So lock and load [Ronnie Radke][o3]

Ronnie and I walked to the park in scilence other than the few people that called to him, he'd waved and smile but that was about it.
"don't you want a sweater?" I asked he looked at me shaking his head.
"naw it's not cold." he smiled, I rose a brow at this.
"then why'd you say it was cold earlier?" I asked he opened his mouth eyes a bit wide.
"well... umm." he rubbed the back of his neck while tuning into the small gate way to the park. "You were being cold so...I don't know." he mummbled.
"your weird."
"Pfftt, not compaired to some people." he scoffed I stopped slightly taken back. "Not you." he said quickly hands out the insides of his pockets falling on the ground quickly he bent down picking it up quickly before stuffing the items back into his pocket. I blinked, had that been... no it couldn't have been. "I was talking about max, his really weird, not you." he said nervously I nodded and walked along again, he followed.
"HI!!"
"whoa!" he jumped at the sudden voice. "Hi." he smiled walking around the little kid quickly he jogged up to me.
"Mommy are they going to get married like you and daddy?" the kid asked as we sat on the swings. I choked lightly as Ronnie did.
"Never know sweety, they could but they might just be friends like you and sammy are." his mother smiled.
"Not uh! I'm going to marry sammy she's pretty and nice. I like her." at that they walked away talking.
"I remember telling my parents I knew who I was going to marry." Ronnie laughed I did to covering my mouth I never like my smile and didn't want others to see it. I remember that too, it had been Ronnie before he started being a jerk. I never told my parents I was being picked on but me and Saskia use to dream about them like little girls. I was going to marry Ronnie one day and she'd marry max. Half those giggling jokes came true, the other half crumbled into tears when no one was looking becuase it hurt to be picked on by him.
"So do I." I sighed.
"who did you tell your parents you'd marry?" he asked putting his hand on the small of my back and pushing me lightly. I got up a ways for him just sitting on the swing next to me. He fit what I liked in a guy. Aggressive, mysterious at times, a little angry, strong but can be nice. I never knew he could be nice once he started picking on me.
But at the moment I needed a lie.
"Chris mextin." I laughed as he kept pushing me.
"didn't that kid move?" he asked I nodded lightly.
"But after awhile he turned into an ass so I dropped that little stupid fantisy." the truth was I never liked that kid. "who's you tell your parents you wanted to marry?" I asked the sleeve of my sweater over my mouth a bit to I could hide any smiles he caused my lips to form. My other hand held the chain.
"the girl that won't let me touch her." he sighed. "I still told my parents I'd marry her till one day they told me to bring her over and it depressed me because I relised she was just playing me for a fool." he sighed.
"thats still not telling me who." but I had a good idea the girl that use to cling to him in middle school.
"Brittany scofterman." he sighed I nodded I never liked that girl. but in middle and high school I always wanted to be her she clung to ronnie like glue. he may have been and ass but till the start of highschool and never truely hated him.
"I always wanted to be her." I whispered with out thinking.
"why?" he asked grabbing the chain stopping and swinging me around.
"She had tons of friends, I only had saskia... I don't even really have her anymore." I sighed
"You probably have other friends now though right?" he asked, I shook my head.
"No one wanted to be my friend after I moved schools. They found out I did to you and thought I'd do that to them." I sighed deeply leaning my head on the chain. He nodded with a sigh.
"I know it doesn't mean anything but I am sorry for what I did that day, and everyday before and after that." I sighed
"after that it didn't matter I never saw you as much so it didn't bug me as much." I stated.
"I know but still."
"Saskia told me you were that called to say sorry even though you jaw was sewen shut."
"ya." he muttered nervouly rubbing the back of his neck as he leaned his elbows onto his knees. "I felt like crap after that." he sighed before laughing and looking at me. "Becuase I was was talking to you I screwed up the alignment on the wireing so I had it sewen shut longer." he was laughing alot. "you really did a number on me." he smiled.
"sorry." I whispered he shook his head.
"If it wasn't for that I would have never discovered I could to throat." he smiled as I gave him a quizical look. "have you ever herd escape the fate?" he asked I shook my head before he stood tugging at his shirt and clearing his throat. "Theres no sympathy for the dead! I broke the glass and shattered the bones in my fist." he said his voice deep, raspy, rough and edgy. He cleared his throat again before grabbing the chains on my swing and leaning over. "See throat." he growled in the same deep voice.
"So I'm guessing that how you talked with your jaw sewed shut?" I asked he nodded still leaning there.
"I owe you for that." He sighed his normal tone. He had a beautiful voice both throat and normaly.
Lightly he pulled on the chains walking back before letting me go and pushing my leg.
"hey!" I gasped.
"what?" he asked grabbing the chains stopping me i kicked him lightly.
"watch your hands." I snapped.
"what? what'd I do?" he asked obviously not knowing.
"Keep them on my knees no highed or push from behind." I growled his brows furrowed lightly confiused.
"Oh!" he gasped I smiled laughing.
"alittle slow on the up take?" I asked he smiled nodding.
"sorry...sor...never mind." He grummbled running with me then duck under my knees as he let go.
"Ronnie!" someone yelled as he pushed me.
"what?" he asked
"WHOOOAA!!" Max fell on the ground while Roberts and Brian's mouths dropped open
"told you." Omar nodded arms crossed.
"What are you doing!" Max asked scrammbled away behind a bench. "It's all a trick! You know the second you go to stop her she'll pull out a switch blade and slit your throat man!" he gasped.
"Well she probably already would have if she's letting him push her." Robert stated.
"at least one of you has brains." I sighed as Ronnie stopped me. There went someone to hang out with for a while.
"Lets go." Brian said waving.
"why?" ronnie asked. "Were actually getting alone this could be a once in a life time chance." he stated they all waved hands and walked away.
"were going to by Max pants." they all stated
"ya!" Max smiled waving. "have fun dying." he laughed. Ronnie sighed sitting next to me on the other swing.
"Go, there your friends." I stated trying not to hint the fact that they all still didn't like me since I was starting to like ronnie again.
"what, no their buying pants with max!" he stated
"so?" I asked
"What part of buying and with max didn't you get?" he asked dully. "we get thrown out of stores because of him...that and his wearing his good pants so Saskia probably doesn't find them." he sighed.
"those were his good pants?" I asked I thought they had more money with how Saskia talked about their sucess.
"Ya were poor and shit." he sighed deeply, I nodded lightly. He had no Idea what poor was but then agian he might.
"You should still go they are your friends." I stated lowly feeling bad for stealing him from his friends.
"what, why? I deal with them 24/7 they won't mind." he said quickly.
"they seemed like they minded." I whispered.
"why do you care?" He asked angry, god I love angry guys. "Just hours ago you were telling them you hated them, me and Max most and look at you know you feel bad that I'm not with them your afriad for our friendship. You shouldn't really care." He snapped I stood up and herd him sighed.
"Ya well I know what it's like to not have friends, you might lose them!"
" I can't lose them I live with them for one and two I work with them and travel with them all the time becuase of what we do." He snapped standing. Rubbing my arms I shrugged. "are you cold?" he asked softly.
"No I'm fine." I lied though the sweater was paper thin pretty much I was suprised it made it threw winter.
"Kay just forget about, they probably won't even care in a few minutes." He sighed deeply.
"Are you sure?" I asked he nodded standing.
"Lets go do something." he smiled.
"Like what?" I asked my life consisted of the park, work and moy apartment. He shrugged.
"what do oyu normaly do?" he asked
"this." I stated he opened his mouth then closed it putting his hands on his hips. He hmmed lightly pushing his lips up and to the right side of his face. It was cute and I wanted to kiss his distorted lips.
"I got nothing better to do." he sighed and went to sit on the swing only missing and landing hard in the sand. Laugher came from my lips, a hand on my knee the other hand over my mouth hidding me smile. He was laughing to as he laid on the cold ground. His arms over his stomach. "Oh god." he laughed, I sat on his stomach causing him to gasp. "hi there." he groaned.
"I'm not that fat." I stated still smiling and giggling lightly.
"I know." he stated "If I sat up your'd probably go flying into the bench." he smiled.
"and I'm not that light." I snapped.
"what ever you say." he sighed only to chuckle lightly. "god I'm dumb." he muttered, I giggled a bit more for my answer. "I know, I know you agree!" he statted with a sigh ending his chuckling.
"what do oyu normaly do?" I asked
"Get Max in trouble with Saskia and watch him run around like a chicken with his head cut off or sit around on the couch day dreaming about life and how I wished it could be." he grummbled.
"what do you wish was different."
"I had the girl I want most in my in it." he sighed.
"brittany?" I asked lightly and lowly.
"Naww." he smiled sitting up so I slid into his lap, he leaned back into the swing putting his arms behind the seat. "Not my type really any more. to frilly." he sighed and looked up at the sky where the stars should be but the vegas lights got rid of them. "I like girls that can kick my ass now." he sighed.
"why?" I asked confused by this. Who would want someone who can kick their ass in a relastionship?
"because I tend to run my mouth more than I should and get in trouble and if I had a girl that could get my ass or knew could kick me ass and would I'd keep my motuh closed a bit more." he sighed still staring at the dark starless sky. Scilence passed and we sat like that. "God I hate living in vegas." he grumbled.
"Same." I sighed. "I hate big cities." I mummbled.
"why?"
"the city lights kill the stars." I said blushing, I never told any one but Saskia I loved looking at the stars.. well I told Saskia everything and she told me every thing.
"You like the stars too huh?" he asked I nodded looking at him his head was tipped back. My eyes scanned the tattoos on his neck and arms form what I could see. They were a amazing. I couldn't help it a ran a hand down his neck and back up it tracing the tattoo on the right side of his neck. I looked at him he hadn't moved his eyes but I could see his dark eye looking at me, I mean why wouldn't he be? I was touching his neck.
"sorry." I grummbled pulling my hand away.
"Thought you didn't like that word." he sighed tipping his forward slowly.
"No I think it doesn't eman much and less the person stops what their doing and doesn't do it again all the time. I stopped and I won't do it again." I sighed and went to get up he grabbed my hand putting back on his neck.
"why? I don't care." he almost seemed to be pleading for me to touch him. "I liked it tickled in a good way." he whispered his cheeks lighting up red as he let go if my hand. I felt my cheeks go a slight red as well. "Ummm... Rose." his voice was in a soft hush.
"what?" I asked my hands, both of the, in my hands.
"I have to tell you something." he whispered I blinked, my heart in my throat. Great now that were getting along he hates me? What'd I do? "I... god this is hard." he muttered and stood lifting me with him. He brushed his pants off as I did lightly. "I..." he seemed to mummble something really fast as if his toung tied into knots as he said it. He lifted his hands and tried again but the same thing came out. He groaned as I blinked.
"ummm... thats nice?" I asked unsure he sighed and ran his hand threw his hair. I watched as his chestrose and fell quickly. He was becoming enrvous and panicking.
"god the one time I try and tell you while were on good terms I can't even say it!" he grummbled more to him self than to me.
"what?" I asked
"I've been trying to tell you for years..." his tounge got tied again and I just waited.
"your really bad with words arne't you?" I asked
"Only right now." he gasped and began to pace pulling at his hair. He stopped in front of me with a deep breath. "I..." he was cut off.
"RONNIEE!" I looked at the others coming back, Max in a new pair of faded black jeans, I could tell because I couldn't see the whole in the pants threw the crouch on his pants they went all the way back this time. Ronnie waved as Max ran over. "watch you doing."
"Trying to talk to her." Ronnie gasped annoyed by him self apperently.
"About what?" max asked ronnie's face went blank and he rose a brow lightly. "OH NO! NOT THAT!" Max covered ronnie's mouth and dragged him away bes the could wiht Ronnie stugling...which wa sonly about five feet. "GUYSSS!! HE'S GONNA DO IT!!" Max yelled the others froze and looked back as if it was a bad thing. blinking watched them hope the waist high fence running as if the world depend on it.
"were stealing him." Brian smiled.
"bye." Robert waved.
"RUN FOR IT BOYS!" Omar and MAx yelled carring Ronnie aways sturggling. Robert and Omar had one leg and Brian have both imbetween Max's arms wrapped around his neck hand over his mouth.
"guys!" Ronnie yelled his upper half fell. "Mother chucker!" he yelled holding his head.
"opps." Max laughed lighted and lifted him agina rolling him hald way.
"No I have to do this! Guys!" Ronnie gasped. "ROse I...." Max covered his mouth again and waved with one lightly, a cheesey smile on his face.
"It's nothing really." he siad "RUN!!" he yelled as he looked forward. I watched them sprint away with ronnie stuggling the whole way.
My heart sank. There just went the only possible friend I could have had other than Saskia. Only because they hate me and I kinda hate them... not really. I'd preffer us to be friends but thats not going to happen.
scanning the ground in front of me I lightly wrapped my arms around my upper body tears bubbling lightly in my eyes. I wished I was as strong as I was in highschool, not this weak sad person that everyone hates. I have no backbone anymore. Or at least right now it feels that way, I guess having Ronnie pulled away from me like that makes it seem that way.
Back in highschool I would ahve chased them and yelled at them wanting to know what he wanted to say, no I didn't want to make it worse. We HAD been getting along. Had being the key word.
sniffling lightly I left the park slowly taking the long way home, it wans't the way I had walked to get there. I'd go behind my apaartment then curve on a street and come back down so I wouldn't have to pass Ronnie's house. I didn't need him or any of them seeing me this way. Sad, broken hanging on the Sentence Ronnie never finished.
♥♥♥
thats it hope you liked it.