My Christian Testimony

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Keep in mind that I'm not forcing any of you to read this. Of course some will find it offensive. As 1 Corinthians 1:23-24 says, "...we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God." I thought it would be good though, to write down my own experience in traveling the road to glory and the personal struggles I face. I think it will be helpful to me and perhaps interesting for any other Christian Quizillers. Also, the rest of you may better understand the religious references I make in my stories. It's not just thrown in to give them a Christian label. It actually means something to me. Thank you very much and have a Poptart sort of day! (Crazy good! xD)

Ever since birth, I've been raised in a loving, Christian home. As a tiny girl, I used to sit on my father's lap and point at the words while he read the Bible. My mother always played praise tapes for me to watch and listen to during the afternoon, and reciting catechism answers was a regular thing for me. But some answers don't come easily- even for a pastor's daughter- and I'd like to share some of the struggles I've had as a Christian.
I think this story starts when I was between the ages of 8 and 10. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but it was the first time I seriously thought about the state of my soul.
I had a group of friends over one night after evening church and we were back in my room playing doll house. The subject of conversion came up. I have no idea how a group of nine year olds go from playing doll house to discussing theological topics, but God moves in mysterious ways. Anyway, my friends were all sharing stories about the time they, "became Christians." Most were only two or three when they said they remembered the time they first asked Jesus into their hearts to wash away their sins. I remained relatively silent during this conversation because it scared me to think that I had never done so. Of course I'd prayed before; I prayed quite often for help in being a good girl and for the things I wanted, but this was something a bit new and alarming to me.
I started to panick, in fact. I wondered if I was really a Christian. Just because my parents were, didn't mean that I was. You may wonder why I didn't settle it right then and there and say a simple prayer to secure my salvation once and for all. But I was stubborn as well as scared. I had no reason not to do it; I had everything to gain- but my foolish little heart kicked against the idea that I needed Someone else to help me with my doubts. I didn't realize then that simple faith in Jesus was all I needed.
One night, I was lying in bed next to Hannah. She stayed the night on Sundays and Mondays to help babysit and clean up our house. I always pestered her something fierce, but tonight I asked her about her own conversion. She told me that as a little girl, she was the most spoiled, selfish creature anyone had known, but once she made the simple, yet life changing descision to ask the Lord into her heart, her whole family and all her friends could tell the difference in her.
Hannah went to sleep soon after our conversation, but I was wide awake. I got up out of bed and began pacing back and forth across my carpet. I distinctly remember the full moon that night. It was the most beautiful, lovely moon I've ever seen. The rays seeped through my window and lit up my carpet with a blueish sort of light. God's presence in that room was impressed upon me, even at my young age, but despite the awareness of it, my soul was restless. I wanted to pray- to lay all my burdens on Christ, but something held me back. Something called sin- and an unwillingness to admit to it.
Finally, after pacing for a good twenty minutes, I ceased to wrestle within myself and stood still. I clasped my hands together and prayed a short, but heartfelt prayer, asking Jesus in my heart, acknowledging my sins and begging forgiveness for them. The conflicting feelings inside me were immediately replaced with peace. A sweet, assuring, blessed peace that left me no doubts of my salvation. No one can perfectly express that feeling; the feeling of acceptance into the number of God's children. The feeling of sins forgiven and recieving grace through faith.
I woke Hannah up and told her of what I did. She was so excited and happy for me, as I was for myself. I figured now I would be a wonderful example of godliness, and being a "real" Christian would now automatically make me good. How wrong I was. I couldn't figure out why- as much as I wanted to please God and serve Him- I was still just as prone to stumble as ever. I still was impatient with my siblings, I still disobeyed my parents in the easiest tasks, I still was mean and thoughtless to my friends, and I still got bored when I tried to pray.
I didn't understand why God didn't just make me good. Didn't being a Christian come with earthly benefits, as well as eternal life after death? Well, it does come with benefits, but I was too young to see it then. Eventually though, I came to understand that the quest for holiness would always be an uphill climb, and I would never be good on my own.
Even now, I obviously stumble. I sin every day, I neglect my Bible, I forget to pray. I'm impatient, snappy, irritable, I'm often lazy in my work and ungrateful for all the things I recieve by God's good grace. But I have Jesus, and I know that in all my failings and stupid mistakes, He'll be faithful and just to forgive me if I ask it of Him. I may have struggles and problems, but Jesus is the best friend I could ever ask for- or imagine. He loves me, guides me, cares for me and upholds me, even when I stray away from Him and His Word like a little lost lamb. I may have been a Christian before my little moonlight episode, I may not. The point though, is that becoming a Christian isn't always an overnight transformation. It can happen gradually and over time. As Elizabeth Prentiss wrote in her wonderful book, Stepping Heavenward, "I believe that the children of Christian parents, who have been judiciously trained, rarely can point to any day or hour when they began to live this new life. The question is not, do you remember, my child, when you entered this world, and how! It is simply this, are you now alive and an inhabitant thereof?" I can say, right now that I know I am a child of God and someday I will live with him forever in bliss. Can you say as much? Have you accepted Jesus as your saviour? Do you believe he's died a painful and horrible death to purchase your salvation? Do you strive to please the God and Saviour who did so much for you and are you prepared to take the free give of new life He offers to you freely? I hope so. I wish that everyone could know the happiness and joy I have found in Jesus. Just know that you can't get anywhere by yourself. You need Him. We're all born sinners and we all deserve hell and its torments. But we have an escape. A wonderful, blessed escape.

There's something else I'd like to share with you now. February 19th, 2007: I was sitting at the computer answering some e-mails when my Dad came in and said my good friend, Carly was in the hospital and no one was sure if she was alive. We rushed over there immediately and joined a large group of her friends who had all come to offer support to her parents and older sister. We prayed and sang some hymns and prayed some more. Carly had been suffering from a fever recently, and possibly pnuemonia- but no one knows exactly what caused her to lose consciousness in her bedroom. Despite everything the doctors did for her, Carly Jewel died in the hospital that night. She was a week over her 15th birthday. Carly was a wonderful friend to me. She was crazy, random, insanely awesome, and never got tired of giggling over silly things when we got together. I miss her. I stay awake some nights and cry for myself because I can't hear her laugh anymore. If I knew she was going to die, I would have given her one, last, great big hug and reminded her that she was a beautiful, darling girl and I loved her. But the point is, I didn't know she would die. No one did. Things like this happen fast- in the blink of an eye. You have no idea when your time will come. You could die tomorrow. You could die now. The important thing is that you are prepared for that time when it does come. I am comforted in the knowledge that our sweet Carly is resting in the arms of her Lord right now because she believed in Him. Are you ready to face the after life? There is one. You can't escape God just because you don't want Him to exist. Here is Carly's personal testimony taken before her first Communion:
"I know Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he died on the cross for my sins... I am often selfish and sinful. I hurt my friends... and I disobey my parents... I often sin against God. Sin is a real pain, like homework. But Christ lived for me and died for me... I don't know why he would want me? But because of His grace he does... and so I love him."


Carly Jewel W.

Carly is a big part of the reason I wrote this, because some day I will die, and I'm sure my family and friends will be digging up my Quizilla things. I don't want the only thing I leave to be fictional stories and hilarious quizzes. I want them to know how much I love my Jesus and how he's blessed me so tremendously. I love you all!

And now, here are a few of my favorite Bible passages:
1 John 4:17-19; Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because he first loved us.
1 Timothy 1:15; This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
Isaiah 35:10; And the ransomed of the Lord shall return, And come to Zion with singing, With everlasting joy on their heads. They shall obtain joy and gladness, And sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
Galatians 5:22-23; But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
Jeremiah 1:4-10; Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations."
Then said I: "Ah, Lord God!
Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth."
But the Lord said to me: "Do not say, 'I am a youth,'
For you shall go to all to whom I send you,
And whatever I command you, you shall speak.
Do not be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver you," says the Lord.
Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: "Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms,
To root out and to pull down,
To destroy and to throw down,
To build and to plant."

Exodus 4:10-11; Then Moses said to the Lord, "O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."
So the Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say."

Some of my favorite Christian books are:
Matthew Henry's Commentaries
Stepping Heavenward -This is a wonderful book, written by Elisabeth Prentiss in journal-style of the spiritual struggles of a young girl living in the 1800s. I could really relate to Catherine Mortimer, and I love the time period it's set in... not to mention the romance. ;) *nudge* If you enjoy Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, you'll love this!

A few of my favorite hymns:
All for Jesus
For All the Saints
O Worship the King
We Gather Together
Wonderful Grace of Jesus
Fairest Lord Jesus

A couple inspirational songs:
Someday by Celtic Woman
Letter to God by Duncan James
Forever in my Heart by Jump5
The Meaning of Life by Jump5


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Thank you for reading. =)