I Wish I Had the Guts

Is love meant to hurt? The pain makes my head and heart ache so bad I already took 1800 miligrams of Motrin and it still hurts like a bitch.

It wasn't three months ago when he told me how much he liked me. I loved him and then he went to her. It's her fault, too. I told her I liked him. I'd forgiven her for things like that in the past, but she went and did it again. But this time she asked him out before I even had a chance. Before she only told my boyfriend I cheated on him. I don't have the heart to tell him what she did. If he's happy, I just need to learn to live with it.

But still, it fucking hurt back then, when I knew he still liked me. Now it's like. Idk. I wish I had the guts to just go take a handfull of pills and hope it's enough to kill me.

I know I'm no catch, but doesn't anybody at all want me? It's a hit and miss every time. The only sane one that did like me at all decided we can't be together because she had to move.

I wish I was better in some way. I've tried losing weight a million times. I hardly eat and work out until I about pass out. It never works. I wish I was prettier but I really can't help that much. I can't afford cosmetic surgery. I wish I was just. Idk. Not me.

I'm losing it. All my friends ask me what the hell is wrong with me. I don't even know what's wrong with me. How can I answer them? My parents yell at me for moping around. I can't fucking help it.

Fuck it.
I.Should.Die.