It's not like Anna to be so reckless. Maybe that's why she did it. Hell, it didn't matter why, that much Jacob knew. All he wanted to know is how long it would take for her to pack her stuff and get out.
"Just get out," his voice choked as he pointed to the door.
"Always were the type to give up," she spat back.
Her words made no sense in the heat of the situation, but the slam of the door sure gave the fight the crescendo it needed. Anna pulled out a cigarette, took a long drag, and stepped out to the sidewalk.
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
His name, the gorgeous mistake she spent the night with a week ago, was Nathan. Cute black hair, cut just the way she liked it, just above the eyes. She was always a sucker for hairstyles. Otherwise, the guy didn't look that special, just different. Different from her recent ex-boyfriend, Jacob.
The betrayal started in a Record store.
"Is that the last album available for The Rolling Stones?" Anna heard the voice behind her.
"No," she replied sharply, nearly shoving the case into the boy's face, "It's AFI."
"Oh," she heard the disappointed tone in his voice. Her immediate thought was, what a moron, no taste in music whatsoever.
Until she remembered the fight from this morning.
Jump back further in time, to a screaming Jacob. A scene of deija vu in the little studio flat they shared. Anna couldn't even remember what the fight was about. He was always complaining about her. To her. Every time they went out, she was his girl.
A light went on in her head in the record store. She had a good idea, or at least thought she did. All she wanted was to run away from it all. Just for one night. When she saw his hair, she knew she could give it a try. This was the guy. Mr. Right Now.
"Do you remember, when The Rolling Stones once ruled, all the groupies they would have flocking their feet?"
Her hand put down the record, reaching now for the guy's belt buckle. She was toying with him. Toying with Jacob.
What happened next, her lips are now sealed. It's her own secret game, but she was going to lose. And afterwards, she felt no different. Sure, he had the hair, but it wasn't Jacob. It wasn't her blonde dream. It wasn't her man. She's playing the radio before he gets home, a familiar song coming out of the speakers:
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cuz love doesnt hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
He stepped through the door, and he knew. It wasn't the look on her face that told him. There wasn't a thing in the world she could say to be able to hold him. Not anymore. And before the song was over, words were said, things that neither could take back.
She couldn't take anything back, as much as she wanted to that moment.
All my resistance will never be distance enough
One time, she remembered a date they once had. Jacob and her, taking time away from their studies of science and english and other subjects. Out on ice, he held her shaky body as she tried to balance on skates.
"I'll hold on tight, don't worry."
She never did.
When did the insurance of someone behind her to steady her become a threat? She had no answer. The Anna she had known had left her for a few moments, but in those moments she ruined something she cherished more. Someone she had loved, but somehow had forgotten.
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
All she wanted now, was a way back through that door. To reclaim what she, in fact, had given up.
...
I like Messages.
