Poke.
Sigh.
"What Bert?"
"...Nothing."Eye roll.
Poke.
Sigh.
"What Bert?"
"...Nothing."Eye roll.
The same routine goes on for about two hours more until he finally shuts up-for two minutes. You know what he does to annoy me even further?
"Marry Erin?"
Yup, that's Bert for you...
I turned to him and stared straight into those blue eyes I've grown to...I'm not sure what I've grown to feel about those blue eyes of his. Well, to answer his question...
"No."
He pouts, of course. "Why not?"
"Why should I?"
"I'll give you a dollar?"
Tempting...
"No, Bert."
"And a fancy ring?"
Who in the hell said you can't buy love?
"A ring pop isn't fancy, Bert."
"You sure?"
"I'm not marrying you, Bert."
Damn you, Circus. Why did you have to be so far away from the venue Bert and his band were playing at? Actually, I should be damning Bert.
"Hey, Erin?"
I heard snickers from the front seats in front of us. What the hell did I do to upset God? I clenched my jaw. Robert McCracken, you really know how to push my buttons.
Bert looked at me as if I were crazy. Me? Crazy? I stared back, waiting for him to annoy me some more.
"I do?" What?
"Huh?"
"You said I knew how to push your buttons." Aw, shit. I thought out loud. MOTHER FU-
"As I was saying, let's renew our vowels!"
I swear, if I were drinking something, I'd spit it out in an instant. "What. The. Hell are you talking about?"
Bert sighed. "How can you not remember our wedding day?"
WHAT THE HELL IS HE-....Oh, I remember now.
"We were eight! And, technically, I was forced to marry you," I kicked the seat in front where Quinn was laughing his dumb ass off.
"So? We had a honeymoon, remember? The circus?"
Unfortunately, I did remember...I think I can hear the flashback music play.
A loud squeal from the living room interrupted a man and woman from their talking. The culprit ran past through the small hallway that connected the kitchen and living room together and straight to her father's legs, locking her arms around them. The man and woman gave their daughter the loving smile she deserved as the eight-year-old gave a wild giggle.
"Daddy? I wanna go to the circus," the eight-year-old girl asked, standing up and twirling one of her chocolate brown pig tails. Her matching eyes looked up at her father with a pleading light to them.
"Erin," her father sighed and looked down, only to wince as he saw his daughter's infamous doe-eyes-and-pout expression. "You're lucky you're adorable."
A toothy grin made its appearance on the little girl's face. She hugged her father's legs once again and ran to the spot where her mother was. "MOMMY! We're going to the circus!"
The woman laughed as she watched her daughter dance around. "Yup, tomorrow since it's a little too late to go right now," the mother of the delighted child turned to the window to see if the mail had arrived; an odd look took over her facial features as she saw a figure standing on their porch. "Erin?"
Erin stopped her dancing tirade and looked at her mother. "Yes?"
"Why is Quinn standing on the porch, staring at our door?"
Erin shrugged and stayed where she was. Kids do the darnest things, right?
Erin's father shook his head and walked to the door to open it. As soon as the door opened, the eight-year-old Quinn Allman waved as a greeting. The waving ceased as Erin came into his line of vision.
"Hello, Quinn," said Erin's father.
Quinn waved.
"Hi, Quinn."
Quinn waved again. Yes, young Quinn Allman was such a talker. Erin looked at her father expectantly while she bounced in place.
"You can go."
And off she went with Quinn, who was waving good-bye...yet again, but this time it was different. He didn't stop waving until he and Erin reached their destination; his backyard.
"What a' we gonna play?" Erin cautiously asked, observing the odd set up of, what appeared to be, an alter.
Quinn said nothing as another girl his age came behind Erin and covered her in an off-white sheet, but he did snicker as he heard a squeal that belonged to his friend Erin. Boys will be boys. A muffled shriek of "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" didn't phase the parents of the group of children in the backyard. Let's just say thing like that happened often. Part of the sheet was removed from Erin's face and introduced Erin's horrified expression to best female companion's Cheshire grin.
"What are you going to do with me?"
The grin got wider. "You know we'll stick together through better and worse, right?"
Erin's confusion grew. "Yeah?"
"Good."
And the walk drag down the "aisle" began with the "ring barrier" following behind.
Erin, being the curious girl she is, poked and prodded the sheet that was poorly wrapped around her. "Are we gonna play that one game with the mummy and stuff? 'Cause my mommy said we shouldn't play if we're gonna leave Bert by himself again."
A memory and a giggle later...
"Something like that. HURRY UP, QUINN! Erin's gonna be late." Erin was suddenly pushed and faced to see Robert McCracken. She looked to her side and there was Jepha Howard, standing in what appeared to be an oversized robe and holding, upside-down, Dr. Seuss's One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. Erin turned to the girl next to her. "WHAT'S GOING-?!" An overdramatic gasp erupted from Erin. "I'M GETTING MARRIED?!"
Bert shook his head. "No, we're getting married. WE COULD GO TO THE CIRCUS FOR OUR HONEYMOON!"
"I'M NOT MARRYING HIM!" Erin pointed at Bert with a disgusted look. "He's got cooties!"
Bert pouted. "I do not. Mel checked me when we were playing doctor."
Mel showed off the grin learned from Alice in Wonderland. "You have to..."
Erin narrowed her eyes. "Why?"
Mel pointed to Quinn, who had one of Erin's favorite dolls in a tight grip on the torso and head.
Erin squeaked and glared at each person involved in the horrid crime that is of her arranged marriage.
A high-pitched giggle that belonged to neither Mel nor Erin broke the tension around the group.
"Here comes the bride! Here comes-" the annoying voice of Bert started.
"That doesn't work if I'm already here! Cheese Itz crackers!" Erin sighed.
That day was the happiest day of...well...someone's life.
"You have to admit that was a pretty fun day," Quinn stated as Bert nodded in agreement.
"Fun?! That day wasn't fun," I growled. FUCK YOU, CIRCUS!
"What the hell did the circus do to you?" Jeph asked.
DAMNIT!
"Why are you listening to my conversations?!"
You know...I didn't know my voice could go that high.
Dan's awkward cough boomed over Bert and Quinn's laughter. "We're here."
I have never been so happy to be at this cheap ass circus.
A few days after the whole circus incident, the very people I grew up with became the very pulse of my aggravation. They were hiding something from me and not in the "I-Think-I'm-Paranoid-From-All-The-Avoiding-My-Friends-Are-Doing" kind of way...Is it sad that I just confused myself?
On this particular day, I had a feeling that something...not...good...was going to happen. My first bad feeling occurred when I woke up to the sound of silence. A very scary noise to wake up to when you've grown accustomed to the loud, and rude awakening of your loud, and rude friends. My suspicions grew when Bert actually acted civilized towards me. Oh, yeah, there's definitely something going on.
My lovely rendition of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody (which consisted of me bobbing my head and humming along to my iPod) was disrupted by an odd deja vu feeling as I was blinding by a sheet. I wouldn't be surprised if it were an off-white color. The difference between last time and this time was me yelling profanities.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING, YOU-?!" I yelled as my feet were being led to an unknown place.
"Fucker?" A female voice finished.
I know that voice...
"Why am I not surprised they got you to do this?" I asked my dear best friend whom I wasn't too fond of at the moment.
"Because I know things you don't know," Mel responded.
That bitch.
"You bitch."
"I LOVE YOU TOO!" She cried out then hugged me and sobbed to add more of a drama effect to her academy award winning stunt. My shoulder suddenly felt lighter. "We're here!"
"Where exactly is 'here'?" I asked trying to rip my arms off from the grip she has on me. She happens to be freakishly strong.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise."
Of course...how could I have not known? Oh, here we go with the yanking.
"And-" She says, giving the 'A' sound a little more attention than the rest of the word. "-Here she is!"
Crap, the brightness of the sun hurts my eyes from not being able to see for awhile. Once my vision cleared, an all too familiar scene is in front of me. Me in an off-white sheet, Bert with that stupid smile of his, Quinn's beside him while Mel stands next to me, and Jeph wearing...nothing but a black robe...peachy...Wait, why is Dan wearing a-? Oh, what kind of friends did I make?
"We are gathered here today to-" Jeph, who I hope is at least wearing underwear, begins the "ceremony".
"WAIT! I have a something to say," Bert states then looks straight into my eyes.
Well, this is a new feeling...
"Yes, I know I may be the most annoying person in your life, but I do it out of love-"
I just mentally snorted. No, wait, I did that out loud.
Bert sighed. "I'm trying to be serious."
"It's not my fault it doesn't go well with you," From the corner of my eye, I could see Mel nod her head.
"Just shut up and listen," The stern look in his eyes sort makes him, dare I say it, attractive. "I don't care if you don't feel the same, but I like you. I see you and think of nothing but your beauty. I imagine what life would be like if you and I were a couple and let me tell you, I think we'd be great together. Sure we have a few of fights, but what two people in a relationship doesn't? Fuck, I can see myself marrying you! And I don't care if I'm freaking you with what I just said. I'll be there for you; right by your side. Even if it means getting a date with a restraining order."
I'm not sure if I should take that as the sweetest thing he's ever said or the weirdest. After all, he is Bert McCracken, the jerk that made most of my life difficult; the guy that creeps me out the most; the guy that I'm kissing. Insert the squealing background noises right here, but I don't give a damn because all of my attention is on this kiss; this very nice kiss.
Jeph looked around and opened the upside down One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. "Blue fish, red fish, BAM! You're married, bitch."
The attention was now off the kissing Bert and Erin and on Jeph, who was staring back at his. "What?"
A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
A one shot for you if you know the movie.
I am Jack's wasted life.
