Epilogue: "Forever's End"
I went on without you
I was lost from the start
I did what I had to
All we are is too fast for love
It was barely a fifteen minute drive, and yet I found myself making it for the first time since I had left. My hands shook as I turned the steering wheel, slowly easing around the corner labeled on my napkin-map. I felt anxious enough without having to worry about being pulled over with nothing more than a learner's permit, and no licensed passenger. Keeping just below the speed limit, I pulled into the Belleville High School parking lot, trying not to let my increasing excitement get the best of my driving. I looked up to the sky as I stepped out of the car, and noticed the sun had already begun to descend from its place directly overhead. I murmured something colourful under my breath, deciding it was my slow driving that had me running late.
The air conditioned school hallways sent a chill through my bones, but I wasn't sure if it was from the suddenly cooler air, or the feeling of being back. My shivers were folowed by quick relief that I was no longer sweating in anxiety. I stepped lightly, following the familiar hallways towards the auditorium. Coming upon my destination, I felt my arms and legs begin to shake. I looked at my hands, glad that my tremors weren't noticeable, despite the vibrations they sent throughout my limbs.
Releasing a slow breath, I entered the open auditorium doors, glancng up at the banner that read Congratulations BHS Class of 1995. I discreetly slipped through the back row of seats, finding a vacant one at the far right.
I couldn't believe I was here. Six months of waiting, and dreaming, and planning. I was finally here. My hand instinctively flew to my collar, grasping the delicate heart that lay--almost permanently--at the base of my neck, and my eyes began searching for its counterpart.
I looked into the mirror, trying to hide the anxiety I felt with a proud grin. Against my will, my eyes flickered from the reflection of my face to that of the gold chain, where it disappeared beneath my shirt collar.
I woke up with a start as Mikey burst through the door, tossing an envelope my way, and continuing towards his bed. I sat up groggily, rubbing my hazy eyes. I reached for the envelope lazily, nodding towards Mikey.
"What is it?" I yawned, tired from last night's events. He shrugged, clearly knowing more than he let on. I groaned, inspecting my name printed in slanted, blue inked letters. There was a small bulge in the bottom right corner of the envelope, but I hadn't any idea what was inside. I glanced up at Mikey, raising my eyebrows as if saying, 'what are you waiting for,' but the look I got in return assured me he wasn't leaving. Wasting no time, I ripped open the top of the envelope, letting the torn edges stick up. Gently, I reached in, pulling out a folded piece of loose-leaf paper. Unfolding it, I noticed that it's pale-blue lines were mostly empty, save a few near the top. Taking a deep breath, and taking another quick glance at Mikey, I began to read silently.
Gerard,
I don't really know how to say bye, so this won't be long. I'll be back someday, I promise you that. I left you something. I hope you remember what you told me.
Love Forever, Tara
I swallowed hard, the few sentences evoking my feelings from last night to crawl back into my mind. I looked up at Mikey, who was watching me intently, sympathy in his features. Remembering the small bump in the envelope, I reached out for it once again, holding it carefully in my hands. I slipped two fingers in, grasping a thin thread of something. I pulled out a gold chain, a small heart hanging on it. It didn't match the one I gave Tara, but I knew what it was for. Suddenly, I realized what she had meant by, 'I hope you remember what you told me,' and I remembered just what that was.
"Don't take this off. As long as I have a place in your life, don't take this off."
Slowly, I looked back up at my reflection, my own eyes appearing vacant and withdrawn. I closed them, shaking my head slowly to center my focus.
"Gerard, come on! You're going to be late to your own graduation!" I looked over my shoulder at the doorway, though my mother's voice had come from the bottom of the stairs.
"Coming," I shouted back. I looked at the mirror again, giving one more go at my proud smile. Satisfied, I exited the bathroom, ready to start over.
I stood up from my seat, my knees stiff after the near-two hour ceremony. Sighing, and clutching my thin jacket to my body, I watched as the last of the graduates descended the three feet of steps in search of their families. Moments had barely passed before the whispering began.
"Didn't she move away after Jake dumped her?"
"Oh my God, did she move back here?"
"I heard Jake McCaw took out a restraining order on her, and she had to transfer to some catholic school upstate."
Rolling my eyes, and refusing to let the small, almost pained smile drop from my face, I began to feel very out of place. The cool air began to penetrate my bones, and I held my arms tightly to keep from shivering. My eyes travelled up the center aisle, which was slowly giving way to the crowd of people. Suddenly, the ground was in my view, and it was getting closer as I was knocked forwards. Someone grabbed my right arm, keeping me on my feet, and I caught my balance. I took a slow breath, my heart racing from the near-fall, and looked up to thank whoever had saved me.
It wasn't as though I hadn't been expecting to run into people I knew, particularly the guys, because I had. Part of me thought that's why I was here. But now that I was face to face with Frank, I couldn't figure out whether it was a good thing, or a bad one.
His mouth dropped open slightly, and I'm assuming I wore a similar expression, though the numbness that spread throughout my entire being stopped me from being sure. The round circles of golden brown in his eyes were completely visible under his spread eyelashes, and his lips were moving slightly, as though mouthing silent words. Any chill I had felt before was replaced by the sudden flush in my cheeks. I was suddenly thrown back to last summer, the night before school started. Frank was trying to talk us into some half-baked stunt, Mikey trying to sneak alcohol when I wasn't looking, while Ray sat backed and laughed at it all. And Gerard... Gerard who stayed back and helped clean up, who offered me a ride to school and made me blush by simply catching my eye. That was the last night we were all together, all friends, all family. After that night...
"Everything changed." My voice was barely a whisper, disappearing among the conversation of everyone else. He paused for a moment, comprehending my words before he closed his mouth, only to start chewing the inside of his lip. Smiling so half-heartedly it was almost a frown, I looked away from his face. "It's too bad," I spoke again, just as quietly. For a moment we stood there watching each other, both at a loss for words. We used to be best friends--literal family--and now we couldn't even make idle conversation in passing. Maybe I didn't want idle conversation. Maybe I wanted a real talk like we used to have, maybe I wanted things back the way they were only a few short months ago. Maybe I wanted too much. But in that moment, I just wanted one glimpse of hope; one reason to think that one day, things might be alright.
It would have been completely predictable and perfect if he had a sudden epiphany, and opened his arms, pulling me into a hug that I was more likely to suffocate than be released from. Completely cliche, and amazing if he apologized, and said he missed me, and asked if things could go back to normal. And yet, when the left-side of his mouth curled up in a more genuine manner than I had seen in a long time, I couldn't imagine a better way to end our chance run-in. Following his knowing smile, I responded with one of my own before he silently slid past me, into the crowd. Standing there looking at the spot where he just stood, while people muttered about my presence's inconvenience, and huge grin spread over my face, and I decided I had to do what I came here to do. I lifted my vision, craning my neck to look above the surrounding sea of people, and spotted a few familiar faces, but not the one I was looking for.
I refused to give up when minutes past, and I didn't find Gerard. I still didn't give up after half an hour. When people started to disappear, I kept on looking. When I was one of 6 or 7 people in the auditorium, I convinced myself to stay and study them all closely. Maybe his appearance had changed in six months, I told myself. Not that it could ever change so much that me, of all people, wouldn't recognize him.
As I sat alone, slumped in a chair, the only person in the giant, echoing room, I finally realized.
I missed my chance.
"Gerard, are you ready to go? Dean and Laurie are coming to dinner, we need to start heading home." I looked over my shoulder at my awaiting family.
"Er, yeah, I'm ready to go... I just- I feel like I'm forgetting something." It was true. I felt as though I needed to go back, like there was something important, something vital that I left behind. Mom raised her eyebrow, sensing the tone in my voice. Smiling knowingly, she motioned for me to go back inside.
"We can wait a few minutes. Go see what you're forgetting." I smiled gratefully, and turned, walking quickly against the current of people flooding the parking lot. I got past them all, squeezing in through the main doors, only to find myself the only one in the hallway. I raised a hand to my head, running my fingers through my growing hair, as I looked up and down both sides of the hall. Following an instinct, I began to walk slowly in the direction of the auditorium, my footsteps echoing around me. The hallway was dark, the entrance of the auditorium glowing. I followed the path of light, entering the large empty room, confused to find myself alone again.
Maybe I left something on the stage, I thought to myself, beginning to make my way over. As I stepped closer, I began to feel like I was right; whatever I felt I had left behind was up there. The stage had what I was looking for. But it wasn't until I was right up against the raised platform, leaning over slightly, that I saw it sitting near the edge, right in the center. A tiny golden chain, with a tiny golden heart. A chain and heart I had bought. Tara's chain and heart.
She had been here, and she had been wearing the necklace. The necklace that represented me, in her life. The necklace that would have proved she hadn't forgotten me, she really had planned on coming back. The necklace that meant she loved me, and she had worn it here.
And I had missed my chance.
Tara pulled into her parent's driveway, a driveway that she wanted so badly to be able to call her own again, and smiled as she stepped out of the car, rain drizzling around her while the sun managed to fight the grey clouds, keeping the wet street brightly lit for a half hour more before it disappeared behind the horizon. She stood beside the open car door for a moment, debating whether or not to bring her purse in for her quick visit, slamming the door shut when she decided against it. She began to stride towards the front door, tossing her keys around in her left hand, her jacket hanging from her right. She stood on the front step, hesitating in front of the door. Did she knock? Ring the doorbell? Just walk in? She wasn't even sure if it was 'her' house anymore. She didn't live there, why should she have any privileges as though she did?
"They're not home, I wouldn't bother knocking," came a voice behind her.
Gerard had just stepped out of his house, after hearing a car pull up outside. His tie was sitting loosely around his neck, the top buttons of his shirt undone, and a pair of old jeans replacing the dress pants he had donned earlier. He almost fell flat on his face when he saw Tara standing outside her front door, looking from the doorbell, to her clenched fist, to the door handle. Gaining composure, he craned his neck to glance into the dining room, where his parent's and the Vanity's were drinking their coffee, he closed the door behind him and stepped into the rain. His hands deep in his pockets, and his shoulders shrugged, he slowly made his way across his lawn.
Hearing a familiar voice, Tara turned and dropped her keys on the cement step under her feet. The loud clatter of metal keys clambering against the cement barely penetrated her state of shock.
They had gotten their chance after all.
30 chapters, 1 prologue, 1 epilogue, nearly 12 months, hundreds of typos, 267 messages, 22 picks, lots of readers, a few rates, and 10 minutes to gather all these stats...
and it's actually over.
And they lived happily ever after. :D (just thought I'd throw that in there for effect...)
I'm gonna miss this story.
And my super readers.
UNLESS YOU STICK AROUND FOR MY OTHER STORIES. :)
Maybe for the last time, you'll rate?!?!?!!?
♥♥
btw, that's SO not the way it was supposed to end. I don't know what happened. lmao.
They weren't supposed to end up together at all! But they were still going to be happy, of course. :)
But alas, the romantic in me won.
♥♥♥
