It was another beautiful day in the city of Domino. The sun was shining with all it's radioactive waves, laughing manically as his evil plan to give all the happy people sunburn was drawing nearer and nearer.
"Soon," the sun chuckled, "Soon..."
Why is the sun evil? (Don't ask questions or I'll smite thee all with mine smiting rod of smite!)
(Muffin: Flys in wearing a nun's costume and a cape* Here I come to say the day!)
Yugi looked into the eyes of his dark side with horror. Now that Yami knew his secret, Yugi would be taken away from his shiny haven and live a life full of misery, woe, and Tea's friendship speeches. There was no way he could go back to that kind of life now that he had found his dream.
Yami's eyes softened as he saw the fright in his light's eyes. "Aibou, is this what you want?"
"I-I'm not sure" Yugi responded, oblivious of attention that he and Yami were getting from the audience of perverts and Seto Kaiba.
"Then do what you think is right. Listen to the heart of the cards and do as they say."
Yugi closed his eyes and gathered together all his thoughts as he sat there on the stage, still sporting nothing but the pink, fuzzy hat. He sat there for several minutes, not moving an inch. Suddenly, he looked up at his audience, eyes completely blank. He then turned his zombie-like stare back to the bar-tending clown.
"HIT IT, BOB!"
Bob smiled as he turned on the hamster dance song and watched as Yugi strutted his stuff. "Dat's ma boy!" he stated proudly as he did his own little victory dance.
Malik was mooning several pigeons when he heard a familiar sound. Not just a sound, but a song.
He strained his ears as he could've sworn he heard the very familiar sounds of a hamster screaming in pain.
Malik followed his ears to the sound of all the squeaks and squeals of rodents until he found himself at the strip joint. They were playing the Hamster Dance song: his song.
Malik gasped as he looked through the window and saw a very naked Yugi, doing a very exotic dance for a very happy Ted the hobo.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Only I am permitted to dance to the great song of the sexy hamsters and then dance for an audience of perverts and Seto Kaiba! I shall have my revenge on Yugi Motou or I don't have cheese in my pants!" As Malik said this, he pulled out a piece of cheddar cheese out of his pants and took a bite of it. Sister Ishtar would have his revenge, it was only a matter of time.
Yo tengo el queso en mis pantelones! (Spanish for I have cheese in my pants)
Yugi continued to perform his dance moves which were strangely erotic, considering that a majority of them were disco moves or dance moves from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" music video. Everyone watched with a hypnotic stare as Yugi's hair bounced up and down every time he shook his groove thang.
The music soon stopped and so did Yugi. Everything was silent for a few moments as everyone basked in the afterglow of Yugi's performance. Then they all clapped, cheered, cat-called, and hooted for the sweat-drenched Yugi and all his sweaty glory of sweat... and pie. Because we all cheer for pie since it is a worthy object of desire.
It seemed all the excitement was too much for poor Yugi, because he collapsed to the ground, unconcious, and was soon man-handled by Jim the Janitor.
Chester just stared with wide eyes at the unconcious form of Yugi. He couldn't believe how well the young lad had done. He had gained the love and affection of all of the marvelous Malik's fans after only one song. "How did he do it?" Chester asked, to himself more than anyone else.
"Da kid's got heart" Bob answered with a serious look on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. "Also, it's da hat. Neva' dance wit'out da hat."
(Muffin: I'd write more, but I'm currently being harrassed by these evil spawns of satan- I mean, these children.)
What's so special about the hat? (Never question the wise words of Bob the bartender, never.)
(Eleners: Aw, poor you T_T I hate children, icky sticky children. To quote a friend, "Just leave the children behind, we can always make more!")
Yami snatched away his sleeping Aibou from the clutches of Jim in a possessive manner and rocked him gently back and forth, muttering words of praise for his performance.
Seto pondered the passing events, wondering if he should tryst in this heart of the cards crap if it meant people would strip for him. But this isnt about Seto, so nyah to Seto.
Jim walked away feeling very unloved and decided to drown his sorrows in a big bowl of Lucky Charms.
But poor Jim the Janitor never got to bask in his breakfast cereal, for at the moment a very pissed very marvellous Sister Ishtar made a wild and mad entrance, throwing the doors off their hinges, his eyes burning with the flames of malice.
"How /DARE/ you use the song of THE Marvellous Malik on that midget?!" he asked wildly, pointing an accusing finger at Chester.
Chester sighed, "Malik, you were always my favourite stripper and you will forever have a special place in my heart," he paused dramatically, "But...I have to let you go. Its time to move on, now fly my dove, fly like the wind~!"
Malik stared at him blankly for a few moments. A cricket chirped in the background, Jim scooped it into his cereal and ate it.
Chester sighed agin, "You really are blond. Your being replaced Malik, r-e-p-l-a-c-e-d."
Tears were beginning to well up in the young Egyptian nuns eyes, "B-b-but, you c-c-cant run this place w-w-without me, Im the M-m-marvellous M-malik." he choked out between sobs.
"Actually, we can." informed Chester. "Yugi's hot stuff hon, your used goods."
That was the last straw, Malik burst into tears and tipped over the small dish of free complimentary peanuts to the floor. Bob screamed and dived for them, "NooooOOOoooOOOO! I must save these tantalizing treats of 'ta salty goodness!!!" But it was too late, the peanuts spilled to the floor and Bob gaped at them, wide eyed, before shuffling off to mope in a lonely lonely corner.
"Pharaoh, this is IT! Mark my words, just as the sands of Egypt are plentiful and sandy I WILL have my revenge on you and your hot little hikari!!" he yelled before flicking back his hair and strutting out, not before snatching away Jims bowl of Lucky Charms and cackling like a madman and taking to the skies with his marshmallowy treat.
Jim poked his head out of the window, shaking his fist angrily in the direction of the heavens, yelling after Malik as he flew off into the sunset "HE BE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS! Noooooooo! The were magically delicious and in the hands of evil will bring about a power so formidably, it will unleash a plight of darkness unlike the likes of which you have NEVER SEEN."
Yami shrugged, what was one more psychotic megalomaniac who was bend on killing him and taking over the world? Today was a good day and he was not about to let Sister Ishtar ruin it for him.
After Yugi woke up and changed into publically decent attire and bid his goodbyes to Chester, Bob and Jim, Yami and Hikari walked away into the horizon, frolicking along to the merry little tune of the hamster dance.
*sniffsniff* What a beautiful ending...
A young boy was skipping down the street, humming the song "I'm Too Sexy" as he went along his merry way.
This young boy was not just any boy, but none other than Yugi Motou, the King of Games! Anyone would be able to recognize him, what with his tri-colored hair, amethyst eyes, and short stature. If you could not recognize him then you are an idiot and deserve to have your spleen eaten by rabid hamsters.
Though the boy put up a cheerful front, he was far from it. For some reason, he felt as if something was missing in his life. He was like a puzzle with a missing piece. The worst part of this feeling was not knowing what was missing.
Yugi sighed in grief as he slowed his pace to a slow walk. He soon found himself in the shadier parts of Domino city. The parts where the hobos ran free through the streets and the rats were abundant, which was good because rats could be quite nutritious. The buildings were run down and covered in graffiti while the people on the streets weren't looking any better.
The more Yugi walked, the more his despair grew inside his heart. "What's missing in my life?!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he chose to ignore the stares he received from several of the people on the street. He looked up towards the heavens, searching for any answer the gods might have given. Then he saw it, flashing in bright, neon lights: "XXX Gentlemen's Club."
(Muffin: Can't write anymore. Too tired. Need more sugar.)
o_o Naughty, naughty Yugi! Just walk right on by /that/ place....
(Eleners: *hops around* I'll take over now ^_^)
The sun laughed its woe begotten laugh, "Yes Yugi, enter, for it is your destiny!" Of course, how Yugi could possibly hear the sun was beyond the question, but this is fanfiction after all, so anything is possible.
Yugi looked up sceptically into the bright neon lights, pondering for a moment, and then pushing aside the grimy double doors into a new domain with a gleeful smile on his face.
Chester was having a terrible day. A terribly catastrophically speculatively distressed day. First his best stripper decides to enter into a convent of nuns on a spiritual path to enlightenment and eternal bliss, then he found Ted the hobo drinking from the toilet for the up tenth time, his bartender Bob had a mental breakdown and came in to work dressed up as a clown in a flowing leather matrix jacket, Jim the janitor decided to go on another strike and was feeling up the other strippers (although his usefulness to his establishment was nonexistent, as he never liked to get his hands dirty in the first place, and was under the impression a mop and bucket were possessed by the evil spirits of the vengeful un-dead.) and now Ted dribbled something that did not look like beer onto his Itallian leather loafers. "Great," he mumbled aloud to his strip joint of freaks, "Just great."
Yugi's eyes widen in awe, he let out a gasp while scanning around the room, from the shiny tabletop of the bar to the shiny poles and shiny lights on the stage, Yugi was in heaven. Or at least his shiny-objects laden version of it. He pranced around the sticky tiled floors with much innocent delight, and then decided to plop down on a frayed and creaky barstool and help himself to a small jar of free complimentary peanuts.
o_o your OC's are weird....I mean, come on; "Jim the Janitor", "Bob the Bartender" and "Ted the Hobo"?
Absentmindedly shovelling several hand fulls of them into his mouth hungrily out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of something, something which was spawned of utter malice, sadisticness, evilness and woe. The hairs on Yugi's neck stood up on end, he broke out into a cold sweat as the rainbow coloured cheap plastic dollar store wig bounded up and down clearer into view as the thing came closer. Finally its distorted face thickly laden with chalky white and red makeup wrinkled up in a disgusting ear to ear grin, the hateful thing laughed a low pitched laugh which bounded up from the deep cavity of its chest beneath the flowing leather jacket, "Hohoho! Now look it 'dat, what we gots here? Ain't you supposed ta be in school 'll guy?" it asked, pulling the suspenders up to tighten the hold on its gigantically abnormal polka dotted pants, which did nothing to compliment the candy stripe shirt.
Yugi was in no mood for the height and age related mishaps, instead he shot a menacing gaze up at the threateningly milk curdling bar tending matrix clown mans beady little eyes and spat forth with all the venom he could muster a "Aren't you supposed to be where the other clowns are? You know, like a maximum penitentiary prison, an insane asylum, or hell?"
The clown man laughed once more, "You're a funny 'll bugger, you are. The names Bob, Bob the Bartender." he held out a greasy hand, Yugi refused to shake it, Bob got the picture and sadly withdrew. "But really nows, how old are ya, kiddo?"
Yugi thought of a lie, and thought one up quick. After all if they found out his real age the clown man would kick him out of his shiny paradise. "Im Yugi and Im 18 years old. Yup, perfectly legal 18, thats my age." Bob gave him a questioning look, "Eight years in clowning university, uh, I mean bartending school 'n I'll tells you what, nobody runs one by me, no sir." (Annnndddd....TBC)
Why does Yugi hate clowns so much? (Me: Who doesn't hate clowns? Honestly people, any grown man who puts on that much makeup and stupid clothes and runs around playing with children is NOT normal in the least bit.)
(Muffin: Now, now, Eleners, you rest that pretty little head of yours while I take over. >:D)
Yugi felt uneasy as Bob the bartender looked at him suspiciously. Yugi knew he was evil. All clowns are evil, especially clowns in matrix jackets. One day he would set them all on fire and the world would be a better place. A place full full of flowers and kittens. "Yes, nothing but flowers and kittens," Yugi said aloud as he formed an evil smirk.
Before Bob could respond, Chester spoke out in a strong, soprano voice, "Isn't there someone, anyone, that can replace our old stripper?"
Suddenly, Malik Ishtar burst through the wall with all his smexy bishiness. "No one can replace me, for I'm am the prettiest girl at the prom! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Malik, please come back!" Chester begged. "We NEED you!"
Malik glared at Chester with all his might... and cheese. "You will refer to me as 'Sister Ishtar' from now on. Now I must be off to do... NUN STUFF!" And with that, Malik flew away.
How can Malik fly? (Simple; he is a nun. All nuns are capable of flying as long as they don't have too much junk in the trunk.)
"Great, just great. Now who's going to dance around the shiny poles and take all the sexual abuse from our customers? There's no one better than Malik, NO ONE!" Chester screamed out in greif. Soon all his customers would be piling in to see some great stripping by the marvelous Malik. Sure, he had other strippers that worked there, but none of them could even compare to Malik. He was the best stripper for a reason, a reason unknown to all mankind for it is so mighty and so unknown that even I don't know it. Or maybe it's just because Malik had a nice, firm behind. You decide.
Yugi knew what he had to do. It was in his destiny and the heart of the cards would guide him. "Sir, I can strip for you" he said with a determined look in his eye.
Chester looked at Yugi skeptically. "Do you have any stripping experience, kid?" Chester questioned as he looked Yugi up and down.
"No, but I have big hair" Yugi answered with great confidence.
"Yes, yes you do" Chester said as if he was in a trance, never looking away from Yugi's giant hair of spikes and other things that are irresistible to poke. "Alright, kid, you got the job."
(Muffin: Can't think straight anymore. The voices in my head are screaming again.)
Wait... So Yugi was hired to be the new star stripper because he has big hair? (Yes. You would do the same if you were in Chester's shoes, though I don't suggest wearing Chester's shoes. He's got a bad case of athlete's foot.)
(Eleners: The voices in my head are singing :3 "Whip it, whip it good!" *ahem* No, Im not sane, thanks for asking. ^____^)
Meanwhile the Sun was occupying itself by playing a game of rock paper scissors with Sister Ishtar in the azure sky complimented by fluffy clouds that Malik discovered tasted like a strange mixture of Ryou and pop rocks. Malik sighed happily as he finished the game and flew freely threw the sky, his once cruel heart bent on world domination and the witnessed death of the hated Pharaoh for his tragic past was now filled with a happiness, joy and bliss one simply does not get from stripping in front of a large audience of perverts and Seto Kaiba.
Not that there is anything unhappy unjoyful and unblissful about stripping for a large audience of perverts and Seto Kaiba, but his newfound nunly powers of flight were just sightly better.
Plus he could fly around and moon poor, unsuspecting pedestrians without getting arrested for indecent exposure.
Yes, the life of a nun is a right good and chaste one, unless you happen to be Malik Ishtar.
Chester couldnt think straight, with the prospect of replacing their star stripper weighing heavily down on his consciousness somehow the Mystical Magical Marvellousness of Yugi's Mind Mesmerising Hair (patent pending) provided within itself all the answers. He was letting Yugi strip in Malik's place. Sure Yugi was frail, pale, short, disfigured, disgruntled and trapped in the body of an 8 year old. Sure there was no way Yugi could possibly match let along come close to Malik's alluring, nimble, lithe, supplely tanned, toned body which rivalled that of a God.
Not to mention his gorgeous lavender eyes and soft, plush locks of silvery blond hair.
But the Mystical Magical Marvellousness of Yugi's Mind Mesmerising Hair had commended him to allow the boy to strip, and so shall he strip.
For the hair has spoken. And its law must be obeyed.
Uh......okay, gooood luck with that o_o
"Now now kiddo, no needs 'ta be shy." coaxed Bob the Bartending matrix clown, who was also a stripping coach. Yes, Bob here was a very multi-talented man who hardly gets all the credit he deserves.
Yugi whined from inside his dressing room, which was actually a broom closet with the name 'YUGI' hastily scribbled upon a sticky note. He was not coming out no matter what, this outfit was too much. Or too little, whichever. Lets just say it left nothing to the imagination, Yugi was red as a beet as he shuffled out of his broom closet dressed in next to nothing with a side of fishnet and insanely tall red stilettos.
Bob clapped, "Ya ain't 'dat bad kid. Now ya gots 'ta dance."
"Just one question...." Yugi mumbled, "Do I have really to wear the hat?"
Bob gasped "Ya GOTS 'ta wear the hat kiddo, it completes the outfit~" and handed Yugi a silly oversized fuzzy pink hat which Yugi made a mental note to disposing of when needed be.
Bob lead Yugi onstage and hit the play button on Ted's cd player, the hamster dance blared from its speakers. "Now shake ya groove-thang!" yelled Bob over the obnoxious squeaking music, which Yugi was fining very distracting.
"And HOW am I supposed to shake his sexy little booty of mine to the music of strangled hamsters?!" Yugi asked, sticking up its bottom lip in a cute little pout.
"Dere is NO music on earth dat ish more sexy den 'ta hamster dance." solemnly responded the wise Bob.
"M-m-malik used to love this s-s-s-songgg~!!" sniffed the weeping Chester, wiping his tears with a handkerchief and drowning his feelings for the missing Malik in a bucket of KFC
(Eleners: *waves hands around stupidly* Ohohoh! KFC is called PFK in french. *nods* Its true, I lie not.)
(This is the fun part~Fast forward to the late night first show, which is Yugi's opening act!)
The gigantic masses of Malik fans crowded into the strip club, eating the free complimentary peanuts and drinking and waiting patiently for the show and trying to hide their volleyballs from Ted.
Who in addition to being a hobo was a pilfering pit pocketing hobo whos skills rival that of Bakura's.
You have thus been warned.
A frantically worried Yami was rushing down the streets looking for his missing Aibou, who he had not seen hide nor hair off since this morning. Slowly the previous events of the other day and Yugi's sudden spontaneous urges creeped into the back of his mind and made him worry, a lot.
"I should have never left that Radamned blindfold at the game shop..." he muttered, scanning the mind link for anything that would clue him in to the whereabouts of Yugi.
Flash of lights, on stage, large eagerly awaiting crowd, the unmistakable eyes of Seto Kaiba hiding in the backseats.
"Oh Ra no...." Yami muttered, all of the colour draining from his face, "Please dont tell me Aibou is where I think he is...."
Oh just get to the /good/ part! We wanna see the dancin---!
Yami burst in angrily through the doors of the "XXX Gentlemen's Club." only to have his jaw hit the floor at the sight of Yugi, on stage, wearing nothing but a hat.
"Aibou....WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"
"Omg...Yami?! What are YOU doing here?!"
"YAMI! You never told me you liked these establishments!"
"SETO?!"
"Alright, WHO JUST TOUCHED MY ASS?"
Ted raised his hand sheepishly, "That would be me."
Yami backhanded the pilfering hobo.
Seto sighed, cursing himself that the richest man in Domino had the sudden urge to want to be that filthy stinky ungroomed homeless pervert.
(Eleners: Ahahhah...o_o its 4 in the morning. *falls asleep in the chair*)
Look at the pretty color! Yay! 
This is a picture of Bob, for those visual-thinkers. o_o
