Chapter 4
Gerard had noticed. He knew most of the school had noticed, even if nobody voiced it. Even Frank, who usually didn't care about the people he passed in the halls, paused and put an arm out to stop Gerard, asking who 'the new chick' was.
The two girls, who were typically seen walking the halls as if they couldn't bother to notice those around them or confidently walking right out the front doors before sixth period, seemed to have found their missing member.
It was as if Dylan was meant to be part of that group all along. No one would be able to pry her away to join their crowd now. She was no longer just the new kid.
Yet Gerard couldn't help but feel a pang a jealousy whenever he saw the three girls. Maybe if he had chased after Dylan a little more on that first day, invited her to sit with his friends, he wouldn't be feeling so left out now. He had met Dylan first and he felt oddly territorial over her.
But Gerard, being a firm believer in fate, knew that no matter how hard he could try and keep her from them, they would eventually meet up and become friends anyway. It would be hopeless to try and break up something so utterly perfect.
___________________________________________________________________
I expected, with her history and tendency to be a bit absentminded, that I wouldn't be able to count on my mother. That when I'd ask her for help or advice she would brush it off and bring up a topic that was a little more exciting. That I'd be stuck at school because she'd forget to pick me up or I'd have to make my own dinner every night because she was MIA.
But every morning, precisely at 7:30, the curtains in my room would be whipped open and her joyful exclamation of 'Good morning sunshine!' would be the first thing I was met with. A paper lunch bag would be waiting for me on the kitchen table as I walked out to the truck in the driveway, my mother already in the driver's seat singing merrily along with the radio as the morning sun glinted off of her dark hair and tinted sunglasses. And as I climbed down from the truck onto the broken pavement, she would wish me a good day and watch me until I was safely inside. She would always be in front again in the afternoon when I'd get out of school as if she hadn't left that spot, against my protest that I could easily walk home on my own.
Routines were starting to rebuild in my daily life, such as meeting Camryn and Yvette at one of out three lockers before and after school and walking with them to the classes we shared. It felt normal, to be with them throughout my day, and it seemed almost as if it had been like that for years.
But the first person I met, the one I expected to befriend almost instantly by default, seemed to dodge my every attempt to contact him. I would call out to Gerard from across the hall but he would simply smile and nod as Yvette or Camryn hauled me in the opposite direction. In lunch I was much too intimidated by the boys he sat with to even think of approaching their table, so I just settled on trying to catch his gaze from across the room.
I had the gnawing feeling of guilt slowly building in my stomach every time I saw him. I almost felt like I had abandoned him even though I was the outsider in this school. But he'd approached me just once, fleeing once he saw I had made friends on my own.
Confessing this to Yvette and Camryn after the last bell seemed like the only way to kill my guilt. They flanked each side of me as I shoved books into my bag and tried ducking my face behind my curtain of hair. Each listened like I knew they would, one smiling and rolling her eyes in amusement and the other leaning against the locker beside mine with her eyes narrowed.
"Oh come on! You think he feels abandoned? Don't even stress yourself about it, I know he isn't." I paused, thinking that maybe my worries were one sided, but continued to zip up my bag and throw it over my shoulder.
Yvette sat up from her crouched position by my feet. She tossed a pile of curls over her shoulder and wandered away slowly toward the front doors. Camryn pushed herself off the locker and stood beside me with her thumbs hooked into her jean pockets.
"Don't listen to her. She doesn't know how to associate with people. I'm the only person able to tolerate her, well, beside you now." I smiled and slammed my locker shut, my steps falling in sync with hers as we followed after Yvette.
"And I'm sure he doesn't think you ditched him." I nodded and tucked a loose strand of hair back, my smile growing wider. Everyday I felt more like their friend instead of just 'the new girl'.
A cool, late September breeze slipped through the doors and dispersed among the numerous sticky bodies trying to escape the stale air of the school. As always, the silver pick-up was parked among a sea of sedans and SUV's with my mother leaned against it in all of her laid-back glory. The wind whisked through her hair and the gauzy layers of her skirt making her seem almost ethereal against the impatient and uptight parents standing not far from her with their arms digging into their hips.
"Hello ladies." She pushed her sunglasses back into her hair revealing her gleaming green eyes as they got a better look at Yvette and Camryn.
"This is Camryn and Yvette. This is my mom." As if they couldn't already figure it out. Yvette was smiling up at my mother, popping her gum noisily as the wind assaulted the thick curls surrounding her face.
"Wow. You two look identical." My mother beamed and winked at me.
"Had to pass my good looks onto someone." She and Yvette laughed heartily as Camryn smiled serenely beside me. I rolled my eyes and struggled to keep the grin off of my face as I moved to climb into the truck.
"Do you girls need a ride home?" Yvette and Camryn looked at each other solemnly before turning back to us with their smiles fixed back in place.
"No, my mom should be here to take us home. She's always running late," Camryn declared with a casual wave of her hand. I made eye contact with her as I settled into the seat next to my mother. I couldn't read her eyes like I could with Yvette. She continued to stare back at me placidly as we drove away.
"Nice girls." I nodded and started chewing mercilessly at my thumb.
"I'm glad you've made friends." I smiled at my mother as she broke her concentration on the road and returned the grin. Our eye contact parted as I went back to staring at the passing scenery and focused my thoughts on the apparent secrecy among the people around me.
"I have a class again tonight." I nodded my head and squinted as the suns rays burned into my pupils.
Her art classes were held in the basement of the art supply store in town where the cement floor wasn't covered in carpet but stained in paint and ink. The last few times she had classes I had barricaded myself in my room so she couldn't coax me to go with her. As we pulled into the driveway I decided I might just make an appearance that night.
The small windows in the basement were open but didn't do much to circulate fresh air into the room. Heavy smoke clung to my hair and skin and clothes even though its haze wasn't visible. Laughter danced around me and the discomfort I felt at first, being thrust into this raucous group of young, free-spirited members of the counter-culture, was quickly drowned in their laughter and willingness to accept me.
My mother's "class" wasn't so much a class as it was a gathering of young people, painting or sculpting or drawing, joking and shouting and arguing and smiling as my mother sat on her shaky metal stool gazing blithely on them. Her "class" was composed of mostly liberal collegiates, dark tortured artists and unkempt youngster hippies scattered amongst the tangle of easels and clay wheels.
Gerard, of course, had seated himself at one of the mismatched tables in the back, surrounded by pencils and water-color paints. I spotted him when he entered the room as I helped my mom spread out art supplies. He smiled slightly as he walked back but soon immersed himself in settling up his own supplies.
My mother, being who she was, felt the need to drag me around the room introducing me to her students and pulling me farther and farther away from Gerard. With every forced smile I felt my time to explain myself to him, although I still wasn't entirely sure what for, dwindling down. Finally, after hearing the last 'I thought she was younger!', I made my way through maze of tables to the seat next to the brooding artist.
"Hey." He was leaning over the table, his sleeves rolled past his forearms and his hair falling in his face. He flicked his eyes up at me, smiled and, just as quickly, focused them back on the sketches before him.
"Hi." I cleared my throat and shifted on the plastic orange chair. I hadn't thought much beyond the greeting, I was more concerned with actually cornering him.
"So, uh..." I wasn't much of a speaker. I preferred to let others speak while I simply listened and watched. I tugged my hair back and ventured a glance at the papers in front him.
His drawings were all in the same comic-book style framework except for the one in front of him. His strokes were sharp making even the most pristine settings, like the beach on the sheet in front of him, looked jagged and angular. A typical sunset at the beach, save for the silhouette of a man standing knee deep in the waves with what looked like a knife in his hand. The steel gray sky, pitch black sun and blood red water were all filled in with water-color. The man stayed etched in charcoal.
"It's beautiful." Gerard chuckled and leaned back stretching his arms above his head and cracking his neck.
"Is that all you wanted to talk about? Mybeautiful work." I blushed and leaned back from the table, realizing I had been hovering closely above his drawings. I tucked an imaginary strand of hair behind my ear and shifted once more in my seat.
"No I, uh... I wanted to apologize for not really talking to you in school anymore. I usually get pulled away or I'm afraid I'll intrude on you at lunch. It was never intentional and I feel kind of like I-"
"You ramble." Gerard started gathering his supplies together, putting the dry pages into his portfolio but leaving the bloody beach scene out. I sucked in my breath and closed my eyes trying to compose myself.
"Sorry."
"And you apologize too much. Really, it's okay." He shoved his portfolio into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. I watched as he glanced down at his work as if contemplating what to do with it. Finally, he pulled out a pen and signed the bottom, handing the page over to me.
"There. For when I'm a famous artist." I smiled and looked back up at him. His eyes held that kind of ambiguity I had been seeing so often. Behind the glint of his green eyes lay something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
"Come on. Everyone's leaving." I tore my gaze away from his and saw that everyone else was in fact packing up their things and getting ready to go home. My mother was struggling with one of the few guys in the class to haul the clay wheels to the corner. I figured she wouldn't mind if I waited for her outside.
"I'm glad you came over to talk to me." We sat on the curb in front of the small strip-mall housing the art store. Through the smudged window I could see some of my mother's students flocked inside the convenient store next door.
"Or rather, I'm glad you came to apologize." I could hear the slight chuckle in his voice and I turned my attention back to him. He sat with his forearms resting on his knees and a cigarette perched between his fingers. The glow from the store behind us reflected onto his back but cast his down-turned face in shadows.
"Don't feel bad for not being able to talk to me. Trust me. I understand what it's like to find people you just click with." He tilted his head up, exhaling a stream of smoke and conveying an air of wisdom and despair that was almost haunting.
"In this area, people tend to gravitate and stick with only those who understand them. They're the only people you can trust." I watched as the smoke surrounding him dissipated, only to be replaced soon after by another breath of nicotine. His eyebrows were knitted together and he licked his lips before throwing the cigarette to the wet pavement and standing up.
"My ride's here." I looked up as a dark blue car pulled into the parking lot and stopped up in front of us. I stood up and stepped onto the curb.
Gerard smiled and brushed his fingers through his dark hair, a few strands falling back into his pale face.
"You should come more often." I smiled and nodded, gesturing that I'd think about it. The passenger side window slid down, revealing a boy a recognized from school.
"Are you planning on getting in anytime soon?" His voice was more weary than angry.
"Yeah yeah." Gerard pried open the door and fell into the seat. He smiled one last time before the other boy put the car in drive and took off.
He made a u-turn at the other end of the parking lot, glancing at me briefly but locking eyes with me just long enough to leave me wondering exactly what shade his eyes were and whether or not I'd see him in school the next day.
click>>>
Hope that was worth the wait. I also hope I didn't lose too many reader's due to the wait.
