phobia]gerard[agliophobia [[ X ]]

fear of pain

For the second time in less than two weeks, I woke up in a hospital. Only, this time I didn't end up with some creepy old guy trying to stab me with a needle. This time, when I finally came to consciousness, the room was empty.

I slowly took in my surroundings, trying to recall how I ended up here. Everything in the room was white, and the place reeked of disinfectant. The whole place screamed 'hospital.'

A few things, though, were out of place. The numerous paper coffee cups strewn over the small bedside table showed somebody had been in here. Again out of place was the small heap of sweaters, coats and the like occupying the small white chair.

I wondered who possibly would have cared enough about my well-being to stay in the hospital for whatever time it took me to awaken. My answer, or should I say answers, came through the door at that moment.

Gerard and Mikey came through the door, holding two coffees each, and Frank a few steps behind, also with a coffee in each hand.

That would explain the clothing and paper cups.

They each placed the cups on the table in silence, sending glances my way once in a while. Gerard lowered himself onto the small chair beside the table while Mikey took a seat beside the door, looking half-asleep.

Frank took a step towards the bed, and I edged away noticeably while Gerard stood up and put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from moving any further forwards. He sent an apologetic glance my way and sat back down, but I just stared intently at the white sheets, willing myself to relax. The silence in the small room was so thick, almost suffocating.

Just as the awkward stillness was becoming unbearable, the door creaked open and everybody's heads snapped in that direction. Linda bustled in looking extremely irritated, and mumbling under her breath. She forced a quick smile to each of the boys before turning to me and doing a double take.

"Oh!" She exclaimed in surprise, "Honey, you're awake! They told me it would be a couple more hours, at least," all I could do was stare at her dumbly, "Don't even worry about it dear, I've got everything taken care of. The doctors say that you may have to stay another night."

Something clicked in my brain, and I decided to speak; "Another night?" she nodded absent-mindedly before bustling out the door. I turned to face Gerard, as he was closest, "How long have I been here?"

He turned to Frank and said questioningly, "This is the third day I think," Frank nodded and ran a hand through his hair while my eyes widened.

"Three days?" Frank nodded, "Three days," he nodded again, "Three days?!" he gave me a quizzical look but nodded again, "Holy fucking crap," I mumbled.

"Yeah, you think it's a long time... at least you weren't conscious," said Mikey, bleary-eyed.

"You've been here for three days, waiting for me to come around?"

"Well, yeah, other than school," replied Frank; Mikey had dozed off, "just in case you woke up and stuff," I must have looked surprised, because he hastily explained, "I mean, it was mainly Gerard, and we all sort of came along... well, I mean, we would've come anyways, but like... not as much, no offense."

"Yeah, yeah, it's all good," I said with a quick smile, glancing towards Gerard who was looking sheepish, "what the hell Gerard?" he looked slightly taken aback.

"What?"

"You barely know me. What the hell are you doing waiting around for me to decide to wake up?" I snapped, taking him by surprise.

"What? Look, I just thought--"

"Whatever, sorry," I said quickly, not wanting to hear his explanation while Gerard furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth to argue.

Frank sensed the tension and shook Mikey awake, motioning towards the door. They quietly left, but not before Mikey could dart towards the table and grab their coffees.

"Seriously Autumn, what's your problem? We've been waiting here for three days, three days, and you're pissed? Well, sorry for caring."

"Okay, no, I didn't say that, I just meant--"

"Really, what did you mean? What else could you possibly mean?"

"Nobody really waits around after this shit happens," I mumbled, suddenly finding my left-hand thumb extremely interesting.

"What do you mean?" I snapped my vision towards him and widened my eyes, realizing what I had said.

"Nothing, actually. Forget I even mentioned it."

"No, what? Has this happened before?"

"Yes. No. Maybe... does it even matter? What's done is done. It doesn't even affect me now, so why should it matter? Who cares?" I said, in one breath.

"Actually, as you can see, we all care."

"Well, that's totally rockin' and everything and I'm grateful that you guys would waste three days on me, but I'm not even worth it," I stated wryly.

"What? Why the hell would you think that?"

"Hey, it's not my fault I've ended up in here so much. Well, not here but, here as in, in the hospital," Gerard's eyes widened.

"And..?" he asked tentatively.

"And, what do you think? Nobody's ever even cared enough to visit. Check out of ER and check into the next home," I snapped bitterly.

"Oh," he said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"Oh jeez," I sighed and looked at Gerard for the first time; he looked like he hadn't slept in a while, "don't say that. Don't apologize; it's not your fault."

"No, I'm sorry asked."

"Don't apologize," I said firmly.

"Why?"

"Because people never mean it."

"I do though," he said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, even if you do mean it, don't apologize. It sounds hollow," I said, breaking eye contact once again.