[M] He's His Own Celeberity [Four] But That Doesn't Faze Me [Shadows]

"Damn, it feels fucking good in here!"

The studio felt like heaven compared to the welting heat in the car. More than I'd like to admit, tension filled the space in the large SUV more than my mind did. Although I was focused on the road as I drove, my thoughts drifted to places I didn't want to be. The look on everyones face when I told Matt I loved him made my heart break slowly. I pained me to know that my friends didn't want me to be in love with him.

Because he doesn't love you.
He does. I know he does.

I squeezed Matts hand as we walked through the doors of the nicely air conditioned studio lobby. Our pace in sync, but he was looking other places. I was thinking other things.

Neither of us were really there.

"Matthew! Katey! Gald to see you both! You guys look fabulous!" Joey, the other gay happy producer squealed when we stepped into the sound room. He kissed both of our cheeks and smacked Matt on the butt. I smirked at his uncomfortable face and shook my head. Joey did the same to the rest of the guys, and all of them made the same face. Except of course Jimmy, who squealed in excitement and spanked the poor guy hardly back on the bottom. Joey looked like he was about to blow a lid. Everyone else just laughed.


I glanced around. Buttons, lights, mics, guitars, everything musically possible laced the walls of the boy's private studio. One of the Fender guitars called out to me. But Matts lips on the back of my neck got to me first. I sighed and closed my eyes. Everything else became air. Because when his large arms curled tight around my waist, life was all about him and only him.

" I need you to get out." He muttered suddenly.
What the fuck did he just say to you?
"Alright.."
WHAT?

I was thankful no one else heard him. Eyes glanced at me as I shuffled to grab one of the many guitars. The instrument perfectly fitting into my palm as I walked out. Not turning back once. I glided into another, secret, sound room. No one really knew about my voice. My talent. No one but the few chosen who walked in on me. Filling with the tunes, I got the base on the guitar where I wanted and stepped into the booth. Staring into the producers area silently, I drug the mic in front of me. Placing the guitar on my lap as I reached for the earphones.

The bright lights nearly blinding me.

. . .

"Caught up in this madness, too blind to see.."I mumbled to myself as I played with the cords on the guitar.

Strumming slowly. My fingertips effortlessly gliding over the frets. "Cherishing.. Those feelings, pleasuring.." My fingertips picked up tempo on the guitar. Carelessly playing from my heart. The sounds making my eyes drift close.

He makes me wannna screeaaamm.
Sometimes he makes me wanna run from him baby,
But oh no,
Wait.
It's too late.
I've wasted all my timmee.


I laughed in irony. My fingertips pounding the guitar just like Zack had shown me when he taught me the cords to Scream. I sighed and reached for the mic, cupping it in my palms.

Why is this so hard?
So hard for me to walk away,
Why do I let myself fall,
Let myself go, go, go
I need to get away.
I need to find my voice.


Tears ran down my cheek for what seemed like the millionth time today. My heart pouring out into the words that followed so clearly from my lips. My voice forcing itself hard as I grasped he guitar.

God it's killing me how I see,
See everything that boy can be,
But yet he's not there, he's not really there,
He's behind the wall that's just not so clear,
Fuck this isn't war,
My love isn't war, it's not give and take
Much more of this I swear I'll break

Another guitar over powered mines, but stayed in tune. I knew I wasn't alone. Zack's cologne stung my nose in a non bad way as soon as he came in. I let him play and matched his cords. Similar to the tune in their own song Scream, his rifts became like air.

He's killing me,
It's killing me,
He just makes me wanna scream,
But I can't run from him Zacky,
I cant run from him Zacky,
Because it's too late,
I've wasted all my time,
It's too late Zacky,
I'm in love.

I whispered the last part and the pounding on the guitar stopped. I heard Zack sigh as I finished off and shook my head. His arms curled around me from behind. When I opened my eyes and pushed the mic from my face. Everyone was in the music room. Everyone except for Matt. I blushed and patted Zack on the shoulder, brushing my tears from my wet cheeks. Brit leant forward and pressed the button so what Zack and I could hear her.

"Too blind too see you're in love with an asshole." Everyone laughed, I did too. We all loved Matt, but we all knew what he was like.

"I know Brit. But like you said. I'm in love." I sighed and Zack strummed his guitar again. We all laughed again.

"I'm in love you guys." They nodded in slight understanding.

Even if it is with an asshole.


. . .