A Slave to Broken Hearts (S2L Sequel) [Chap. 3]

Chapter 3: Invitation
“Mommy?” I whispered, knocking on her slightly open door. I was still in my prom dress, barefoot now and completely exhausted. I couldn’t sleep though; I had to talk to my mom before that. I had to talk to her about the decisions I had to make.

One bright eye stared at me from the crack between the door and its frame, and Mazey butted against the door. I pushed it open a smidge and she slunk out, circling the bottom of my dress. “Mom I really need to talk to you.”

I pushed her door open a bit, and after narrowing my eyes to slits I finally could make out her form in the darkness.

“Mom?” I knocked on her door again, a bit louder this time. She stirred, rolling over. “Mommy?”

“Hmm? Kiana?” she yawned, “Something wrong?”

“I just need to talk to you about something,” I said quietly, feeling almost shy.

“Can’t it wait till morning? What time is it anyways?” she fumbled about, then flicked on the lamp by her bed. The room suddenly lit up with a soft glow, a comforting green was the theme for this room; it looked similar to mine only everything was backwards and a different color scheme. She stared at me through half closed eyes, her short hair sticking up in all directions.

“It’s about three in the morning. Sorry for waking you, but I couldn’t wait any more; I really have to talk to you,” I slipped into her room and shut the door.

“What’s wrong honey?” she said as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

I hurried over to her bed and sat down, my dress making it a soft swishy noise as I went. “I’m scared.”

“Scared? About what?” she blinked her eyes at me, looking slightly more awake now. “Is this about Blade?”

“Yes. No. Sort of.” I took a deep breath but it didn’t seem to help. “I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of making a choice, I’m scared of making the wrong one, I’m scared of failing and falling flat on my face. I’m terrified and worried and I don’t want things to change. I don’t feel ready for this at all.”

She mulled it over for a minute. “Is this about you and Blade going the next step? If that’s what you’re worried about, then just take it slow; if you have any doubts then you aren’t—”

“Mom! No, it’s not that,” I jumped in hastily. Talk about embarrassing. Besides, I'd crossed that bridge a long time ago; shejust didn't know it yet.“I meant in terms of college and careers and the rest of my life.”

“Oh yes, that. Of course. Well you never know with people your age,” she said with a small giggle. “So what about it? Haven’t you got it all planned out?”

“Not at all! I mean I have different plans, but I just…I don’t know what to do. This past year…everything’s changed. I thought I had it all sorted out; boarding school, graduate, come back home. But now—”

“But now you have to think of other people. Or person, more specifically,” she said, as if she’d already thought of this.

“Yes! And I don’t know what to do,” I said, relieved that she at least understood my problem.

“Well…what do you want me to do about it?” she asked bluntly, looking slightly comical with her big eyes, mussed up hair and expectant expression.

“Help me! You’re my mom, you’re good at this kind of thing."

She burst out laughing. “Me? Oh Kiana I thought you knew me better than that.”

I sat there, stunned. “Well…then…what do you think I should do? What do you think of all this?”

“What do I think?” she seemed surprised but pleased by my question. I let her have a minute to think it through and when she finally spoke again, I listened attentively.

“Well honey, I think you need to do what’s best for you. You’re an adult Kiana, I can’t tell you what to do. You’ve grown up a lot in this past year, more so than you already had, and I think you can make your own choices. It's time for you to branch out and do what you want to do; you’re old enough to know what will be good for you, and if by chance you make a mistake it’ll be alright. It’ll just be another lesson learned.”

“But what if I make a big mistake? What if—”

“Stop worrying,” she said, grinning hugely at me. “Gosh, you’re such a worrywart. You’re young Kiana, who cares if you make a mistake? Mistakes make the world go round; mistakes are what make people who they are. You’ve made tons of mistakes up until now, and you’ll keep making them as you go along through life. Hasn’t your life been fabulous up until now, despite those mistakes?”

I could think of plenty of less-than-fabulous moments in my life, particularly just in this past year, but I wasn’t about to tell her about those.

“And even if you think those mistakes are the most horrible moments of your life, just think of all the good that came along with it. You can never have the good without the bad, and you’re just the kind of girl who’ll take it all in stride. So what if you pick the wrong college, or the wrong program, or the wrong career? You can change your mind, and you can change it again and again. You’re allowed to do that Kiana. If it doesn’t work out the first time, then try again. And keep trying until you find something that does work. But for right now, what is it that you want to do with your life? What’s the choice that most appeals to you right this instant?”

“Well I really like baking and cooking, and I did apply to schools for that. But I applied here and back home. And that’s where I’m struggling; I don’t know where to go. I don’t want to leave anyone behind,” I said softly.

“You won’t be leaving anyone behind. If you stay here, it’ll be just like it has been for the past year. I’ll still be at home with Peter, you’ll still be studying. I’ll visit you, you’ll visit me and Peter and your friends. You won’t leave me or them behind. If you decide to come home, then you won’t be leaving Blade and your friends behind. Who says you won’t be able to still come visit?” She stopped fiddling with her hair. “Have you talked to Blade about it?”

I shook my head furiously. “I don’t know what to say to him. We had such a rocky start and I feel like things are finally going so well. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“It can’t be going that well if you’re keeping him in the dark,” she remarked. “Communication and trust is key in any relationship, if you don’t have that then it’s only a short time before everything falls to pieces. Ignorance is temporary bliss; once your eyes are opened you’ll realize the mess you’re in. And that’s no way to live.”

I bit my lip. How could I explain it to her? That I couldn’t just pick up and leave him, not again? That I couldn’t force him to come with me either? I needed him and he needed me, and it went a lot deeper than our blood bond.

“Kiana,” she said softly, pushing my hair behind my ear. “You can’t make a decision when you’re stressed out. Relax. Sleep on it. Then talk to Blade about how you’re feeling and what you could do.”

“But what about you?”

“Me? Kiana I’m your mother, not your master. I raised you to make your own decisions. Will I miss you loads if you stay? Of course! Will I cry if you decide not to come back with me? Yes! But eventually, the bird has to leave the nest. You’ve grown up; you’re not a little kid anymore. You don’t need my permission and you don’t need that much guidance from me either. Look how well you’ve done on your own this year! You don’t need me,” she insisted. Already her eyes looked a little wet, but she was smiling.

“I’m proud of you honey, really I am. I might not like the fact that you aren’t my little girl anymore, but I know you have your own life to live. You’re a smart, beautiful young lady and I know you can manage on your own. So don’t worry about me; even if you stay I’ll still be bothering you, calling you at random hours and, since I know where you live, I might just show up on your doorstep when you least expect it.”

I laughed a little, but I felt like crying. “Call me whenever you feel like, and I really won’t mind if you show up randomly. As long as I can do the same.”

“If you didn’t I think I’d ground you,” she said sternly, but she was still smiling, tiny crows feet crinkling in the corners of her eyes. She leaned forward and hugged me tight. “I love you Kiana. No matter what you decide, I’ll support you completely. Just don’t forget about me, okay?”

I squeezed her tight in return. “Thanks Mom,” I said, and I truly meant it. Even though she claimed to be terrible at this sort of thing, she was awesome at it.

“Anytime honey. Now, tell me all about prom,” she said as she pulled away and got comfortable. I laughed and pulled my legs up onto her bed, lying down on my side next to her before I told her just about every detail I remembered, putting my decision to stay with Blade at the back of my mind for now.

********

When I woke up, I was sprawled out across the mattress, my mom beside me. She was softly snoring and I couldn’t help but giggle a little. I rubbed my eyes and slid out of bed, hiked up the skirt of my prom dress and crept out of her room. I woke her up once; I could let her sleep now.

Last night had given me a little bit of courage. Seeing how well talking to my mom had turned out, I wanted to talk to Blade as soon as possible. I skipped my room and decided I could change later. I was sure I looked a mess; a rumpled red dress, half curled and half flat bed head, and I’m pretty sure my makeup was smudged. But Blade had seen me look worse, and I was more concerned about talking to him than I was about how I looked.

I knocked on his door and when he didn’t answer I opened it. He was lying across his bed, on top of the sheets, with a book on his chest and his head turned. I made sure to close the door before I crept as quietly as I could to his bed. I snuck on and carefully picked his book up. I set it down on his night table, open to the page where it had fallen and then returned to him. He was still in the fancy pants and shirt he’d worn to prom as well, but his tie had been tossed away, half the buttons were undone and his shirt was wrinkled and rumpled.

I decided against waking him up, so I just waited next to him. When he finally woke up a long while later, and noticed me lying there, he was completely surprised.

“Kiana? What are you doing here?” his sleepy eyes studied me in confusion. “Why are you wearing your prom dress?”

“Good morning to you too.”

He leaned forward and gave me a kiss that made my whole body grow warm. “Good morning,” he said, his voice still husky and low from sleep. “Not that I object, but why the hell are you here? Your mom is just down the hall, remember?”

“Of course I remember, I just came from there,” I said, “I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

That woke him up. He sat up and rubbed the back of his head, his eyes scrutinizing every inch of me with anger and worry. “What’s wrong?”

I waved my hands frantically. “No, no! Nothing’s wrong.” He didn’t seem to really believe it so I explained. “I just talked to my mom about college when we got home last night, and she helped me make my decision. And you-I mean, we-need to talk about it. I’ve been avoiding it since I didn’t want to cause any problems or anything, but my mom was right; we needed to talk about it. So that’s why I’m here.”

His mild relief was already starting to slip away, and his face was turning back into that mask again, the look that said he did not want to discuss this, not now and not ever. The same look he gets whenever Ace is mentioned.

I rushed through my words. “I’ve been stressing so bad about going home or staying here, what I wanted to do with myself and how you and my mom would be affected. But then she said she didn’t care what I did, as long as I was happy. She said I was growing up and it was okay, and I wasn’t going to be leaving anyone behind, no matter what choice I made. And she was right. I am growing up and I do need to make my own decisions.”

“And what exactly did you decide?” he asked quietly.

“I want to stay here. With you.”

He didn’t seem to have heard me; he just kept staring blankly at me.

“If that’s okay with you that is, I mean if its not then—”

“Are you sure you want to stay? What about your mom?”

“She’ll be fine. She’s got Peter and now she’s got her wedding in June…and I can still visit in between school.”

“And you?”

“I want to stay. I can’t even think of ever leaving this place for good. Its home. And I don’t want to leave you either, I love you too much.” I grinned a little. “And we both know we can’t exactly live without each other, so either way I’m kind of stuck with you.”

He searched my eyes for the longest time, and I grew worried that he didn’t want me to stay. That maybe he wanted me to leave.

“Blade?” I whispered, feeling my stomach fall.

“You’re not leaving?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t want to…but if you want I can—” I broke off when he pulled me into him, hard enough to make my teeth clack together. I sat there in mild shock before I wrapped my arms around him.

“Have you fucking lost it? Of course I want you to stay,” he replied, pulling away with a disbelieving look. “Did you really think I wanted you to go away?”

“Well I don’t know, you weren’t answering me and you didn’t seem very happy about it,” I said awkwardly. “Can’t exactly blame me for thinking that.”

“I just thought that maybe you’d—never mind,” he said abruptly, shaking his head.

“I’d what? Tell me,” I encouraged. I didn’t want him to have any doubts, he needed to know right now that this was what I wanted.

He glared, but he seemed mad at himself not me. I took his hand. “Come on Blade, just tell me.”

“I thought maybe you’d change your mind,” he said softly, as if he hoped I wouldn’t hear it.

I smiled. “I haven’t yet. And I probably won’t. After everything that’s happened, if I wanted to leave I’d have done it already. Trust me, leaving isn’t going to happen. It’s gonna take a lot more than psycho vampires and the future to get rid of me.”

“Except the psycho vampires did almost get rid of you,” he added bitterly. I pursed my lips and held his hand in both of mine.

“But they didn’t. And isn’t that what counts?”

“I guess,” he said finally. I understood how he felt. It was all fine and dandy that Aros had died and we’d been able to get away, but it had been too close. Way too close. And unfortunately, while I might still be here and the threats were gone, we were still feeling the repercussions of it.

And I still hadn’t plucked up the nerve to tell him about Eliza. Maybe now, since we were on the subject, would be a good time—

“Blade…when I was—”

A knock on the door interrupted me, and I sighed. Blade went to answer it, and I saw Leo standing on the other side of the door.

“What’s up?” Blade asked. Leo didn’t normally knock on Blade’s door; everyone knew to stay away from Blade’s room. I seemed to be the only one who was allowed to be in here. So for Leo to knock on his door, especially when Blade could have been sleeping, meant that whatever it he had to say was serious.

“There’s a letter here and I thought you’d like to have it right away,” Leo replied.

I frowned. A letter? What would be the big fuss about a letter?

“Thanks Leo,” Blade said, sounding stunned. Leo nodded, waved at me then left. Blade shut the door and walked back to bed, staring at the long, cream colored envelope in his hands.

“Who’s it from?” I asked curiously when he sat down. He didn’t even glance up at me, or make any sign that he’d heard me. He just kept staring at the envelope. Then finally, he turned it over, stuck a finger under the flap, and slowly opened it. Holding the envelope in one hand, he held the bit of parchment in his other. I crawled forward, and saw his blank stare. He didn’t seem to be reading the paper; he was just staring at it.

“What is it?” Blade just handed me the letter and shook his head. I didn’t really know what that meant, and I cautiously took the letter from him.

Leo was wrong. It hadn’t been a letter, but an invitation. To a ball. Both of our names were scrawled neatly on the invite, and it looked like someone had written it with a quill or something; it looked that old fashioned. My eyes dipped down to see who it was from and I nearly fell off Blade’s bed.

Ace. It was from Ace.
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Yeah, you read right. Ace is back baby! Well he will be soon :P But close enough! Anyways, you guys are extremely lucky. I was only planning on posting this maybe Sunday, or next weekend after my exams. But then I woke up, got half ready for school and then found out school was canceled because there's no power. Guess who gets to stay home and work on the project she didn't do, thats due tomorrow? What a stroke of luck for this procrastinator! AND for you guys, cause that means you got this chapter like more than a week in advance :P The only shitty part about missing school today is that 1) I can't go back to sleep, so I wont be able to sleep in now that I have the chance 2) I'm missing MATH which is NO GOOD because I need to learn since I'm really shitty at vectors (what we're learning now) and our math exam is next week, so I really did not want to miss any math classes from here to then.
Anyways, don't expect much from me until the end of next week or even later in February. I've got mid-year exams next week (EEK!) and those marks go to college and I'm like D: THE HORROR THE HORROR
I'm hoping I do well *fingers crossed* Plus I'm not even going to touch my computer from the day before exams start until I'm done, unless I have a question and need to ask a friend for help. But other wise, my computer shall be sitting in its corner, lonely and abandoned.
So sad. But oh well, you gotta make sacrifices in order to pass your exams and other shitastic things. -_-
OH! And remember last time? when I was bitching about boys and how complicated/confusing/stressful? Yeah well I figured that stuff out and now I'm like 'wow why was I ever stressed out?' I think I just really overcomplicated things. I guess its just when I get stressed, any other little thing, no matter how insignificant, shoots up my stress meter even more. I'm a thinker, and sometimes I overthink things. So I actually took the time to stop, think things over realistically, then I realized it was actually pretty simple to sort my feelings out.
And I realized that, even if I did feel for somebody (which I actually don't, just me hormones playing with me head xD), I wouldn't get into that right now.
I've got waaaaaaaaay too much on my plate right now, and school and driving and family shit are all my primary concerns. Boys are basically last on the list of priorities. So I decided I much rather wait until like April, when I know things will be calmer, everything will be taken care of and I'll have nothing extra stressy going on, to be in a relationship. Well thats if by that time I develope feelings for someone/vice versa. If there is a guy there for me, then if he's willing to wait then its perfect. If not, oh well.
I've been single forever anyways, so its not like I'll be missing out XD
And wow I blabbed a lot. Gotta go do my project now! So I'll be back next Friday or something with another update hopefully! Later guys :)
Songs of the Chapter:
-Life is Good ~ (No idea who, but its part of the Heartland soundtrack :P)
-For What It's Worth ~ Maggie Eckford

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