Okay, so someone the other day asked me if I were depressed (as a joke) but i didn't know, and i took them way seriously, because lately, i've felt like there's something wrong.
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I'm not like, sad. Seriously. Depression is caused by unbalanced levels of seratonin in your brain, meaning, it's just a chemical thing and it can happen to anyone (i have health class this year), however, I feel like i couldn't possibly be clinically depressed. When im at school, I'm totally happy, ive got good friends and okay teachers, and im the kind of person who never worries about a damn thing.(: I'm talkative and opinionated and im dating my best friend. I mean, my life isn't horrible. It's just that...when I think about going home, or my family, or my parents, I just get like...really, well, depressed feeling. I feel majorly down, like the world's sitting on me. The thought of having to go home keeps me from being able to have fun with my friends or smile...
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Right now, im grounded for getting sucky-ass grades, and it's not like im way pissed off. I understand why my parents grounded me (they want me to know it's important), but i think their way of grounding me isn't really fair, either. Right now, i'm indefinitelt grounded (so, until my mom stops being mad at me) from everything. Everything. Today, I went to an after school club that one of my teachers asked me to attend and my mom promised to yell at me later (she called me when i got home). So, i'm pretty much unallowed to do...anything I guess. I'm lucky im allowed to read for English class (she's grounded me from reading before).
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But, this isn't about me being grounded, because i've felt like this for a long time, i think. However, it's gotten really bad lately. I feel irritable all the time when im home. Like, i think about going home, and i just get really cranky. My mood swings like, super abruptly, and little stuff makes me want to totally cry. This worries me a bit because it's been at LEAST a few years since i've cried. Maybe like, five, i don't know.... But throughout middle school and the ending of elementary school, i never used to cry...I hate crying, im more of a "punching inanimate objects" person. But like, the other day this kid didn't say hi to me and i nearly cried. It's funny looking back, but then, i made it into some big thing in my mind. Like, So-and-So is ignoring me because he hates me. There's totally something wrong with me.
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The symptoms of depression are as follows:
ADHD, bad memory, indecision
Fatigue
Guilt/worthless/helpless
Hopelessness/pessimism
Excessive sleeping/insomnia, early-morning wakefulness
Irritability/restlessness
Apathy
Overeating/appetite loss
Aches/pains, cramps, disgestive problems
Recurring sadness, anxiety, “empty feelings”
Suicidal thoughts
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I've experienced maybe all of them but suicidal thoughts (i wouldnt leave my boyfriend willingly, not at all). So what im asking you is this, Am i Depressed? Should i tell someone? I'm not even CLOSE to suicidal, but im so lazy, i don't eat a lot of the time. I skip meals all the time and it really worries me. Im just not hungry. I'm also sleepy ALL the time. I wake up exhausted nearly every day, but i can never fall back asleep in the mornings (I wake up at 6 every day). The last thing that worries me is that the things i love to do like drawing and listening to music...i've lost interest in them. Not to say i dislike them, but i havent drawn in months and i sit in silence a lot of the time. Last year, i listening to music ALL the time. At dinner, when i took out my earbuds, i felt like i was suffocating until i got back into my room. But now? I can't work up the effort to care or do something.
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Please, let me know what you think athttp://quizilla.teennick.com/polls/23228611/is-this-normal-part-2
or just message me. Seriously, it would mean a lot to me. I don't ask for it often, but i think i might need someone to push me a bit right now. I can't trust myself to know if im making a big deal out of something or if i really need to do something.
