Grief does a lot to a person.
There are many tales of broken men finding redemption and healing the wounds in their souls and living a happy life. It would happen by chance, perhaps a wrong turn on a dirt road and shadows lurking behind every tree.
Then he'd met her.
In her, he would find the relief from a harsh life, and she would find her true love. Every girl's dream...
He would reject her, at first, but slowly become captivated by her and love that he'd thought he'd lost would be saved for her. Finally - after defeating all obstacles - the lovers would live out their lives in content.
Bullshit, is what she called it.
Kaminara, thunder, her name fit her perfectly.
As momentous and a force of nature, she'd never believed in happy endings. But, thunder is also short lived, and so is Kaminara. Her will bends, adapting to others around her so she will be hurt the least.
I was not good for her, per say.
She could help me, but I wouldn't - couldn't- allow that. The scars that riddled my heart were beyond healing, but then I suffered an even greater wound...
♥ Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none - Willaim Shakespeare
We'd met every single day at the K.I.A stone, just when the first rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon and dusted the earth in a shimmer of gold. Many thoughts were jumbled in my mind, almost like a crowd of people in a small room and you can't make out anything they are saying but just hear white noise of speech. The dew from the grass spattered against my toes, but I hardly noticed. Her form was already emerging from the fog, and she held a bundle in one hand. Every morning I had flowers or some offering to my old team mate, but today she'd taken care of it.
It was the anniversary of Obito's death.
As my feet carried me closer, I could see more detail of her and it always baffled me how intriguing I found her.
Kaminara was not beautifully stunning by traditional standards, but I still found her head turning. Her wavy brown hair was a flat color, but half of it was always piled messily at the top of her head in a sloppy bun, and it always tumbled beautifully over her shoulders and over itself in layers. Her skin was the color of nutmeg from working out in the sun most of her life, freckles dotting her shoulders.
At the sound of my approach, her head whipped around and I stared into her unique eyes. They were a blue, almost turquoise mixed with a tone of dark jade, and I found them the most gorgeous part of her. They narrowed at me, and she tapped her foot impatiently.
"You're late." She accused.
"Sorry." I grinned, scratching the back of my head.
A muscle in her jaw worked, but then she sighed heavily without questioning me further. Incense burned mournfully on the stone, the curling smoke standing out against it's black backdrop. A bouquet of hyacinth was the bundle in her arms that I'd spotted earlier, and I stared momentarily at the choice of flower. Wordlessly, she placed the flowers gently on the grave and tearfully stared down at Obito's name.
The dam that held my emotions in check started to break, guilt flooding through the cracks of stone. Kaminara and Obito had been childhood friends, closer then twin siblings. One was not found far from the other, and I recalled her meeting Obito at the end of practice and the first to greet him upon the return of an away mission.
I'd taken that all away from her, and she didn't hate me for it.
She hated me for different reasons.
"Why did you choose that flower?" I questioned, running my finger tip of the engraved name.
There was a pause before she answered.
"It symbolizes rashness, was the flower dedicated to the Greek sun god, Apollo."
My grin crinkled the fabric around my mouth. "That suits his memory well."
Kaminara sniffled, and I cringed inwardly.
Her tears were the most painful thing I'd ever had to endure, all of my pain encased in those droplets of salty water. Knowing the hurt I'd caused Kaminara...
"I'll bet he's real happy, where ever he is." Her voice was thick, and I didn't turn around.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "He's in heaven watching over you, and laughing at me whenever I do something dumb."
She chuckled, but choked on her sob. The crying sounds lessened, and I thanked God that I'd made her feel better.
That was the least I could give her.
♥ Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. - Willaim Shakespeare
Time has passed since Obito's death, the regulations of a shinobi life forcing me to stamp my grief down so far that I would never have to taste it in the back of my throat. Feel nothing, a ninja's emotions should be kept separate from his missions, I wonder if anyone was capable of accomplishing this?
I was 18, 6 years after Obito's death.
"Kakashi..." She whispered, touching my arm gently.
I flinched away from her touch, looking up in surprise. Rain water fell in rivulets over my face, the thunder roaring around me. Kaminara stood over me, hair soaked and sticking to her shocked face. I was in a crumpled heap half lying on K.I.A stone, my grief spilling out of the edges of my heart.
"What are you doing her?" I demanded, shame-faced at being caught so weak.
Her features twisted into fury, and she shook me by my shirt collar roughly. "I was worried about you, asshole!"
My hands wrapped around her tiny wrists, and her skin felt rough under my fingertips. I pulled her hands away from my shirt, holding them in place at her side.
"You can't help me, Kaminara." The words poured out in between my teeth like venom.
Shock and hurt mingled on her face. "Please, don't do this."
Her voice was a little more then a whisper, her pleas trying desperately to reach me. She didn't understand, the wall I'd built around myself needed fortifying, and she weakened it. My affection for her, it released all of the other emotions I'd carefully held in check deep down in my soul.
She would never understand, I told myself. I've seen, done, so many terrible things that she'd find me repulsive.
I took Obito away from her, I deserved nothing more then her disdain.
"I don't need you." I meant them.
Her muscles suddenly went lax, and she stared at me with such hurtful eyes that I had to force myself to not look away. Those stunning eyes filled with tears, but they mixed with the rain water pouring over her face.
"A-After all we've been through together, you're just going to throw me a-away like that?" She asked quietly, voice trembling.
I didn't respond.
Slowly, I let her wrists slip out of my grasp, and I turned away.
"Goodbye, Kaminara."
Briskly, I walked past her into the rainy night and didn't look back until I realized I hated the dark.
♥ This above all: to thine own self be true - Willaim Shakespeare
Kaminara loved flowers.
She was a florist, and had books upon books of their care and meanings. That was the way I'd show her, how sorry I was.
Prove to her that I could make her happy.
Our morning meeting, that's where I'd give them to her. It wasn't misty today, but rain clouds tumbled against one another overhead. My heart beat inside my chest, and I shook my head.
Don't get your hopes up.
My ears picked up her footsteps, and I turned slowly to face her. An umbrella was clutched in her one hand, there of the need arise. Her hand rose to wave meekly in my direction, and I smiled back. The facade we put on for each other was ridiculous, we knew how unhappy we were without one another.
She needed me, I needed her.
Good God, let her forgive me.
A pair of baggy jeans were held in place with a belt on her hips, and a brown sweater fit her snuggly against the cold autumn air. She tilted her head to the side, eyes locked on the flowers clutched in my hands.
"What's this?" She asked when she was a foot away from me. "You never bring this many."
"They aren't for Obito." My tone was somber.
The fake smile drained from her face, and she stared vulnerably into my eyes. She was telling herself to be hopeful, it was obvious.
"Tell me, what are these flowers and what do they represent?" I questioned, holding the bouquet out in front of my chest.
"Gardenia, it represents secret love." Her tone matched mine. "Jonquil is usually for a desire for returned affection."
Tears streamed down her face, and my heart dropped down into my stomach. I'd made her cry...
...Again.
"Kaminara..."
I struggled for words, I'd always been terrible with expressing my feelings to others, more so when I was as vulnerable as I was now. With a short sigh, I turned my head and focused my gaze into the forest. Two nightingales fluttered in the air, chasing one another and dashing away at the other's approach.
Something warm and wet was on my chest, and I looked down to see the top of Kaminara's brown head below my chin. Her hair smelled of orchids, and I buried my face into her hair.
"I forgive you." She whispered.
My arms wrapped tightly around her, and I kissed her hair.
"Thank you."
The stems of the flowers were slipping out of my hands, and I cupped her sun speckled face in my hands.
"Kaminara..."
She understood that speaking her name was the most tender thing I could ever say to her, emotions and words together foreign to me. Her chapped lips pressed against mine, and I whispered her name once more when we parted.
Dimly, I processed that the two nightingales were singing softly from the trees, their chirps weaving a sweet melody.
Thunder broke over our heads, drowning out the song.
Bitterly, I smiled at what nightingales represented.
Yearning and Pain.
♥ Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't - Willaim Shakespeare
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