eyebrow, “Out of a hundred?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
She smiled. That was the first, definitely.
They stayed silent after that but what intrigued Ritienne the most was that he was walking the same direction as her. Out of the school hallway. To the school front door and finally, outside.
Snow slowly drifted down from the sky as most had already coated itself everywhere, making it look like everything had cake icing on it.
She didn’t ask where he was going. She simply was enjoying her time with him and that was what she needed. She just needed to be around him. That was all. It somehow did not matter if she will be his girlfriend so just his friend. Just as long as Ritienne was able to be around Bill, she was elated.
“You live down the road, right?” Bill questioned, causing Ritienne to snap back into reality, ignoring the slight hint of pink that had form on the corners of her cheeks.
She couldn’t help but to stutter, not sure if it was from the cold blowing wind or was it from Bill’s voice, “Uh-h, y-yeah.”
“I’ll send you back, okay.”
Ritienne melted. His smile was a killer.
Two months passed like a breeze and their friendship had improved. Ritienne no longer felt like a classmate. Instead, she felt like a friend and she was simply ecstatic everytime Bill started a conversation with her. Bill, on the other hand, enjoyed her presence and couldn’t help but laugh at her every joke, even though it was lame at some point. She just makes his day. Though, his feelings towards her were still cloudy and unknown.
Ritienne stared at her pencil case, the Nena Concert tickets still in her back pocket. She was going to give it to Bill and she hoped that he would not get the wrong idea and turn away.
What were you thinking? She asked herself, confused and feeling nervous.
Ritienne had overheard Bill telling his friends that he really wanted to go see Nena but didn’t have the money to do so. She suddenly felt… Sad when she heard that so being nice, she bought the ticket with a little hope that she will get to see the show with him. Told you Ritienne was going abit out of character.
“Oh my god…” Sighing as Ritienne pushed her hair back.
She then whispered, “Here goes nothing.”
Turning, her orbs met Bill’s and her heart skipped a beat.
“Hey Bill, I have extra tickets to the Nena concert.”
Bill’s eyes widen and his jaw almost fell to the ground, “You serious?”
Laughing, Ritienne took out the tickets and waved it at Bill’s face. Bill slowly approached the tickets and touched it lightly, as if it were sacred.
“It’s really the ticket, Bill. Please close your mouth before I decide to shove some eraser dust in it.” She snorted before placing both on his table.
Bill stared at it non-stop and after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke, “But how much does this cost?”
Ritienne shook her head and placed her right hand on his left,giving it a light squeeze, “Take it as an early birthday present from me, okay? I know you want to go to this badly.”
“But there’s two.” Bill answered, pointing to the two tickets.
Ritienne chuckled, “You can go with whoever you like.”
Silently, she prayed deep down inside that he would actually ask her. Ritienne really wanted to go to that concert with Bill.
“How about I ask Tom?”
Her heart sank.
“Gosh, okay, I really need to convince him to go. He doesn’t really like Nena, you know?”
Ritienne just sat there, trying her best to contain her anger. How dare he? Isn’t it basic courtesy to actually ask the person? Okay, maybe not exactly but the least he could do was to ask her.
“Oh.”
Bill didn’t notice the sorrow that was painted in Ritienne’s voice. Instead, he went on and on about how he was excited for the concert and how it was a dream of his to finally see Nena.
“Did you know that Nena is like the sexi-“
Ritienne got up her seat and immediately walked out of the room, letting her tears run free. She couldn’t take it anymore.
“Rit?”
Bill was beyond confused. He wondered if he had insulted Ritienne in any way at all but he was sure that all he talked about was Nena. Could it be that Ritienne doesn’t like Nena?
“No way. It couldn’t be.” He shook his head before resting his chin on his knuckles.
What was wrong?
“Hey Bill.”
Bill tilted his head to the left and gave a small, forced smile to his other self; his twin, Tom. Tom was the exact replica of Bill, well, minus the hair, the lack of make up and the different style that they had.
And I was thinking of asking him along? He rolled his eyes upon that thought.
With a pat on Bill’s shoulder, Tom whispered, “Is everything alright? I saw Ritienne rushing out. Did you reject her?”
Now that caused Bill to shoot from his slouchy position, “Say what?”
“You mean you didn’t know?” Tom cocked his eyebrows, mimicking his younger twin.
“Huh?”
Tom shudder and pinched Bill’s cheeks, making Bill more confused than he was before. What did Tom mean when he said that Bill rejected her?
Tom got a hold of the two tickets that lay silently on the table, “Did you ever wonder why she got you these?”
“She said it was an early birthday gift.” Bill responded.
“And you never wondered why? Bill, don’t you notice anything that she has been doing for you? All those nice things that she does, it’s for you to notice her.” Tom was getting impatient with Bill, who was pretty much oblivious.
Bill stopped to reflect. It was either he was really ignorant or he was just too tired to use his brains.
Then, in a split second, his eyes grew wide and Tom swore if it could bulge out anymore, he would be running to call the ambulance and maybe take a picture of Bill’s face for future uses.
“You don’t suppose…”
Tom slapped the sides of Bill’s head, “You think?”
*knock* *knock* *knock*
“Yes, Mum. I’ll make sure to heat up dinner for them.” Ritienne groaned, making her way to her front door.
As she was about to turn the doorknob, she stated, “Yes, Mum. I must go now. Yes. Bye.”
Finally, she opened the door, “What are you doing here?”
Bill just stood there, his legs frozen and refusing to move. He wasn’t sure of how he was going to settle the problem that was ahead of them.
“Uh, hi.” Bill greeted sheepishly before twitching his mouth, like he usually does when he feels a little awkward.
“You want to come inside?”
He just nodded as and answer and stepped inside, immediately welcomed by the warmth of the house.
“So what’s up?” Ritienne questioned, closing the door behind them before coming face to face with a serious looking Bill Kaulitz. She avoided his eyes. She knew it was burning a hole in her face.
Bill took a deep breath and sighed, “I just want to say thank you for the tickets. It’s really sweet of you even though my birthday is like five months away.”
She snorted and walked past him, straight to the kitchen, “Ok, no problem. Do you want a can of Sprite? We ran out of Coke this morning.”
“Ritienne…”
He followed behind her and watched as she, somewhat, ignored him before handing him a can of Sprite.
“Do you want anything to eat?” Still refusing to look at him.
“Rit.”
“We don’t have much. Is pizza from this afternoon okay? I’ll heat it up.”
“Rit.”
Ignorance was definitely Bill’s new bestfriend.
“Ritienne.” Bill grabbed Ritienne’s wrist and spun her around, “God dammit! Will you just listen to what I have to say.”
There was a slight frustration in his voice and that made Ritienne shiver from her spine all the way down.
“Can we sit and talk?” Bill asked, lowering down his tone before leading her to the couch in the living room.
“Listen, you know, about the tickets. I really want to thank you and I’m really sorry. I should have asked you instead and how do I actually put this?”
Ritienne wasn’t listening. She was still stunned at the fact that Bill hasn’t let go of her right, which was tightly intertwined with his left. It was warm and Ritienne swore that her rib cage was about to explode from all the thumping that her heart is making.
“I just…. Be my girlfriend?”
What the fuck?
“What?”
At once, Ritienne pulled her hand away. Did her ears just deceive her?
Bill hung his head and sighed before meeting her eyes ones more.
“Be my girlfriend, Rit.”
Was it a dream? It couldn’t be. It was all a dream. Ritienne was sure of that. No way would Bill say such a thing. It couldn’t be.
Bill repeated himself once more, “Ritienne, please hear me. Will you be my girlfriend and then go to the Nena concert with me?”
Then, silence.
“Do you really like me, Bill?” Ritienne demanded.
She lifted her face and stared deep into those brown eyes that never failed to make her drown in a pool of happiness.
“Do you really like me?”
Bill stayed quiet, confusion written all over his pale face.
“Do you really like me or are you just doing this because you’re trying to be nice to me?”
“I was j-“
“Just answer my fucking question, Bill.”
He didn’t know what to say. He, himself, was confused about his own feelings. Did he really like Ritienne?
Tears that were held back for the past few hours finally managed to escape from her eyes. She held back her sobs and gently graced Bill’s left cheeks, admiring how soft and flawless it was.
“I like you a lot, Bill. I really do but this is not what I want.”
Taking a deep breath, she continued, “I want you to like me for me. Not because you feel sympathy or you feel bad that I was constantly giving you things or helping you out. I don’t want that.”
Without a word, she pulled back her hand and stood up, walking towards the front door, opening it before gesturing to Bill.
Bill sighed and hung his head low, slowly dragging his feet to the door.
Before he stepped outside, he turned, “Ritienne.”
“Please, Bill. Think about it. If you finally decide where your heart is, give me a call. I would still like to be friends.”
“I’m sorry.”
He wished he could do something about her tears or her heart. He could see it tearing itself apart right in front of his eyes.
I’m so sorry Rit.
