Sunday
4:14 PM
park
William is a being of nature. The earth, the wind, the air, the water, the fire, and William. Everything about him is obscurely natural.
As we lay in the grass of melted snow, the sun shining down on the two of us, I feel extremely unnatural. Like something is wrong with this picture. That thought had never crossed my mind until this second.
"Where did you say Ryan was?" I ask William, my jaw moving along his shoulder as we lay on our backs.
I admit, it's true. After you've been around Ryan Ross for so long, you kind of feel protective of him. At least, that's what William's told me and what I've noticed since the three of us built our own little home together inside William's house. The kid's pretty understanding. He, if anyone, can understand why William and I need time alone.
"I think he went to sleep in my bed."
"He going to school tomorrow?"
"I hope so."
I nibble on William's shoulder, thinking. "I care about him, you know."
"I know. I kind of forced you to." He looks down at me and smiles.
"No," I say. "I really have grown to care about him. At first I just thought he was a clingy puppy dog, but after seeing how Brendon treats him-"
"Hey," he interrupts defensively. "You'll never meet two boys more in love than Ryan and Brendon."
I think I can tell from the expression on his face now that he knows what I'm going to say. I lift my chin a little to meet his own, and I whisper onto his lips, "You sure?"
And I feel him smile as I kiss him, feeling the only bit of warmth that sits in this cold winter air. William strokes my cheek and my dirty hair. I don't know how he can stand me sometimes, I really don't. William takes twenty showers a day and doesn't wear his t-shirts more than once. And I'm this kid from the other side of the tracks, but I guess in a way, we grew up the same. We all did. William, Ryan, and me. How Brendon fits into that equation is beyond me.
"You're amazing," William says, that playful smile still dancing on his lips. "I can't imagine my life without you anymore."
I blush a dark red. This kid makes me feel things I didn't think I was the type to feel. He makes me want to be romantic, even if I have no clue where to begin. I kiss him again. I feel his hand land on my waist, seeming to melt into me. I can feel myself falling for him, harder and harder.
Because really, how can anybody not?
There's so much I want to say to William... I just want to spill my guts to the kid, right to his face. I want to tell him all my secrets, all my wishes, hopes, dreams, places I want to go, things I want to do. I want him to give me his expert advice on life. Sometimes I feel like I need it so bad. He has a way with words that can make you feel better in an instant. Like the chicken soup your mom used to make you when you were home sick from school, but even a thousand times more comforting. I know, because I've seen him work his magic on Ryan countless times. But I'm so afraid of losing this, what I have right now at this very second, that I'd rather just keep my mouth shut.
My thoughts race second by second, all while trying not to collapse under the weight of William's intimidating kiss. There's only so many metaphors for "I love you." But they're all I have. I'm not going to break his heart with those three words, when I've got more creative ways of saying it anyway.
I can feel William's fingertips graze the exposed skin on my side, and I realize, yes, this is way too good to risk, even in the slightest.
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Thanks for reading, you wonderful people.
<3
