"Where are we going?" I asked him for the thousandth time.
"To hell if we don't pray hard enough." He replied quickly with a smile. It was freezing cold outside, and it was raining, but Conor Oberst and I were running through the streets of downtown anyways. Trying to find the place we were going to. Conor grabbed my hand and pulled me into an alley way so we could get out of the rain for a minute. I looked down at my watch, and realized that Justin was getting off work in a little while. I frowned at myself, because this was supposed to me trying to get over him, and hanging out with my friends. I looked up at Conor, and he was just smiling at me. "I think you got it bad." He said. I felt his hand tighten around mine.
"How can you tell?" I asked him.
"It takes one to know one kid." He said showing me the small ring on his left hand. It had a small flower in it. It was Natalie's ring. I frowned again, but he kept smiling. "Marie, kiss me." He said. I didn't question him at all, instead, I did as I was told, and brought my lips up to meet his. I know that in the morning, this is going to mean nothing to him. I didn't care, because right now, I feel happier then I have in a long time. I pulled away slowly, and looked down at my feet. Conor looked down at his watch and gasped. "We're going to miss our train." He said grabbing my hand again, and leading me in a rush through the rain. I couldn't help but to laugh. The whole city was empty and it was just the two of us, alone.
"Conor, I love you." I yelled over the rain.
"I love you too, Marie." And I smiled to myself. You might think that I am just getting myself all worked up over him, but it's a lot more complicated then that. I just don't think about the future with him, I think of the now. Three blocks later, and we were at the train station. "Look at what I brought." He said showing me the shiny metal flask in his pocket. I let the corner of my mouth turn up, but I didn't let him see my face go pink. Even though he knows that it is. "We'll drink when we get on the train." I nodded at him, and looked up at the ceiling. Bright, fluorescent lighting, that was about to burst because of the rain damage. Even in this dirty city, everything looks pretty. I just noticed that Conor's hand never left mine, the whole time we were waiting. We sat there holding hands for thirty minutes, in silence, waiting for the train. And when it came, we still didn't speak. Enjoying the time with each other. That's how our visits usually were. We found a seat near the back. I still don't know where we are going, but I don't care. He pulled the flask from his pocket and took a swig before handing it to me. I closed my eyes, and took a drink as fast as I could, just wanting it to be done and over with. "Julie wanted us to go this party on the west side, but I think that we should just ride the train until the end of the line."
"I don't care Conor, just stay with me tonight." I told him.
"Alright, love, I will." He took a swig from the shiny, silver flask before handing it to me again. I closed my eyes and took another shot. This wasn't like me to drink, or drink this much. But I need it. My heart was aching.
"65th Union and West Bouelvard." The intercom said loudly. We were the only ones in this car, and that's when Conor looked over at me.
"We staying on?" Conor asked me.
"Yes, we are." I said cuddling up to him. He kissed the top of my head and tightened his grip on me. "Down the hatch." He said taking another shot, and I following his actions. We rode the car 25 minutes before anything really started happening. "Marie." He said softly. The alcohol had finally taken over his body.
"Yes?" I responded with my eyes closed.
"Don't fall asleep on me, And I promise to do the same to you. Look at me. Really." He said unclear and quick. I opened my eyes and his eyes were smiling while his mouth and jaw were completely relaxed. "I'm going to kiss you." He said. I nodded my head and watched him come closer and closer to my face, and as if it were in slow motion, our lips met. He was gentle, he wasn't trying to choke with his tongue. Like taking another breath, my lips instantly parted when the time was right, and he took my top lip in between his. Simple gestures that won't mean anything to him in the morning. It never hurts me, but I have wondered what it would be like if it did, from time to time. With my face cupped in his hands, he kissed one more time before pulling away. "You have a heavy heart. I can feel it." He leaned down and kissed me once, before telling me something else, "I don't like seeing you sad, it breaks my heart."
"Oh Conor, you always have to be a poet?" I laughed and rubbed the back of his head. He smiled and sat up to look at the length of my body.
"With you? Yes." I smiled knowing that he wasn't himself around his girlfriend, but he didn't have to be fake around me. He brought his lips back to mine. Part of me knew that I should probably feel guilty, but I didn't. No one can take away the happiness I had when it came to Conor.
About thirty minutes later we thought that it might be a good idea to go to the party. We got off at the next stop, and caught a train back to West Boulevard. The train ride took about an hour, but we eventually arrived. I thought the two of us were going to go straight to sleep, but we decided that we should party a little, I mean, we did come to a party. When we walked into loft apartment, Conor went to the left, and I decided to go to the bathroom. Let him have some time to catch up with everyone else. He was the crowd man, I liked to keep to myself. I went and tried to fix my hair and make-up from the rain damage. After I fixed myself, I went into the kitchen to find Conor talking to a couple kids from the university and making drinks. He finished the drinks, and said is goodbyes before walking over to me with a drink in each hand. "Drink this, and we will go to bed." He said. He could clearly tell that I was tired, and wanted to go to bed. I nodded, and took the drink. Vodka and cranberry with a straw. He knew me all too well. Something that Justin would have never known unless he asked me. We walked around, stopping randomly to talk to a person he recognized. I got to the bottom, and he set the rest of his drink down and we found an empty bedroom. I stumbled onto the bed, and took off the sweater over my tank top, and my pants. Conor stripped down to his boxers, making sure that I was looking at him the whole time. I smiled at him, and he turned the light off and made his way to the bed. "Is this going to happen tonight?" He asked
"Do you want to?" I asked him shrugging. He wrapped his arm around my middle and kissed the crook of my neck.
"You need it, I need it, I think that we should." He said rubbing the skin behind my ears with his thumbs. I nodded at him.
"Then let's go." I said with a soft chuckle.
The sun was shining brightly into my eyes as I woke up. My skin was cold underneath the blankets. He must have just left, I thought to myself. I rolled over and there was a note where his head once rest.
Nat called and wanted to meet up for breakfast
I'll call you
Conor
xoxo
P.S. check your phone, I think Justin called.
I looked and he did call. I got up slowly and put all my clothes on before walking out and back to the train station. I felt ashamed. I wanted to feel heartbroken about what had just happened, but I wasn't.
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is
The inspiration for this one shot came from the song "Lua" by Bright Eyes.
I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone
When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit
And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist
You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag
I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane
And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is
It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight...
