"Holly?"
The way my name rolled off his tounge used to give me shivers
now it just left me clinging to the porcelain bowl.
"What, Alex?" I asked into the reciever.
It was 2:30 A.M.
And from the drunken little mumbles coming from the other end
I could tell he wasn't planning on sleeping alone tonight.
"Can I come over?"
I opened my mouth to say no.
I wouldn't let myself fall a victim to him again.
I was strong,
but every little inhale and exhale from the other end
made the power shrink smaller and smaller.
"Please, baby, you know you can never say no to me."
No.
"Alex, it's--"
"Late, I know," he murmured, his voice slipping into my ear like a sweet whisper, "I won't do it again. Promise."
Liar.
"But--"
"I promise."
There it was.
That craving voice.
The same voice I hear everytime he needs
another dose to feed his addiction
Everytime he needs another rush.
The same voice that breaks me.
I sighed, running fingers through my hair.
"The back door's unlocked."
-*-
I stared at the sleeping form next to me,
my fingers running slowly up his stomach resting on his chest.
With his eyes closed and his face relaxed
you couldn't tell that he was an addict.
All you could see was his soft features,
framed by his golden-brown hair.
All you could see was an innocent angel.
I knew once this innocent angel woke up,
he will shed his white wings for red horns.
I began to wonder if everyone looked as decieving as Alex did when they slept.
His eyelids fluttered open and he blinked around tiredly for a few seconds.
"It's eight." I told him in a whisper.
Alex nodded and rolled over on his side, our bodies barely touching.
"Are you going to get up?"
He shook his head, pulling the covers to his chin.
These were the only few moments he made my heart flutter.
Mornings are his weakness,
the devil explodes and the angel replaces him.
Mornings are when he is his true self.
Eyes locked with mine,
not with my lips (or lower).
His lips sometimes would form a smile
that would make me mirror his actions.
He was genuine in the morning.
He was almost a person I could learn to love.
After a few more seconds of staring at each other,
he leaned over and placed a small kiss on my cheek.
From that one little kiss,
his eyes started to look more alive
and they clouded over with the Alex I knew.
I sighed, knowing the angel was now gone
and the devil was back in place.
He began to rub his hand up and down my arm.
I shrank away from his touch and glared.
"I guess I'll go home now," he muttered when he noticed the heat of my glare.
He threw the blankets off and stretched.
I didn't say anything.
I didn't complain that the angel was gone.
I didn't complain that the devil was back.
He wasn't worth my words.
"I guess I'll go home now." He repeated louder than before.
What, did he want me to stop him?
Did he want me to grab onto him and beg him not to go?
Aha.
Right.
"Bye," I mumbled, snuggling further under the covers.
"You're not going to stop me?"
So he did want me to act like a poor damsal.
"Nope."
He winced and threw on his shirt and shoes.
"I'll call you later."
No you won't.
"Okay," I let out an obnoxious yawn, hoping he would get the hint to leave already.
Alex threw me a final glance before heading out the door.
Once the door closed I could hear his foot steps getting softer until they were gone.
I let out an angry yell and threw my pillow at the door.
Stupid love addict.
she lead him upstairs, she lead him upstairs...
