Another week. Another day of torment. Another psychology lesson.
"And now the girl with the Death card," the lady cartomancer from the previous week glanced up from her notebook to find Mira after putting another tick to her list. "My dear, you obviously are a necrophile with megalomania. In such early youth such tendencies for everything connected with death can be very unhealthy. You should immediately attend a psychiatrist to handle this issue or it shall progress even further."
Mira was looking dumbfounded after such an announcement and didn't even hear Bakura snickering in the next seat.
"I knew you had issues, but never this grand."
"Now the boy with the Moon card," the woman's gaze latched onto Bakura like a hungry leech. "You have a very strong kleptomaniac issue, young man, and if this doesn't get solved with great haste, you might become a criminal and we don't want that, now do we? Also your great ignorance is of a trouble and you should attend some professional about it. And while you do, you shouldn't attend school so to not harm other classmates."
The darker of Britons was looking like a grenade five seconds before explosion. Well, not that there would be a major disagreement with his personality. He was a thief after all, but to attend some psychiatrist just because of that? Please!
However the lady cartomant just spoke on. "The boy with the Star card. Now here we see some serious problems. You, my dearest, are in a heavy state of melancholy, which might end up in suicidal depression. Also the additional symptoms of pretending to be of another culture... Your fascination for Egypt should be stopped, because you have already reverted to considering yourself a part of it. Such concentration on foreign cultures is very unhealthy because you will never ever go there."
Malik Ishtar stared at the lady as if she'd just grown herself a second head.
"The same for you, my dearest," she turned towards Marik. "The Chariot has nothing but absolutely nothing to do with royalty, but it does show that you have a bad case of God complex in combination with a heavy case of cosmopolite complex. You are not from Egypt, nor will you ever go there, therefore you should live more in the real world because you are not an Egyptian royalty."
The cartomancer smiled at him in a way that was too sweet to be true and turned back to her notebook. "So, next is the girl with the Hermit card. You..."
"The boy," Mira corrected in a loud stony voice. "Ryou is a boy."
"Oh?" the lady cartomant widened her eyes in disgustingly innocent but knowing manner. "Well, don't let her fool you. So, my dear," she turned back to Ryou, "you seem to be very lonesome and that's because you are hiding your real identity from the class. You should reveal yourself and make friends with your classmates. That should help you get rid of the inferior complex you're having, sweetie. Also you've got some quite frightening depression and that's not a good thing. You should change your outfit and choose something that fits a nice girl like yourself more than these baggy clothes."
Ryou's face at this point was so red-hot that gleaming coals would get jealous happened they to see it and even Bakura felt a strike of pity for his lighter counterpart. Neither the lady cartomant nor the teacher paid any heed to the snickers going around the class and the guest's ranting continued.
"Now onto the Devil card," her bug-black eyes scanned the class for Touzoku-oh and sparkled with quite the demonic fire upon finding him. "You, my friend, are a satanist. Now this is a very serious problem and you should really talk to an expert psychiatrist about this or else this problem will progress to the level of human sacrifices for something nonexistent. There are all the signs of you becoming a serial killer already and you should hurry to prevent that."
Oh, yes, the signs were really there. Touzoku-oh was indeed feeling quite murderous at the moment. Murderous enough to kill the lady cartomancer right this instant. And once again the propheteer woman didn't heed the signs of warning and continued with the speaking and smiled sweetly in the direction of her next victim.
"The young man with the Tower card. Now here's someone with a strong tendency for destruction. A form of necrophilia as well and this is very serious. It's obvious that you and the necrophile girl are dating. I suggest you leave her and look for someone more normal before she's influenced you to the point of no return. It's important for you to commit the first step before she drags you down completely. The violence you have bottled up in yourself is very unhealthy, agreed?"
At the word combination "necrophilic girl" Mira had turned around and saluted to him as a fellow necrophile and her "date" on which he'd answered with an annoyingly amused smirk.
"The Strength card."
Everyone's eyes turned to Seto Kaiba, who merely raised a brow.
"It's very obvious that you have an inferior complex and major communication problems. I'm sure your classmates won't laugh at your stuttering because that's obviously your problem. You just need to attend a speech therapist about this problem. Modern day medicine can do a lot of great things and I am most certain that your old-fashioned parents won't object. It's quite obvious to me how much you want to fit in this class and make friends with the rest. Don't be afraid to speak to them!"
"Oh, he fits all right," Marik muttered. "As one of the freaks with debility issues."
Malik sneezed loudly to hide the laugh while the lady cartomancer started dealing out the business cards of doctors and psychiatrists to help the people with problems. Amidst the partial dead silence, Mira's voice rose icy, clear and biting.
"Kaiba, what's the square of one hundred and twenty-three?"
The bespoken CEO turned around in his seat to glance at her coldly one second before the lady cartomancer did the same. The room was immediately filled with icy silence.
"Fifteen thousand one hundred and twenty-nine, but you could've calculated that yourself."
"Yeah, but you do it faster," the girl smirked and turned towards lady cartomancer, who now had a rather strange expression on her face, and her voice was heavy with sarcasm. "I guess you've just become a witness of a miracle. His stuttering has been healed."
Within an instant the classroom buzzed with chatter, drowning any and all tries to make out even more sarcastic comments and random jests. Out of twenty people present in the class only six hadn't had the chance to pick a card and now they felt somewhat happy about it. The rest took all of it either as one big joke, either ignored or (the most sensitive souls) got additional complex. The bell was barely heard amongst all the mayhem and the youth slowly filed out of the classroom and scattered among the corridors.
"Damn, I feel like skipping the next class," Mira was dragging herself along the corridor and up the stairs.
"You and skip? Are you sick or something?" Malik gave her a weird look. None of the terror team had taken the charlatan's words seriously, although both Ishtars had been insulted because of such extreme negligence of their Egyptian heritage.
"Guess you're right," she sighed and took the next staircase, while others turned down the corridor. She rarely skipped classes and never language lessons. "See ya'll later."
When the girl got to her Italian class, Amelda was already there, leaning against the wall and looking like the most ignorant person on the whole wide world.
"Hey, fellow necrophile."
The redhead just looked at her indifferently and the conversation was over before starting properly. As the second bell sounded, it became clear that Ryou wasn't going to show up even though he had Italian as well and skipping lessons was so not like him.
When Mira mentioned this to Bakura as they met up in front of Math room, he just looked at her for a really long time, then turned around and left in a steady determined pace. For the rest of the class, however, life just went on.
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May your day treat you fair!
