The first kiss

Suddenly it hit me, like the proverbial ton of bricks. We were all sitting around camp, after a long hard day in the mountains. Theo was talking to Ben, I was sitting apart, lost in my own thoughts. My eyes drifted over to Theo. In the sharp light from Ben's torch his scars seemed highlighted. I'm so used to them by now I hardly notice them, sometimes I catch myself looking at other people, thinking - what are they staring at? Then I remember that Theo's got most of his face burnt off and doesn't exactly look normal. In the white L.E.D. light they seem to spread around his melted face like pools of wax, their texture strange and un skin-like. In a strange way they're beautiful. For a long time I just look at the two men, the differences and similarities between them. They have the same body type, climber bodies. Thin but covered in strong muscles. That's where the similarities end. Ben is handsome, so much so that he looks almost plastic, too perfect for reality. My eyes don't linger on him though; they always end up back on Theo. That's when I realise what I've probably known for a while.
Then the bricks fall on my head.
I love him. I love him despite his scars and because of them. I love him because he knows me better than I know myself, and because he accepts it all as just part and parcel of what makes me a human being. I love him because he's my best friend.
I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him.
It plays over and over in my head like a demented radio.
I've had a lot of boyfriends, trying them out like shoes. None of them fit.
Sometimes what you're looking for is right in front of you.

My stomach is instantly full of butterflies. I feel like I need to tell him now. I've never been a patient person.
I get to my feet shakily and walk over to them.
"Theo, I need to talk to you for a wee minute."
He looks slightly confused, but nods.
We walk off into the woods and sit down on a damp log.
I'm bad at small talk.
"Theo, umm, yeah, umm, well, the thing is like, you're my best friend and all but, well umm, I think, fuckit I know, and I've just sort of realised, umm, Iloveyou."
"Huh?"
"I love you."
"Are you drunk? Possessed? Temporarily insane?"
"No, no, possibly."
"Why now?"
"Bricks fell on my head."
"When?"
"About ten minutes ago, they were hovering for a while though."
"Ella, take a good fucking look at me. Stare good and hard and tell me you still love me."
He takes his torch and shines it straight into his face.
I look at him. I look at the way his melted lips don't quite cover his crooked teeth even when his mouth is closed. I look at the way his nose ends at the bone, with nostril slits like a skull. I look at the jagged edges and patchwork colours. The white lines and purplish whorls. I look at his sharp blue eyes, with as much expression in them as any working face could ever express. I look at his eyebrows, knitted into a nervous frown. I look at his furry blond dreadlocks just poking out of his hat. I look straight into his eyes.
"I love you Theo."
He still doesn't look convinced.
"Kiss me to prove it."

I move towards him and grab his head, pulling him towards me. Our lips meet, in a strange but good kiss. At first it feels slightly awkward, his lips don't move the same way as anyone else I've ever kissed. It's bit like a first kiss where there's some doubt as to what's meant to go where. We explore each other's mouths like we're the first people to discover kissing. I run my tongue around the edge of his lips, feeling the texture of his scars. It doesn't feel bad, just different. I kiss him harder, pressing myself against his body, hugging him as tight as I can. We're both shaking, holding onto each other like the world would end if we let go. Maybe it would.
After what could have been seconds or hours we let go. We hug again; Theo rests his head on my shoulder and whispers in my ear;
"That's the first time I've ever been properly kissed."
Just then a light shines in our faces. We freeze like rabbits in headlights, still half entangled. I become slowly aware that I've a huge idiotic grin on my face.
Ben's voice comes from behind the light.

"Aboot fuckin time, I've bet Dan 50 quid ye two would get together, been waiting over a year for that money."