Wednesday
3:00 PM
auditorium
Opening night is in two days, and it's just now dawning upon me that I haven't memorized a single song. My lines, they're good to go. But my songs, my solos...only one person can make me open up to those.
"Travis!" I shout irritably as the boy walks into the empty auditorium, only several minutes later than I'd asked. "I don't have a single second to waste. I have to learn these fucking songs!"
Travis sighs and stops walking in the middle of the aisle. "Calm down, Beckett. You know you'll be fine. You know it."
And with that, I don't know what to say. He just walks up the steps onto the stage with me, right into the dim blue-white light that only hits several areas of the black floor. I love the stage. I adore every bit of it. The feeling of walking onto it and walking out. The feeling of being in the center, blinded by lights so bright that you can't see past them. Just you and the torms. Being the loudest person among hundreds of others. It's breathtaking.
Travis stands in front of me, very close, and he says, "Now sing."
He smells like the kind of home a seventeen-year-old should have. He smells like his mom's homecooked meals and the newborn scent of his little siblings. He has a radiating happiness that I only wish I could put off myself. I wouldn't say we're opposites. But we're pretty close.
I quickly look down at the sheet of music and cough, knowing I won't be able to do it. I just can't sing. Ever since choir class in tenth grade. Some would argue that my voice just hadn't changed yet, but I'm pretty sure puberty has come and left in my life and I still sing into alto parts. Travis knows this, and Travis knows it's stupid. But we all have a self-conscious. Even me, and probably even him. My mind flickers for a moment upon the idea of Travis being self-conscious about something. And my mind shovels a little deeper upon the idea of discovering just what that might be.
Travis sighs and he walks around me, and I smirk, realizing he is stealing one of my tricks. He begins rubbing my shoulders, and my eyes involuntarily close. I know I have to work. I know I have to get this done. But this is Travis McCoy. This is the boy I'd die to know more about and the only boy I'll sing in front of. Well, eventually.
To fit the fragile mood of the dim bay lights and the muted mics, Travis whispers softly, sending chills to my neck, and he whispers, "Sing like you think no one's listening."
And in a way, no one really is. Because singing to Travis isn't like singing to a teacher or an audience. It's something so much more natural; not easy, just natural. He'd never criticize. And if he did, he'd do it in the most gentle play on words. Everything about this boy is gentle - a feeling that never sparked on my words, mind, or skin very often.
So I decide to sing, keeping the word "gentle" in mind. I can feel the mood of the song take over mine and soon I do forget Travis is there. God, I didn't think that was possible. Everything's black and blue, and I don't hear myself singing. It's one of those existential moments where you step three feet outside yourself and just watch. My hair is rather a mess today, and my pants look too loose. My eyes are tired from memorizing lines. But my voice...it sounds okay. It really does. Travis looks perfect. His hand is on my stomach, feeling my voice come from the right place. And my hands, they wander over his, resting there, as my voice softens but becomes more confident through its whispy sound. I keep watching myself... I'm growing closer to Travis with every second... And finally, I turn my head at the speed of light, to lock lips with him, gripping his t-shirt with my sweaty hands, allowing my lips to play with Travis' however they wanted. In ways they'd never tried before. Still as fierce as they ever were, but...gently.
He is intoxicating. Absolutely breathtaking.
As I pull away, I look at him through my eyelashes, a view that I'm not used to. I'm always the tall one, the dominant one... the fearless one.
I feel as if I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. Especially when Travis smiles and leans back in for more. The tension is gone.
my way home is through you -->
Gotta love my nerdy Stage Crew references :D
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