I Told The Angels
"You mean to tell me I can't get a mother fucking happy meal cause I'm fucking twenty-two!? Who the fuck runs this fucking establishment!? I got a fucking kid inside of me, does that not count!?" I yell at the frightened sixteen year old at the counter behind the register.
"Rickie, I think you're just a little stressed from the hormones, that's all." William says, taking my arm gently and non-verbally apologizing to all of the people in the McDonald's.
A month ago, I was released from the hellhole hospital. I didn't really listen to the diagnonsense though. Something about spasms...it may be important, but it doesn't matter because I'm taking pills.
"No, Will! You need to have my back!" I yell, glaring at those around us. The mixture of the pills and raging hormones has made me a bit antsy to say the least.
"Rickie, let's go home." He says quietly. "I'll show you where I hide the candy?" I look back and for the from him to the cashier and finally decide that Hershey's is calling my name.
By now I was dying to get this kid out of me. I've heard about how some women feel the most beautiful they've ever felt while they were pregnant, but I must've been skipped over or something.
I was fatigued, sweaty, my hair was never done anymore, and to put it simply I looked like shit.
"You look beautiful." William says, sitting cross legged in the chair not far from me as we sat in the living room after I ate my chocolate bar.
I'd said something out loud about how I looked and he responded as such.
"Why do you have to be all nice like that?" I ask, actually frustrated. He looked at me as if I had three breasts.
"I'm not even going to answer that." He says. I picked up the sunglasses I had sitting on the table earlier and slide them on.
"Migraine?" he asks.
"Yeah." I say simply. He gets up, leaves, and comes back with a pill and a bottle of water. I down both very quickly.
Two more months. Just two. I keep telling myself that it would go by just like that. I have always been trying to control things. Unfortunately you can't control pregnancies. Not that cared about much other than William nowadays. I was kind of a bitch now, ever since the hospital, but somehow he puts up with it.
He treats me as if I've done nothing wrong.
It makes me feel even worse.
"So...do you wanna go out?" I ask him. He'd been absently making animals with his fingers in front of him, and stopped abruptly.
"What?"
"I said, do you wanna go out? We could go to um...the science center?" I say, thinking of some random place off the top of my head.
"But you hate loud, colorful places with lots of kids running around." He says.
"Well, we'll have one of our own soon, and ever since way back at Disney World, I think they're okay." He tries to contain the grin forming on his face and stands up. Then he takes me hand and we're out the door.
Can't Stay In Heaven
"Well this is a bit graphic for little kids..." I say, grinning and looking at the model of the human body laying on a display table against the wall in the huge section.
"It is..." William says, cocking his head. It's a woman, and on each part of her body is a door. You open the door and see organs. Press a button on one of the organs and listen to some monotonous female voice explain to you what it does.
Suddenly I start to feel a little queasy from standing for so long, so I ask him if we can sit down. We do, and he sits across from me at a table, tapping his finger on it anxiously.
"Will, if you still wanna look around, you can. I'm not going anywhere." I say, looking at him strangely.
"No! No, no it's not that...It's just...never mind." He says, looking in a different direction trying to avoid my eyes.
"What?" I ask, really wondering why he's being weird all of a sudden.
"Did the baby kick at all today?" he asks, thinking I wouldn't notice he was changing the subject.
"Yeah, actually it's kicking right now." I say, almost grinning.
He smiled.
"It is?" I nod. He comes over and sits next to me, putting his palm on my stomach. When he feels it kick, I almost melt right there at how his eyes light up. "Rickie," he says.
"Yeah?"
"I love you." I grin.
"I know this," I say.
He looks me directly in the eyes this time, almost pleading.
"We're not gonna end up like you and Jordan, right?" he asks. I'm confused as to why he'd ask that. "No, because I didn't love Jordan, William." I say. Because it's the most obvious thing in the world.
He still looks uneasy.
"Say it back?" he asks.
"I love you too." He smiles, as if reassuring himself.
He's being weird, and I'd like to know why.
And you lied to the angels, said I stabbed you to death.
I haven't listened to In Love and Death for a long time....
I'm in heaven right now.
I forgot how awesome this album was....
And if you care, my allergies are beating the shit out of me. >_<
