I was going to crawl in bed with Justin but just as I was about to, guilt consumed me. I am a whore. A slut. At least I'm not a groupie. But might as well be.
So I went to the other end of the bus and laid down on the couch, not wanting to sleep. It was only about 9, but I knew this band went to sleep much earlier than the others. Sometimes it was a plus, sometimes not. Not sleep actually, Justin usually stayed up and read and the others played cards or used the laptop. But tonight, silence coursed through the bus as the five boys slept, and I laid on the couch, trying not to cry again.
I remembered Danny's note. He said he was sorry. Sorry? What the fuck? I hate how people throw those words around every day. No one knows what sorry means. It means you'll never do it again; in Danny's case, he was just being contradictory. A complete idiot, like always.
And now aside from being angry with him, I am now angry with myself. I think it always ends up this way somehow.
I woke up the next morning and the bus had stopped moving. I was surprised I could still sleep through all that. The room was bright when I opened my eyes and I didn't like the feeling. I rather it to be dark when I wake up, but when the hell does that happen? I always sleep in. I'm a slob.
I looked down the hall and noticed Justin sitting on his bunk and tuning his guitar or something. I rubbed my eyes then went over and sat next to him. "Hi."
He looked up at me then back down at his guitar. "Good morning. Have fun at the Fall Out Boy bus all night?"
"I wasn't there all night. Not even close."
"That wasn't my question but okay."
I snorted. "So uh, where are we?"
"LA."
"Fun...you guys ready?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well you're kinda boring."
"I'm sorry."
I rolled my eyes. "So what's your problem? You're the only person I've ever met that's actually a morning person."
"I do like the morning. But I don't have a problem. Just been wondering why you'd want to have sex with Patrick after you found out your ex-boyfriend killed himself."
I was stunned. "How...how did you-"
"Come on, Lacie, this is Warped Tour. Don't expect anything you do to stay secret for long."
I stared. I didn't know what to say. "Are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad..." It was more like a statement than a question.
"I don't know but I don't want you to be."
"Well I'm not." But his voice sounded as if it was rising. I didn't want to say anything else. "So are you two together now?" he asked, still concentrated on his guitar, but I knew he was just keeping his hands busy and his eyes off of me. It never takes him this long to tune his guitar.
"No, we're not." I laid back on my elbows on his bed. The conversation was getting colder.
"Well then I suggest you talk to him, Lacie."
"What do I say to him, Justin?"
"I don't know, Lacie, I'm not the one that had sex with him."
I rolled my eyes obviously. "Why do I need to talk to him?" I asked sharply through a sigh.
He looked up and turned his head around to look at me. "Or else it'll just end up like you and Nick."
That I did not expect. "What about me and Nick?! I haven't talked to him in a year!"
"Exactly!" Justin steadied his guitar on the floor and side of the bed and stood up, his head nearly missing the top bunk. He looked at me seriously. It was strange. Justin...serious. More than just strange, a little scary actually. "Lacie, there's no nice way to put this. So I'm gonna say it as obscene as possible. Quit. Screwing. Guys. That aren't. Yours." He snatched his guitar and departed from the bunk area, leaving me there.
"Justin!" I called and I think he knew I was going to come after him because he was simply standing in the middle of the hallway when I approached him. "What the fuck does that mean?!" I yelled at his back.
"'What the fuck does it mean?!'" he repeated, spinning around and facing me once again. "It means Patrick has a girlfriend! Nick had a girlfriend! And you just took advantage of both of them! You're a slut, Lacie. And yes, I'm still your friend. Yes, I still love you. But friends have to be fucking honest with each other sometimes. And honestly, you take it too far too often. I'm worried. Because you're the best seducer and best heartbreaker I've ever seen! I know you're going to take that as a compliment because you're a slut but by the end of this tour I don't want you to have fucked every guy here. I'm looking out for you, Lacie."
I felt something evolve in my throat and I knew it was the formation of tears. I stood there and looked at him, gasping for air. Did he really just say all that? Am I really a slut? Must be. Justin wouldn't lie to me. Never.
Tears spilled from my eyes and he stood and watched them. I was in disbelief, shock. A feeling I never liked. I managed to find some words under my tongue. They were the ones I didn't want to say but the only ones I could say.
"I hate you."
I pushed him away and ran out of the bus. A minute after standing outside the bus, knowing Justin wasn't going to come after me, I realized I didn't have anywhere to go. Going to Patrick's bus would just be pointless...and proving Justin's point. So, being the "slut" I am, I decided to do something useful with myself and volunteer to work a merch tent. I made sure when I talked to a manager that I didn't know any of the guys in the band I'd be selling. I got put with Silverstein. I was satisfied; I enjoyed their music and found it easier to work when I like the band I'm selling for. I met a couple girls that were working there as well; they were nice. I liked talking to them but I couldn't keep my mind off Justin. And Danny. And Patrick. And Nick for that matter. As much as it disgusted me to admit it though, Justin was right in the fact that I needed to apologize to Patrick.
Apologizing for something that was never meant to happen: not my focal point.
Featured in this part:
Justin
more to come. -->
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