[Bill Kaulitz] After The Sun Goes Down [Three Shot Part Two For Syafiqah]

“Where am I?” He wheezed to himself.

He placed his hand on his chest to feel his rapidly beating heart; he was naked upstairs. His eyes widened. He hoped he didn’t do it again. Twice was enough the past month.

“Bitte Gott, nein!” He prayed to himself. Tears forming fresh in his eyes.

He sat up slowly to sitting position and pushed the covers off his body in frustration. He couldn’t remember anything from last night; he normally forgot what happened during his nights after the sun goes down. He hated the feeling of not knowing whether he killed someone or not.

“I could not p-possible be able to kill…” Bill breathed to himself.

When he heard the sound of someone approaching the room Bill’s eyes widened and he stood up ready to attack. He gulped; he wasn’t even able to stand up without feeling like his head was going to topple off his neck.

Bill watched with anticipation as the doorknob turned excruciatingly slow; when the door opened Bill let out a gasp as the body of a young woman walked in. When he came face to face with Syafiqah a sob cut through his throat and he collapsed onto the edge of the bed crying.

He was going to Hell; he just felt it in his heart. The other two times at least the women were older than himself, but this time, this time the woman looked illegal, underage. He clasped his hands roughly around his upper arms as if the pain from his nails would wake him up from his nightmare.

“Bill?” Syafiqah called his name softly, “What’s wrong?”

He heard the trace of worry laced in her voice and it made him cry harder; how could he possibly tell her what he had done to her. He didn’t care if she wanted it. He hated himself.

“Es t-tut mir leid,” Bill apologized sobbing, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

The girl gasped, “Why? I don’t understand.”

Bill fell back to the bed, covering his eyes with his crook of his left arm. He just wanted her to leave so that he could dress and get out of her life. His chest heaved in agony and Syafiqah stared at him in fear. She didn’t know what happening to the twenty-one year old on her bed.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Syafiqah questioned, “Are you in physical pain, are you dying?”

“Nein, nicht the hospital,” Bill answered, “Go make me coffee.”

Syafiqah felt a pang of pain; he was commanding her around when she was practically crying over worrying about his health. She shook her head and stamped over to him and got onto her bed leaning over him she shook his shoulder, “N-no, not until you talk to m-me.”

She pushed his arm off his face roughly to find him crying silently now; she bit her lip in awkwardness. He looked into her eyes and he knew that he couldn’t just possibly leave the girl’s house, apartment—whatever it was, without an explanation.

“I live,” Bill swallowed dryly, “I—where my clothes, please? I need alone time I—come out to talk you over coffee?”

Syafiqah nearly collapsed onto him with relief. He hadn’t lost his sanity. At least, not yet, she concluded. She nodded and slowly got off her bed she went over to her little brown table and grabbed Bill’s clothes that she washed, dried and folded overnight. She walked over to him and placed the clothes on the bed.

She cleared her throat, “I washed your clothes for you since they were filthy.” She nodded and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.

“Filthy,” Bill stated to himself, “I remember falling on garbage…”

He stuck out his tongue in disgust; who could possibly enjoy falling in garbage? He didn’t smell bad to himself. “Did she let me wash?”

Then the thought of them doing it in the shower made his chest hurt. He sat up slowly and got to his feet; he gasped at the cold touch on his feet and looked around the small room. When he noticed a mirror he padded towards it slowly; he still didn’t feel like himself.

He laughed bitterly, he hasn’t been himself for the past few months; the demon inside him was slowly growing and taking over him. He stared at his reflection in the mirror with wide eyes. The bruise on his chest was noticeable against his pale skin. The fall did him damage more than he thought.

“Scheisse,” He whispered in shock faintly touching the left side of his forehead; there was a purple-blue bruise growing there as well, “How that get there?”

He furrowed his brow and slowly began to pull at the two band aids on his eyebrow; he hissed as the sticky parts pulled at his skin and hairs. A gasp sounded in the room and all Bill could do was stare at himself in the mirror. He didn’t remember taking off his eyebrow ring at all.

With all the thinking that he did he felt his head start to pound and he shuddered. He counted slowly in his head, breathing in as he counted. He stared at the purple sweatpants on his lower half and let out a laugh; the bottoms reached five inches above his ankle.

He pulled them off himself and was glad to find that he was wearing his own undergarment. He went to the bed and pulled on his jeans and buckled the button. He looped through his belt and pulled his t-shirt over his head; groaning as the movement hurt his chest slightly.

He tossed his hoodie over his shoulder and sucked in a deep breath; he didn’t know what he was going to say to the girl who he used. Hell, he couldn’t even recall her name. He left the room and made his way following his nose to the smell of coffee.

He watched quietly as Syafiqah had her back to him in the tiny kitchen; he was in her apartment, that he was sure of finally. Did the girl live alone? Were her parents out? He cleared his throat to show his presence and Syafiqah whirled around within seconds a smile forming on her face.

“You look much better out of my short sweatpants,” Syafiqah commented lightly.

Bill smiled a small smile and said, “Mine black, thanks.”

She nodded and handed him a blue mug, he took it and turned to the table right outside of the kitchen. He sat gingerly on a chair and waited for her to join him. How on earth was he going to handle this situation? What he did was criminal.

When she sat down beside him Bill quietly said, “Guten Morgen.”

“It’s a little past two in the afternoon Bill,” Syafiqah commented with a grin.

Bill gasped, “Scheisse, I did not think it was late like that.”

“Relax, you needed to sleep,” Syafiqah chided, “You had a long night, you went to sleep around four in the morning.”

Bill grimaced and decided not to beat around the bush, “I’m sorry for using you to dissipate my stress.”

“Dissipate, that’s one big word for you,” Syafiqah stated impressed.

“Are you going to involve police?” Bill added, ignoring her comment.

Syafiqah’s eyes widened, “The Police! What on earth for?”

Bill turned to look at her sharply, “You are not legal to have sex you can’t say otherwise.”

Syafiqah recoiled into her chair feeling her face flame up in embarrassment, then it dawned on her; he thought that he had sex with her last night. She felt bad for him, but she burst out laughing at the stupidity of it all. As if she would let some drunken Rockstar take advantage of her.

Bill stared at her in shock; was there something loose in her head? Why was she laughing at his agony? He waited silently until her laughter subsided, then he glared at her and she coughed.

“Bill, you didn’t use my body for anything,” Syafiqah assured him, “You only used my sweatpants and bed last night. You took a shower as well, but you did not have sex with me.”

Bill stared at her in scrutiny and when he finally realized that she was telling the truth he let out a loud sigh that shook his chest, “Oh danke Gott!”

Syafiqah couldn’t help, but to feel let down with Bill’s loud reaction; was she really that hideous? Come on now, have some tact. “Geez, you know how to make a girl feel special.”

Bill watched her and gasped, “Nein, please, I didn’t mean for you. I just not wanted to have sex with a sixteen year old girl.”

Syafiqah shrugged, “I’ve been seventeen for five months now.”

“Oh, still are underage,” Bill commented with a small smile.

The smile vanished when he remembered the ugly looking and painful bruise on his forehead. Should he leave it be and wait for it to heal? He shook his head slowly; no, that would only end up eating him from the inside and make him consuming more alcohol. He picked up his mug and took a large gulp off the hot coffee. He choked on it and ended up spitting it out.

Syafiqah didn’t even move when it happened, she only watched him quietly; it was very strange for her to see Bill like this. He seemed broken. He was stressed out for sure; with his red eyes, and the dark bags underneath his eyes.

“Would you like to talk?” Syafiqah offered, “It’s better than keeping everything bottled in.”

She spoke slowly, not because he was German, and not because she knew he had a headache, but she knew that if she spoke fast he would take it like she was attacking him and he would be lost forever. She frowned at that.

“Nothing to talk about,” Bill shrugged, “You could say me how I happened yesterday.”

“Oh wait,” Syafiqah announced, “Are you saying that you forgot what happened this morning?”

Bill nodded.

“No wonder you were freaked out earlier,” She sighed, “You came into my workplace around two fifteen in the morning and you were completely drunk. You swayed.”

Bill’s face was blank from emotion, but he was staring at Syafiqah intently taking in everything she had to say. He was partly afraid to hear about what he did, but he had to know at any cost.

“You made a mess with the sugar,” Syafiqah continued, “I had to clean it up, but you didn’t let me and you hurt my wrist—”

“I did what?” Bill whispered.

His eyes widened when he saw her wrist; she had faint purple bruises which looked like someone grabbed her hard and he paled when he saw his nail marks. He opened and closed his mouth soundlessly a few times. He looked up at her and struggled to speak, “I—scheisse—I’m sorry—uh, you should have punched me.”

Syafiqah laughed lightly, “Oh Bill, I ended up slapping you because you told me to listen to you because you are Bill Kaulitz.”

Bill made a sound of disgust and shook his head; how fucking ridiculous could he be? Bill Kaulitz is nothing but this happy go lucky Rockstar who loves his fans. Don’t get him wrong. He loves his fans, but everything just got to be too much.

“I thought I killed you with that slap,” She meekly added.

Bill gasped, “How?”

“You fell off your chair and hit the corner of the other chair with your forehead; your eyebrow ring got ripped out…” Syafiqah gulped, “You didn’t move. I was so bloody scared; I’m so sorry.”

Bill shook his head, “Don’t be. My fault.”

Syafiqah nodded and stirred her light brown coffee with her spoon; she didn’t know what else to say to him since he was practically mute in thought. She didn’t want to disturb him so she instead stared at the huge bump on his forehead.

The walk back to her apartment was long and eventful as she predicted; she never had to deal with a drunk before and Bill kept falling over his own feet. He even ended up puking on himself. That wasn’t the bad part, the bad part was that he bumped into a bike rack and fell over into the snow laughing like a loony. She shuddered vowing to never tell another soul what happened between her and Bill.

“—suffocating.”

Syafiqah refocused on him and stated, “Pardon me?”

“I am thinking. I thought I was made for all this, but maybe I’m not…”

Syafiqah frowned. She knew Bill was right for the music industry; he just needed a break to find himself, he had started out when he was really young.

“Bill, don’t ever second-guess yourself,” Syafiqah chided, “You are right for this, you just need time for yourself. You can’t even go out alone I’m guessing…”

Bill nodded, “That’s bugs me. I need to be myself to be getting normal stuff done. I can’t go shop for toilet paper without being hounded by people.”

“I’m sorry, that must be embarrassing,” Syafiqah apologized, “At least you’re not a girl, right.”

Bill laughed humourlessly, “I get told to be a certain way all the time, why should I have to anyway?”

Syafiqah shrugged, “I don’t know, but I say to Hell with them. They should let you be yourself.”

“Thank you,” Bill quietly coughed.

“You’re getting sick,” She commented, “Of course; with how poorly you were dressed.”

Bill shrugged. If he got sick maybe he’d get sick enough to have a break. No, maybe then he’d be forced to do just interviews to get people feeling sorry for him. He glared at the coffee in his mug. Such bullshit all the time.

“Bill, during the night you were mumbling about after the sun?”

Bill sighed loudly, “I’m okay, normal when the sun is up; I just live with everything. Then the sun goes down and I feel like something takes over me and makes me drink like no tomorrow. I just want to forget everything.”

Syafiqah gasped. No, not Bill. Don’t let Bill turn into an alcoholic; he’d have no real life after that. She felt her eyes get watery and she pressed her fingers into her eyes. Within moments she felt her hands get pulled away gently.

“Why do you cry?”

With those four confused words from Bill she let the tears fall from her eyes and onto Bill’s hand. She looked at him, “I cry because I’m afraid for you Bill.”

“I scare you?” Bill questioned.

She shook her head, “No, I care about you. Drinking is not the answer.”

Bill frowned letting go of her hands, “You have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s the only thing that helps me forget. The only thing that relaxes me.”

“It’s going to k-kill you,” Syafiqah sobbed.

Bill stood up so suddenly that he knocked over the mug of coffee onto the floor; the mug shattered into pieces and Bill felt ill. What was wrong with him?

“You don’t truly care,” Bill mumbled to himself.

“Yes I do,” Syafiqah nearly shouted, “And so does your brother.”

“My brother…Tom.”

Bill’s eyes widened and felt for his phone in his pockets. He didn’t have his phone on him; he turned to Syafiqah and stated, “Where’s my phone?”

She sighed and took his phone out of her pocket. He gave her a look and checked his phone to find that he had more than fifty missed calls from Tom and a bunch of other missed calls from Gustav and Georg. He smiled tears filling his eyes. They cared. That’s all he wanted.

Except, that wasn’t going to be enough. Bill couldn’t talk to Tom about what happened. He didn’t want him to hate him for being such a messed up freak. He was afraid.

“Bill?”

Bill looked away from his phone to the girl who looked stressed; was she stressed because of him? He immediately felt bad. He sat down on the chair and cleared his throat, “I’m sorry. I’ll clean the coffee up later.”

“It is fine, but you have to understand that drinking is not going to help you,” Syafiqah forced out, “You will end up in a hospital with dying liver.”

Bill frowned; he tried imagining himself hooked up to a machine in a bed with Tom sitting beside him and he sighed. He couldn’t put Tom through all that. Bill didn’t want to be in a hospital either.

“I feel so alone…”

“You’re not. You have Tom, Georg and Gustav; don’t forget your mom.” Syafiqah pointed out, “You have me. I’m here now. You can call me morning or night. Rain or shine. Snow or no snow. Through the phone or by email.”

“Thank you,” Bill finally stated with a real smile, “I don’t even know your name.”

“You forgot that too huh,” Sya giggled, “I’m Syafiqah. Sya for short if you want.”

“Thank you Syafiqah,” Bill smiled saying her name slowly.

She grinned at him and got up from the table with her mug when she entered the kitchen she stated, “There’s a broom and dustpan in the closet waiting for you Bill.”

Bill laughed and walked towards the closet to start with fixing his life. He swept the mug pieces into the dust pan and dumped it into the bag Sya was holding.

“Bill just so you know I’ll be waiting for your call or email.”

“How?”

“I inputted my contact info into your contact list this morning when I was thinking things over with myself,” Syafiqah replied.

“Oh, smart idea,” Bill nodded. He didn’t care that she went through his personal stuff without his permission. After all she did save his life last night.

Bill flinched when he felt Sya hug him from behind; he turned in her arms and gave her his famous eyebrow arched look. She grinned, “I felt like giving you a hug.”

“A proper hug is both getting hugged,” Bill pointed out wrapping his arms around the shorter girl.

“Indeed it is,” Syafiqah nodded.

* * *

A few hours later Bill found himself staring at his hotel room door. He was frozen. Even with his new found friend’s encouragement Bill still found himself unsure of how to approach Tom. Was Tom going to knock him one?

Bill leaned his forehead lightly against the door breathing loudly. If only it was so simple to just snap his fingers and make everything okay, but life wasn‘t like that. He balled up his fingers and knocked twice on the door.

A few seconds later the door opened and Bill fell forward into the familiar arms of his brother. Bill felt his heart soar when he found out that he was right. His brother was there to catch him. His brother truly cared.

He still felt it though.