[ SWEET TALK 101 ] [ Ryan Ross & William Beckett ] .007

Living in retrospect isn't all that bad. It's pretty good actually. I have my baby sleeping in my bed all day. I sleep in Brendon's bed all day. I know it sounds bad, but I have everything I could ever want. Every day, with every breath, I can't help but smile. Because I'm always in one of their arms. I'm always happy.

"We should shower," Brendon says into my neck as I fondle his dark hair lightly. We've laid here for hours.

"Bring the scent of soap into Siska's apartment? Let's not jump into anything too drastic."

He smiles and kisses my neck gently. "I think we already did."

I feel like I'm in some kind of heaven when I'm laying with Brendon. His face lighting up the whole room, our skin radiating off each other's, our dark hair counterpointing the white sheets.

"Are you sure you wanna come?"

"I wanna be with you," he whispers. "And I wanna make sure I'm okay with William."

I sigh. "Okay."

And we go from our wishful innocence to a late, late time in the night at Siska's. Yeah, we're drunk.

I've never seen so many people in one apartment. Everyone's here. Everyone from FBR and more. Fueled By Ramen - party label.

House parties are more fun. There's no bartenders to tell you you've had too much to drink. There's rooms to make out in. There's more of an atmosphere of hanging out with friends instead of grinding against strangers.

I'm kind of out of it. Up since 6 AM, up 'til 1, drink count up to five. Your hands don't seem to be leaving my body at all; I'm grateful; you're keeping me on my feet. We're gathered around the kitchen, your arm quietly snaked behind me, supporting my back.

"I wanna play Truth or Dare!" Pete shouts.

"That's a kid's game," Spencer argues.

"Is not!"

"I rest my case."

"What about 'I Never'?" you say in a teasing voice, mocking Pete.

"Hey," Pete says warningly.

"I wanna play!" Joe says in a pitchy, drunken tone. I giggle and feel you smile down at me.

"Okay. I'll go first," you say, and I listen in interest. "I've never..." You say nothing for at least five seconds, thinking. "...had sex with Ryan."

You squeeze my hip bone and I look at you, beyond confused. You grin at me, then lean in and whisper, "Tonight."

I feel my heart race. No, not tonight. I'm not a sex machine. I just want to party, maybe puke out all the toxins, then go to bed. Sleep. Go to sleep.

I look up at Brendon and he smiles, then winks, then drinks. Pete notices Brendon is the only one, and says, "Wow, Ryan, I thought you got around more than that."

Okay. I really am going to be sick. I have to basically force myself from your protective grasp and head toward a trash can, which is luckily only a few feet away. I know you're coming after me, and seconds later, there you are, rubbing my back and holding back my hair. "I'm sorry," you say breathlessly. No, you shouldn't be able to believe what you just did. It's nothing personal; we're an embarrassment.

"Why'd you do that?" I say in one breath, still leaned over the trash can, hoping I'd ejected all the nameless shit out of my body.

"You've had way too much to drink; let's go home..." You start to pull me away, and I smack your arm off mine.

"Why'd you do that, William?!"

Calm down. Breathe. Don't make a scene.

You step toward me, regret on your face. "I'm sorry...I'll explain later."

You're right. I'm so fucking wasted. As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm going to collapse any second. Mood swing. Take me home.

But I guess my body language doesn't give that off. You keep talking. "It's just...there's been rumors about us," you say quietly so that I can barely hear you over the music and the ringing in my ears. "Everyone thinks I'm only going out with you for sex."

"Stop!" I shout, hands springing up to clasp over my ears. "Just stop, William...Take me home..."

With hesitation, you put your hand on my shoulder and lead me outside. With my eyes shut tightly, my head is spinning like a record, and you're the needle pushing me around. Stop. Pause. Play. Can't we please just fast forward?

The car ride is quiet but not silent. The loud street lights and neon signs are enough to make up for our confusion as to what to say. It's so cold outside, but I'm not sure if the fog on the windows is from the winter or my heavy breathing. It's making me think I might be sick again, and I try to fall asleep then and there, wanting to just end the day. But I can't, because we soon pull up to the apartment parking lot. Rain puddles lay lifeless on the border of the pavement. Can we last through the winter?

I don't move. You turn off the engine and round the car, opening my door. I force my body to stand up, but when you wrap your arm around my middle and kiss my cheek, you break me down. I feel my throat close in again and my lips tremble. You know what's about to happen, so you bury my face in your chest and let me cry there while you walk us up to our apartment. I'm not an emotional drunk, I'm really not. I'm a fucking sloppy drunk. But God...what a day.

"It's okay, Ryan," you say as you still hold my head with your left hand and unlock the door with your right. Your thin shirt is stained with my tears and I know you can feel it on your skin too. We stumble into the apartment and you let go of me. "Go get in bed," you say. "I'll get you some water."

Your voice is so blank that it's scaring me. Are you mad? How on earth could you be mad...

Nonetheless, I decide that my pillows sound amazing. I go lay down, and when I do, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I hesitate over answering. I pull it out though, to see that it's a text. It's from Brendon. And it's short.

Feel better <3

I stare at the text and remember how just hours ago...I was laying in Brendon's bed in nothing but our skin. Nothing but something that could possibly ruin everything.

I hear your footsteps come down the hall and I quickly set my phone on the nightstand. You sit next to me on the edge of the bed and hand me a glass of water. "Go to sleep, okay? You don't have to go to the studio tomorrow, do you?"

"I don't particularly have to..." I mutter and take a sip of water.

You nod. "You need rest. I think that's what's wrong with you these days."

"Wrong with me?"

"Well, you haven't been yourself..."

I choke as the water runs down my throat. "William, you don't even have the right to say that! We've been together for like, three weeks and we don't even see each other half the time!"

You stare me down. "No, Ry. You avoid me half the time. I don't know what your problem is, but we're not going to talk about it right now because we'll end up saying things we don't mean."

"All I know is that what you did tonight was low. Why would you care what everyone else assumes?" I slur out, becoming more tired by the second, and waiting for you to say something puts me to sleep. That's when I know I've got you. You don't know what to say. I took away all your lyrical words - all that you know.

Let's make believe what's at stake here is more than just your reputation.
baby baby baby.
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oh and if you said Juturna, you'd be correct <333