I've Been Alone All Along... I'm No-One, Just Beth Rivers \\The Real Meaning Of A Hogwarts Hell\\ CHPT FORTY-FOUR

'I can't believe you didn't fight back,' you said softly to Nathan, once safely back in the common room some four hours after the incident where Blaise had attacked your boyfriend. Both your friends and the Slytherin gang had been called up to Professor Dumbledore's office, one by one, and lectured on proper behaviour and setting better examples for students, before Dumbledore, Umbridge, Snape and McGonagall, who, surprisingly, gave you a warm smile when you left the office so Padma could go in to give her take on the situation. Blaise was guilty, and everyone (minus the Slytherins) said so, which landed Blaise with a months worth of detentions when you all came back from holidays, something that he wasn't too happy about, apparently.

Everyone minus you and Nathan were down at dinner, whereas you chose to grab some food from the kitchens and eat alone with him, so he wouldn't have to face everyone and put up with their gossip and questioning looks as to what was going on. You were both proud of him for not fighting and angry for him not fighting, as he let himself get beat up, but would've at least protected himself a little better if he'd done something rather than nothing. You were overjoyed that he'd stuck up for you, but horrified that he'd let slip that Blaise had abused you in front of all your friends (who you were now having a hard time looking at). Padma was most hurt by you not telling her what happened, but, at the same time, she was the most understanding, knowing it wouldn't have been an easy thing to talk about. They now knew the reason you'd ripped all your hair out and tried to hide whenever you saw the Slytherins pass you in the hallways or at dinner, quite simply, you were terrified that Blaise could do it to you again.

'You asked me not to, so I didn't,' Nathan said quietly before beginning to chew some of his vegetables slowly, swallowed, and then continued. 'I mean, I wanted to. I really wanted to smash his face in, but you asked me not to, so I didn't,' he said honestly, and then coughed a few times, a look of pain on his face. You adopted a caring and sympathetic look on your own features and watched on painfully as Nathan closed his eyes and steadied his breathing that seemed to have gotten short. Nathan had broken one of his ribs and punctured his right lung, Madam Pomfrey had fixed him up in no time, but he was still rather breathless from it and very sore. There were bruises all over his face and chest, and cuts on his cheeks where Blaise had sliced open his skin, he looked a right mess, but you'd never thought he looked more gorgeous in your life, as you knew, that each of his wounds, he'd gotten defending you and you'd do anything to repay him for it.

'Need another pillow?' you asked softly and made a move to get up from where you sat on the rug before the fire and retrieve a pillow from a nearby couch, but Nathan grabbed onto your hand lightly and you stopped. You smiled sadly as you saw him looking so sadly up at you from where he lay, slightly propped up, on the couch as the firelight radiated across his bare chest, making all the bruises seem darker and worse than they really were.

'I'm fine, really,' he said quietly and offered a small reassuring smile, one which you mimicked and settled back down on your spot on the ground. Your plate was beside you and its contents were hardly touched as you watched Nathan with adoration, wondering just how much pain he was in.

'Thank you, for what you did today,' you said modestly before shyly turning to look at your plate where you stabbed a carrot with your fork and began to twirl it about slowly in the air. 'I've... I've never had someone fight for me before, defending me-'

'Overlooked the other times, eh?' Nathan said with a chuckle, one which you weakly smiled at and shook your head slowly from side to side.

'They were different; you went looking for trouble those times and belt that asshole into last Tuesday. This was different, because you were defending me, and were mature enough not to get involved... even if I wish you had now, seeing how much damaged was caused-'

'Oh please, Beth, my grandmother could do worse, and she's in her seventies.' You couldn't help but chuckle at that, and were pleased to see that Nathan smiled at you in a charming way, before he ran his hand along his side, looking in a bit of pain.

'Do you want to go back to the hospital wing?' you asked, concern lacing your every syllable, but Nathan merely shook his head quickly from side to side.

'No, that only means that that moron will think he's capable of putting me in the hospital wing for the night, when we know that's not the case,' he said, forcing a grin. You didn't return one as you looked at him with worry, biting softly down upon your bottom lip, to which he sighed, 'Beth, I'm fine, really. Please stop worrying... Merlin, I think I'm beginning to know how you feel with people always watching over you,' you couldn't help but smile a little at that before turning your head down as it grew into a larger beam, not wanting him to see you so happy that he was getting a taste of his own medicine. 'Don't think I can't see you grinning, Beth,' Nathan said in a playful tone, to which your smile grew and your shoulders began to tremble a little as you tried your hardest to contain your laughter. Nathan decided to chuckle softly instead, before halting abruptly and groaning in pain, 'ok, please don't make me laugh.'

'I wasn't,' you said, looking up as you bit the corner of your mouth hard to stop the beam on your face showing as you tried to keep a serious appearance to show that you really did care about his wellbeing, rather than your own personal amusement. You dropped the smile and looked at him with adoration again as he moved his plate from his lap and began to lightly knead the right side of his waist, just below where he broke a rib that went into his lung. You sighed sadly and scooted closer to him, before taking his plate and putting it beside yours before it fell and shattered on the ground and the vegetables got mashed into the carpet.

'I love you,' you said softly as you gently picked up his left hand lying immobile from near his hip and thread your fingers through the gaps in his at an odd angle, before looking up at him with a bashful smile gracing your lips. 'I'm sorry for always causing trouble, Nathan, I don't mean it to happen,' you looked from one of his mysterious brown eyes to the other and back again, before shyly hanging your head. 'Trouble just seems to find me, and I'm sorry that you, and Padma and the twins keep getting involved and hurt-'

'Beth, where is this coming from?' Nathan asked, confused as he settled himself into a more comfortable position and seemed to relax a little while the pain in his bruised body subsided a little.

You shrugged lamely, 'I don't know, but I just don't want anything happening to you again because of me-'

'Why does this sound like you're about to break up with me?' Nathan asked incredulously, to which your head snapped up and you looked at him with wide eyes.

'What gave you that idea?' you asked in a rushed voice before continuing before Nathan could comment, 'I'm just saying I'm sorry for all the shit that I've caused, I don't want to break up with you... Why? Do you want to break up with me?' your heart skipped a beat and again you kept talking before Nathan could say yes or no. 'I guess I don't blame you, I'm nothing but trouble and I'm not exactly a good girlfriend if I tell my boyfriend not to fight and defend himself-'

'Beth-'

'So he'll get the shit kicked out of him and injured-'

'Beth-!'

'And then realise that I'm not worth all the trouble-'

'Beth!'

'And that I'm just a pain in his a-'

'BETH!'

You snapped out of it as you heard Nathan shout that at you from a mere two feet away, before starting to cough loudly and look in extreme pain, gripping tightly onto his side where the worst damage was done. You immediately snapped into a mothering mode you didn't know you possessed, and moved closer to him, and promptly began to fuss over all his wounds, especially his previously punctured lung.

'I'm sorry, Nathan, look, I've just gone and proved what a hopeless girlfriend I am if I can hurt you again just by talking-'

'Beth-'

'And not paying attention to you and your needs when you're in pain-'

'Merlin, Beth!'

'And focus on my own worries rather than the things going on around me-'

'Beth! Will you-'

'When it can be potentially dangerous. Hell, Nathan, I dont blame you for wanting to break up with me, I'm just an accident waiting to happen and-' your words were promptly cut off by Nathan putting his arm about your neck and roughly pulling your body closer to his, only for your lips to collide with his, along with your foreheads, in his attempt at making you shut up. You were in such a state of shock that your eyes were wide open as your lips met, but as soon as your brain worked out what was going on, you smiled slightly into the kiss and closed your eyes, responding gently to his delicate kisses that ended all too soon.

Nathan broke off your kiss and allowed you to lean back in his tight grip still clamped around your neck. 'Merlin, you could talk the leg off a rhino if you really got going, yanoe that?' You could feel a blush growing on the apples of your cheeks, to which you briefly broke his eye contact and resumed with a small smile on your face as your eyes spotted a charming grin imprinted upon his lips. 'I don't want to break up with you, silly, so stop worrying about it, ok?' he inquired, to which you nodded your head, feeling Nathan's hand gently massage the back of your neck within the small bristles of hair at the base of your now short hair. 'Good.'

'I'm sorry-'

He shook his head from side to side slowly, smiling slightly before he spoke as his gaze fell upon his bruised chest, which yours similarly followed. You both seemed to take in all the purple, yellow and scaringly off-colour green bruises lining his body with the same thought in your mind, this happened for love. Nathan's love for you allowed him to take a vicious beating without question, one which had hurt him badly, no matter how much he pretended otherwise, as you could see the truth lined in his looks of pain, and his stunning eyes which never lied. Nathan's grip about your neck lessoned from the tighter grip he'd originally used, to one of comfort and tenderness, making you feel loved and special as you lent your forehead against his, trying not to lay on him in anyway as you sat awkwardly beside him on the couch.

'This is nothing Beth, really, so don't worry about it, I'm just glad this happened to me rather than you. You've been through enough-'

'I'd rather it had happened to me, that way you wouldn't be hurt like this,' you interrupted him sadly. 'You still didn't deserve this-'

'It's nothing, really,' Nathan assured you before pulling you closer, no matter how hard you tried to pull away for fear of putting pressure on his wounds, but Nathan seemed determined to show you that he was fine, and instead allowed you to lie by his side, your body held firmly against his uninjured side by his strong embrace. Your left hand gently lay against his injured side, massaging the tender and bruised skin gently for him, to which Nathan didnt seem to mind as it eased the pain a little. You smiled as his lips brushed against your forehead and his grip about you tightened somewhat, pulling you closer to him. You lifted your head from resting against his chest and looked down at Nathan with zeal and admiration, removing your hand from his waist and gently placed it against his cheek, to which he smiled at a little more. You lay looking into the depths of one another's eyes for a few minutes, conveying all those things that couldn't be said between you both verbally, but could just from reading one another's expressions. All the love, the affection, the passion, the concern, the worry, the fear, everything, until the temptation of his lips so close to your own took over, and you crashed your lips against his.

You were trying to be careful not to lean on his injured body, but it was hard when he was pulling you closer to him, holding you safe and secure. Hands gently trailed over one another's bodies, tongues sensually swirled about the another's, teeth tenderly scraped against lips, and the unspoken passion which was conveyed moments ago between your deep and meaningful gazes was transferred into actions that had longingly wanted to be played out for some time.

A small smile graced your lips as Nathan's hand slipped under the back of your shirt and began to trace lightly over your skin, setting your remaining senses alight. You weren't planning on taking it much further than this, you weren't ready for it, and Nathan was injured, but the feeling was nice while it lasted, as it was something special between the two of you, which no one could take away or ruin, or so you thought.

A loud break out of chatter emerged from the portrait hole to the entrance to the common room, bringing a swift halt to your make out session with your boyfriend. You were so startled that dinner had ended and people were now returning to their respective dorm rooms that you toppled off the couch in fright, and landed in the remaining vegetables from your dinner. You saw Nathan try to look more composed, oblivious to the fact his lips were bright red in appearance and his hair was messier than you'd ever seen it. You quickly adjusted your shirt as you sat up, watching many people from different years amble in through the portrait hole, content and well fed, before going their separate ways.

Padma, Justin and Gareth were soon to follow and made their way over to you both before the fire, as you composed yourself further and snuck back onto the couch beside Nathan, slipping your hand into his again, and trying to look relaxed, a very hard thing to do as your heart raced a thousand miles a minute. Padma and Justin didn't stay too long, deciding they'd go back downstairs before the front doors were locked and go for a walk by the lake, leaving you, Nathan and Gareth alone in the common room, with a few other students from other houses sitting here and there.

'I've decided, you know that Hufflepuff girl, Katie Spencer? Yea, well, I'm going to ask her out during the holidays, just fount out she's staying here for them,' Gareth informed you both, waiting for approval or so it seemed. You smiled pleasantly, not knowing who the girl really was, apart from that she had curly blonde hair to her shoulder blades, a pretty face and blue eyes.

'That so? Good on ya mate, have fun with that,' Nathan said in a humorous tone, grinning as well, or so you caught on from the corner of your eye.

'Yea, should be good, she's bloody pretty. How're ya feeling mate?' Gareth asked Nathan, ignoring you for the moment as you looked briefly into the fire and back again as Nathan informed Gareth that he was fine, as he'd been telling you all afternoon, and still you didn't believe him. The three of you talked for no more than two minutes after that, before Gareth declared he had to go and finish an essay for Snape that was due in two days beforehand on the risk of doing more detentions with him.

'Bye, Gareth,' you said politely as you gently ran your thumb across Nathan's hand, Nathan mumbled his goodbye's too as Gareth got up, stretched, and smiled wickedly.

'For the record, Nathan, that shade of lipstick is not the one for you,' Gareth chuckled, to which you blinked in surprise at being caught out, before quickly turning to Nathan to see him look at Gareth with amusement etched on his features. You weren't even wearing makeup, but as you looked closer at Nathan's lips, you spotted that they looked tinted red on account of you biting gently on them to allow the blood to rush to them, which made you blush and hang your head so neither of the boys could see. Both apparently did judging but the uproar of laughter coming from them both, Nathan's cutting off in moans of pain as Gareth's trailed him up the stairs to his dorm room. You rolled your eyes at the pair of them before attending to Nathan. As you gently massaged his bruised waist, you couldn't help but wonder something which made you look up at Nathan's face (that was directed towards what you were doing) with curiosity. If he'd allowed all this to happen because you asked him not to fight, exactly what else could this lead to if it got worse or if no professors were around to put a stop to it? How far would Nathan allow himself to get injured, before the lines between love and self preservation were cut in half? For some reason, you dreaded to know the answer to that riddle, and instead kissed his forehead lightly, trying to focus on the matter at hand, rather than the worrisome thoughts, spinning around inside of your head.