I've Been Alone All Along... I'm No-One, Just Beth Rivers \\The Real Meaning Of A Hogwarts Hell\\ CHPT FORTY-THREE

There was a good enough reason for enjoying the day as you had planned, laughing hysterically while throwing snowballs at the ones you had come to know and love. Your mood had changed drastically since you had tip-toed out of Nathan's bed and ran for your own, in fear of someone catching you sneaking out of his dorm. You didn't particularly know why you were feeling such a way, but as you stared on at Justin tormenting Padma with snowballs and Gareth quietly sulking a few benches down from yourself and Nathan, knew it couldn't be pleasant.
Nathan's hand lifted up from his lap, moving towards your own at a snails pace on the numbing bench you were both occupying. He curled his fingers around your own and slowly, shifted himself closer. His mood had changed harshly as well, this morning he had at least cracked half a smile watching as you fled from his room in a hilarious panic, while Gareth chuckled madly from his bed across the dimly lit room. Maybe the both of your moods had changed and turned into something morbid and sorrow, because, after today and after the next one, you would both be boarding the Hogwarts Express. Coming back the next year, not knowing one another half as well as you did now, knowing that you had both somehow changed over the holidays; whether it would be for better or for worse.
Padma's squeals once again filled the frost bitten air, the snow beginning to sprinkle down lightly. Considering how miserable both you and Nathan were at this present time, it was quite the coincidence how the pair of you cocked your heads toward the grey coloured sky, no clouds in sight, and cracked a small smile at "god's good hearted gesture". Nathan, not taking his eyes off the sight, leaned in towards you.
'I don't think there has ever been a snow day at Hogwarts, where it isn't raining as well as snowing,' he paused, and cleared his throat, now tearing his worrisome eyes upon your deep set ones. Padma's laughs were heard in the background.
'I don't recall such a thing either,' you muttered, tightening the grip he had forced upon one of your hands. 'But ah, isn't it pretty?'
'Very,' Nathan nodded, turning to look back up toward the sky as silence became a comfort for the both of you. If you talked about leaving one another, talked about never being able to contact one another through out the holidays well, it would be pretty painful. A hole in your heart was already beginning to form, and you hadn't said a word about going home, they were just thoughts. You were thinking these things (as you guessed Nathan was as well) and it was already making you feel so much hurt.
'This is supposed to be a happy day you two,' Gareth's voice echoed from the bench he had refused to move from, his facial expression however did not match his words, nor the excited tone he had projected toward you both. He looked quite fed up, really, far from his happy self this morning. It seemed everyone's mood had changed since this morning, maybe it was the realization that was setting in, making people change quickly. Although, and you smiled at this thought, Padma and Justin hadn't backed down to the sombre atmosphere created by the remaining three of the group.
'Want to build a snowman?' Nathan asked, half heartedly. His voice was blank, his voice was steady; his voice was riddled with pain. You looked at him slowly, tracing your eyes along the snowy grounds before latching onto his light brown eyes gold eyes, if you must. Amazing eyes. Beautiful eyes...
'I-I'm not really in the mood, Nathan,' you told him darkly, wrapping your blue scarf around your neck even tighter. One more pull of the toggle and you might just suffocate right then and there.
'That's ok,' he replied, his voice depressing you even further, 'neither am I, if you must know the truth.'
'Should I be afraid to ask why?' you croaked. You knew as soon as those words had ridded themselves from your mouth, you shouldn't have said them. Now that hole in your heart was becoming a scene out of a sci-fi thriller movie; where meteors had left huge gaping holes in the deserts of Roswell only your heart could not possibly be compared to likes of meteors and such other things.
'Apart from me leaving you?' Nathan questioned, you didn't have an answer for him. He sighed, looking on at Justin and Padma whom were now swinging in one another's arms, laughing and joking around as Justin fixed the last button onto the snowman's face, creating a whopper sized smile, one that wasn't realistic, but one that beautifully demonstrated how they were both feeling at this moment.
'We should be doing that,' Nathan coughed bitterly. It wasn't as if, like you, he were happy for both Padma and the "lucky twin". It was as if he were jealous.
You frowned, pursed your lips together and caught on at that very point in time, that it was only the four of you sat outside in the freezing snow, shivering and stuffy; blocked and red noses. Others most probably thought you were all mad for doing it while they were in their common rooms, all students bungled up next to the crackling fire. Your skin actually became a tad warmer after imagining this scene.
'...And then there's Zabini,' Nathan interrupted, his tone scary but protective; full of hate and much worse so, full of anger. Again you felt it your place, not to reply to something a slip of the tongue. Thrown out so casually.
Nathan turned to you, whole body wise, not just those striking golden eyes viewing you once more; he also pulled away from your hand, making you fear for what he was going to say. Was he going to blow up again? You closed your eyes, smelling strangely salt, as if the snowflakes had originally been the oceans water.
'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' he demanded, his hands fastened tightly into his cloaks pocket. Your breathing increased, your head shaking, your arms went up into the air as you turned to him quickly; wanting him so desperately to understand.
'I-I don't know, I was... I was scared, I suppose. It's not something I could just come out and say, Nathan,' you paused, thinking Nathan were due to a reply, but he remained silent. You made a "tsking" sound. 'Look, can we stop talking about it? Can we not talk about it again?'
'I don't know about never talking about it again, Beth,' his face was maddened.
'Ok, fine,' you sniffed, pausing between both short words. You turned away from him and sought ease by crossing both arms, 'just not today,' you told him quietly. Nathan merely nodded, him too turning away from you and resorting to look back up toward the sky. The alluring grey sky.
Without any indication he was going to do so, Nathan retrieved his closest hand out from his pocket, and locked it into yours once again. You beamed gratitude towards him, but he hadn't taken his eyes from the angelic sight yet to be noticed.
Everyone was now silent; there was no laughter from Justin or Padma. One look towards them gave everyone the reason why, as they were tightly squeezing onto one another, gnawing each others faces off, although, Padma being classy and respectable because of her delicate heritage, did it to such a way where people looked on and let an "awe-ing" sound pass through their lips.
Gareth had now pulled away from his resident bench, striding over to you and Nathan, who sat there sullen, continuing, and without any intentions of stopping, gazing up at the skies. Gareth plonked himself down beside you. Nathan didn't bother to recognise him, but you however turned to acknowledge him.
'I guess it's just one of those days where everyone is miserable and lazy, right?' Gareth asked as you grinned at him.
'Seems that way, huh?'
'All of course, except for Padma and Justin, who look like a demented pairing,' he snipped out of the blue. You didn't have any comment to give him about this. 'I suppose I should be happy for them. See, there's this girl-'
'The Hufflepuff?' Nathan's first words to him. Gareth attempted to smirk, but it didn't look genuine enough to you.
'Yeah. I stopped and talked to her today, before we all came out here to watch those two going at it,' he paused and let out a sigh. 'I like her though, she's... pretty, I guess.'
Another deadly silence persisted to carry on. You couldn't think of anything else to say, really. Maybe your brain was on hiatus and it seemed, so was Nathan's. Gareth however, continued to talk for the next ten minutes; which no one complained about, it was actually quite nice to talk about something other than the new problems facing your relationship with Nathan, or at least, not to think about them.
'Hey guys,' Padma called, the moment Gareth had finished what he was saying. 'Want to come help?' she asked politely, a grin as big as Columbia spread across her face as she pointed to Justin, who was rolling up new balls of snow to make for the next snowman.
'Um... Well...'
'I don't believe it!' Gareth cut you off, outraged. Padma had turned to see what he was gawking at, her flattering smile fading instantly as Justin stopped what he was doing and strode behind her. Nathan had immediately stood up and you now resorted to glaring back down to the snow, like a scared dog with its tail in between its legs.
'Alright, are we?' Draco smirked sarcastically, Blaise standing behind him as was his usual croons. Everyone from Nott to Parkinson, to the fat freeloaders, all snickering as their leader stood in front.
'You all better get the hell out of my sight,' Nathan warned dangerously, 'especially you, Zabini.'
'Oh, don't I feel special you singled little old me out,' Blaise sniggered, stepping right beside Draco and you could tell, he were just a little higher up in Draco's books than the rest.
'I'm warning you,' Nathan's voice shook. Blaise however ignored his threats and instead turned his focus onto Padma and Justin; roaring with laughter the moment he saw Justin put a protective arm around Padma.
'Oh darling,' he chuckled, 'please tell me you are not seeing that idiot? You're not my type but you could do so much better for yourself.'
'Your type?' Padma stated abruptly, 'who would want to be your type?'
Blaise went mute for a minute, and, as if you had seen this playing out in your head so many times, turned his gaze onto you.
'Hmm, let me think for a second...' he mumbled, expressing a train of thought. 'Rivers... Who do you think would be my type?'
'You leave her alone!' Padma yelled, clenching both fists as Draco raised both eyebrows and shook his head, misunderstood. Blaise seemed content with himself as Draco began the long winding road to sticking up for his friend.
'I'm sure Rivers has a voice of her own,' Draco snapped, Pansy snorting behind him. Gareth had looked at you, along with the group of Slytherins; but Nathan, Padma and Justin hadn't taken their eyes from Blaise.
'Say something,' Gareth pressured you in a whisper, 'even if it's just "shut up."
'Pathetic!' Blaise roared. 'Need a little encouragement, Rivers? Ah, well, you know just where you can come if you need any, don't you?' and with that he winked, not at you, but to Nathan.
'Fucking stay away from her, you hear me?!' Nathan screamed which shocked everyone standing in the snowy grounds. Blaise had shut up for a bit after Nathan's outburst, perhaps a little scared, but trying with everything he had to prove his hard as nails demeanour, chuckled again.
'I don't understand you, mate,' he shrugged. Draco, however, wasn't looking at anyone; he too was staring at the skies, as if this scene wasn't happening. It was as if he were alone. 'You've got all these friends, all these girls wanting to get with you and yet you're with her - a cheating cow.'
'Cheating?!' even you couldn't deny the shock value of the Slytherins with the way Nathan was approaching things. His voice wasn't calm or reserved or sarky like he used to be with them, it was full of so much repulsion, so much detestation of the group. It scared you, and most probably them too. 'So when your girlfriend gets raped, is that cheating? Is it? That's her fucking fault, eh?'
'Rape?' Padma's beautiful brown skin actually became pale; her skin drained and even though she was your best friend, never expected her to do what she did. She whipped out her wand without any second thought about it. Gareth and Justin (making you even more overwhelmed) had also done so, there hands shaking, making their almost identical wands quiver as well. You stood on your feet, knowing Nathan (thankfully) had left his wand in his room.
'You fucker!' Justin spat, as Padma's eyes became deranged and mad.
'I didn't rape her!' Blaise protested with a hint of panic in his voice. Of course he was panicking; three different wands by three angry holders were being pointed directly at him.
You stepped forwards, placing a hand on Nathan's shoulder as his gaze never faltered away from Blaise's. You leaned in toward his ear. 'Let's go, please Nathan? One more punch on with any of them and you'll get expelled. I don't want that to happen, Nathan. Please?' you cooed, your voice soothing him almost as the tension in his back soon became relaxed.
'I can't, Beth,' was all he said, he didn't even turn to look at you as he said this. Right now, right at this moment, the Slytherins were not a concern of yours; you had blocked them out of sight, forgotten them there and forgotten the wands pointed on Blaise... It was just you and Nathan at this moment.
'Do it for me!? Please, Nathan? Do it for me?' You didn't want to resort to a guilt trip, but had no other choice. Returning to Hogwarts without Nathan would be hell. He kept you half sane, at least.
'All right,' he nodded, as you grabbed his arm and began to back track your footsteps. He followed a few seconds later as you gripped your hand around his own. Padma lowered her wand as the twins did, beginning to stalk after you. You were sure you had seen Padma mouth "you wait" to Blaise, which made you feel -even if it sounded weird or wrong- loved, or in some aspect of the word, at least.
All four of you began to walk away from the fight picked by the Slytherins. If you would have turned around, you would have witnessed Draco cocking his head for everyone to leave, and they all followed Draco's orders, except for Blaise, whom was boiling with rage. Without any sign (the Slytherins hadn't even realized one missing from their worthless gang) Blaise began to power walk toward the four of you, whose backs were turned. You were about to enter through one of the doors, which led into the hallway, but you felt Nathan tug away from you, well, rather being dragged violently away from your side.
'NO!' Padma screeched. You turned around, your heart pounding rapidly against your chest as you watched Blaise throw an already bloody Nathan onto the snow; and as a result, some of the snow had turned into a pinkish colour.
Your eyes grew bold and your stomach began to vomit constantly inside you. You clutched onto it, watching as Nathan refused to fight back. You looked at Draco quickly, who was already staring at you, refusing to do anything about it. There were only so many things he could control. Granted, he controlled Blaise, but he only controlled him to an extent. You tore your eyes away from his unapologetic grey ones, back onto Nathan whom was coughing repeatedly.
You went to grab one of the twins' wands out of their hands. It was all happening so quickly. You knew no one could properly react yet, no one really understood, except for yourself as it seemed the scene was slowed down in only your eyes. You extended your hand outright, clutching onto Justin's wand and whipped it out of his hand, pointing it directly onto Blaise and as though your anger could not be contained toward him any longer; began to howl the words Crucio.
'Stupefy!'
Blaise was thrown back, thrown against the wall, and, without seeing who cast the spell, you ran over to help Nathan, who was still doubled over, blood dripping off his chin and wheezing. You grabbed his shoulders and with Justin's help, lifted him up off the ground. Your first thought was to look over to Draco and his goons, but they were nowhere in sight. They had vanished.
'WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!'
It was McGonagall, stalking over toward the four of you gathered around Nathan. Her nostrils were flaring and her face looked strained, as if she were constipated. Padma and the twins backed away, but you, however, did not, preferring to remain by Nathan's side as McGonagall came to his front, and tilted her head to see if he was alright. She was shaking, you were scared stiff, as everyone else was, also. You turned to look over your shoulder. Blaise was still banged up against the wall, looking slightly confused and out of it as it seemed, as if he were drunk.
'Do not give that boy sympathy!' Someone declared in a hissing tone as McGonagall was talking in a humbled voice to Nathan, she looked even angrier that she had been interrupted. You looked to your left to see Snape marching over, his greasy black hair covered in those beautiful snowflakes. McGonagall looked less than impressed as she pointed her wand at Nathan and healed his bleeding sores, for the most part ignoring Snape, but that was fairly hard to do as he stopped by her side, he too, angered. 'I saw what happened,' Snape was furious, but admittedly not as furious as McGonagall. 'I saw Mr Phillips here, lash out at Mr Zabini!'
Padma gasped. The twins both shouted out "bollocks" together and you were so infuriated Snape would go as low as to lie. 'Oh is that right?' McGonagall flared up, 'because from what I saw it was Mr Zabini whom dragged this poor boy onto the ground, in a violent rage, Professor Snape.'
Thank god, she had seen it. Thank god, McGonagall had witnessed all. Thank god, Nathan was ok for the moment. Oh how you wanted to hug and worship McGonagall, the stern teacher, right now.
'Miss Rivers, please take him to the hospital wing,' McGonagall asked calmly, although you could tell she was still enraged by not only Blaise, but also by Snape.
You nodded your head and began your short journey to the hospital wing, carrying Nathan with you as he limped along with your pace. Turning around to look over your shoulder one last time, to see the humiliation draw across Snape's face as McGonagall had caught him out on the inconsiderate lie. What a low-life asshole, you thought bitterly and above all, disgusted as you entered one of the many corridors, Nathan being supported half conscious by draping his arm over your shaking shoulders.