There was a time when I used to think my prince charming would come and sweep me off my feet.
More so in the literal sense.
I was a day dreamer. My life revolved around my little fantasies of a better life, a nice family, happy ending.
I figured, during early teenage years, that life wasn't worth living.
I tried multiple ways to 'break that terrible habit of living.' Different methods to dying.
All of them failed. They just landed me in the hospital, more often than not.
Until my third visit to the hospital.
That's where it all happened. The ending I was looking for.
His name was Brendon.
I need water...
Oh, maybe that nurse sitting next to me will get me some.
I asked her. She looked up, "You're up? Good, good... Do you want anything?"
To die.
Or water. I asked her again.
It came out in an unintelligible babble.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
I focused hard on the word, and forced out, "Water."
She picked up. And got me my water. I thought I was going to die of thirst.
And it would be her fault. And then she'd get fired. And I'd be so much happier.
It's people like her who only make my life worse.
"Okay, we're going to take you into a regular room now, okay?"
I just rolled my eyes. Like I had a choice.
"Hey," a boy said to me.
Was a stuck in a room with an annoying boy? Please, let me strangle myself with my IV cord. Honest to god, that would be more tolerable.
"What are you in here for?"
Nosy, much?
I rolled my eyes, "Failed suicide attempt."
He looked shocked. Maybe I can go back to sleep now?
"Oh, I'm sorry..." Nope. I guess not.
"Whatever. How about you?"
If he's gonna keep on talking, might as well at least pretend I care, right?
He is kinda cute, though. Too bad he's probably gay.
"I had my tonsils taken out. They were swollen as hell."
That's... Nice?
"Oh. I see. Do you get to eat a lot of ice cream now?"
He grinned, "You bet. Except it'll probably just go straight to my ass..."
Yeah, he's gay.
"Hmm..." I said, looking at my nails. They were gross.
Finally it was silent. Maybe there really is a god.
"Why'd you do it, if you don't mind me asking...?" He asked quietly.
I guess there isn't.
I've known this kid for like, not even five minutes, and he's already prying?
He must have noticed the look on my face. He said, "Oh... Yeah, I guess you might not feel comfortable with telling me that... So, hi, I'm Brendon. What's your name?" He has the cutest lopsided smile.
"Allie."
"Hmm... That's a pretty name."
I rolled my eyes, "Thanks. You're kind of pretty yourself."
He laughed, "I get that often."
"From your boyfriends, I'm assuming?"
He frowned, "Whoa, not cool... For the record, I usually hear it from little sister's friends."
"Her guy friends?"
"I'm not... Whatever. You're mean. Why'd they put you in my room?"
I shrugged, "Why did they put me in a room with an annoying boy?" But there was a shadow of a smile on my lips. He caught it.
"So where's your family? I'm assuming they'd want to see their little baby girl after her suicide attempt?"
I laughed, "Please, they gave up on me after my fourth try."
Brendon looked surprised. "I'm... Sorry?"
"Yeah, me too."
"Hmmm, and so my friend was like, 'I don't suck, I blow.' And it was so funny, because he's like... This tiny little creature and... Oh, hey mom."
Killer story, Brendon. You should tell it at parties.
He looks exactly like his mom. Why wasn't she here earlier? I never did ask Brendon.
"Mom, this is Allie. She was wheeled into the room right after you left."
"Nice to meet you, Allie."
I mumbled the same to her.
"Hmm, maybe we should hang out sometime, Allie. Then you can tell me how you got in here. I think I'm going to get to leave now, as soon as the nurse comes in and gets me ready."
I tried not to smile. Life is just one disappointment after another. Who's to say he'll remember me once he leaves this room?
"Okay... Maybe we should."
He grinned, "Great! When are you going to get out?"
I shrugged, "I don't know... In a couple of days, maybe."
Brendon hesitated for a moment, "Would you... If I give you my number, would you promise to call me when you get out?"
I rolled my eyes, "I don't see why not..."
"Okay, I'll give it to you in a minute. Hi, nurse. Can you get this needle out of my hand?"
I smiled softly. I wish I could be like him. That I could enjoy life in a completely care-free way.
"Okay, here's my number," he said, writing it on a sheet of paper, and putting it on my bed. "I'll talk to you later, right?"
I gave him a small smile, "Sure. Don't eat too much ice cream..."
He looked confused for a moment, but then he laughed. "Right. I won't."
He had a nice body. I'd hate to see it go to waste because of a little too much ice cream.
"Bye," I said softly, once he had left the room.
You can calm me down, I can't say why [Ending 1]
But I feel you gone & I've lost a thousand Julys [Ending 2]
I'm free. Finally. I can leave this place.
It's been six days. The doctors had to make sure my vital signs were stable. It took six long, tedious, endless days to ensure the stability of my vitals.
But, I'm finally good to go. Mom said to take the bus home.
Not even that will get me down. I can finally go home, and call Brendon.
I had an epiphany while sharing a hospital room with him.
Life seems to only be as good as you make it.
Most of the time.
It's not too late to try to turn it around. There are people out there who like me. Brendon proved that.
In a way, Brendon saved my life.
And, I'm going to get the chance to thank him.
Maybe not right away, but, once he gets my full story, I'll thank him.
I'll tell him how glad I am that I was put in his room.
I'll tell him how grateful I am that he decided to talk to me.
I'll tell him how I never want to think to think of suicide again.
I'll tell him how I owe him my life.
I'll tell him how much I think I like him.
I'm free. Finally. I can leave this place.
It's been six days. The doctors had to make sure my vital signs were stable. It took six long, tedious, endless days to ensure the stability of my vitals.
It'll take me less than six minutes to make them nonexistent.
I'm not going home. Mom was so naive to think that I would go straight home.
I threw Brendon's number out days ago. I almost feel bad that he's probably anticipating my call.
He'll never know what happened to me.
I almost feel bad. But not quite.
I didn't know him. He didn't know me. I shared a hospital room with him. It's as simple as that.
He pitied me, I pitied him. That's the beginning and the end of the story.
He made me realize how empty my life is. How I've never been happy. My mom never told any of my friends "It's nice to meet you."
I never had any friends. Brendon felt sorry for me. He reacted the way anybody else would.
Tonight, when I finally manage to succeed, I'm not going to feel any regrets.
I'll only feel free.
The only thing I wasn't counting on, was Brendon finding me in the park.
Brendon getting me to the hospital.
The only thing that shocked me more, was him crying.
Saying something I couldn't hear.
I wish I could have heard it, but by then it was too late.
