He sat on the floor, staring at his friend's lifeless body, blood dripping through his fingers as he held his lover's wrist, trying desperately to staunch the red liquid that bled sluggishly from the deep gash there. The kunai that had been so tightly clutched in the dark haired boy's hand had fallen from his grasp long ago, when his heart had stopped beating, and the blonde picked it up and stared at it with hate and pain.
"Why?" he choked out, tears streaming silently out of his eyes. "I loved you."
Yes, but it wasn't enough... a voice whispered inside himself, sounding like a long-lost friend.
He turned his gaze back to his best friend and lover slowly, not wanting to see the harsh truth that confronted him in this painful form. The cold onyx eyes stared back, glinting lifelessly, looking accusingly into his blue ones.
"Why?" he moaned out again, standing up and rushing out into the cool night air, blood still dripping off of his hands and the kunai that was still clutched in his hand, his eyes vacant; a gash on his forehead creating a red waterfall that flowed down his face, making it look like he was crying blood.
"WHY?!?!" he roared at the sky as he stood outside, blue eyes challenging the dark clouds and the full yellow moon that was blurred at the edges.
And if I don't belong, who would've guessed it?
I will not leave alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late.
He started running through the streets, not paying any attention to where he was going or what he was doing as he dashed through the streets of the deserted compound.
The compound where his best friend and lover had died. The place that had, for so long, been empty, that forever more would be empty. The place where all his dreams were lying on the floor, dead.
How could he do this to me? he raged inside, mind working in a haze as he tried to figure out what to do. I loved him so much and he went and killed himself...
He remembered watching the black haired boy as he was practicing, leaning his head back against the tree and looking on quietly. His baka-teme was working as hard as he could without even once glancing over to look at him; his onyx gaze sliding over the blonde's form. Even when his baka was finished, the dark eyed boy had just started walking away and he had to get up and follow after him quickly. He was such a tag-along.
He was pathetic; if he wasn't pathetic, Sasuke wouldn't have left him, killed himself.
Why did he do this to me? Why Kami? I loved him so much and he left me; he left me for a place where nothing is known, he thought to himself, his mind trying desperately to separate the thoughts from the memories, until he could think no more and they all started to run together like a badly painted watercolor.
Another memory surfaced and even though he tried to push it away, it came at him and swallowed his consciousness, forcing him to sink deeper into his misery.
He could see him; he was right there, the object of all the girls in his class affections. Uchiha Sasuke, the last heir to the Uchiha clan was being stared at with eyes filled with longing and the faint hint of obsession by all the girls in class, and Naruto's current crush, Haruno Sakura, was no exception. By far, Sakura seemed to be one of the girls that was the most enamored with the Uchiha heir and the blonde hated him for it.
Sasuke always got everything. He'd had everything that Naruto had ever dreamed about or wanted. A family, people who loved him, people who admired and wanted to be near him, prowess in the art of the shinobi, and acceptance by all of his peers, people that were both of their classmates; people who had always ignored and despised Naruto or simply thought of him as the class clown.
He remembered boasting loudly to Kiba, "I'm just as good as Uchiha. I'm gonna be Hokage; believe it!"
Kiba had simply burst out laughing while Naruto's loud comment had turned every girl in the room against him instantly; the Uchiha had raised his dark eyes up to look at the idiotic blonde and shook his head, walking off calmly and leaving Naruto seething.
Childish memories, the voice commented, a hint of malice in the tone.
The blonde was yanked back from his thoughts as he raced out of the gates of the compound, almost running over groups of kids that were dressed up in odd costumes. The kids looked up at him and started screaming; Naruto backed up quickly, his eyes scared and wild. Not thinking, he turned and dashed down a side street, running towards the more residential district, away from these kids that were looking up at him with wide eyes.
Eyes filled with innocence; innocence that reminded him too much of his own. Innocence that he had lost.
The tears kept coming, streaming down his face in streaky lines that burned his skin. His blue eyes were cloudy and his mind wasn't thinking straight, desperate for some sort of relief from the instantaneous grief and pain that had overtaken him.
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cuz it's not too late, it's never too late.
So, this feeling is what the older shinobi described when they lost a comrade, this emptiness. How could they live through it? It felt like he had lost sight of everything that he loved and enjoyed in this world; Sasuke's death eclipsing it all.
No, not his death.
Sasuke's suicide.
His breath caught in his throat when he thought of that moment; the moment before all of his hopes and dreams had plunged into darkness, leaving him with an angry silence. Naruto had been so happy, going to see his best friend, the person he'd loved the most in the world; he remembered vaguely humming to himself as he opened up the door to Sasuke's house and calling out to his friend. There was no answer, only a rasping moan from the room where Itachi had killed their parents. That's when the worry came, blurring the edges of the world.
There are always choices in the world and I have chosen this way; it is not your decision to regret. The voice that spoke was so dearly familiar that it practically drove Naruto mad with wanting to see the person that spoke once more.
Naruto stumbled, his thoughts returning to the real world as he almost fell, scraping his hands on the ground; his blood mingled with Sasuke's as his scratches started bleeding, but he paid it no mind, not even stopping for a moment to let himself rest.
He felt that if he stopped now; the reason that Sasuke had killed himself would find him, come and take him. That his best friend would really and truly be dead if he stopped, but as long as he kept running, the world could go on and Sasuke would still be waiting for him somewhere or on a mission...or anything else.
The boy did not even notice that the moon was slowly being overwhelmed like darkness.
Even after the Hokage's death, it hadn't been like this. It had been different; the grief different. The old man had gone down in a fight, protecting his village and all of its inhabitants; he had been protecting everyone he knew and loved. The village idolized him for it, for giving up his life to protect everyone else, for taking care of them even in death.
Naruto had felt grief, but it had been so different from this; different in the way that he could understand why the old man had sacrificed himself, why he gave it all, because Naruto wanted to be able to be that unselfish and protect the village like that too, to be the best.
The grief had been deep and touching, but fleeting and comforting. The feelings that were welling up inside him now were nothing like the feelings that he had felt when the Third had died; they were completely different: shifting, swirling, biting, mocking, raw, torturous, and hurting him in every conceivable way. Because there was one huge difference between Sasuke's...suicide and the Hokage's death:
The Hokage had given himself up for a greater purpose, for the good of the Village, but Sasuke's reason had been completely selfish.
And if there's something wrong,
Who would've guessed it?
And I have left alone everything that I own,
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late.
The thought left Naruto feeling empty beyond words and he continued to run. He wanted comfort in some form, but he didn't know where to get it, except for his friends. His friends. He had to find them; they would understand that Sasuke wasn't dead. Tell him that his love was on a mission or visiting Gaara or something...anything. Now his running had a purpose, despite the feeling this was pointless and the forceful thought that Sasuke was alive, and the denial of his death. So why did he feel that he needed someone to reassure him that Sasuke was alive?
Denying does nothing; I am gone. I am no longer in this world. The voice was harsh, cutting; it commanded him to stop this nonsense, but Naruto paid it no mind, ignoring it completely.
"Hey Naruto!" he heard someone call out to him, and he turned slightly, recognizing the voice as Sakura's, even through the haze.
"Naruto!" someone else called and he stopped fully, turning around to look at the group that was assembled behind him.
Sakura...Kiba...Shino...Hinata...Lee...TenTen...Neji...Ino...Shikamaru...Chouji... Kakashi...Gai... Kurenai... Asuma ...
All of them, standing there, but these people couldn't be his friends and mentors; they were monsters. He couldn't think for a moment; his mind frozen by the shock of Sasuke's death and then these gruesome creatures confronting him; these creatures that looked vaguely like his friends, but that were not his friends.
Masks covered their faces, hiding their eyes and features; blood dripped down their faces, and cuts and scars marred the faces that were so dear to him. Dark clothing hugged their bodies or practically swathed them until they were unrecognizable and the slowly darkening moon left them silhouetted against the dark, cloud-scudded sky. Their eyes seemed to glow in the darkness, challenging him to what he had done, what he had seen...where he had been. This scene, that greeted him so soon after discovering Sasuke, scared him so much that he started to back away quickly.
They are your friends; you need them now that I am not here. Go to them! The voice growled angrily as Naruto stepped back again.
"N-n-naruto-kun," he heard one of them call out in Hinata's voice, "where are you going?"
"Hey Naruto! Nice costume!" a person who sounded like Kiba called out. "Like ours?"
Naruto was still backing away and suddenly he bolted, running towards his home as fast as he could, more tears streaming out of his eyes. First his love and now his friends? Why was the world taking away those he cared about, hiding them from him?
The blonde burst into his apartment building and then raced up the stairs to the roof, the last place that he'd seen Sasuke before he'd found him today.
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cuz it's not too late, it's never too late.
He was standing right there; his Sasuke, leaning over the edge of the roof and looking down at the ground three stories down. His eyes were dark; all the light that was created by the sun seeming to be absorbed by them, except when he looked at Naruto. Then, the world seemed to light up and he appeared just a little bit happier to be alive, but not today. The younger Uchiha's eyes remained dark as he contemplated the distance to the ground; the fall would not kill him.
"What would you do if I was dead, Naruto?" he asked suddenly, the question seemingly coming out of nowhere and startling the blonde out of the pensive study of his friend.
"If you were dead Sasuke?" he'd asked curiously. "I would miss you; I would love you still and I would want to follow you."
Sasuke turned around to stare at the blonde haired boy, his hands resting on the railing around the edge of the roof as his gaze penetrated the other.
"But how would you feel? Would you be able to go on without me?" Sasuke asked, sounding conceited, but feeling obligated to ask this as he thought of things that were secret to all but him.
His thought of "You lived for 15 years without me... I've only been this close to you for 2 years...how close have you really gotten?" hung suspended in the air.
"Sasuke," Naruto said, sounding worried as he stood up and closed the difference between himself and the other boy, "why are you asking questions like this? You're not going to die for a long time, right? I'll love you forever and always; you're my life."
His arms slid around his lover's waist and he laid his head on Sasuke's chest; cerulean eyes peeking up into charcoal ones. Then he pressed his lips gently against his friend's, his moving in a rhythm that had enchanted himself and the other boy many times before and had not yet failed to sustain them; his mouth forming the words 'I love you'.
But Sasuke's heart wasn't in it, and it wasn't with them later on in the night as Naruto drifted off to sleep, his head lying on the dark-haired boy's chest. Sasuke watched his Kyuubi sleep and ran his hand absently through Naruto's blond hair, his concern flickering for a moment and then fading. He placed a kiss on the blonde's forehead and then fell asleep, plans still circulating in his head.
Naruto...I am not here; I will never be here again... the voice whispered, seemingly comforting, but taunting the blonde with its very words.
The time we've lost, can't get back.
The life we had won't be, 'cuz I can't.
This world will never be what I expected,
And if I don't belong
The slamming of the door to the roof echoed throughout the neighborhood, as did Naruto's scream; both noises stilling the chatter of excited children as they raced from one door to the next and the whispered conversations of the adults as they sat in the shadows. All eyes were drawn up to the moon which was almost totally eclipsed, only a sliver left showing, just enough to shed light for parents to find their children quickly, so that they would be by their sides when the total blackout occurred.
Naruto's mind was working in a disjointed way as he slid down the wall in the exact place where Sasuke had been standing when his friend had asked him what he would do if he was dead.
Blood...kunai, the kunai that Naruto was still clutching from the desperate dash from Sasuke's home clattered to the floor as the montage continued through the blonde's broken mind. ... screaming... pain... moon... eclipsed... grief.. Hokage... costume... Halloween... Halloween; tonight's Halloween. Sasuke. Dead. Killed. Suicide. On. Halloween. Oh gods, no.
On Halloween of all the nights of the year; he'd planned it. He'd planned his suicide to be on that one night.
This was Sasuke's favorite time, the time where he didn't have to pretend to be the generic type of 'happy' to the normal world; the time where being himself was accepted by everyone. He'd killed himself at the time that he normally was going out and celebrating.
That was the last straw; his lover dead and he would not, could not, follow, and, the worst part about it was that he had known.
Sasuke had known that Naruto would not follow him into death if he had killed himself; it was shameful. A shameful way for a shinobi to die. Killed by his own hand. It meant that he had not believed in himself, in his abilities; that he was worthless and that he was determined to make everyone feel his loss, whether intentionally or not. And Sasuke knew that his lover was not that kind of person.
Sasuke.
His Sasuke.
His Sasuke was dead.
He had committed suicide.
He had killed himself.
Killed himself because of Naruto without a reason.
Rest in Results as well as Dedication to My Special Birthday Girl :DDDD
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we'll turn it all around,
'Cuz it's not too late, it's never too late.
Maybe we'll turn it all around,
'Cuz it's not too late, it's never too late.
Never too late
It's not too late;
It's never too late
Then Naruto's world went dark, literally, the moon was completely eclipsed and Naruto howled; the scream was all of his emotions tumbled together into the one way he could release it without falling apart completely. His heart was breaking and the sound ripped from his throat more than anything. The blonde continued screaming, even as the voice echoed in his head.
There is a reason for everything, it remarked coolly, sounding closer than before.
Arms encircled his waist as everything he knew and understood went black. Cool lips brushed against his neck and hard teeth nipped him gently on the base of his throat, trying to soothe him in any way possible.
Naruto...I'm right here...I belong where I am right now; I belong all the time Naruto, not just around Halloween, even if you are not here with me. By the way, baka, happy Halloween.
The teeth pierced his skin as he blacked out and another wave of fresh blood slid down his neck.
Sasuke. was all he could think before he lost it all. Happy Halloween...
The fic's dedicated to my Birthday Girl who likes yaoi, so I attempted it for you...not so good, but I'll try harder next time. Sorry I tied Halloween into your present, but it was irresistible xD...So for the little yaoi fangirl inside of us, without being dirty:
Birthday Hug by *DaisyAnimeLuvr on deviantART
I like it, but I didn't draw it, so just for you BIRTHDAY GIRL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUTOUT TO ONE OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS, KATIE!!! I LOVE YOU! WOOT! 15!!!!!!! The End.
