The next morning I woke up just as the sun was rising. On a normal morning I would have just gone back to sleep but this morning i felt like maybe if i just get out of bed, and gofor a walk down to the beach then maybe i would feel a bit less misrable. I didn't bother changing, or fixing my hair, or doing my make up. I took the long way, past Camerons house. I looked up at his bedroom window, the lights were still off, and he was probably sound asleep. Still I couldn't help but stare. I missed him. I missed his adorable smile, and cute nerdy glasses. His golden hair that always looked slightly messy. His nerdy comments in all of our conversations. The way when he sang and listened to music, and his little dance moves. I longed to hear his laugh again, and feel his warmth. I sighed still looking longingly into his window then continued down to the beach. When i got there i could do nothing but sit and think. After four days I was over my endless crying stage and was slipping into an unspoken depression. For what seemed like forever I stared out into the water, hating myself for what I had done. Then I decided to go for a walk, down to the spot where Cameron and I first met. As I approached it my mind flashed back to the morning I woke up and saw him there. I tear dripped from my eye, maybe the crying wasn't over. I sat down in the sand, and burried my head in my hands. "what have i done?" I thought to myself over and over again. Then i saw a small purple sparkle in the sand next to me. I reached down and grabbed it. It was one of Camerons picks. I held it to my heart and began to sob. I couldn't help it. It wasn't just over the loss of a boyfriend, it was over the loss of a bestfriend. That month with him had been the best month of my life. I never once felt sadness when he was around. Now its all I felt. I finally found the strength to stand up again, and walked home. I stopped at Cameron's house again looked up into his window hoping that maybe somehow he would look out it and see me.
"I'm not up there." Came a voice from behind me, It was Cameron.
I turned around. "Cameron!" I started to run to him but he put his hand up motioning me to stop.
"No, I'm not just going to let you run into my arms like everything is okay. Because its not. Do you know what my last couple of days have been like? I have never felt this shitty and its all your fault!"
"I know it is and I'm such a idiot and I don't deserve your forgiveness but please Cam." I begged
"No your right! You are a idiot and you DON'T deserve my forgiveness. Infact I have every right to just walk away right now and not even talk to you. But i can't and do you want to know why?!"
"Why?" I said, i tear was dripping from my eye but i hoped that he didn't see it.
"Because I'm misrable! I can't be without you but I can't trust you enough to be with you!"
"I know okay i get that, but won't you just give me another try please. I promise the next movie I'm in a will tell you. No i won't even take the part if there's a kiss."
"Lani, I could never stand in the way of you and your career. But at the same time the fact that kissing another guy didn't bother you worries me. Maybe we should just take a break."
"So just be friends?"
"No, maybe we should just stop seeing eachother all together. It will be easier that way, on both of us." Then he walked away.
It was hard to make it home without collasping in tears. Before it was more like one giant fight. No one had ever said it was over, but not it was official. He didn't want me back. I ran up to my room and tears still clutching the guitar pick. I took a whole puncher and made a whole in it then strung a chain through it. As a hung it around my neck I felt as though this was the last thing of Camerons i would ever have. Like he had vanished from my life and I could never get him back.