"Woohoo! Warped Tour! Oh, yeah, baby! You heard me! I'm on Warped -fucking- tour! Kiss my ass, losers!" Sonny yelled as he jumped off the bus at the first rest stop on Warped tour.
Matt shook his head and laughed. "Dude, you are such a teenager," he said.
"So?" Sonny asked, throwing a rock at him.
"You bastard! That hurts!" Matt exclaimed, dodging each rock that Sonny was throwing.
"You're forgetting that I AM a teenager, you flaming faggot!" Sonny yelled. Okay, maybe I should lay off the Red Bull, Sonny thought. But who really cares?
"Well stop fucking acting like one!" Matt said, throwing the rocks back at his bandmate.
"You're so mean to me. Why do I love you?" Sonny asked, on the verge of fake tears.
"Since when do you love me?" he asked.
Sonny only glared at him, not trusting his voice after that moment. He didn't trust himself to not say exactly how much and for what length of time he had really loved him. Not friend love. Not platonic love. But real love. He thought it was after Emily that he had finally realized it but he wasn't going to question it. He may had given up on love for a time, but then he auditioned for From First To Last and from then on, Matt had his heart. No matter what, it would always be his.
"Relax with the glaring, Sonny. I was only kidding," Matt said, trying to laugh it off.
Sonny shrugged. "Yeah, I know."
It was better to lie and act like nothing was going on than face the truth. Sonny told himself that repeatedly, hoping that one of the times it would come true. Hoping one morning that he would wake up and feel only friend love towards his best friend but at the same time, praying that would never happen. It was a paradox. Seemingly contradictory. He wanted to continue loving Matt but, at the same time thought that it would be easier if he didn't.
"You okay, dude? You look like you're spacing," Matt asked Sonny, sounding a little worried.
Sonny forced a smile and shrugged again. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"You sure?" Matt swung an arm around Sonny's shoulder. "Because if you need to talk about anything, I'm here."
Sonny felt his heart sink at the kind and friendly words of his best friend. He avoided Matt's eyes as they headed to the vending machines. Matt went to the bathroom and Sonny leaned against the wall, covering his face with his hands and rubbing his eyes. He didn't know how much longer he could keep up the facade. It was getting harder and harder each time that they talked without intending to be a double entendre.
Sonny rubbed his temples as Derek approached him. "You okay, dude?" he asked, pulling out his packet of cigarettes and lighting one up.
"And everyone is asking me that," Sonny sighed, running his hands through his hair that was in deseperate need of washing.
"You look like shit, man. That's the only reason we're asking," Derek said. Handing the pack out to Sonny, offering him one. When Sonny shook his head, pushing the pack away, Derek shook his head. "Now I definately know something's wrong."
Sonny rolled his eyes. "I just need a good nights sleep and a long shower," he said, hoping that Derek would believe him.
"You sure?" Derek asked.
Sonny forced another smile and nodded. "Yeah."
Derek walked away and sighed. Sonny wondered exactly how many more smiles he would have to fake. How much longer he would have to act as if he didn't have these feelings inside of him. How much longer could he take having to play the role of best friend to Matt when he wanted so much more?
"You still standing there?" Matt asked Sonny, walking out of the public restroom.
Sonny nodded, pulling a dollar out of his pocket and getting a Dr. Pepper from the closest pop machine. "Yup."
"Oi, lemme have a drink," Matt grinned and took the bottle from Sonny before he could agree or protest. He took a quick drink and handed it back to Sonny. "Don't worry. I didn't backwash... Or did I?" he asked in a low voice, smile on his lips.
Sonny rolled his eyes. Normally he would have played along with Matt's little kid games and join in the fun. But he just wasn't in the mood anymore.
"Dude, not to see rude but you seem really pissy right now. What's goin on?" Matt asked Sonny.
Sonny shrugged. "I just need a good nights sleep and a long shower," he repeated, walking back onto the tourbus and falling down onto the couch while Jon and Travis played video games. Derek had his headphones on and was lying back in a chair. Matt got back on the bus a minute later, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.
"Seems more than that to me," Matt said to where only Sonny could hear him.
"I don't give a fuck what it seems like to you," Sonny spat, louder than he had intended as he got up and walked back to his bunk, lying down, facing the wall. He heard someone walk back to him and he felt him shake his shoulder.
"Sonny, come on. You were happy a few minutes ago. What changed?" he heard Matt ask.
"Everything," he said under his breath to where Matt couldn't hear him.
"What was that?"
Sonny sighed. "Nothing. Have Derek come get me when we stop at a hotel," Sonny mumbled, pulling the curtain back.
Matt stumbled back from the curtain, more confused than he initially had been. He walked back out to the couch, collapsing on it and running his hands through his hair. He sighed. What the fuck has been going on with Sonny? He was happy this morning and now he's acting all pissed off, Matt thought to himself. He had only really been like this after him and Emily broke up. But that was three months ago. The guy should be over it by now, right? Matt sighed again.
"Have you figured out what's wrong with Sonny yet?" Derek asked Matt, pulling out a canister of Pringles and eating one.
Matt shook his head. "I don't think it's the Emily thing either," Matt sighed. It seemed to be all he was doing lately.
"I don't know either. He just seems really down. It's got me worried," Derek said, eating another Pringle.
"Yeah, just make sure me and him room together tonight and I can try to see what's goin on," Matt suggested.
"Kay. We should be at the hotel in an hour or two," Derek said, pulling out a magazine that he had hiding under the chair cushion.
"What else do you hide under there?" Matt asked, meant to be a rhetoric question until Derek smirked and replied.
"Condoms," he said, pulling out a box of Trojans and smiling.
"Smooth," Matt rolled his eyes and waiting until they would get to the hotel so he could talk to Sonny.
Sonny lay in his bunk, tears forming in his eyes. He was tired. He just wanted to tell Matt how he felt but he knew that it would break up the band. And the band was the only thing he had left in the world, the only thing he could count on. It would ruin their friendship and Sonny wouldn't be able to handle it if his best friend hated him and he didn't have his band anymore. That would have been pure hell.
As if the day could have gotten even worse for Sonny, he found out when the tourbus stopped that he was going to have to share a room with Matt. Normally, he wouldn't care. But his heart hurt too much and it killed to even look at Matt, let alone share a room with him. He sighed and picked up his bookbag that had his change of clothes in it and some CD's.
He followed Matt and the guys silently into the hotel and into the elevator, waiting for it to stop on the fifth floor. The elevator binged and the rusty doors slowly creaked open. One would think that in such a respectable hotel such as the Hilton, the doors would have slid open with much more ease. Sonny stayed a few feet behind Matt as they walked to the end of the hallway. Matt struggled with the card for a moment before finally getting it open, a triumphant smile upon his lips. He looked back at Sonny, hoping to see a smile but instead only saw a look of sadness and longing on his best friends beautiful features.
Matt stopped for a minute, trying to process all of this thoughts concerning his best friend for the past three years and searching for a reasonable explaination as to why he thought Sonny was attractive. Well, sure, Sonny was an attractive man. He always got stares from the ladies whenever they went out to the clubs. He shook his head, praying that Sonny didn't notice how long Matt had been staring at him before he walked into the room and over to one of the beds, tossing his bag down.
He watched Sonny from the corner of his eye. Something was definately wrong with his slow movements, the usual jaunt in his steps seemed to have been misplaced. He watched as Sonny set his bag down and opened it up, pulling out a clean pair of boxers and a shirt. Sonny ran a hand through his hair and kicked off his shoes.
"I'm gonna get a shower," Sonny mumbled, barely audible to Matt.
"Okay. Take your time," Matt said, smiling slightly.
Sonny nodded, laughing sarcastically. "More time to drown myself," he whispered.
"What was that?" Matt asked.
Sonny shook his head. "Nothing," he said, closing the door to the bathroom.
Sonny sighed, silently and slowly shredding his dirty clothes and turning on the water to scalding hot. He stepped under the spray and leaned against the wall, allowing his tears to fall. He hated faking all of his feelings. But... Pretending he didn't feel that way was easier than risking everything, right? He made himself wash his hair in a feeble attempt to wash away the sickness of loving his best friend. His tears mingled with the water, his sobs were covered by the sound of water hitting the bottom of the tub and sliding into the drain.
A while later, he stepped out from the shower that had since turned cold but had gone unnoticed. Sonny felt like a hollow shell, almost as if he didn't exist. He wrapped a towel around his waist as his stomach grumbled. Sonny sighed, thinking that it would be best if he just ignored the hunger. Maybe he'd die of starvation before he got the guts to tell Matt how he felt. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the inner turmoil anymore.
Sonny ran a hand through his hair. His make up was washed off and his hair noticeably cleaner. He looked into the mirror, his eyes still red and slightly puffy from his emotional breakdown in the shower. He halfheartedly dried his body off before sliding into the clean clothes. He dried his hair with a towel, not really caring if it was completely dried or not. He picked up his dirty clothes and opened the bathroom door, shivering as the cold air from the room hit his warm body.
Matt was still lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and Sonny wondered how long he had been in there. He looked at the clock, it was nearing eleven and they had gotten there at about nine thirty. Sonny sighed, tossing his clothes by his bed and collapsing on it, the boxboard springs bouncing slightly as his full weight landed right in the middle. The bed creaked as if it was threatening to break under Sonny's weak and sunken form from lack of food.
Sonny reached towards his lamp and turned it off, crawling under the blankets and pulling them up to his chin, muttering a small goodnight to Matt, not knowing if he was awake or not.
"Sonny, what's been going on with you lately?" Matt asked in a soft voice.
"What do you mean?" Sonny asked, not facing his friend.
Matt turned to his side, facing Sonny's back. "You'll be really hyper and happy one moment and then a total wreck the next. We never talk anymore and I don't want to lose my best friend," Matt confided.
"If I told you what was wrong, you'd lose me. If I don't tell you, you'll lose me. There's no difference. It's lose/lose," Sonny muttered, feeling more tears spring to his eyes at the blatant recognition that he'd lose Matt no matter what.
"Is it about Emily?" Matt asked, biting his lip. He hated how she had broken his heart. But she was never good enough for him anyway.
Sonny shook his head although Matt couldn't see. "If I said yes would you accept that?" he asked his friend.
"No. Come on over here," Matt said, scooting towards the middle of the Queen size bed and moved the comforter up for Sonny.
Sonny bit his lip. He didn't know how difficult it would be to not touch Matt if they slept in the same bed. But he listened to his groin and got into Matt's bed with him, curling up right next to him, laying his head on his friends shoulder.
"Really, Sonny, what's been goin on?" Matt asked again.
"I'm just sad," Sonny whispered, knowing that he could never tell Matt the real reason behind his depression.
"Anything I can help with?" Matt asked, being the good friend.
Sonny shook his head. "No one can," he mumbled.
"I'm sure that's not true. Maybe you just haven't found the right person to help," Matt suggested.
"I hope it's something worth the waiting. It's the only time that I ever feel real," Sonny sang softly to himself, not noticing the look of confusion on Matt's face.
"Sonny... Just tell me what's wrong. I won't think anything differently of you if that's what you're worried about. I want to help you in any way I can. But in order to do that, I have to know what's wrong," Matt stated, pulling his best friend closer to him in an attempt to comfort him.
"I can't," Sonny forced himself to say, tears threatening to fall. "I want to but... I just...can't."
"Why not?"
Sonny brought his arm up, his thumb running across a couple of scars that adorned his wrist. They had been there for a while, a few were more recent. He felt a stab of shame and guilt hit home as Matt took his arm in his calloused hand, running his own thumb over the scars on his best friends wrist.
"Why?" Matt asked, seeming to be the most asked question.
"Because you'll never love me," Sonny said softly, burying his face in Matt's pillow and praying that Matt hadn't heard him as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
Matt, on the other hand, had heard every word coming from Sonny's lips and instantly felt a jab of guilt. He wasn't sure if he could return Sonny's feelings for him, whatever they may be, but he didn't want his best friend and band mate to almost kill himself over this. He wanted to make Sonny happy and he'd do whatever it took to get him there because it broke his heart. Because whenever he looked at Sonny, he saw a little boy who only wanted love but knew he would never get it.
After a couple hours of tossing and turning in the bed, Matt finally got up, knowing that he was never going to sleep. He walked out to the balcony and sat in a chair, resting his head in his hands. He sighed, trying to find some way to make Sonny happy. He hated when Sonny was depressed because then he felt bad. And he really felt bad. He wanted to make Sonny feel loved and secure and wanted, and there was only one way he could do that. Even if it meant leading Sonny on, he wanted him to be happy for however short a time.
"Matt? What are you still doing up?" Sonny asked from where he still lay on the bed.
"Hey, what are you doing up?" Matt asked instead of answering Sonny's initial question.
Sonny got up and peeled his shirt off. "It's too hot in this room," he said, walking out onto the balcony and standing at the railing, looking at the ocean. He had grown up in Florida but so rarely left his house to go to the ocean. He didn't see the point since he was focused playing his guitar anyway. But he loved the ocean at night. And he loved the hotel they were staying at on the coast of South Carolina. "So why are you out here?" Sonny asked again.
"Just... Thinking," Matt settled for saying.
"What about?" Sonny looked down from the fifth floor and subconsciously ran his thumb over the scars on his wrist again, wishing he wasn't so weak when it came to Matt.
"What you said earlier," Matt said quietly. "About how I'll never love you," he finished, looking up at Sonny to see his reaction.
Sonny stilled, turning around to where he was leaning against the railing, biting his lip. "You heard that?" he asked in a small voice.
Matt stood up and walked over to where he was standing in front of Sonny. "I hate that you feel like this," he said softly. "I don't want you hurting anymore."
"You can't help it," Sonny said, a casual shrug of his shoulder as if it wasn't anything important when it was quite the opposite to Matt.
"There's one way I can help..." Matt trailed off, blushing slightly under the night's full moon.
Sonny noted the blush and looked away, a feeling of guilt in his stomach. He didn't want Matt to do something that he'd regret come morning. "No, there's not."
"There is, Sonny," Matt said, leaning down and lightly brushing his lips across his bandmates.
Sonny instantly tensed up. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He wanted to believe it but he couldn't. This was his best friend, his bandmate, a brother figure to him. This couldn't be happening... "Matt... Don't. You're not yourself," Sonny made himself say, swallowing hard.
"Yeah, I am. I want to help you and if this is the only way that I can, then I will. I'm doing this for you," Matt said, cupping Sonny's face in his hands.
"You're going to regret it. You don't want to do this. You think you do, but you don't," Sonny told him and tried to push him away despite his lower regions protesting greatly. "Don't do something that you don't want to," he said softly.
Matt moved his hands to frame Sonny's small and lithe body. "I want to, Sonny. I want to help you."
Sonny shook his head, more tears forming in his eyes and he cursed himself for crying again. "But you don't want me."
Matt shook his head and stepped closer, rubbing his growing erection against that of his best friend, causing Sonny to blush and looked up at him through makeup smeared eyes. "Does that seem like I don't?" Matt asked, kissing Sonny's cheek.
Sonny couldn't contain his blushing. He might love Matt but he'd never done anything sexual with a man. Okay, that might have been a lie. He had a boyfriend a couple years earlier but what he felt for Matt was so much greater. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, anything but actually accept what was happening. It seemed like it was a dream.
"Don't break my heart," Sonny said before giving into temptation and crushing his mouth to Matt's.
He barely heard Matt's muffled reply but no longer cared about what he said. If Matt was willing to let Sonny have him, then he wasn't going to back down. He had craved it for too long. For too long had Matt haunted his dreams, drove him insane, the cause of his depression and joy. He wasn't going to back down at this opportunity. His body wanted it. His heart wanted it possibly too much. He jumped at the chance to finally be happy. He deserved it after all the hell he had been through keeping his emotions and feelings for Matt inside for so long.
Sonny slid his hand around to Matt's neck, pulling his best friend closer and tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. Matt felt Sonny pull his waist closer and they walked backwards to the bed, Sonny pushing Matt over and climbing on top of him without ever breaking the kiss. Sonny groaned and straddled Matt, grateful to feel his best friends skin against his own. He didn't once stop to think about how wrong it could be or what would happen in the morning. Sonny no longer cared.
Sonny ran his hands up and down Matt's chest, feeling every inch of his skin. Sonny slid his tongue between Matt's lips to play with his own, loving how Matt was reacting to his touch. He moved his mouth down Matt's neck to bite down on his collarbone, marking him as Sonny's. Matt arched his back as Sonny moved his mouth down his best friends chest, running his tongue over each of his nipples before moving down to lightly kiss the curved barbell going through his navel.
Sonny loved the fact that Matt had the nerve to get his navel pierced as not many men did. Sonny could have never done that, the thought of someone else touching his stomach drove him insane. He was overly ticklish and liked to protect his stomach. Sonny ran his hand over the piercing, smiling at Matt's low groan. He slid Matt's boxers off of his body, grinning at the stunning beauty that lay before him almost begging to be taken.
Matt raised his hips and sighed Sonny's name. Sonny smiled, pressing a tender kiss beneath Matt's navel before running his tongue over the barbell, the blood going straight to his erection when Matt groaned, his hands sliding into Sonny's hair. Matt pulled Sonny's mouth up to his, loving the feel of his best friends lips upon his, his best friends tongue inside his mouth, playing with his own. The thought of what could possibly happen come morning ran through Matt's mind, almost making him doubt what he was doing. But, for the first time in a long while, Sonny seemed happy. And he was glad that he was the one who could make Sonny feel that way.
After about an hour of fumbling caresses and hot, hungry kisses, Sonny made himself pull away, attempting to keep his strength to hold himself up and rest his weight on his forearms to stare down into his best friends blue eyes that always captivated him. He looked deep into Matt's eyes as if to tell him that if he was having any doubts or concerns, to stop now and not continue. Matt smiled and leaned up, capturing Sonny's lips with this own and taking Sonny's hands in his, moving them down his side and to his hip where he let go. Sonny gripped Matt's hips in his hands while Matt tangled his fingers in Sonny's dark locks, a slight moan escaping his lips.
Sonny took the opportunity to move his lips down Matt's neck, down his chest, placing another kiss to the piercing adorning his best friends navel. One of Matt's attributes that drove Sonny crazy. As Sonny's lips travelled lower, Matt shifted slightly, feeling a bit more uncomfortable. He had gotten blowjobs before but never one from a man. He'd never done anything sexual with a man except for a few drunk kisses with members of his band or other bands on tour.
"You sure you want to do this?" Sonny asked him, looking up from his position between the guitarists legs.
Matt nodded, feeling butterflies arise in his stomach but he wasn't going to turn back and get Sonny's hopes up for nothing. "It's what you want, so yes. I'm sure," he said, smiling slightly.
Sonny also smiled, pressing a kiss to the inside of Matt's thighs, loving how Matt's sharp intake of breath turned him on even more. He slowly moved his mouth over to Matt's erection, teasingly pressing a kiss to it's pulsing tip. Matt groaned, wanting to feel the warmth around his throbbing cock. Sonny complied, taking all of Matt's length into his mouth, scraping his piercings against the underside. He smiled around Matt's cock as he heard Matt moan his name and lift his hips up, thrusting himself further into Sonny's mouth.
Sonny slowly slid his mouth off of Matt's dick, causing Matt's hands to tighten in his hair. Sonny smiled, placing his mouth back on his best friend's dick, licking up the pre-cum that was forming there. Sonny gently sucked the tip of Matt's erection, elliciting a few more moans from his best friend before deep-throating him, a slow bobbing motion causing Matt to writhe under Sonny, begging for release.
Matt screamed Sonny's name as he came, coating Sonny's throat with the liquid and watched as Sonny swallowed and couldn't help but smile. It had possibly been the best blowjob he had ever gotten. And by his best friend. Sonny pulled away and pressed his lips to Matt's, pushing his tongue inside his bandmate's mouth. Matt tasted some of the cum from Sonny's tongue and swallowed before pulling away and smiling against Sonny's lips.
Matt took the step he had almost been dreading and reached over into his bag and pulling out his hand lotion. His hands shaked slightly as he handed it to Sonny and spread his legs a bit more so Sonny could get more comfortable. Sonny took the lotion gratefully, running his hand up and down Matt's leg as Matt laid back against the pillows and sighing.
Sonny opened the cap of the lotion, thickly coating his fingers and placing them at Matt's entrance before sighing. "You're not ready for this," Sonny said softly.
Matt sat up. "What do you mean? I'm not ready for this?" Matt asked, almos getting slightly angry.
Sonny repositioned himself to where he was straddling Matt and he leaned down, placing another kiss on his friends lips. He moved forward a bit and reached his hand back, slowly inserting one finger into himself, closing his eyes as his muscles clenched. He didn't see Matt dip his own fingers into the lotion and move his hands to where Sonny's were.
Matt gently pushed Sonny's hand away. Sonny's eyes shot open when he felt Matt's fingers slowly tease his opening. His arms shot forward, trying to hold his weight as Sonny's body rocked back against Matt's delicate, yet calloused, fingers. Sonny saw Matt grin and push two more fingers into him, slowly stroking him and stretching him, causing Sonny's head to loll forward, gentle moans escaping his pierced lips.
Sonny pushed his hips back, wanting to feel more of Matt in him in whichever way possible. He lowered his hips, taking more of his fingers in. Matt smiled and slowly withdrew his fingers, causing Sonny to whine and lean forward, biting Matt's neck.
"Matt... Please... Don't tease me," Sonny whine, licking at the fresh wound he had created on Matt's slender and supple neck.
"I won't, baby. Don't worry," Matt closed his eyes wondering when along the line his nervousness had ceased and wanting took over.
Sonny moved up and Matt aligned his cock with Sonny's entrance. Sonny looked into Matt's eyes, never once moving his stare as he thrust down, taking all of Matt into him. Sonny screamed, the feeling of being split in two almost more than he could take. The pain was so addicting, so deliciously addicting. He didn't want it to stop. He wanted the pain to continue. Because anytime he wasn't feeling pain, he wasn't living. He was addicted to pain in whatever way.
Matt gripped Sonny's hips and Sonny gripped Matt's shoulder, lifting himself up and thrusting himself back down, harder and faster each time. With each thrust, Matt's cock pounded into Sonny's prostate, causing him to moan and scream like a whore. Matt's head was on the pillow as his hips rised up, wanting to make Sonny scream even more. He loved hearing the way Sonny screamed his name, not caring who heard him.
Sonny thrusted down, riding Matt faster and harder than he had ever imagined. Sex with Matt was better than he had ever dreamed about. The way Matt's huge cock pounded into his prostate made him feel complete and loved and wanted more than ever before in his entire seventeen years of living. He didn't care if he was underage and what they were doing was illegal, he just always wanted to feel as loved and wanted and sexy as he did right during that moment with Matt.
Matt reached forward, gripping Sonny's leaking cock with one hand, jerking him off in time with his thrusts. With each swipe of Matt's thumb across the tip of his dick, Sonny felt his impending orgasm and started to ride him faster, if it was even possible. Matt lifted his hips, meeting each thrust, wanting to cum inside of Sonny. And he did, harder than ever before, screaming Sonny's name. Sonny felt Matt's cum coat his insides and he couldn't hold it in anymore. He came all over Matt's chest and continued to ride out his orgasm until his arms were too weak to hold him up.
Matt reached his hand to his stomach and swiped up a bit of Sonny's cum, taking his finger into his mouth and licking it up before reaching up to Sonny and catching him off-guard with a powerful kiss. Matt forced his tongue into Sonny's mouth and played around with his own, pulling Sonny down to his side. He slowly pulled away, placing a kiss to Sonny's forehead before covering themselves with a blanket and drifting off to sleep.
Matt still regretting what he did, leading Sonny on. He couldn't change what he did or how he felt. He only felt worse as he looked down at Sonny to see the smile plastered on his face. He didn't know what was going to happen come morning, but he couldn't continue leading Sonny on. His heart just wasn't in that. He formulated a plan. He'd wake Sonny up, tell him that he enjoyed himself but it was nothing more than a favor. It couldn't go any further. Sonny would accept that... Right?
Sonny woke up the next morning, wanting to feel Matt's warm body next to him only to open his eyes to find the bed next to him empty. He sat up and looked around, noticing Matt walking out of the bathroom, running a hand through his damp hair. Sonny breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Matt had not left him. He wrapped the blanket around his waist and got up, closing the balcony door. In lieu of recent events, he had forgotten to the previous night.
"Shower's free," Matt mumbled, careful to not let his eyes go to Sonny.
Sonny smiled slightly, almost hobbling into the bathroom. His lower back was still in pain from the night before. But it was a good pain. One he welcomed. He thanked Matt and shut the bathroom door, the smile still on his lips. He was happy. He got a quick shower, remembering the events of the night before and he couldn't help but smile. He loved Matt. Granted, he didn't get a chance to tell him. But he had Matt and he was thankful for it.
He got out of the shower and towel-dried his hair. He wrapped another towel around his waist and walked out to his bag, Matt nowhere in sight. He qiuckly pulled on a pair of jeans, his camoflague shirt and his black hoodie. He was about to walk back into the bathroom to put on his eyeliner when he hear Matt's voice from the hallway.
"Wait, did you say that you and Sonny slept together?" Derek asked Matt, pulling him away from his and Travis's door, closer to the room that Sonny and Matt occupied.
Matt nodded. "Yeah. We did."
"What the hell? How--? Well, I know how but since when? I mean, you guys are friends," Derek shook his head.
Matt sighed, leaning against the wall and peering into the little crack in the door to make sure he couldn't see Sonny. "He wasn't happy. Derek, Sonny loves me. I can't return those feelings but I made him happy. I have never seen him so happy. I did what I had to do," Matt told Derek.
Sonny frowned from his place behind the door. Wanting to scream at Matt, hurt him as much as Matt had hurt him. He was a fool to think that Matt actually loved him or felt anything more towards him than friendship. He felt his heart sink into his stomach. Or, what was left of his heart anyway. He tried to move but he wanted to hear the rest of what Matt had to say.
"So you fucked him? You could have helped in other ways. Like... You could have bought him some alcohol. I don't know. But, God, Matt. You just led him on! What's going to happen when he finds out that it meant nothing to you?" Derek asked, trying not to raise his voice but failing miserablly.
"Derek, shut up. Okay? I did not lead him on. Okay, yes, I did. But it did mean something to me. I love Sonny, I'm just not in love with him. He's my best friend and I wanted to see him happy," Matt sighed.
"You just fucked up, Matt. Major. You have got to tell him or he's going to go on thinking that there's something between you," Derek told Matt.
"So? If he's happy, why does it matter?"
"Because it's all a lie. You have got to tell him that it was a mistake," Derek said.
Sonny couldn't take it anymore. He slammed the door shut, making Matt and Derek aware of the fact that he had heard their entire conversation and he walked over to his bag. He heard Matt walk in and he ignored it. Just like he tried to ignore the tears running down his face and how he felt that his heart had been ripped in two.
Sonny pulled on his big eighties glasses and his trucker hat. He zipped up his hoodie and tossed the strap of his bag over his shoulder. He wiped away the tearstains on his face, praying no one asked what was wrong. He might just go ape on them. He was serious, he was going to scratch their eyes out.
"Sonny? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Please, don't cry. God, I'm so stupid," Matt sighed.
"No. You wanted me to be happy. I was. I just can't believe I was so ignorant as to think there was something actually between us," Sonny spat, trying to walk out of the room.
Matt walked forward, placing his hands on Sonny's shoulders to stop him from walking out of the room. "No, Sonny, don't go. I'm sorry for leading you on. I swear, I fucking am. But I hate seeing you so depressed. I love you, Sonny. You're my best friend. I just don't want you sad," Matt told him, hoping to make up for his recent acts.
Sonny rolled his eyes although Matt couldn't see it. "Don't worry, Matt. You won't have to see me depressed for much longer," Sonny spat, pushing Matt out of the way and walking out of the hotel room and to the elevator. He ignored the other people in there. With each floor they passed, more tears fell from his eyes. He wasn't sure how much longer he could handle this.
The elevator stopped at the lobby floor and he pushed past the other occupants to get off first. He ran out to the tour bus, taking off his hat as he got on. They weren't supposed to be leaving for another two hours so he knew that he would have the bus to himself. He dropped his bag off in his bunk, taking off his sunglasses and going straight to the medicine cabinet.
He went through each bottle of prescription drugs until he found the one he was looking for. Vicodin for Derek's recent shoulder problems. His doctor had given him 800 miligrams of Vicodin to help him during shows. He took the bottle and went out to the minifridge, knowing that Travis had hidden some Vodka in there. He located the bottle and pulled it out, going over to the couch and sitting down.
Sonny ignored the tears stinging his eyes and the burning sensation he felt as they ran down his pallid cheeks. He picked up the pills, pouring about five into his hand. He tossed them in his mouth, uncapping the Vodka and taking a long drink, washing all of the pills down with it. Sonny winced as the liquid burned his throat but welcoming the burn. He needed the pain. He needed something, anything, to dull the ache in his chest from betrayal.
Sonny knew the five wouldn't be enough. He looked back into the bottle. There were only ten more left. He put more in his mouth, washing them down with the Vodka until all the pills were gone. He sighed, hoping the effect would come in soon. Vicodin was pretty powerful. He didn't want to live anymore. He didn't want to live... No. He refused to live in a world where Matt didn't love him. Matt was the only person to make him feel complete. And it was all a lie.
Sonny finished the rest of the Vodka, the last half that was left. Considering it was partly empty when he first opened it. He laid down on the couch, his vision beginning to blur. The empty bottle fell from his hands, shattering on the tour bus floor, any liquid remaining, spilling out onto the carpet and staining it. Sonny felt his head become light, his consciousness fading. The last thing he knew was falling off of the couch, shards of glass digging into his back as he fell onto the remnants of the Vodka bottle before everything faded into black...
Sonny rolled his eyes although Matt couldn't see it. "Don't worry, Matt. You won't have to see me depressed for much longer," Sonny spat, pushing Matt out of the way and walking out of the hotel room and to the elevator.
Matt sighed as he heard the elevator begin to descend. Derek walked into his hotel room.
"How'd he take it?" Derek asked.
"How do you think?" Matt asked, picking up his bag and shoving his clothes into it, getting increasingly more angry with each movement.
Derek sighed. "It was for the best, man. Come on. We gotta go," Derek said.
Matt and Derek met Travis and Jon at the elevator, waiting for it to come back up from the lobby. The ride down was incredibly slow and full of silence. Matt could only assume that Derek had told Travis and Jon what had happened by the way they were looking at him. They reached the tourbus, Matt was the first one on. He stopped immediately at the top step, dropping his bag.
"Matt? Matt, what's wrong?" Derek asked, pushing past Travis to see why Matt had stopped. He froze in place when he saw Sonny's lifeless body on the tourbus floor. Blood spilling from his back, an empty bottle of pills in his hand, a shattered Vodka bottle beneath him. "Oh, my God..." he trailed off.
Derek got Jon and Travis off the bus, ordering Travis to call 911 and he tried to pry Matt from the scene. Matt wouldn't budge. Instead, he walked into the bus and to his bunk, reaching under his pillow and pulling out his half empty bottle of Jack Daniels. He ran past Derek, not hearing a word he said. He didn't want to be near Sonny when the coroner came.
He walked past everyone, once more thankful that the hotel was right on the ocean. He walked up a steep cliff to the top, staring at the Atlantic, taking long swigs of the bitter liquid. It stung his throat, causing his eyes to water. But he didn't care. He had hurt Sonny. The most beautiful and perfect person he had ever known. He broke him. He broke Sonny and all of his innocence. Crushed all of his dreams, all of his hopes. He had fooled him to think that he really loved him. Matt loved him, of course. He would always love his best friend. But his love and drove him to his death. And he couldn't have that on his conscious.
Heart broken and drunk, Matt wandered to the edge of the cliff, peering down at the over three hundred foot drop. It wasn't the alcohol talking when he stepped forward, falling off of the cliff... It was his broken heart doing the talking for him... Saying what he never had the guts to say. And in the coldness of the air, you could faintly hear his last words...
"I love you, Sonny..."
x-Okay. So this was eleven pages in WordPad and it took me over a week to write. Please rate and message. It would mean a lot.
x-Trisha
I'm not okay.
Heartbreak, fake smile.
And 2000 miles.
I checked my caller ID.
There was every number,
But the one I wanna see.
Since you've been gone.
I don't know where to start.
'Cause I lost today.
I'm not okay.
Heartbreak, fake smile.
And 2000 miles...
Banner by: Kjellen
