Merry Christmas Motherfuckers

Our story starts early one morning, Dec. 22nd I believe, as our hero, who will be known as "SC", is preparing for another long day of work. "Godamn kids, with their goddamn parents, asking for all sorts of goddamn ridiculous shit. World'd be a better goddamn place if they all died, wouldn't see me cry, not one goddamn tear." he muttered as he pulled on his red pants and jacket. After getting dressed he walked out to his tiny Japanese car. "Fucking piece of shit, never starts, heater never works, fucking foreign piece of shit, don't even know why I bought the fucking thing." he mumbled as he coaxed his car to life. Following a very exciting and interesting trip, which is an entirely different story that won't be told here, he arrived at The Mouth Of Hell, more commonly known as The Department Store.
This is only here to keep the story from being one long piece of text
"I hate this fucking job." he thought to himself as kid after screaming kid was hoisted onto his lap and told him what they wanted. "I want a dolly" "I want a horse" "I want a Gameboy(tm)" "I want my mommy" one child cried when she was placed on his lap. "Hey kid, Santa wants your mommy too." "Well, I never!" the woman huffed, as she picked up her daughter "I'm getting the manager". "If you've never, how'd you get the kid?" he shouted at her as she stalked off. He wasn't worried though, they couldn't fire him, they'd never be able to find a replacement this close to Christmas.
An hour later...
"SC, you're fired." "What??!!! You can't fire me, I'm Santa." "Not any more you're not, we've gotten too many complaints from angry parents like this woman. Your replacement is already on the way here, so get out, before I have you arrested." And as he turned to leave, the manager called out, "And don't leave without giving back your suit, it's store property." (Dear reader, I'm going to pause here and explain something. You see, SC has been under a terrible amount of stress lately. His parents died last month, his girlfriend has left him, for his sister of all people, who he's always hated, and just the other day he accidentally ran over his dog, which he's had since he was a boy and was his only friend in the world. Combined with the fact that, although he hates it, being Santa is the only job he's been able to get, means that SC has been teetering on the edge for quite some time, and being fired from the only paying job he can do has just made him lose his very tenuous grip on sanity.)
On with the story and the violence...
As those words echoed in his mind, SC slowly turned around, twitching. His whole life had been one painful event after another and his mind had finally snapped. Reaching out, he grabbed the little girl from the mother, and before she could say anything, he swung the girl around by her ankles and, *THUMP*, cracked her skull against her mom's. The woman slid to the floor as SC turned to his manager. "What the FUCK is wrong with you?!?!?!?!?" the manager shrieked, right before SC swung the girl up and, *CRACK*, nailed him in the jaw. SC dropped the girl and surveyed the damage. A smile spread across his face and he headed for the power tools.
Once there...
He had trouble deciding which one to use. The chainsaw, or the weedwhacker? Or maybe the nailgun. What the hell, he thought, I'll use them all. Strolling through the store, he began hacking up and disemboweling everyone he met, adults and children alike. Of course, this caught the attention of security, but come on, it's department store security. A few shots from the nailgun and they either ran off or stayed stuck to the floor, dead. Did I mention the tools were electric? Well, they were, which means that after only a few minutes of rampaging, SC ran out of cord. Fortunatly, he ended up in the camping and other outdoor activities section, which was full of axes and knives and compound bows and kerosene canisters, which could easily be converted to flamethrowers, and tent spikes and so many other implements of mayhem and death, it was like a mass murderer's wet dream. So SC took as much as he could carry and still have a free hand to massacre with, and started hunting down the remaining shoppers. He chopped their heads open, he slashed their throats, he staked them to the floor then put arrows through their eyes, he lit them on fire and roasted marshmallows, and had a wonderful time, untill he realized he was out of things to kill with. And that, dear reader, is when he saw where he was. He was standing right in front of the gun display. (Now, at this point, some of you will undoubtedly start saying "Hey, they don't sell guns in department stores." Well dear reader, as it turns out, in Wal-marts and K-marts in the Mid-West, guns are sold over the counter. What a great country we live in. Back to the story.) Loading up with handguns, ammo, and the biggest shotgun this side of "The Terminator", SC left the bloodsoaked, guts-and-brain-strewn store behind, and ventured out into the paking lot to wait for the city bus, which would be by soon, heading for The Mall.
To be continued soon, regardless of how many of you wish otherwise.
Let me know what you think. If you liked it, message me. If you didn't like it or were offended, e-mail me at I/dont/fucking/care/you/dumbfounded/dipshit@fuck/off/and/die.in/hell