Do you ever look up into the sky and when you look back to the world, you feel as if everything’s changed? That’s what happened that fateful winter. Whether I knew it or not, looking back down changed everything. Maybe if I’d kept looking at the sky, nothing would have changed. Maybe I’d still be sitting behind a stiff desk at Cornwall. Maybe I’d still be free; maybe people would treat me as an equal. Maybe even, I might still be normal.
This isn't a happy story; I’ll let that slip now. It's not a terribly sad one either, we had our good moments. But this is also a story about love, and what it does to people. No matter what though, there was always something to keep us up at night wondering. Would we survive? Would we even make it to see morning? Would the gun fire ever cease? Eventually it did, only some of us didn't last to here it.
Kingsly, England was having its coldest winter yet, we hadn't seen that much snow since 89'. Although I’m Irish I lived in England, and had been a couple years now. I worked on my accent as much as I could, but you could still hear it. Now the only reason I looked back down was because somebody was screaming. I looked around to see who it was, but it was too white. The wind blew my hair around my neck, and my eyes burned. I got my balance on the ice and walked to the end of the street. I saw Peter a little down the road, he was looking up, and he’d heard it too. He ran towards me with his little sister in tow.
“Hey are you okay?" He was out of breath, from the cold and the running.
“I’m fine, that wasn't me screaming. Hey lil bit, you having fun?"
I bent down to hug Susan, no one called her that. Everyone called her lil bit, because if you asked her something her answer was usually lil bit. It stuck since she was three, she was 9 then.
"Jewel, if it wasn’t you then who was it?"
That was my nickname, Jewel, a lot better then Juliet. My mother was a theater freak. Loved Shakespeare, my father probably would have protested against that name, but he left when my mother was still pregnant.
"I don't know, that’s why I walked down here, to see."
Right then more screaming started; it was closer, more familiar. People started piling out of there houses wondering what was going on. The kids playing on the streets stopped and looked around. We'd been in the fog we had no idea this had been happening, the storm had blown out most telephone lines, we'd pretty much had no connection to the outside all winter. The TV's had been out too, nobody got any connection to anything, internet didn't work, nothing. We had a silent world, and most of us liked it. Some found it frustrating.
My mom came running down the street crying for me to come, when she reached me her faced was wet with tears, they started freezing. She was in hysterics, Peter and I just looked at her, what was wrong?
“Nobody knew, but it’s the Russians." She managed to choke out.
“The Russians? Mum what are you talking about?"
“They invaded, we have to run, it our only chance."
I just looked over at Peter who wasn't looking at me anymore; he was staring down the road, just like everyone else. Huge black trucks piled down the streets. Two stopped on our street, a tall man in a military uniform stepped down, spit out some chew and looked around. It looked gross, the black green color of it against the beautiful white. The man started speaking in a thick Russian accent.
“Now we not here to hurt any of you, unless you make us trouble."
He had bad grammar, which made me dislike him even more, not to mention how they all carried guns, ready to be fired at any second. What was going on? And how had we not known about this?
“Now I need all you pile in back truck."
He pointed his gun to a circle of us then to his truck, suggesting where we go. We all did as he said, it's not like we were going to say no to a group of foreign men with big guns. We all took seats, other neighbors came in too, everyone else was being ordered into the other truck. The man who had first spoken to us came into our truck too, shut the back and held on, we started moving. The truck was too loud, it made it even worse. I hadn't thought all this was that bad, until now.
My mother started screaming at him, to let all of us go. She sounded scared and tired through her tears, which I’m sure is exactly what she was. The man just ignored her, but she kept going. She then stood up and the man started screaming at her in Russian. After a minute of useless arguing, the man raised his gun and pulled the trigger, all very relaxed. He turned around then, I looked at my mom who stood there blank and dazed, there was a huge hole in her neck, and she fell to the ground. I wanted to scream at the man. But my voice got caught. I wasn't crying, I never really did, and I thought I was but when I lifted my hand to wipe away the tears, I realized it was only blood.
I closed my eyes, trying to zone all this out, when I heard little whimpers. I looked down at Susan who was crying into Peter's shoulder. I then turned my attention to my mother’s body, I thought she had died, and then I realized she was slightly convulsing and blood was coming out of her mouth. At that same time the man with the gun noticed this too. He shot her again, this time in the head, then dragged her body to the end of the truck bed, and threw her down. She toppled into the snow.
I don't know exactly what happened next, I only know we were driving for awhile and out of no where the front of our truck blew up and we all flew out. Men started piling out from the sides of the roads screaming and shooting at the Russians. Only they weren’t British. Germans, what on earth could be happening? World War III was all any of us could think. I ran to the shoulder of the road and ducked into the ditch. I was breathing heavier than I ever had. It was loud and I couldn't here anything.
I looked over to see Peter gasping for air as well. We sat there for a moment panting, when we both looked at each other at the same instant. I had bolted up and out into the street screaming for lil bit. It was too loud I couldn’t even hear myself. I ducked behind a truck and noticed a woman running away from all this carrying a small child, I realized it was Susan, but before I could even do anything the woman fell to the ground in an instant. She'd been shot, by the Russians or the Germans; I don't know I only know I ran over there half crouching. I rolled over the dead body and pick up lil bit, I ran as fast as I could back to Peter.
The gun fire soon ceased and we could here German voices. I glanced up and noticed those checking bodies.
“Lay down, act dead." Peter told us.
It was fairly easy. We were all covered in enough blood. Peter lay over Susan, and I sprawled into the snow. I could here the men approaching us. The men started shouting in German. My heart sank I had no clue what he was saying, the only thing I knew was that he was just above us, on the road. Then I heard gun fire and something hit the ground hard. I didn't know what happened because I was too afraid to look up. I just know I heard the man walk away and the sound of trucks retreating.
Peter started to lift me off the ground; he'd gotten up before me. I got up and looked around. It was the worst thing I’d ever seen up to that point. I tried to ignore them, but the further the three of us walked, the more distressed I became. And the worst of all was that I recognized most, if not all the citizens. Which just sent off a new wave of panic.
"We should head east."
I looked up, Peter's voice had startled me, I almost forgot I wasn't alone, or out of this yet.
"How would we know which way to go? And why should we?" My voice was above a whisper.
"Because the trucks where headed west, see." He pointed to the sunset. “And the sun set's in the west, so we should go this way; I’m not going anywhere near where they were headed."
He pointed the opposite direction of the sun, and I just nodded. He walked toward me and embraced me, but seemed strange, even though I couldn't pinpoint it just then. We hugged for awhile, and when he pulled back he looked me dead in the eye and spoke with the most sincerity.
“I will keep you safe; you and Susan are my only priority now.” I didn't speak "Jewel? Are you okay?"
"Yes." I spoke too soon, giving away that fact that I really wasn't, "I'm, just shocked that’s all. Really Peter, I’ll be fine."
He looked at me and nodded, I think he was thinking I was going to have a breakdown, but I was stronger than that.
“Hey lil bit?" He looked over at her, she was rolling a ball of snow, trying to make it clean and get all the red out, it wasn't working.
"Yeah?" She actually didn't seem very affected. Her voice was normal, calm. And I know she was old enough to comprehend what was happening, she wasn't that oblivious.
“Where gonna start walking okay?" She nodded and skipped over to our sides.
We took off into the east. We didn't really talk, there wasn't much one could say. Peter had pointed out that we'd crossed a bridge, so we should probably try to rinse off, because we didn't know when or if we would make it home, and none of us wanted to be covered in blood. When we reached the river he asked me to help lil bit, and he would bathe on the other side. I just figured he was shy. Susan and I stripped down, not realizing until we were all in the water, that it was freezing outside, which meant the water was even colder. After the blood was all rinsed off we put our clothes back on, we didn't wash those, we would have died from pneumonia. Susan and I had walked across the bridge to sit by Peter who was buttoning up his jacket when we heard a familiar loud truck approaching, we all three ducked down under the bridge, somehow in the rush of all this I and landed halfway on top of Peter. My hand was over his shoulder. When the truck passed we all relaxed.
"We should probably stay off the roads." Peter was talking to me, but I was just staring at my hand, which was now covered in fresh blood.
“Peter..."
I started towards him and started talking off his jacket. He sighed and told me it was nothing, but I kept talking off his layers of clothes, insisting he let me see it; Susan just looked at us, not knowing what we were talking about. Then I saw it, I small hole torn in his skin on his left shoulder. I looked at his back, it didn't go through. So that was it, Peter had been shot.
“You’re really that stubborn eh?"
“Yeah, I guess so; I just don't want you freaking out over nothing, because it really is nothing."
“Don’t be stupid, a bullet in your shoulder isn't ‘nothing’. Wait, I think I see It." and I could, it was a pretty clean wound and I could actually see a little black thing in his wound. I started to touch it.
“What the hell are you doing?!"
`" It will get infected if I don't get it out."
“So you’re going to stick your hand in my shoulder?"
“Would you rather I use a stick?" the sarcasm was flowing heavy now.
“This isn't funny; I don't think it's safe for you to stick your finger in my open wound."
“Your right, it isn't funny, but we have to get it out, you could get lead poisoning and it could get infected. Plus it will heal faster once it’s out."
He sighed, “Fine."
And as gross as it was, I stuck my finger in there and wiggled out a bullet, now I could say its size and type, but I have no clue. I wasn't trained in those sorts of things, not that I was trained in much anyways. By this time the sun was down, and Peter said we shouldn't keep going because there was no moon. So we slept under the bridge, there was a small dry spot up under it and the road. So we all piled in real close to each other for body warmth. Lil bit stayed between Peter and me. I rested my head on my arm. Shut my eyes and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. It was one of those nights where you couldn't sleep a wink because you have far too much on your mind.
I was thinking of what would happen, when we got back to our houses. We had to leave obviously, we couldn't stay there. I decided we would get some perishable food items, blankets, and change our clothes, then bring a change in clothes. Oh and I’d find a map, then we'd decide where we were going. I started thinking of what we could carry, and how much. I would bring a metal bowl. One to cook things in, and matches, lots of matches. Peter’s voice interrupted my thinking.
“I’m sorry Jewel."
"Hmm?" Was all I really managed out?
“About your mum."
I interrupted him, “I’m fine about that, really. I know it sounds mean, but mum and I didn't get along." He looked at me like he was questioning my sanity, "I mean, I am sad. But think about it, this is war Peter, that’s obvious now. There are casualties in all wars."
He looked down at Susan and sighed
“She’ll be fine." He looked at me with the same questioning my sanity look, “I mean, she does have the best big brother around right? Who's pretty set on protecting her?"
He smiled, “I’m just worried that's all. You said it yourself, this is war. What if she can't keep up?"
“Then I pick her up and run faster."
“Would you really do that for us? Like not literally, but will you really stay with us to help?"
“Of course. We have to stick together now don't we?"
He nodded and was silent for awhile, "Damn, where gonna miss finals."
I laughed at that, “What a bummer, I’ve been looking forward to them all year."
I started to drift off to sleep, probably from pure exhaustion, Peter noticed that.
“Night Jewel."
“Night Peter."
And we fell asleep cradling Susan; we all stayed fairly warm, though not as warm as a bed would have gave us. We woke up at sunrise and took off toward it. But Peter gave a new plan, go north. He'd explained that going east would lead us to the coast, which was probably where the Russians where invading from and the Germans to the south. Closer to home, as he'd said. He said we didn't have time to go home, our best bet would be to make it to north as soon as possible, and from the north to the US. The US was always prepared, even if there president was a twit. We changed our direction and went left of the sunrise, keeping it on our right side at all times.
Our trip was quite, too quite, we didn't speak much. You could here gunfire in the distance, occasionally you could hear a truck pass on the road we were staying off of, we stayed in the trees and shrubs. My stomach started to growl and I tried to think of the last time I’d ate, I had skipped breakfast that morning, could it have only been a day ago? It felt like so much time had passed. Lil bit was humming a song quietly to herself, even though we could hear it, it seemed to calm us. It made the silence durable.
“We have to eat Peter." I broke the silence; Peter turned and looked at me.
He sighed, “I know. It's just that all the edible food out here is dead from winter."
“Look trucks."
Susan pointed to the road that was visible to us. And sure enough there were two trucks, the men from the trucks in front of the first, the truck in the back seemed unguarded.
“They’ll have food." I started towards the truck.
“Jewel!" Peter grabbed my arm “Are you crazy?"
“Probably, look we have to get food somehow, and I’m real sneaky. I used to steal test answers from the chemistry room remember?"
“But Jewel, what if you get caught?"
“I won’t."
And he let me go, even though he didn't want to, he did. I crouched into the brush, when I reached the side of the road I looked back, I couldn't see Peter or Lil bit, I also couldn't see the front of the first truck, so I couldn't see the troops. The first truck seemed like it was used for holding people, the second was covered and seemed like it held materials. Thank god.
I climbed into the back as quietly as I could, but stopped dead in my tracks when I got inside. There was a man, headphones on sitting on a bench against the wall of the truck. Asleep. I took a deep breath and approached the shelves, the first thing I took was a small handgun, and it was sitting behind a book. The next shelf up held some plastic almost rubber bags that held stuff in them, I couldn't read the labels, German. But I recognized the bags, in sixth grade a boy had brought in military emergency food packs for show n tell, they looked just like this. I remember we made them; all you needed was a match. I grabbed as many as I could, stuffing them into my clothes wherever they would fit.
I was about to leave, I noticed a small folded up sheet of paper, I opened a corner of it, it was a map, I grabbed that and a white box with a huge red cross on it that was hanging on the wall, and ducked out the back. I ran to the bushes as fast as I could. I lay flat on the ground breathing heavy. Had I really just gotten away with stealing from an armed German military truck? I relaxed and walked back to where they were hiding. Peter seemed relieved.
“Did you find anything?"
I just nodded and started pulling the bags out from every inch of my clothes; I set the first aid and the map down and reached slowly into my shoe, pulling the gun out as safely as I could. I set it atop the box. We grabbed the supplies and moved further back into the trees. Peter ripped open the first bag.
“Where not gonna heat these up, alright? We could use the matches for other things."
We ate then, it wasn't the best meal, but then again, we weren't in the best situation. It all tasted like freeze dried leftovers. It might have been better heated up, but those meals where all we really had. When we finished eating I started to open the first aid.
“You’re playing doctor again?" Peter was joking around.
“I love how you've been shot, were in the middle of a war, and you still have a sense of humor."
"Oh you know how it is; it's an off day when I’m not getting shot at. Lil bit! Stay close." She was playing in the snow.
I started to open a bottle that looked like I would clean a wound with it, everything was in German, but the supplies looked the same as ones we had, just with a different language all over it. I poured it over his shoulder which he had uncovered for me. He jumped. I applied gauze to it, and started wrapping it up. While I was still doing the gauze I noticed Peter staring at me. I ignored him.
“Does it hurt?"
“Hmm?" It seemed as if I’d pulled him from a train of thought.
“Does it hurt?"
“Not as much as it did."
“Did it hurt?"
He sighed, “Very much so."
“You don't have to be strong all the time you know."
“Yes I do. If I don't Susan will start worrying, I don't need that. If I’m strong, she'll see that she should be too."
“She’s only nine Peter; eventually this might be too much for her."
“I know I know, I just don't want her to be afraid. I know she'll have to be eventually, but not right now. I'm still here to protect her."
“Are you planning a vacation?"
“No, I just." He paused looking for the right words, “Don’t know what might happen to us."
I nodded, understand, “There, all done."
My hands lingered over his shoulder. I stared at them for awhile, and when I glanced back to Peter he was staring at me again. I gave in and dropped my hands to the floor. I lay back against the cold, wet, and stiff ground. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. The sun was beginning to set, and I’d figured we'd sleep near there.
“You don't have to be so strong all the time you know."
Peter's voice startled me; he was right next to me, his mouth to me ear. He was lying down too.
“I don't think I understand what you mean." I was whispering, so was he.
“You’ve already reached the point that most people would have a break down, Jewel." He tucked a stray hair behind my ear, “I’m almost worried, and I haven't seen you cry once."
“Peter, the last time I cried was when I was 12. I don't cry, that's just how I am."
" Eventually this is gonna be too much for you."
" I'm not Susan."
" Still, eventually it will be too much for all of us."
I didn't answer.
" And in one way at least you are like Susan."
" How so?"
" I'll be there for you too." I turned around and looked at him confused, " When it's too much for you."
We just looked at each other, for an immeasurable period of time. When it was too much for him he gave in. But not by closing his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his lips hard against mine. He pulled back after a few seconds and laid his head down on my arm. We both closed our eyes then. I don't know how much time passed before he jumped up frantically. I looked at him confused, he mouthed the word Susan to me. I jumped up too. Where'd she go? We dared not scream. We didn't know who might be able to hear.
We ran around, half crouching, searching for her. We told her to stay close. Did she listen? When I almost gave up we saw her about a ways down. Peter and I flat out ran. When we reached her she didn't even look at us, she was hugging something. It was a dog, with shaggy black hair with random white spots in it.
" I named him skip." Peter sighed with relief.
" And where'd you find Skip?"
" Over there." She pointed to the hills.
" Let's go get our stuff, then go up there okay?" Peter agreed with me.
We grabbed our gear and managed to carry all of it comfortably between the three of us. Skip followed by our sides the whole time. Almost leading us. Up the hills through the trees. When we reached the top we found a barn. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I wouldn't be sleeping in the snow tonight. None of us would.
" See! Skip's smart! He's like a miracle dog!" Lil bit was almost jumping with joy.
" Let's check it out first okay?"
We opened the barn door we all stopped dead in our tracks. Three things happened simultaneously, first was that a small boy who looked to be Susan’s age yelled 'Jet!', second was that Skip ran to him, Third was that two guys all pointed stuck guns right in our face ready to shoot.
" Who the hell are you?"
" I'm Juliet, this is Peter, and Lil Bit. We found this do-"
" Thank you." a girl appeared from the back, " For finding Jet, Joe's been worried."
" Anna quite! We don't know if we can trust them!"
" You can trust us." Peter began, " Look we've been through hell, and we’re just trying to get out of this mess."
" You mean this war?" The other boy started, " None of us are getting out of it anytime soon."
" Could you at least put down your guns? Then we can talk." I was pleading, the last thing I needed was for one of those to accidentally go off.
The lowered there guns and told us to sit. We all did, Susan started playing with the younger boy, Joe, who was 9 as well. The two older boys were named Isaac and Jack, Isaac was 18 and Jack was Peter and I's age, 16. The girls name was Anna and she was 11. Skips name wasn't Skip, it was Jet.
Joe was tiny, especially for his age, but not in the neglected child way. It was just the way he was built. He had short blonde hair. That, despite its length, went every which way. He had dark brown eyes, and seemed to be only comfortable around Jet. He and Lil bit seemed to get along.
Isaac was tall and seemed to take charge of the group, he listened to himself and only himself, or that's how it seemed. He was muscular, but in a subtle way. His dirty blonde hair fell just below his ears and was wavy. And also had dark brown eyes. His clothes were tattered, torn, and blood stained.
Jack was taller than Peter but shorter than Isaac, he had brown hair that was almost the same shade as Peter's, and it fell to his eyes. He was very scrawny, just like Joe. But Jack actually looked almost malnourished. He was smoking a cigarette the first time I saw him. He also had the same brown eyes as Joe and Isaac.
Anna was short and average weight. She has long curly blonde hair, the same shade as Joe's. It too went in every direction but she always had it pulled back into a pony tail, or in a ribbon. And once again, dark brown eyes.
They were all siblings, their parents and been killed a few days ago when they were in town. They said the entire village had been burnt to the ground, but their house was so tucked into the hills that the militia hadn't noticed it. But they stayed in the barn just to be safe. They have plenty of food, thank god. They said they ran a small farm and that the phone lines are all dead, but there's running water at the house but its cold. It only came from a well. We were all sitting around a small fire Isaac had made.
" So what college do you go to Jack?" I was attempting to make small talk.
" Oh I don't go, but mum and pa were sending Isaac to university next fall. Did you attend?"
" Yeah, unfortunately. It was hell I must say."
"Peter do you know how to use a gun?" Isaac broke in.
" Me? Yes, I used to go hunting with my grand dad."
" Juliet?"
" No I don't, and please Isaac, call me Jewel."
" I don't feel comfortable with nicknames. We need to teach you to shoot."
" How would we do that? Won't we get caught?"
" No, they'll think it's just some of there men, that’s if they even hear it."
I nodded. Peter spoke.
" Hey Lil bit? You alright?"
" Yes!" she called between giggles, Joe and her were wrestling with Jet.
" Here it gets cold at night." Anna handed us a blanket.
" Lil bit you tell me when you’re ready to sleep alright?"
" Can I sleep with Jet?"
Peter looked at Anna, " Joe and I can keep her safe."
" Yes you can."
It was late now, I was actually tired. Peter wrapped the blanket around the two of us, we were still next to the fire. I snuggled into his shoulder.
" Jewel?"
" Hmm?" I looked over at Jack.
" What's your last name?"
" McEvoy, why?"
" Do you have a cousin named Claire?"
" Yes, do you know her?" Isaac looked at me.
" Is she safe?" Isaac broke in.
" I-I don't know, I haven't seen her in a long time."
No body answered me.
" You knew her." It wasn't a question.
Isaac got up and went up the ladder to the bunk. I looked at Jack.
" They dated. She would talk about her cousin Juliet all the time."
I smiled," Small world. We used to spend our summers together in Chelsea, I haven't seen her in over a year."
He nodded, it was silent.
" Are you ready to sleep?"
Peter whispered in my ear, even though I’m sure Jack could here. I nodded into his shoulder and we stood up. We walked groggily over to the makeshift bed Anna had put together for us. They'd pulled mattresses out from the house and placed them in different corners. Peter laid down first and opened his arms out invitingly. I smiled and curled into him. He put his arms around me protectively. I started to drift off. Peter was humming very quietly into my ear. Too low for the others to hear. I didn't bother asking him what it was, I was too tired and every time I tried my voice got caught in my throat. The last thing I was conscience of before I fell asleep was Peter scooting much closer to me, and his arms fighting.
The following morning we walked down to the house, which was equally hidden from the world, and got permission to shower. Jack and Isaac let Peter borrow clothes, and I wore one of Anna's dresses, it was a little short, but other then that it fit fine. But I still put on a pair of boys trousers underneath.
The snow was beginning to melt finally. We were all relieved. Isaac and Anna fried up potatoes in the morning while Joe and Susan tried and helped. Jack just stayed with Peter and I, cracking jokes and attempting to keep a smile on our faces. It worked too. We were happy, despite everything going on, we just were.
When spring finally broke through we were all glowing, not literally. We loved snow, but after so much, you begin to get tired of it. We had been up all morning bored out of our minds when we decided to go for a swim. Isaac said there was a small river about a mile down the hill. So we packed a lunch and headed down.
