***The Legend of Lord Dumbass***Pt. 1:Do You Have Vodka?

So I woke up in a hut. My last memory before this is of being in a plane with my band. A tanned petite young woman with plates of food and a cup of water walked into the hut and handed me the cup of water.
Ashley:What's your name?
Tempest:Tempest.
Ashley:Isn't that a girls name?
Tempest:It's gender neutral, dumbass.
Ashley:Oh..... Well I'm Ashley. Do you want fruit or fish?
Tempest:Fruit.
Ashley handed him a plate of several kinds of fruit and a wooden fork.
Ashley:Would you like me to explain everything or would you like to wait for that?
Tempest:I'm so out of it right now.... I don't care. Explain.
Ashley:Ok here it goes;This is a society built by those who have somehow ended up on this island. Pretty much all those missing planes, helocopters, and boats that went missing here in the Burmuta Triangle had surviving passengers that came to this island. Welcome to Burmuta Island, population now:67.
Tempest:This might have been shocking to me if I wasn't half asleep right now. Although I accept that this is most likely a dream or I am caught in some fucktarded TV show land.
Ashley:Wow.... That's not the response we normally get.
Tempest:How long have you been here?
Ashley:4 years now.
Tempest:Do you have.... Vodka?
Ashley:No...
Tempest:Oh, damn so I wash up on a random uncharted island and it turns out to be one of those dry uncharted islands.
Ashley:*smiles almost laughing* And how many uncharted islands have you been on?
Tempest:This would be the first.
Ashley:Well we'll try and make this as easy as we can for you.
Tempest:So do you people wear the same clothes every day or do you have some kind of freaky islander clothing store?
Ashley:Well we will wash your clothes and as you can see we've already got to that by stripping you down to your underwear.
Tempest:I know that I'm not a dumbass like you.
Ashley:So do you want me to find you something to wear or do you want me to get that later?
Tempest:Oh sure like any normal person I want to walk around this place practicly naked.
Ashley:You know you don't have to be rude about this. I'll get you some clothes.
Tempest:Wait.. I wasn't being a smart ass I was being serious.
Ashley:Your a strangggge stranggge little man.
Tempest:I'm not little I'm 6' 2'', you're the one that's little. What are you like... 4' 9''?
Ashley:4' 11''.
Tempest:Whatver. Shouldn't you be doing something Weird Island Chick-ey?
A skinny red headed girl, around 15 walked into the room.
Lizzy:How's the new guy?
Ashley:He's good.
Tempest:I'd prefer not to be called "the new guy" I have a name you know.
Lizzy:And what is that?
Tempest:It's Tempest. And your name would be skanky looking underaged girl, right?
Lizzy:No it's Lizzy. And would your name be skinny body hairless girly man?
Tempest:No, dumbas. I just told you it's Tempest. And how is "body hairless" an insult?
Lizzy:Wait.... Is your name Tempest Sullivan?
Tempest:No, it's Britney Spears. Ofcourse I'm Tempest Sullivan.
Lizzy:Oh my god, I saw your band back in 2009. I met you after the concert. Do you remember it or no?
Tempest:To be honest with you there have been few times in the last 3 years that I've been sober. In other words... No.
Lizzy:Oh ok. Well incase it jogs your memory I'm the girl that had the same birthday as you, just 3 years later.
Tempest:I'll probably never remember but nice to meet you for the first time stranger who I've never seen in my entire life.
Lizzy:Nice to meet you too. Oh, Ashley should I tell Mark that his bandmate is here?
Tempest:Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Mark? Mark's here? He's survived?
Lizzy:Yes he is very much alive. Would you like to see him?
Tempest:Oh yeah... That's good because... Well.. He's not dead. Show me the mark-ster!
Lizzy:He's at Kathy's house, follow me.
Tempest followed Lizzy outside of the hut where there was a whole village of huts just like his that was in a clearing which was the only area not covered by trees.
He walked into a hut that was a few huts down from him where there was Mark sleeping on the floor and a woman around 50 cooking.
Tempest ran over to Mark and began shaking him.
Tempest:Dude! Wake up!
Mark:Stop it man I'm tired.
Tempest:Mark, it's me, Tempest. You fucktard.
Mark:Oh thank God your alive! I'd hug you but you smell like shit.
Tempest:Right back at you man.
Mark:It's been like cruel and unusual punishment here. I've been forced to live with some old lady and eat healthy food!
Tempest:I know, it's hell.
Mark:Why are you half naked?
Tempest:Cause I'm sexy like that.
Lizzy:Oh Tempest you remember the hut you woke up in? Well that's your new place. A girl used to live there but she got married and moved out recently. You and Tempest can be room mates if you'd like.
Tempest:Can I walk around in our hut naked?
Mark:Nothing I havn't seen before. Sure.
Ashley pulled back the curtain that acted as the door of the hut and peeked her head in.
Ashley:Hey guys come here I need to run you over some things.
(Ok guys this is getting too long so if you liked it there is a part 2 that you can read if you hated it I hope you message me and tell me how it could be improved. Sorry I couldn't fit more into one chapter I kept dragging on their conversations)