"The silence is back. Should I start tickling you again?" Ryan asked, all giddy from the last round. I put my hands on my stomach, careful of my fingers.
"No! Agh, please, no!" I begged. Ryan smirked.
"Then tell me what you're thinking." Ryan said, his hands raised like weapons.
"I'm thinking I don't want to tell you what I was thinking." I said, honestly. I couldn't tell him I was thinking about how I feel about him.
"You're hilarious. No, seriously." Ryan pleaded. He pouted. His hands got closer.
I waited a long moment, just looking into his brown eyes, thinking I'd never be able to look into them again, with what I was about to say.
I thought about how to put these words together. I couldn't think of good sentences that make sense. Ryan's eyes showed the littlest glimps of impatience. I took a deep breath then chuckled at what I was about to say.
"Well, Ryan. You're going to hate me after this..." I took a long stare; Ryan waited, looking right back. I looked away and said in a low voice, "I was thinking about how your touch makes my stomach do flips, and how cute you are. I was admitting my feelings towards you."
I didn't dare look at Ryan. My heart pounded against my chest. I felt hopeless. I rolled off the bed and ran downstairs; Ryan right behind me.
"Cecilia!" Ryan called. I felt my cheeks burn. The door opened. An angry Brendon walked right past the rushing me. Spencer and Brent followed Brendon. I ran out the door. Ryan looked back from me and then to Brendon and the others. I kept running, until I smacked right into Peter. Tears flooded my eyes.
"Cece?" Peter said, his arm blocking my way. I now felt the pain from my fingers. My insides felt insane. No description was would be nearly as realistic as what I was feeling.
"Let go!" I cried. Ryan was coming. He was coming to tell me how we could only be friends.
"No! Cecilia, what's wrong?" Peter yelled. I sobbed, breaking down. For everything. Ryan, Peter, the pain. I just...BROKE.
I felt a hand on my back, that didn't belong to Peter. Although my vision was blurry from the flooding tears, I could still see that it was Ryan. I felt like nothing. I felt more than just nothing. I felt like trash. Un-needed. Un-wanted.
"Ross, what did you do?" Peter asked, his voice showed off anger.
"I-She...Can we just get her inside?" Ryan sighed. I kept sobbing, crying. Something I had been doing a lot, recently.
"I don't think she'll budge." Peter stated. Ryan let out a long breath, that sounded like he was keeping it in this whole time. He then picked me up bridal style and took me to my room. I couldn't look at his actual face, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and burried my face into his chest, still crying.
We're all catastrophes.
I wanted him to leave me alone in me alone in my room. Peter entered the room.
"Can you explain now, Ross?" Peter asked. Ryan got off the bed, and walked over to Peter. I kept crying.
"Peter, let me calm her down." Ryan whispered. I didn't dare look at the two boys in the eye.
"You're the reason she's crying, aren't you?" Peter asked. I could his eyes altering from me to Ryan.
"Pete, please." Ryan begged. Pete let out a long sigh. Ryan waited. I sniffled.
"Fine, but if you hurt her, you're dead." Pete threatened. He walked down the steps, hesitantly. Ryan closed the door and walked over to the bed. He watched me as I cried, waiting until I was calmed.
When Peter walked down the steps and left me with Ryan, I felt like he was never coming back and he just left me with a horriable stranger. I cried harder at the thought. My lungs hurt. I finally calmed down to a few sobs a minute, but Ryan still waited, making the suspence unbearable. After a couple minutes, I was down to sniffling every few seconds. I didn't look up at Ryan, although I could feel his eyes on me, again.
"Cecilia, look at me." Ryan's soft voice demanded. I kept my head in my arms.
"Cecilia..." Ryan tried again. Hesitantly, I lifted my head, I didn't look at Ryan. I made sure he wasn't in my sight.
But that wasn't for long, since Ryan's soft hand touched my cheek, forcing me to look at him. After a long moment of staring into each other's eyes, Ryan let his hand fall onto the bed. I kept looking at him.
"Cecilia...I-I...don't really know what to say." Ryan said, scratching his head. I closed my eyes. When I re-opened them, I was in my Pj's, Ryan's arm was securley wrapped around me, and the clock blared '2:06 AM.' I had fallen asleep.
Recalling what had happened, the tears stung the back of my eyes. Then they poured out. I tried controlling the little whimpering noises, but I couldn't. Soon enough, Ryan awoke.
"Cece? What's...wrong?" Ryan asked. He looked at me, though my back was to him. I cried a little harder, but not hard enough to wake-up everyone.
My body gave violent shivers, until I felt Ryan's lips grazing my ear. I stopped making any noise and stayed as stiff as a board. Ryan's lips moved to a high part of my cheek.
"Cecilia..." Ryan whispered. My heart was beating a thousand times harder than it should, and a lot faster.
Ryan's lips touched the corner of my mouth. They stopped. He stopped. Everything seemed still.
Only a moment later I was facing Ryan. His soft lips were crashed onto mine, but he wasn't kissing me. His lips just rested on mine.
I could honestly say it was the best feeling I have ever felt.
When he pulled away, he whispered, "Goodnight, Cecilia. Sweet dreams."
I wasn't yours. I was my own self.
Wow, this is long. :D
And pretttyyy unedited. :D
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