One-Shot | Your Memory Will Carry On | Frerard

Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep after monotonous beep.
That's all I heard for the past...
5 hours.
Or maybe it was 4? I wasn't sure because I had fallen asleep in the uncomfortable green chair. Maybe I had slept only 10 minutes. Perhaps I had been asleep for a day. I didn't care, nor did I want to know. All I wanted to know was when he would be okay.
By he I meant the man I was supposed to marry in 48 hours. The beautiful creature that had slipped a ring on my finger and asked to forever be with me until the day we parted ways in death. He was the man I had gotten into the accident with.
My beautiful Frankie.
I was near to tears when I thought about it. How he was clinging to life, the way those wires fed into him like he was some sort of science experiment.
On our way to a party Frank and I had gotten into a serious car crash. A person was killed. Luckily, it wasn't our fault. We were the ones hit.
I had never really prayed before but the past day or two that's all I had been doing. Frank was laying completely motionless on his hospital bed, his face was cut up and bruised. He had to get stitches in multiple places and he had a punctured lung. They were keeping him asleep and on several painkillers because if he were not the pain for him would be so excruciating it would knock him out anyway.
I was hoping and begging and pleading to God that he would pull through so I could marry him on Saturday.
I remembered the day he asked me to marry him...
+
"Geetaaaard." Frank sang as he came in through the door.
"Hey hon, what took you so long?" I asked, taking his coat off for him.
"Nothing, I just decided to get some candy...and some coffee." He replied.
"And some ice cream by the looks of it." I said, looking at the clear grocery bag.
"Yeah, I've decided, I want to be fat." He beamed.
"Fat?" I asked.
"No I'm kidding." He said before kissing me loudly at the corner of my mouth.
The sun dove into the horizon, the streetlamps came on and the clouds rolled in over the full moon. I was standing at the sink washing dishes from breakfast.
I felt as thought I was being watched from behind. And when the arms of comfirmation slid about my waist I smiled.
Frank blew cool air on the back of my neck and made me arch my spine. involuntarily. I pushed against him.
"Makes you horny doesn't it?" Frank whispered.
"What do you want?" I asked as I rinsed out a cup and get it on the rack to dry.
"I want to tell you you are the most amazing thing to ever come into my life." He said.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"No, that's not all actually. I also wanted to let you know it makes my heart twist when I wake up beside you." He said, kissing behind my ear.
Frank's voice was so deep and unsteady. It almost didn't suit a man who was merely 5 feet tall and looked like a child who had gotten into a fight with a marker and it ended up winning all over his eyes. But that was Frank's voice. And I loved it.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked him.
"I thought I would let you know."
"Or, you thought if you said all those romantic things I'd suck your dick tonight?" I asked him, trying to pull the truth out of him.
"That never crossed my mind." He said in a calm voice as he swayed me back and forth against his hips.
"Then why are you saying it?" I asked, still not convinced he wasn't doing it for sex.
"Well, I guess it was just leading up to a certain question..." He said.
Okay, I thought. Here it goes. 'Geeeeee?, can we have sex tonight? I haven't asked in a long time. Pleeeaaase?'
"And that is?"
Frank leaned in close to my ear and whispered. "I love you baby. I always have."
"I love me too." I said jokingly.
"Will you marry me?" He whispered in a hoarse voice that made my heart stop and re-start.
I dropped the dish that was in my hand and it clanked hard against the metal sink.
My mouth dropped as I turned around. He was there, smiling up a storm while my voice was struggling to come out.
"Marry you?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yeah. I want us to get married." He said.
Pools of shimmering tears formed at the corner of my eyes. Frank had proposed to me? How could that be?
"Yes...I will. I'll marry you." I replied as tears professed from my eyes.
+
Bringing up that picture in my head brought tears to the corners of my eyes. I looked down at the diamond decorated engagement band he gave me. It sparkled just like his eyes did.
It felt like our whole past together was flashing before me. All the little things he did to make me happy everyday and all the annoying things he did to make me want to hurt him severely.
+
I drove home one day after a terrible day at work expecting to come home to find Frank on his ass, eating all the food and watching cartoons.
I always came home to the house a stinking mess and Frank rarely did a thing to help. He kicked some dirty laundry into a corner but that was about it.
I parked my car beside Franks and dragged myself up the concrete walkway to the door. I noticed I didn't have to push the door against 4 different shoes to get it open completely.
I also took note to the fact that our array of jackets and hoodies were hung up. When I went through the living room door I saw there wasn't any day-old food on the table. Frank had cleaned the house.
"Frankie?" I called to him.
"In here." I heard him answer through the walls of our home.
I discovered him in the kitchen, seated at the table.
"You cleaned up?"
His perfect lips turned into a smile. "You like?"
"I love, thank you." I said, leaning over to give him a congradulatory kiss on the lips.
+
Would I ever be able to kiss those lips again? If Frank couldn't make it through this, how would I be able to function? I had based my entire life around him. Everyday needing to see him or hear him. Tending to his many and mostly unnecessary needs.
There was a gentle sound of voices outside the door. My senses perked up as I wiped the tear residue from my face.
A doctor and a nurse came in quietly, giving me a subtle nod and smile. Why were they smiling? Couldn't they see I was suffering?
"Any movement?" The doctor asked me.
I looked at Frank, wishing at that very moment his eyes would pop open. "No..." I sighed.
"Frank will be moved to a different ward in a few hours. Unfortunately there are strict visitation rules there." Said the doctor in that cocky I-make-more-money-in-a-week-than-you-make-in-3-years kind of way.
"What do you mean?" I asked in my hellooo?-famous-musician-you're-talking-to tone.
"Well, I mean you can't see him while he's there."
"But I have to!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry, the area is off limits to everybody but staff and patients." He said dryly.
I wanted to slam my fist into the doctor's face. I couldn't be taken away from Frank while he was like this.
I sighed and looked back at my angel-faced lover. Couldn't they see we were in love?
+
A year into our relationship Frank and I had built the courage to hold hands in public without caring. He even pecked me a few kisses here and there.
We were busying ourselves by looking at interesting items while holding hands when a disgusted 'ew' sound erupted from behind us.
I turned abruptly and saw a man who was older than us, glaring with disgust.
"What?" Frank asked, looking to where my eyes were directed.
"Get those fags out of here!" He said loudly so every other person in the store looked at us.
"Um, how about fuck off." Frank said plainly.
"Who let these queers in anyway?" The obnoxious gentleman continued.
I thought if we simply ignored him he would leave but nobody did a thing. And the man didn't ease up either.
"Seriously, it should be illegal for gays to be together in public."
It surprised me how calm Frank was about this. He was silently browsing and ignoring every crude comment thrown at us from behind.
"Somebody tell them to fucking leave. They're making everyone sick."
"That's it." Frank said in a low voice before letting go of my hand.
It happened so quickly it took a moment for me to process it but, Frank stormed up to the guy, wound up and let fly his fist. It made forceful contact with the man's face and he staggered backward.
"Shut the FUCK up!" Frank yelled.
My mouth took on a surprised O shape as my boyfriend turned about casually and rejoined hands with me. Naturally, everybody in the store came to see what the commotion was. The annoying man however, was suffering from one hell of a nosebleed while threatening to sue Frank for assault.
The store clerks shot us looks to say 'get out'. And we did, gladly.
+
I never noticed at first, but I always felt the tears as they reached my chin. Wiping them with a part of my sleeve, I sniffed back my emotions desperately. Frank was too wonderful to die.
For another hour Frank laid still as the dead. I could have sworn he had passed if it weren't for the beeping heart monitor to the right of him.
"Frankie, I don't know if you can hear me but .. I want you to know that I love you. And we need to get through this. You need to be strong for me okay? Because, once you wake up, we're going to get married. Remember? You were talking about it Frankie. You were saying how excited you were that we're finally going to get married." I said to him.
Even in his comatic state I tried talking to him. Maybe if he heard my voice amongst his dreamcast he could find the strength to pull through.
What the doctor said was true. He was in much too critical a condition to be kept any longer. I was forced to say goodbye to him for a couple of hours. I had called Mikey to pick me up and of course he had to ask.
"So, how is he?" Asked my little brother.
I stared at the floor of his car somberly. "He's bad. They won't even let me see him anymore."
Mikey's eyes watered over. Since we had been close for as long as we had known each other, my pain was his and his was mine. Mikey understood deeply the feelings I had for Frank. He knew how much I was looking forward to finally marrying him. And this upset in our lives was devastating for me.
"He'll get better. I know he will." Mikey said.
I let slip a tear before I eagerly brushed it away. Mikey drove me home and tried assuring me over and over. He offered to drive me to the hospital again that evening too.
I said goodbye to my brother with a long hug. He smiled and walked away to his car.
Turning back to look at our house brought on another string of colourful memories.
+
"Come on! C'mon c'mon c'mon!" Frank squealed childishly.
"I'm coming!" I said.
All our stuff had been moved into our new house. We hadn't seen the inside fully furnished yet.
Frank jumped up and down at the door impatiently.
"Gerard, your snail-like pace infuriates me." Frank warned me.
"All right, let's go in." I said.
We unlocked the door and pushed it open.
Inside was wonderful. My parents had arranged all our furniture for us as a surprise.
"Oh wow! It's awesome!" Frank cried, running through each doorway to examin the rooms.
I continued along silently, appreciating everything and realizing this was the house I was going to spend the rest of my life in when we weren't on tour.
I ambled along, losing sight of Frank. At my own rate I made it to our room, where Frank was already on the bed.
"It's comfy." He advised me.
"Looks like it." I said, crawling to his side.
He cuddled close to me.
"Are you happy?" He whispered.
"Yeah...I am."
"I'm happy." He said.
"Good."
That was the whole point anyway
+
Now the house seemed empty, lifeless. No sounds, nothing to do but wait and worry and cry. I hoped the phone would ring but it never did. Something else to upset me.
It rolled around to 6:30 and I started to panic. Why wasn't the hospital calling me? Why wasn't anybody checking to see if things were okay? How was it that I had only heard from my brother and a snotty doctor all day?
I wanted to hear Frankie...
+
"Gerard."
"What?"
"Gerard?"
"What?"
"GeraaAAaarrd?"
"WhaaAAAAt!?"
"Whatcha doing Gee?"
"Watching TV Frank."
"Gerard?"
"What?"
"Gerard."
"What."
"Hey Gerard!"
"What..."
"Whatcha doin now?"
"Same thing."
"Gerard."
"What Frank?"
"Why ya watchin TV?"
"Because I want to."
"Gerard?"
"What."
"TV isn't good for you."
"Oh well I guess."
"Gerard."
"What!?"
"Whatcha watchin'?"
"TV."
"Gerard?"
"What do you want?"
"You didn't answer me."
"CSI for fuck's sake."
"Gerard."
"Leave me alone."
"Gerard."
"What?"
"CSI is boring."
"Clearly."
"Gerard?"
"...hm."
"I love you."
"Yepp."
"Gerard?"
"Whaaat?"
"Change the channel."
"Fuck a goat."
"Change the channel."
"Fuck off."
"Change the channel."
"Go away!"
"Gerard?"
"What?"
"CHANGE IT!"
"NO! Get the hell away from me!"
"Change it please."
"No."
"Gerard?"
"What the FUCK do you want from me?"
"I love you."
"I love you too now would you just SHUT UP!?"
"Okay."
+
Even if Frank was among the world's most annoying people, it still wouldnt be the same without me getting angry occasionally at him.
I tried to busy myself with regular tasks but most of them went deserted or incompleted. I decided enough was enough. I called Mikey and told him to bring me back to the hospital.
The ride was silent, the walk to the doors was silent. Everything was silent until we reached the desk. They told us to wait a few minutes. I questioned that.
"Where is he? Is he okay?" I asked the fat receptionist.
"What is your relationship with Mr. Iero?" She asked as if she couldn't tell.
"I'm his fiance. We're supposed to be getting married tomorrow." I said.
She tipped her half circle glasses at me.
"Fiance?" She repeated.
"Yeah."
"And who are you to him?" She asked Mikey who idled behind me patiently.
"Uh..brother-in-law." He replied.
Hearing Mikey say that made me happy for a couple of seconds. But that was taken away when the intolerant secretary spoke.
"You're going to have to wait." She said, motioning towards the waiting room.
I looked at the heavily furnished area with dissaproval.
"Is he going to be okay?" I asked.
"You're going to have to talk to his doctors, but for now ... have a seat." She said firmly.
I was mildly horrified she would use that tone with expectant relatives of dying patients. It's not like my world wasn't dark enough already at the moment.
Mikey and I sat next to each other.
"He'll be okay Gerard. Don't worry." Said my brother.
I looked at him, incredulous. How could I not worry? This was my fiance in the hospital.
In less time than I expected, the doctor showed up and gestured for us to come to him. I did while swallowing my voice.
"It looks like Frank is showing signs of recovery. He woke up not too long ago but he's still quite drowsy from the medication. We-"
"I don't care can I see him now!?" I exclaimed.
"Well sure, right through here." The white jacketed man said.
He lead us to a room with even more machines than the other one. Frank was laying down, hands clasped loosely and a vacant expression on his face.
"Frankie!" I cried as I approached him.
He turned his head in my direction lazily.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Good." He said in a cracking whisper that made him sound years older.
He attempted a smile but his swollen features wouldn't allow it. I kissed him gently on the lips as Mikey stood infront of the bed, smiling.
"Oh my God. You don't even know how scared I was. Frankie! You have no idea." I said.
My body filled with hot relief and happiness. He was alive and he was going to get better. Perhaps there needed to be some rescheduling of our wedding date but it was better than no wedding at all.
"I love you baby." I said to him.
In Frank's eyes I could sift through and find that cute smile that wanted to show.
"I love you too Gerard." He said.
I sunk to my knees beside him and took his hand.
He looked at me.
I closed my eyes to try and prevent anymore tears from falling.
Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice that didn't belong to Frank or Mikey. All three of us looked and saw Ray and Bob at the door.
"Hey guys. How's Frankie?" Ray asked, happy to see Frank's eyes open.
"Scared the shit out of me kid." Bob said.
Frank showed the happy warmness he felt through his eyes. No matter how dead his body felt to him, his eyes were always alive and full of activity.
Frank turned his head to me again.
"You'll still marry me?" He asked.
As quick as his words were said my tears came forth again. This time Mikey, Ray and Bob showed some shine in there eyes.
"Yes, you'll get better soon and then we'll get married just like I promised." I said in a wavering voice.
"I love you." He whispered, caressing softly my cheek with his hand.
"I love you too."

I am not afraid to keep on living.
Aw. one shot.