I've Been Alone All Along... I'm No-One, Just Beth Rivers \\The Real Meaning Of A Hogwarts Hell\\ CHPT FORTY-FIVE

'It isn't here,' you mumbled, your tone brief but quick as you searched through one of Nathan's dresser draws. He was sitting upright on his bed, watching you with flustered and irritated eyes as you rummaged through his things. 'I can't find it.'
'Maybe if you'd let me get out of bed, I could find it my-'
'No, Pomfrey said you were to stay in bed, so don't you dare think about getting out!' you exclaimed, pointing a finger in his direction as both eyebrows frowned. He sighed and looked out of the window next to his bed; Nathan noted that it was surprisingly sunny for a December day, tapping his finger rapidly upon his wooden bedside table. You, however, had turned back around and out of frustration, began flinging his underwear from his draws through the air, in a desperate attempt to find the ointment Pomfrey had given him for his sores.
'Can you remember where you put it?' you mumbled, continuing to throw the boxers into the air. Nathan sighed again.
'If I remembered I would tell you, wouldn't I?' he paused and tore his eyes away from the window and onto you, 'Beth... It doesn't matter, just come sit with me.'
'Your sores will only get worse if don't find this cream, Nathan.'
'We'll find it later, just come sit with me,' he pleaded, extending one of his hands and beckoning you toward him. You ignored him however; too preoccupied with doing the best you could to help heal him for when he went home. You could just imagine it now, him getting off the train at Kings Station and his mother questioning him on why he looked beaten to a pulp. She immediately would hate you for causing her son so much harm while her youngest son was in hospital; having Nathan looking like he had been in a war, would be the last thing she would need.
'Beth, stop flinging my underwear everywhere,' he sulked, you again completely blanked him. You were now even more panic-stricken; actually, you weren't even looking for the ointment anymore, just throwing random things out of his dresser. 'Beth...'
'-You won't believe what just happened... Oh, hi, Beth,' Justin mused, walking into the room with his equally as chuffed brother. You had stopped what you were doing, blankly cocking your head to look over your shoulder and merely staring at the pair of them. 'You should really think about going you know,' Justin shrugged toward you, still, that devilish smile he occupied whenever he was up to no good curled around his mouth.
'... Yeah, some guy downstairs said Flitwick was doing inspections this morning,' Gareth stated, brushing past Justin and walking over toward Nathan, who seemed grateful the pair were there so they could at least delay you and your mad mothering hold you had on him. 'Feeling ok?'
'Yeah, perfect-'
'He isn't going to be ok if I don't find this ointment stuff!' you ranted, throwing both hands in the air and then lifted yourself off the floor and to normal height. Justin merely continued to smile at you.
'What?!'
'You really shouldn't worry, Beth,' Justin smirked, 'we've got this whole thing sorted, you know.'
'What have you got sorted?' you asked, folding both arms.
You knew you were being a tad dramatic nowadays and you knew the boys were becoming increasingly frustrated and provoked by the hour with this possessive behaviour you had somehow adopted but you couldn't stop your anxiety over what Nathan's mother would say if she saw him in this state, if his sores and bruises had not healed up in time. You knew that was not the case with Nathan, however, who only wanted to spend as much time with you as possible before he left you at the train station. Actually, you could tell with simple facial expressions he was dreading the day, and so were you, probably more than he was, if that were possible. What if his mother stopped your plans of continuing to see him? Continuing to see him when you were of age and when you had left home and every painful memory the household still lingered with? What if she forbid Nathan from ever talking to you again? You knew without any question, Nathan wouldn't actually do that, neither would he dare listen to his mother's orders of you are not to see that wrenched girl, Bethany, but you wanted his mother's blessing... Did that sound silly? Maybe a bit stupid? No, it sounded perfectly normal. You wanted her to like you, no, you wanted her to adore you and actually believe you were madly in love with her son as you clearly were. It was then a thought crossed your mind; Nathan's mother wasn't anything like your own. She was a single parent; she was far younger than your own as well, but that didn't really matter, did it? For no matter how old you are as a parent, you would hate to see your eldest boy after so much time, beaten and bruised because of a stupid girl.
'... You know, you really shouldn't. It's no trouble; I'll just get him when we're on the train,' Nathan chuckled at Justin, holding onto his side as he did so in blatant fear of bursting a rib. You immediately flew into protective mode, swinging your arms to and throw and babbled incoherently, not even understanding the words that were rolling off your tongue; the thing you did notice however, were the faces of the twins and more importantly, Nathan, who merely stared at you as if you were a crazed hobo with too many animals.
'Are we talking about Blaise here?' you questioned heatedly, poking and prodding Gareth in the chest, who looked suddenly bemused. He raised both eyebrows and simply nodded his bouncing head of hair. 'You cannot be serious!'
'Beth, I know it seems that fighting with the Slytherin's is all we ever do, but the guy needs to have a little kick around, doesn't he? We won't get into trouble, trust me!' Justin's tone was calm and relaxed, his expression too, serene and undisturbed. You were almost sucked into this whole thing, about to just let go whatever situation that was building up; but even Justin's kind eyes couldn't sway you.
'No,' you managed to muster, 'I actually would like to return back to school and see my friends again. I know you lot don't care, but I do.'
Justin swore harshly, Gareth continued to display some sort of told-you-so smirk and Nathan just shrugged.
'Padma thought it was a good idea,' he muttered under his breath, looking at his fiddling thumbs.
'What?'
'I said, Padma thought it was a good idea, actually suggested getting him back on the train to me. Said there would be no teachers and he couldn't prove a thing.'
'Nathan, you know what Blaise is like. He is a low, vile, foul excuse for a human being... And plus, you promised me you wouldn't fight anymore.'
'That's why we are going to do it,' Gareth informed, you smiled and again shook your head.
'Oh, c'mon, Beth! Look, we threatened him in the great hall just a minute ago and he ran back to his dorm when we gave him our "death look"!'
'What's your death look?' you asked Gareth, he cleared his throat, looked at the floor and ran his fingers through his hair. Lifting his face back up with squinting eyes and pouting lips, looking more like one of those Muggle people in the shop windows rather than a "threatening figure". You snorted.
'That's your death look?'
'It worked,' Justin mused, leaning toward you; you continued to shake your head. 'Oh, please? Look, McGonagall even heard us shouting across to the Slytherin table that we we're gunna have him, and she just carried on walking straight past us. Brilliant, she can be sometimes. C'mon, look at what he did to Nathan, just look at him. He looks like he has been through the mill a few times, doesn't he? Go on, look at him...'
You rolled your eyes over toward Nathan, who was puppy dog pouting, his winy golden eyes fluttering repeatedly.
'I can't believe you all,' you smiled, unable to contain it. Justin actually squealed like a little girl and clapped both hands together, 'I can't believe how excited you are over this actually. About hitting Blaise...'
'Hitting him? More like breaking his nose a few ti No, no... Yeah. Just the one time, that's it, just one smack around the gob,' Gareth nodded, as soon as your eyes fell upon him.
'Beth, look, McGonagall even said when she came to see me that I should've hit him back, after he had hit me of course... she said I should've defended myself,' Nathan paused to clear his throat, 'and everyone around the castle thinks Blaise has been beating on you they don't know the full story but everyone except the Slytherin's hate his guts. He'd have nothing on us wherever we do it, in the castle, on the train, in the middle of the great hall during feast...'
'Look, you guys can do what you want,' you finally told them, beginning to pick up the underwear lining the carpet; all three immediately broke into smiles, and it made you feel quite valued to say the least, that they actually ran it by you first before acting. You knew it would only cause more problems and you should've really fought more to change their minds, but in the end it was they who had changed your mind. Well, not really. You were fighting an already won battle, being how you were, you just gave into them. You couldn't be bothered telling them not to do something and warning them against it, when at the back of your mind you knew they would go against it anyway. It was pretty sad and even more so pathetic, but they were boys, hard creatures to figure out.
'Look, I'm going to go down to the hospital wing, get you some more ointment seeing as you have clearly lost yours,' you announced, throwing a pair of red undies into the top draw. Nathan pushed his covers away from his chest and began to lift himself out of bed, 'whoa stop what are you doing?'
'Coming with you. Do you honestly think I am going to let you go off by yourself?'
'I'll be fine, I'll go with Padma. She's only been waiting for me in the common room for about two hours...' you shrugged, walking over to Nathan and planting a quick kiss on his lips. He smiled as you walked past both twins and out of the door.
'Hey, Beth,' Gareth shouted you back as you stopped in your tracks, turned around and poked your head through the door. 'If you see Blaise, just do this-' he drew his index finger out, and, as if he were drawing in arts and crafts, dragged it along his neck. You snorted.
'Yeah... Oh, alright then,' you grinned sarcastically, turning your eyes onto Nathan's and beaming at him. 'I'll be back in a few, alright?'
'Yeah, come straight back, Beth.'
'I will,' you shouted, walking down the dorm stairs at a rather slow pace, just as well to find Flitwick travelling up. Your eyes immediately bulged as you both past one another, pretending not to see the other as you basically ran out into the common room, feeling the hot flush and burn in your cheeks.

'Flitwick just went up there, did you see him?' Padma laughed from a side table, standing up and walking to your side.
'Yeah, er...' you paused and scratched the back of your neck, always a sign you were feeling awkward or embarrassed. Padma put a hand on your back and smirked, amused.
'He most probably thought you were up to no good, as did the rest of us. I wasn't sure if I should've let Justin and Gareth go upstairs. I mean, you two weren't-'
'Oh, no,' you shook your head furiously, 'definitely not. No. Er... Let's talk about something else. Actually, want to walk to the hospital wing with me? Nathan lost this stupid cream he has to put on his cuts every day; I need to go get him some more.'
'Sure,' Padma nodded as you led the way through and out of the porthole, entering a portrait covered corridor, most of the people in them, old and ancient looking. Both you and Padma snorted, feasting your eyes upon an old witch who had wrinkles in every part of her skin, her hair a shade of grey neither yourself or Padma had ever seen before. She appeared to be sleeping, on some sort of deck in an old chipped looking rocking chair and when she would snore it sounded as if it were coming from a man.
'I wouldn't want to be her,' Padma whispered, breaking into a fit of laughter as you did so before her, not noticing the old haggard woman's eyes had flung open and were now staring deathly at both of you.
You and Padma took a step back, beginning to power-walk down the corridor as she hollered at how rude the pair of you were; Padma merely rolled her eyes, not noticing the haggard woman began running frantically through other's portraits. You didn't realize this either, it was only when she had caught up with you and screamed "you rude little buggers, you!" that you both took off, speeding down the corridor as she continued to run after you.
'Doesn't she ever quit?' Padma gasped, clutching onto her side as you cocked your head to look over your shoulder.
'Merlin,' you gasped, watching her continue to chase after the pair of you. Why the bloody hell was she running after you anyway? She would never be able to grab a hold of either of you, so why the bloody hell were both you and Padma running anyway?
'Corner... CORNER!' Padma squealed as you turned your head back around and caught sight of an end corner, which led into another corridor.
You both began to speed up, not taking into account that the old offended bat had stopped running after the pair of you. You were a little further ahead of Padma, taking it upon yourself to spin around the corner and not even interested in watching where you were going, ran head first into an unsuspecting innocent.
'Merlin, fuck... Goddamn it!'
'What the hell do you want?' Padma demanded, pulling you up from the dusty floor as your eyes met those of Draco; he merely sneered at you, continuing to rub his now red forehead, which clashed humorously with his pale skin. You guessed you didn't head but an "innocent bystander" after all. You folded both arms as he finally dropped the hand that seemed to be unable to leave his forehead, immediately confronted with the nasty glares of you and Padma, who looked typically disgusted.
'What?!' he yelled, frowning in a repulsed manner, 'look, I haven't got time for this schoolyard bullshit. Rivers, over here, now. I have to talk to you.'
'Ha, fat chance,' Padma flew into defence mode, snickering at Draco's words; his expression seemed strained and confused, as if he couldn't understand why Padma was acting so appalled.
'Was I talking to you?'
'Obviously not if you used Beth's name and not mine, you idiot.'
'What did you just call me?'
'I believe you heard what I said...'
'Yes, I did hear what you said, now say it again you disgusting...'
'Hey,' you interrupted both of the seething duo; Draco straightened up his front as Padma glared at him pathetically, shaking her head to indicate she felt nothing but pity for the poor rich boy.
'Rivers, I need to talk to you, now,' he ordered. A minute passed by, where you and Padma did nothing but stare stupidly at Draco, who stared even ignorantly back. 'Can I talk to you?' he half-shouted, digging both hands in his pockets as he grew inpatient.
'You can't just pass me in the corridor and demand to see me.'
'I didn't just pass you; I was coming to find you anyway. I knew the Ravenclaw Tower was somewhere around here,' he sniped, still looking at you as if you were making him gag.
'Oh, bright idea that was, wasn't it? And what we're you going to do when you found our Tower, knock and ask to come in?' Padma mocked, Draco again glared at her for speaking out of term with him. He actually turned his nose up at her and looked away, ignoring her completely which shocked you.
'Look, I just want to talk for a few seconds. Don't think I actually enjoy this; that I actually want to do this. Listen, just come talk to me, let me say what I have to say and then I'll leave, I feel dirty already enough as it is...'
'Why you pathetic no-good...'
'Padma, wait,' you paused, your hand immediately flying toward Padma's own to prevent her from whipping out her wand and holding it to the throat of a scowling Draco.
It wasn't that he didn't deserve it; he just seemed desperate to speak with you for some reason.
Judging by the way he couldn't stand still and by the way he carried on to project nasty looks towards the both of you was a sign he was desperate.
'I'll talk to you but for-'
'You cannot be serious!'
'Padma,' you murmured as Draco walked away and stood underneath a corridor window, waiting for you to join him.
'Beth, you can't. Don't you-'
'I'll be five seconds and you'll be watching, won't you?'
'What about Nathan, the twins, everyone else?'
'It's ok; I'm not a pathetic heap of a mess anymore. I actually feel quite secure, you're here. If you weren't here, Padma, I would've run by now. Please?'
She went into a rage of silence for some moments, contemplating whether or not she should allow it. She turned to look at you once again after a few seconds and focused on giving an evil eye at Draco, who mirrored the same one back.
'One minute Beth,' she muttered, nodding her head as you mimicked hers and began to slowly walk over toward Draco, who made sure he was standing at least a few feet away from you.
'What do you want?' you asked, fed-up. He snorted.
'What do I want? I want you to stop threatening Blaise with those gangly twins,' he stated, his eyes clearer than usual. You laughed quietly, shaking your head as he stared at you in a demanding sort of way.
'Justin and Gareth?'
'If that's what you call those big apes, then yes.'
'Why should I?'
'Because he won't come out of his room until you have, that's why,' again there was a pause, followed by your insane laughter.
'Shut up, I said shut up.'
'He won't won't come out of his room? That's fantastic!'
'It's not if I need him to come to the library with me,' again there was a pause, followed by your cackling.
You actually felt a stitch come into place as Draco's infuriated being, wanted nothing more than to slap you silly across the face.
'Call them off,' he stated, dangerously, and for the first time since seeing him, you became intimated. He said it in a tone he had projected towards you before, in a way that meant "do it, otherwise I'll get you alone." It scared you.
'I can't, Dr- Malfoy,' you said quietly, not wanting Padma to hear you had become frightened and soft.
'You better call them off, Rivers. People are starting to think he's a coward-'
'Which he is-'
'You don't know the first thing about him,' he had raised his voice; it was heated and angry, scary even. 'Call them off and I'll ensure that nothing happens to you over the holidays.'
'Holidays? How can you ensure nothing will happen to me? You won't be there...'
Draco smirked, but it was quick to falter as your eyebrows knitted together in a frown, questioning what he knew. He knew a hell of a lot more than you did, that was for sure.
'What do you mean you will ensure...'
'Does it matter? Just call them off and I'll make sure Blaise won't run off and tell your parents you're dating a mudblood...'
'You wouldn't do-'
'-Oh, I would,' there was that smirk again, that smirk you once loved and once owned yourself. Now it just reminded you too much of the past and too much over what had happened this year.
'Your Mother,' he paused and laughed coldly, 'well, that would be the last thing she would need. A pregnant lady, she doesn't need the stress. Oh, but that Rivers, her finding out - that would be stressful, wouldn't it? Especially in the type of family's we have, which other's aren't privileged enough to have,' he looked at Padma as he said that; she snorted as their eyes locked and she actually began to stride over. Her arms were folded and in her left hand her wand clearly visible, held at the ready.
'Oh, yes,' she mused sarcastically; 'because I would just love to be inbred.'
Again, Draco laughed coldly, and tore his eyes away from Padma's dark ones and onto a darker shade of brown - onto your eyes.
'Actually, let's say you keep the twins away from Blaise and you keep that dog on a leash (he had cocked his head toward Padma, but thankfully she had not heard) and we have a deal. I'll tell everyone not to tell a thing to your parents about that filthy mudblood, and you back the fuck away from Blaise.'
You had no choice; you couldn't let your parents find out about Nathan or they would kill you. You couldn't even really imagine what they would do to you. If your father used The Cruciatus Curse on you when you left the table without his permission, the thought of what he would do to you if he found out you were dating someone he thought "beneath him", someone who was made of "dirty blood", was enough to make your blood run cold. A sinking feeling appeared in the pit of your stomach and your eyes were beginning to turn wide in fright; Draco smirked upon seeing this, knowing that you were indeed scared to death and knew that he had won.
'Call them off, Rivers; otherwise, I suggest spending your days long and hard with that mudblood, because they'll be your last.'
'Ok,' you whispered, Draco snickered. 'Ok, just... Just don't...'
'Don't worry about a thing traitor,' he informed, taking a few steps back and then proceeded to walk away down the corridor.
Your heart was pounding so hard against your chest you could not bear it, Padma walked over shortly after Draco was out of sight, and put a hand on your shoulder.
'Don't tell anyone, Padma, ok?' you sniffed, she nodded her head.
'I promise, Beth...' she paused, 'you really should have let me punch him though. My school record is clean; I could have gotten away with it.'
'I don't think anyone is going to be punching any Slytherin for a long time now...'