I was laying awake in bed hours later, all alone and stuck on thoughts of once again, the one and only, Joe Jonas. Of course I was. I kept a strong argument in my head about what Nick had said to be, half of me thinking he was insane. But there was always that 'What If' in the back of my mind.
Suddenly, my cell phone went off wildly, buzzing while playing a Fall Out Boy song all too loudly for this time of night, which was 1:37 AM by the way. I had to glance at my clock for a quick second with the thought of 'Who the hell is calling me this late?' and I reached for the phone, picking it up quickly, hoping my mother didn't wake up.
"Hello?" I said in a hushed, yet annoyed tone.
"Hey Lily." He said from the other end, and I knew who it was the second he spoke.
Of course. Why didn't I guess?
"Joe? What the heck are you calling me for, it's almost 2 in the damn morning!" I whispered, harshly.
"Your light is still on." He simply replied like he had done no wrong.
I got up and walked to the window, looking out only to see him standing at his from the house next door.
"So you just decided to call me?" I asked, a little frustrated that he interrupted my thoughts of him, only so I could think about him a little more.
"I was bored." He shrugged with the phone to his ear.
"So go to bed." I suggested flatly.
"You first." He replied.
I sighed. "Alright, I give. Talk to me, Jonas." I said, letting him know I was ready for whatever conversation he was about to throw at me.
"Do you wanna come over?" Joe asked.
"Do I have to remind you of the time again?" I replied with a question of my own.
"So what? Everybody's asleep, they won't know. Or care. Mostly because they won't know." He answered.
"And what if somebody wakes up?" I questioned, not buying into his plan.
"We won't wake them up."
"But what if they do?"
"Then we'll hide."
"We'll hide?"
"Yeah, we'll hide."
"What if they think you went missing or something?"
"Then just you can hide. I live here, I don't have to hide."
"Well, what if my mom wakes up?"
"She won't."
"But how do you know?"
"Because I do."
I sighed again, not wanting to accept his offer but it sounded so tempting. Plus, I think the only person with the ability to make me forget my crazy feelings about Joe Jonas is Joe Jonas, at least for a little while.
"...ok." I hesitantly replied.
"Meet me at my back door." He requested, already having this figured out.
"I'll be right there, I'm just gonna change first." I stated.
"Lily, do I not see you right now?" He asked.
"...you do."
"And do you really think I care that you're in your panamas?" He questioned
"...no?" I guessed.
"You're right, so don't worry about it. Just get over here." He suggested, and I rolled my eyes at him through the window as I closed my cell, hanging up.
He was the one with the freaking insane idea, and he still manages to make me feel like the stupid one.
I made sure to shut off my light as I exited my room, and I pushed the door closed as softly as I could, knowing that if I was too loud, my mom could wake up at any time and catch me sneaking out to go over to a boy's house.
I tiptoed down the stairs and quietly slipped out the back door, running across my yard into Joe's the second the door was slid shut. His door was open, and he was leaning against the frame, waiting for me.
"Hey." I whispered softly as he spotted me, moving aside as he motioned for me to come inside.
"Hey" He repeated before moving to shut the door. The only lights were coming from the night sky, and shining through the class door right to us. The darkness didn't give me chills like it usually would, I think something in the way that it hit Joe made it so much more kind than it would have usually been to me. It was like it wasn't even dark.
"So... what are we going to do?" I asked quietly, being sure I was careful about waking anyone up.
"We could go watch a movie or something?" He suggested just loud enough for me to hear. I nodded, and he began to lead me to the couch I was already familiar with.
I took a seat and Joe clicked the TV on, turning the volume down low and changing it to the TV listings, already deciding maybe there would be something just decent enough to watch on TV before we faced the all too difficult task of deciding on a DVD.
"Ohh!" I jumped excitedly as I read the title of one of my favourite movies on the screen, and Joe didn't seem to protest as he let me easily steal the remote from his hands as I changed the channel.
"A Walk To Remember?" He asked.
"I love this movie! Have you seen it?" I asked, my emotion showing through my hushed voice.
"Nope." He replied as he leaned back into the couch.
"Are you kidding?" I turned to him in disbelief.
"Dude, I'm a dude. We don't watch these kind of things." He defended.
"Yet you know every word to every song in High School Musical." I shot back.
"You're never gonna let that go, are you?" Joe asked.
I shook my head. "Never."
He laughed softly, and something in my stomach jumped for a second, but I was surprised to find that I was fine afterward. Usually when he makes my heart beat a little faster, I get nervous. I wasn't nervous. I was completely calm, collected and happy right now.
I think I blame the fact that it's nearly 2 AM, and my tiredness is finally getting to me.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. You're about to watch probably the most romantic movie in history, or at least most of it. And I'll probably cry at the end." I admitted, warning him in advance.
"Oh, I hope so." He teased as he put his arm around me, and even half way between awake and asleep, I couldn't help but feel the nervous butterflies that I thought were gone. But I didn't let them stop me as I cuddled closer to him, resting my head his shoulder. Joe didn't seem to mind very much.
We stayed like that, him holding me while I rested against him, taking in the incredible smell that clung to him and we silently watched the up and down's of Jamie and Landon, at least until the first commercial break. Unfortunately, we couldn't get away from them. I couldn't hold back the yawn that escaped me as soon as the ads started.
"Tired?" I heard Joe ask, and I nodded into his arm.
"Do you want to go home and sleep?" He followed, and I shook my head, taking a minute before I pushed myself from him. I reached for the dim lamp beside the couch, turning it on before I reached for the remote and clicked the television off so we wouldn't be left in complete darkness.
"Sick of the movie already?" He guessed with a smile, and I shook my head at him again.
"It's making me sleepy. I don't wanna sleep, keep me awake." I requested, suddenly not so interested in the film. It's not like I didn't have the DVD at home anyways.
"Then what do you want to do?" He asked.
"Umm... I don't know. Just talk to me." I suggested, turning cross-legged on the couch, my back against the arm rest and I started to miss the pillow I had made of his shoulder about a minute ago.
"About what?" He further questioned.
"Anything! Umm... I dunno, How many girlfriends have you had?" I brought up curiously, not holding back.
"Jeez, right to the girlfriend questions?" He replied with a laugh.
"Dude, I'm half asleep here, don't bore me with the small talk, let's get right to the good stuff." I ordered, and he lightly laughed more at the rush.
"A few..." He casually answered after taking in a breath.
"How many is a few?" I was far from satisfied with his simply answer.
"A few! What about you, huh? How many boyfriends have you had?" He shot back, changing the subject.
"A few." I replied mockingly with a smirk.
"Oh, come on." He pleaded, and I laughed in reply.
"Alright, alright. I've only had about 2 really, really serious girlfriends." Joe admitted.
"But there's more non-serious ones?" I asked.
He nodded, but raised another question before I could ask for more numbers. "What about you?" He questioned back.
I sighed. "Honestly?"
"Honestly." He repeated.
"None." I quietly admitted.
"You're lying!" He accused, and I have to admit, I was a little surprised by his response.
"Why is that so surprising?" I asked.
"Well, look at you." He answered.
I bit my lip. Was he calling me pretty? Did the boy I couldn't stop swooning over really think I was pretty? I blushed, and looked down at my hands.
"Ok, ok, explain to me why someone like you has never had a boyfriend." Joe asked.
"Umm... I don't know, I've never really had time for one. I've moved every few months for the past four years, it doesn't give me a lot of time to form relationships like that." I answered, convincing myself to look back up at him again.
He starred at me for a minute, obviously thinking but a small, calm smile on his face. His surprise wasn't intended to mock me, it was really just genuine shock to him. And I'm still not quite sure why...
"Have you ever been kissed before?" Joe asked, and immediately my mind shot back to the dream.
Psh, In my dreams.
No, seriously.
"Uh... umm, yeah. Like, of course. I've... I've totally been kissed before." I quietly answered, my eyes shooting down to the couch.
"Yeah? Tell me about your first kiss then." He requested, and I could hear the doubt in his tone. He totally caught me.
"Umm... heh. It was, like, great. Like, totally great. And.. uhh... there was this guy... and... umm..." I accidentally made the mistake of looking up and catching his eyes, waiting patiently for the story he so obviously knew I was making up on the spot.
"Ok, fine! I've never been kissed before!" I admitted unhappily.
He just smirked at me, keeping quiet and starring at me with those eyes that always did such an amazing job at tearing me completely apart.
"Are you gonna make your annoying, witty comment now, or what?" I rushed him bitterly.
He threw his hands up for a second defensively. "Hey, no witty comment here. I'm just a little surprised."
"About friggin' what? Do I look like I get around or something?" I spat, annoyed.
"What? No, of course not. I just don't know why a girl like yourself, who has been all over the country hasn't found one boy good enough to kiss." He stated.
"...I still don't get what you're getting at."
"Why?" Joe asked simply.
"Why have I never kissed anybody?" I questioned.
I watched him nod his head.
"Well it's not like I have these crazy high standards or anything, I just don't crush easily. It's really not that big of a deal." I replied, glancing down at my hands to avoid his gaze.
"Alright, if you say so." He replied, sensing how embarrassed his questions had made me and changing the subject. "How many times have you moved?"
"I stopped counting. It gets a little depressing after a while." I replied.
"Weren't you worried about moving so much? Fitting in and stuff?" He followed.
I shrugged. "At the beginning, but I'm in a different position than everybody else. Nothing's permanent. I started realizing that every time I moved, I had the option of being anyone I wanted to be and nobody would have known I was faking anything except for me." I explained, oddly comfortable pouring the story of my old-self out to him.
"Who are you this time?" His words hit me harder than I would have guessed. His tone was soft now, completely serious. I met his eyes, and the warmth in them made me feel like melting.
Who was I? Who should I be?
"I... " I tried to form a solid sentence, but failed. I felt so out of breath for some reason. I bit my lip nervously, and looked at him confused, and completely baffled by his question.
It's hard to answer the question of who you are, when you're not even sure of that yourself.
Then again, maybe I'm taking a simple question way to seriously.
I wonder if he thought I was pretending this time. I wonder if he'd trust me if I told him I wasn't. I guess he's not aware that he can see right through me yet.
Would he even want Lily? Who exactly does he want me to be?
"I want you to be Lily." I wasn't sure I heard the words correctly, and had to stop and play them back in my head for a second time. He can read my mind, can't he? His statement had taken me aback. I starred at him, my jaw dropped and my eyes wide. I tried to read his expression to let myself know exactly what he meant by that, but it seems that he can read me so much better than I could ever read him.
"Joe..." I breathed, starting softly but I had no clue how to finish. Was there a right way to reply to something like that? And what did he see in me, in Lily that I so clearly missed?
"You think you can do that for me? I mean, if that's who you really are." the innocence that poured from his voice was so much more than I felt I could handle. Dumbstruck, I nodded slowly and he shot me a smile.
What was he doing to me? I'm falling so much harder for him every single second we're together, and I didn't know if he could see it or not. The thought that he was just toying with me, saying these things just to get a reaction out of me has crossed my mind, I won't lie. Maybe he does this with all the girls.
Why me? Why, out of all the girls his age in Jersey would he pick me?
"Uh, I... I changed my mind. L-let's watch the rest of the movie." I shook my thoughts away again and quickly reached for the remote, quickly turning the television on and killing all chances he had of doing that to me again. Leaving me all speechless and stupid like that, who did he even think he was anyways?
Let's see, maybe Joe Jonas?
I think that's way more than anybody should ever be. I mean, it could be a safety issue. If he had done something like that to me when I was driving, just think of the major car crash that could have resulted in that. Yeah, for your own safety and well-being, avoid Joe Jonas at all costs.
We made ourselves comfortable on the couch, this time a good distance away from each other so the butterflies that lived in my stomach wouldn't wake up.
I still found myself completely unable to pay attention to anything happening on the screen in front of me, as the boy sitting beside me had claimed my thoughts entirely. I glanced over at him from time to time, just to see if he was paying attention where I couldn't. He was, except for the one time he caught me looking and glanced back. He smiled softly at me, and the butterflies inside me went crazy. I gave him a quick smile back, and pretended to pay attention again.
There must have been some part of me he wanted, right? Or else why would he care to call me this late in the first place, to invite me over and agree to watch my sappy movie and ask me about my life.
It almost made me angry how crazy he was able to make me.
I suddenly felt Joe move closer to me and before I could process it, he was pulling me into him once again, yet it was much more nerve-wracking than the first time. He stretched his am across my back and rested his hand on my waist and I had to remind myself to breathe. When I convinced myself I wouldn't hyperventilate, I let my head find his shoulder once again.
The movie was at one of my favourite, most romantic parts and Joe, for one reason or another took this as an opportunity to get close to me. I don't know what kind of game he's playing, but I think I might like it.
I brushed all the negativity from my head again and cuddled a little closer to Joe, and he tightened his grip around me. Still, not letting my head reach the idea that there was truth behind what Nick told me before.
But What are we? I don't think friends do this, do they? Do they sit this close to each other when they're watching romance movies? Do they even watch romantic movies together at all?
So if we're not friends, but we're not together, then what the hell is this?
I don't believe in friends with benefits. Either you are, or you're not. So you can't even imagine how crazy I was going as I found myself falling somewhere in between love and friendship.
More importantly, what does he want us to be?
Good luck ever figuring that one out, Lily.
Maybe my idea of a modern friendship is completely deranged from being simply an observer these past four years, and this is extremely normal.
Yes, because I'm sure the fluttering inside me is screaming out 'I want to be his friend.' right about now.
Shut up, Lily. Try to enjoy something once in a while, would ya?
I closed my eyes and let myself relax against him. Not that it was particularly cold or anything, but he was keeping me warm as I lay against him. Alright, I'll let myself admit it, this was really nice.
"Lily?" I heard him whisper softly, but I was to comfortable to move.
"Lilyyy...." He dragged my name on beautifully, and I softly smiled as I clung onto these words, still resting my head on his shoulder. With my eyes still shut, I let out a short, tired "mhmm." in response.
"Do you want to go home now?" I heard Joe ask, but I sleepily shook my head against him.
"After the movie." I answered, and he let out a quiet chuckle.
"It's over, Lils." He replied, and I began to come back to life.
"What?" I muttered as I slowly forced my eyes open to see the ending credits rolling.
"You fell asleep." He told me, explaining why about two minutes ago in my world, we were mid-movie and now it's over.
"Oh." I laughed at myself as I forced my head up to look at him. He was smiling down at me.
"Ok, come on Lily. Time to go home." He pulled his hand from my waist and began to sit up, but I pushed him back into the couch with what little strength I could manage.
"Nuh-uh, I'm not ready to get up yet." I replied, and snuggled back into him, throwing my arms around his torso. I heard him laugh as we fell into a lying position across the couch, and he squirmed underneath me until he was comfortable with his head lying on the arm rest and his feet at the other. I moved a little as well, using Joe's chest as a pillow.
"We should really get up." He suggested, but I rejected the idea again.
"In a few minutes." I mumbled into his shirt, and shut my eyes again.
"Alright, a few minutes." He gave in, and a smiled as I found myself drifting off again.
Suddenly, my cell phone went off wildly, buzzing while playing a Fall Out Boy song all too loudly for this time of night, which was 1:37 AM by the way. I had to glance at my clock for a quick second with the thought of 'Who the hell is calling me this late?' and I reached for the phone, picking it up quickly, hoping my mother didn't wake up.
"Hello?" I said in a hushed, yet annoyed tone.
"Hey Lily." He said from the other end, and I knew who it was the second he spoke.
Of course. Why didn't I guess?
"Joe? What the heck are you calling me for, it's almost 2 in the damn morning!" I whispered, harshly.
"Your light is still on." He simply replied like he had done no wrong.
I got up and walked to the window, looking out only to see him standing at his from the house next door.
"So you just decided to call me?" I asked, a little frustrated that he interrupted my thoughts of him, only so I could think about him a little more.
"I was bored." He shrugged with the phone to his ear.
"So go to bed." I suggested flatly.
"You first." He replied.
I sighed. "Alright, I give. Talk to me, Jonas." I said, letting him know I was ready for whatever conversation he was about to throw at me.
"Do you wanna come over?" Joe asked.
"Do I have to remind you of the time again?" I replied with a question of my own.
"So what? Everybody's asleep, they won't know. Or care. Mostly because they won't know." He answered.
"And what if somebody wakes up?" I questioned, not buying into his plan.
"We won't wake them up."
"But what if they do?"
"Then we'll hide."
"We'll hide?"
"Yeah, we'll hide."
"What if they think you went missing or something?"
"Then just you can hide. I live here, I don't have to hide."
"Well, what if my mom wakes up?"
"She won't."
"But how do you know?"
"Because I do."
I sighed again, not wanting to accept his offer but it sounded so tempting. Plus, I think the only person with the ability to make me forget my crazy feelings about Joe Jonas is Joe Jonas, at least for a little while.
"...ok." I hesitantly replied.
"Meet me at my back door." He requested, already having this figured out.
"I'll be right there, I'm just gonna change first." I stated.
"Lily, do I not see you right now?" He asked.
"...you do."
"And do you really think I care that you're in your panamas?" He questioned
"...no?" I guessed.
"You're right, so don't worry about it. Just get over here." He suggested, and I rolled my eyes at him through the window as I closed my cell, hanging up.
He was the one with the freaking insane idea, and he still manages to make me feel like the stupid one.
I made sure to shut off my light as I exited my room, and I pushed the door closed as softly as I could, knowing that if I was too loud, my mom could wake up at any time and catch me sneaking out to go over to a boy's house.
I tiptoed down the stairs and quietly slipped out the back door, running across my yard into Joe's the second the door was slid shut. His door was open, and he was leaning against the frame, waiting for me.
"Hey." I whispered softly as he spotted me, moving aside as he motioned for me to come inside.
"Hey" He repeated before moving to shut the door. The only lights were coming from the night sky, and shining through the class door right to us. The darkness didn't give me chills like it usually would, I think something in the way that it hit Joe made it so much more kind than it would have usually been to me. It was like it wasn't even dark.
"So... what are we going to do?" I asked quietly, being sure I was careful about waking anyone up.
"We could go watch a movie or something?" He suggested just loud enough for me to hear. I nodded, and he began to lead me to the couch I was already familiar with.
I took a seat and Joe clicked the TV on, turning the volume down low and changing it to the TV listings, already deciding maybe there would be something just decent enough to watch on TV before we faced the all too difficult task of deciding on a DVD.
"Ohh!" I jumped excitedly as I read the title of one of my favourite movies on the screen, and Joe didn't seem to protest as he let me easily steal the remote from his hands as I changed the channel.
"A Walk To Remember?" He asked.
"I love this movie! Have you seen it?" I asked, my emotion showing through my hushed voice.
"Nope." He replied as he leaned back into the couch.
"Are you kidding?" I turned to him in disbelief.
"Dude, I'm a dude. We don't watch these kind of things." He defended.
"Yet you know every word to every song in High School Musical." I shot back.
"You're never gonna let that go, are you?" Joe asked.
I shook my head. "Never."
He laughed softly, and something in my stomach jumped for a second, but I was surprised to find that I was fine afterward. Usually when he makes my heart beat a little faster, I get nervous. I wasn't nervous. I was completely calm, collected and happy right now.
I think I blame the fact that it's nearly 2 AM, and my tiredness is finally getting to me.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. You're about to watch probably the most romantic movie in history, or at least most of it. And I'll probably cry at the end." I admitted, warning him in advance.
"Oh, I hope so." He teased as he put his arm around me, and even half way between awake and asleep, I couldn't help but feel the nervous butterflies that I thought were gone. But I didn't let them stop me as I cuddled closer to him, resting my head his shoulder. Joe didn't seem to mind very much.
We stayed like that, him holding me while I rested against him, taking in the incredible smell that clung to him and we silently watched the up and down's of Jamie and Landon, at least until the first commercial break. Unfortunately, we couldn't get away from them. I couldn't hold back the yawn that escaped me as soon as the ads started.
"Tired?" I heard Joe ask, and I nodded into his arm.
"Do you want to go home and sleep?" He followed, and I shook my head, taking a minute before I pushed myself from him. I reached for the dim lamp beside the couch, turning it on before I reached for the remote and clicked the television off so we wouldn't be left in complete darkness.
"Sick of the movie already?" He guessed with a smile, and I shook my head at him again.
"It's making me sleepy. I don't wanna sleep, keep me awake." I requested, suddenly not so interested in the film. It's not like I didn't have the DVD at home anyways.
"Then what do you want to do?" He asked.
"Umm... I don't know. Just talk to me." I suggested, turning cross-legged on the couch, my back against the arm rest and I started to miss the pillow I had made of his shoulder about a minute ago.
"About what?" He further questioned.
"Anything! Umm... I dunno, How many girlfriends have you had?" I brought up curiously, not holding back.
"Jeez, right to the girlfriend questions?" He replied with a laugh.
"Dude, I'm half asleep here, don't bore me with the small talk, let's get right to the good stuff." I ordered, and he lightly laughed more at the rush.
"A few..." He casually answered after taking in a breath.
"How many is a few?" I was far from satisfied with his simply answer.
"A few! What about you, huh? How many boyfriends have you had?" He shot back, changing the subject.
"A few." I replied mockingly with a smirk.
"Oh, come on." He pleaded, and I laughed in reply.
"Alright, alright. I've only had about 2 really, really serious girlfriends." Joe admitted.
"But there's more non-serious ones?" I asked.
He nodded, but raised another question before I could ask for more numbers. "What about you?" He questioned back.
I sighed. "Honestly?"
"Honestly." He repeated.
"None." I quietly admitted.
"You're lying!" He accused, and I have to admit, I was a little surprised by his response.
"Why is that so surprising?" I asked.
"Well, look at you." He answered.
I bit my lip. Was he calling me pretty? Did the boy I couldn't stop swooning over really think I was pretty? I blushed, and looked down at my hands.
"Ok, ok, explain to me why someone like you has never had a boyfriend." Joe asked.
"Umm... I don't know, I've never really had time for one. I've moved every few months for the past four years, it doesn't give me a lot of time to form relationships like that." I answered, convincing myself to look back up at him again.
He starred at me for a minute, obviously thinking but a small, calm smile on his face. His surprise wasn't intended to mock me, it was really just genuine shock to him. And I'm still not quite sure why...
"Have you ever been kissed before?" Joe asked, and immediately my mind shot back to the dream.
Psh, In my dreams.
No, seriously.
"Uh... umm, yeah. Like, of course. I've... I've totally been kissed before." I quietly answered, my eyes shooting down to the couch.
"Yeah? Tell me about your first kiss then." He requested, and I could hear the doubt in his tone. He totally caught me.
"Umm... heh. It was, like, great. Like, totally great. And.. uhh... there was this guy... and... umm..." I accidentally made the mistake of looking up and catching his eyes, waiting patiently for the story he so obviously knew I was making up on the spot.
"Ok, fine! I've never been kissed before!" I admitted unhappily.
He just smirked at me, keeping quiet and starring at me with those eyes that always did such an amazing job at tearing me completely apart.
"Are you gonna make your annoying, witty comment now, or what?" I rushed him bitterly.
He threw his hands up for a second defensively. "Hey, no witty comment here. I'm just a little surprised."
"About friggin' what? Do I look like I get around or something?" I spat, annoyed.
"What? No, of course not. I just don't know why a girl like yourself, who has been all over the country hasn't found one boy good enough to kiss." He stated.
"...I still don't get what you're getting at."
"Why?" Joe asked simply.
"Why have I never kissed anybody?" I questioned.
I watched him nod his head.
"Well it's not like I have these crazy high standards or anything, I just don't crush easily. It's really not that big of a deal." I replied, glancing down at my hands to avoid his gaze.
"Alright, if you say so." He replied, sensing how embarrassed his questions had made me and changing the subject. "How many times have you moved?"
"I stopped counting. It gets a little depressing after a while." I replied.
"Weren't you worried about moving so much? Fitting in and stuff?" He followed.
I shrugged. "At the beginning, but I'm in a different position than everybody else. Nothing's permanent. I started realizing that every time I moved, I had the option of being anyone I wanted to be and nobody would have known I was faking anything except for me." I explained, oddly comfortable pouring the story of my old-self out to him.
"Who are you this time?" His words hit me harder than I would have guessed. His tone was soft now, completely serious. I met his eyes, and the warmth in them made me feel like melting.
Who was I? Who should I be?
"I... " I tried to form a solid sentence, but failed. I felt so out of breath for some reason. I bit my lip nervously, and looked at him confused, and completely baffled by his question.
It's hard to answer the question of who you are, when you're not even sure of that yourself.
Then again, maybe I'm taking a simple question way to seriously.
I wonder if he thought I was pretending this time. I wonder if he'd trust me if I told him I wasn't. I guess he's not aware that he can see right through me yet.
Would he even want Lily? Who exactly does he want me to be?
"I want you to be Lily." I wasn't sure I heard the words correctly, and had to stop and play them back in my head for a second time. He can read my mind, can't he? His statement had taken me aback. I starred at him, my jaw dropped and my eyes wide. I tried to read his expression to let myself know exactly what he meant by that, but it seems that he can read me so much better than I could ever read him.
"Joe..." I breathed, starting softly but I had no clue how to finish. Was there a right way to reply to something like that? And what did he see in me, in Lily that I so clearly missed?
"You think you can do that for me? I mean, if that's who you really are." the innocence that poured from his voice was so much more than I felt I could handle. Dumbstruck, I nodded slowly and he shot me a smile.
What was he doing to me? I'm falling so much harder for him every single second we're together, and I didn't know if he could see it or not. The thought that he was just toying with me, saying these things just to get a reaction out of me has crossed my mind, I won't lie. Maybe he does this with all the girls.
Why me? Why, out of all the girls his age in Jersey would he pick me?
"Uh, I... I changed my mind. L-let's watch the rest of the movie." I shook my thoughts away again and quickly reached for the remote, quickly turning the television on and killing all chances he had of doing that to me again. Leaving me all speechless and stupid like that, who did he even think he was anyways?
Let's see, maybe Joe Jonas?
I think that's way more than anybody should ever be. I mean, it could be a safety issue. If he had done something like that to me when I was driving, just think of the major car crash that could have resulted in that. Yeah, for your own safety and well-being, avoid Joe Jonas at all costs.
We made ourselves comfortable on the couch, this time a good distance away from each other so the butterflies that lived in my stomach wouldn't wake up.
I still found myself completely unable to pay attention to anything happening on the screen in front of me, as the boy sitting beside me had claimed my thoughts entirely. I glanced over at him from time to time, just to see if he was paying attention where I couldn't. He was, except for the one time he caught me looking and glanced back. He smiled softly at me, and the butterflies inside me went crazy. I gave him a quick smile back, and pretended to pay attention again.
There must have been some part of me he wanted, right? Or else why would he care to call me this late in the first place, to invite me over and agree to watch my sappy movie and ask me about my life.
It almost made me angry how crazy he was able to make me.
I suddenly felt Joe move closer to me and before I could process it, he was pulling me into him once again, yet it was much more nerve-wracking than the first time. He stretched his am across my back and rested his hand on my waist and I had to remind myself to breathe. When I convinced myself I wouldn't hyperventilate, I let my head find his shoulder once again.
The movie was at one of my favourite, most romantic parts and Joe, for one reason or another took this as an opportunity to get close to me. I don't know what kind of game he's playing, but I think I might like it.
I brushed all the negativity from my head again and cuddled a little closer to Joe, and he tightened his grip around me. Still, not letting my head reach the idea that there was truth behind what Nick told me before.
But What are we? I don't think friends do this, do they? Do they sit this close to each other when they're watching romance movies? Do they even watch romantic movies together at all?
So if we're not friends, but we're not together, then what the hell is this?
I don't believe in friends with benefits. Either you are, or you're not. So you can't even imagine how crazy I was going as I found myself falling somewhere in between love and friendship.
More importantly, what does he want us to be?
Good luck ever figuring that one out, Lily.
Maybe my idea of a modern friendship is completely deranged from being simply an observer these past four years, and this is extremely normal.
Yes, because I'm sure the fluttering inside me is screaming out 'I want to be his friend.' right about now.
Shut up, Lily. Try to enjoy something once in a while, would ya?
I closed my eyes and let myself relax against him. Not that it was particularly cold or anything, but he was keeping me warm as I lay against him. Alright, I'll let myself admit it, this was really nice.
"Lily?" I heard him whisper softly, but I was to comfortable to move.
"Lilyyy...." He dragged my name on beautifully, and I softly smiled as I clung onto these words, still resting my head on his shoulder. With my eyes still shut, I let out a short, tired "mhmm." in response.
"Do you want to go home now?" I heard Joe ask, but I sleepily shook my head against him.
"After the movie." I answered, and he let out a quiet chuckle.
"It's over, Lils." He replied, and I began to come back to life.
"What?" I muttered as I slowly forced my eyes open to see the ending credits rolling.
"You fell asleep." He told me, explaining why about two minutes ago in my world, we were mid-movie and now it's over.
"Oh." I laughed at myself as I forced my head up to look at him. He was smiling down at me.
"Ok, come on Lily. Time to go home." He pulled his hand from my waist and began to sit up, but I pushed him back into the couch with what little strength I could manage.
"Nuh-uh, I'm not ready to get up yet." I replied, and snuggled back into him, throwing my arms around his torso. I heard him laugh as we fell into a lying position across the couch, and he squirmed underneath me until he was comfortable with his head lying on the arm rest and his feet at the other. I moved a little as well, using Joe's chest as a pillow.
"We should really get up." He suggested, but I rejected the idea again.
"In a few minutes." I mumbled into his shirt, and shut my eyes again.
"Alright, a few minutes." He gave in, and a smiled as I found myself drifting off again.
you could turn all the lights on and show me the real me.
New chapter tomorrow. Maybe I'll post it sooner than that if I get a lot of messages about how much you love it. Yeah, that right there? It's called a bribe.
