Love Is Stronger Than Death...

October 30th, 2010. One year today. One year today, my family was taken from me. One year. It feels like forever. God, i miss them so much. I can't even say. I have nothing left. My eyes damp, and swollen, I can feel the tears streaking down my cheeks. The pain, it eats away at me. It was my fault. It was my fault. Why did they have to go? I can't control my sadness. I shake, I crumple, into a little heap, as I let myself feel what I have done. I barely recognize the gasps, coming from my lips, even them, quivering. I tremble. My mom. My dad. My little brother. My family... They are in a better place? Happy? At peace?Yes.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

The car was engulfed in flames. I watched it happen. With nothing to do about it. I watched the fire spread. The fire singed everything in it's path. I heard their cries. I heard the high pitched scream of my mother, burning. I stood by screaming my own. My father's deep voice, hurting me more, with every screech and every cry of help. I ran towards the car, not even caring if my screams were going to follow their reasons. They were in pain. I had to help. My brother... He was silent. I broke down. I don't even remember the explosion. ...I was out.

...

I stare in the mirror. I stare at the girl, who looks like me. Her eyes are hollow; vacant. Unsmiling. Unhappy. It's as though she's incapable of a smile. She could be me. She has my face. But could never feel my emotion. I keep comparing. She looks a little different. A year has passed. And a year can change so much. But it can also change so little. A year, can change your appearance, it can change your feelings, it can change the way you perceive life. It can definitely change the way you live life. Things happen. Bad things, in my case. And today's the day, that I lost everything I've come to known. Of the accident, of the day I wasn't able to help, to save my family. It makes it my fault. I'm useless.

The fallen eaves crunch under my sturdy winter boots. I bought them myself. I'm the one family member I have left, and I live by myself. Alone. The sky above, grey, and sinister. The tress merely bare, leaves either hanging by a thread, or lying on the ground, waiting to be covered in a layer of snow. Happy thoughts. I securely hold the three red roses tightly in my hand, the thorns pricking blood, dripping softly to what lye beneath me. I've always loved roses. A symbol of love. For my family, now. I scatter my way through the tomb stones, shuffling my feet, soft swish noises of leaves bouncing from my feet. Like music. I search for the names.

I haven't visited. I was scared. And I couldn't take it. I couldn't see what I couldn't save. It's just a sad reminder, that I can't do anything, that I'll never be able to do anything to bring them back. because they are gone. And they are never coming back. I wound around the thick brussels of a nearby pine tree. Pine trees have always been my favourite. No matter what weather is flown at them, stormy or sunny, or anything at all, they stay the way they are.

I was stressed. Just a little more, a little more, the closer I got, knowing what I'm going to see. Nothing, and nobody. Just grave stones. And that stress is getting to me. It all adds up.... And then I spotted them... The graves. There was nothing special about the stones, it was the people under them that were special. I didn't try to hide my emotions. They were familiar.

Julia Christine Penelton

1965-2010

William James Renne

1963-2010

Tod Jamie Renne

2005-2010

I remember. Miserably. Their images, I've relieved over and over, brighter in my mind, here with them. I revive them. My mother, her smile, radiant and all-too-loving, the way she would tuck me in when I was little, tell me she loved me, give me a kiss on the forehead, and read me stories until I was so tired, I'd fall asleep to the sound of her voice. The way my mom would light up by the sound of my dad's voice on a rainy day. My dad. The gleam in his eyes, after a job well done, or after a job of my own well done. The countless summers, one after another, when we would chase after the ice-cream truck, making us work for the ice-cream. My brother envied ice-cream. Tod. He loved anything sweet. He was the little boy that would beg for a cookie, and only end up with a plate of celery and carrots. Then when nobody was looking, steal a cookie from the cookie jar, anyways. My mom always said "Your sweet enough." but apparently not sweet enough to him, until he got his sugar-fix. I loved that kid. I loved them all. Lost in thought, memories I'm reliving. Only to be struck with an aching reminder that it's all over. Nothing but ancient history.

Thoughts in the past, I lay gently, a single rose on a grave, after grave, after grave, after not-so-gently tweaking the thorns out of my hands, blood tricking down them, and subtly over the roses, the deep red contrast on the lighter shade.

Back to reality.

"Stay the night." Tod told me...

<3

Heeey, everybody!

I hoped you liked the first chapter of my story! I don't know if I liked it myself. It's kind of depressing... But don't worry! It gets better! At least I can promise that! :) But message me and tell me what you think? I'm kind of new at this, and I'd super duperly appreciate it! (: thhaaanks again, people!

~ JustLookUpToTheSky~L<3

Songs I listened to:

Moonlight Sonata-- Beethoven... I'm kinda obsessed with it. <3