--Was I Wrong--{Short Story}--{One - Shot}--

You never know how much you love someone until theyre gone. Thats how it was for me. I never realized how much I loved my brother, Doodle. After the calamity, I realized that my perception of Doodle was wrong. I should have never pushed him so hard to be normal. Now all my cronies think I have a despotic personality. The only reason I ever pushed Doodle was so that he could have friends and now I dont even have them. I never thought this could happen in a million years. I just wanted him to be like me.
It was the day of the funeral and I knew that there was not going to be a multitude of people there. I was extremely timorous of what my family thought of me since I hid my self in my room after the incident. Before walking through the portal of the cemetery my parents told me that they knew it wasnt my fault. But I still felt dubious about all of it. I felt so spineless walking through the cemetery.
The next day my parents were very cordial toward me. Which made me feel more guilty about what happen. I know I shouldnt dwell on something that wasnt my fault but how could I not? He was my brother and I failed him. I just wish I could recoil myself from the pain.
Later in the day I decided to take a stroll. I didnt know where I was going but I knew that my faith would take me somewhere I belong. I found myself at an old barn. The barn looked so intimidating to me. It was so big compared to me. I walked into the barn and sat on a stack of hay and began to think.
I remember taking Doodle to our barn and deliberately showing him, the coffin we had made for him when he was little. I felt so horrible about that. I wish I could hibernate like the bears and forget all that I have done. Getting up I saw that there was a ladder that could take me to a higher altitude. When I got to the top I noticed that the barn was like a cache, a place where you could hide things. It made me think I was able to hide myself away here. But what good would that do? I would never forget what had happened and what I had done.
Sitting on the second level of the barn for a while I couldnt restrain my tears anymore. I wondered if I hadnt became an aggressor would Doodle still be here? I kept thinking like that for a sometime. I must have fallen asleep because all I remember seeing was a huge edifice that looked like it came from a different era and Doodle sitting at a head of a table. It look like he was a host of something. Seeing Doodle in my dream made me cry again. I could not tolerate seeing him. I wish I could retract that dream from my head.
By the time I decided to go home it was twilight. I remembered that this was Doodles favorite time of day. At that point I realized that Doodle would be with me forever. I just wished that he hadnt been treated like a cur. I also wished that I commended him more often. Well thats the extremity of my story for now.

so how bad was it??
what do you think?